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2 year old tells me about Daddy

Cohesion

Cohesion

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
1,069
Location
Portland, OR
He's a junkie: Will take phentanyl, hydrocodone, OC who knows what he used while she stayed with him 4-5 days:


Spoken so slowly, and so softly, she uses sign language and speaks:

:|"Faaaahhhh ... Dowwww" (Fall Down)

She is only 2, and children are the worst eyewitness sources as they live in their imagination.

But she keeps repeating it.

Because of his yelling and depressive moods, she's learned to repeat "Angry" and "Cryin'"

:!
 
It would be in the best interest's of the child to not see their father.
I speak as a child who grew up witnessing horrible things my father did.

It's not right to stop a child seeing their father and maybe you don't have legal tender to facilitate this, but it is even less fair if she has to see his lewd behaviour and have those memories/imprint on her psyche.
 
<snip>

I will not call CPS because I have weed in my system - smoked 1 gram over last 5 days. Was clean for months before that! But will be soon, again.

I have all rights anyway - we're not married.
 
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Errm sorry I didn't mean to sound offensive!

Talking about CPS / DCF is really important in a topic like this.

*I'm* feeling defensive because I DO have illegal drugs (pot, jwh-018) in my system.

Thanks for giving your .02. It's not easy to find a way to talk about this rough stuff.
 
You really need to keep both yourself and your daughter away from this guy based on your past posts about him. She can't protect herself - she needs you to do that for her.

You need to stop letting him manipulate you. Please get in touch with a domestic violence service - they can help you get through the times when you're tempted to give into him.
 
Please, please keep your daughter safe. From what you have written, she is not safe with him. You'll never forgive yourself if something happened to her. Please don't let her be alone with him until he shows that he can be trusted to care for her by himself and it definitely looks like he cant do that right now.
 
mami said:
Errm sorry I didn't mean to sound offensive!

Talking about CPS / DCF is really important in a topic like this.

*I'm* feeling defensive because I DO have illegal drugs (pot, jwh-018) in my system.

Thanks for giving your .02. It's not easy to find a way to talk about this rough stuff.
Click to expand...

well say you did call, would he be so bitter to say that you smoke weed? JW is legal as far as I know.

I didnt think you were offensive btw
 
Lolie said:
You really need to keep both yourself and your daughter away from this guy based on your past posts about him. She can't protect herself - she needs you to do that for her.

You need to stop letting him manipulate you. Please get in touch with a domestic violence service - they can help you get through the times when you're tempted to give into him.
Click to expand...

Lolie, you worded more carefully than I would have. Thank you for your sanity in a time when otherwise I'd have not worded myself as carefully.

Mami, this is alarming. How could you conceivably have arrived at the assumption/conclusion that your daughter would be safe around your ex, given your past posts about him? Your daughter's father was in jail on serious business charges relating to drugs, and drugs belong nowhere near children.

It saddens me deeply that among your daughter's first words were "fall down" as applied to her father. I have studied child development, as have many of us in here, and the first memories your daughter should have must be positive associations, to pave the way for her development into abstract thought, once she has the capacity. As it is right now, your daughter will remember her father falling down on drugs, and though your daughter may not know the context (drugs) until she is much older, she will remember that both her parents could not take care of her and she will grow scared.

I don't intend this to be rude. I want you and your daughter to be in a safe place free from interference. I hope you will seek counseling and stop abusing drugs. You have more than yourself to think about once you endeavor to have a child. If you had a child with a bad man - keep the bad man out of both your lives. Your daughter deserves better than any of this. You do as well.

Keep your head up, Mami, the recommendation that you get to a shelter if you are unable to afford an apartment is quite sound.

I have no children. If I did and their father pulled one wrong move I'd be at the nearest shelter or at my family's house. What is this dude doing out of jail, anyways, and not in rehab? Does he not have an opiate problem? Why would you leave your child with this guy? I don't care if he is her bio-dad, someone has got to be responsible for your baby, and you say you want it to be you. Stop the shit with bio-dad whose van you had to start with a screwdriver, IIRC.

Evidently you will do what you want regardless. I wish you my continued best. If you want to talk, PM me and I'll give you my nick. I won't be doing anything that is any other than a reiteration of what I have publicly stated.

Just remember that your first priority must be your child, not yourself, your ex, your addiction. <snip>
 
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^^^

I too am alarmed that you let him have your daughter for 4-5 days after he physically assaulted you in mid-December.

I know that he uses the lure of drugs to get you into his orbit - if you're not ready to get clean yet then at least find yourself some other connects so that you can obtain your DOC without putting yourself and your daughter at such high risk.

You also need to keep in mind that if he does hurt her in some way, you're going to come under scrutiny too.
 
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^ coming from a home with an abusive father I read this and I am going to repeat what the above posters have said and URGE you to not let your child be subjected to things like this. It is much better for her father to not be in her life than for him to be in it and have a detrimental impact on your daughter.
 
Geezus this breaks my heart...Keep her safe <snip>, she has no-one but you to protect her!
Mami, you know what to do hun, she's only a baby :( She needs you...and if you cant protect her, if you really love her you will find someone to mind her til you get better.
No one is saying that you arent in the world of shit yourself with this but you have to put her first, while you cant put yourself first.
Please do the right thing, you cant control him or maybe even not yourself but you can make things better for her.
Everyone will be behind you here if you do something to get her and you outta this. Can you contact anyone, or any organisation? Is there a halfway house or something you could organise...this has to stop for both of you.
Please keep postin about what action you can take on this hun. <3
 
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okay, we had to be a bit pro-active in this thread. We don't want anyone being offended by their posts being snipped but here is the reasoning:

emotions can flare quite easily when discussing a child and their environment but we never truly know ALL the variables to any given situation. Personally, tough love has benefitted me in the past but we need to be mindful of others when they are relatively new to the board. Its difficult to gauge a person's personality and whether they will use other people's scrutiny as an excuse to make bad decisions or grab onto that input and make changes.

Posts were edited in this case, if they even slightly bordered on judgement. I was intentionally overboard in the snipping due to the nature of the topic. When in doubt, I tapped another mod on the shoulder for advice.

These types of threads can fly out of control very easily and basically, we are all here to help and incur as little harm as possible. Once again, please don't take it personal but look at it as precautionary
 
Mariposa said:
How could you conceivably have arrived at the assumption/conclusion that your daughter would be safe around your ex, given your past posts about him?

I don't intend this to be rude. I want you and your daughter to be in a safe place free from interference. I hope you will seek counseling and stop abusing drugs.

Keep your head up, Mami, the recommendation that you get to a shelter if you are unable to afford an apartment is quite sound.

I have no children. If I did and their father pulled one wrong move I'd be at the nearest shelter or at my family's house. What is this dude doing out of jail, anyways, and not in rehab? Does he not have an opiate problem? Why would you leave your child with this guy?
Click to expand...

Thanks guys <3 The support is huge for me. --And I'm living at my Dad's house, which is quite lovely. (Though temporary enough <1 year).

She ended up in his care because he "outed" me at 4AM and I was unwilling to wake her up. His anger, the crazy adult conflict, was not happening for her. He let the air out of my tire 8) I went to the gas station, called the cops. They told me to call back to get an officer to "keep the peace" later that morning.

Instead, I went into a dark depression and stayed at my friend's place for a few days. Played with her kids. Slept. Sex stuff. On day 3, I went there (no officer to keep peace) and it was just awful. He took her from my arms and threw me out. On Jan 1, I got her back. It was never my intent to leave her there :( Though I could have been faster-acting to get her out, I was "defeated" emotionally.

He faces court on Friday regarding the drug charges. He wants me to tell the judge that he was attempting Suicide (he wasn't), with the hopes that a Psychiatric in-patient program will be the outcome. THAT is what he needs. Supervision + proper meds.

@ Lolie - Thankfully, I've already turned down any offer he's made of supposedly having my DOC. It's just not worth it, his crazy antics kill any possible pleasure from substance. Plus, it's my prescription med anyway. Which I have refilled and am not abusing.

Lolie said:
You also need to keep in mind that if he does hurt her in some way, you're going to come under scrutiny too.
Click to expand...
Yes absolutely. It is putting her in an unsafe situation when I'm aware of the risks.

The cops who "kept the peace" on Jan 1 were annoyed! And a text from bio-Dad's sis confirmed: "You need to stop involving the cops, they are going to get sick of it and call DCF themselves." (It happened to her.)

Alas, my next move with him will be in court - I'm giving him a ride - leaving my daughter at a friend's - I need $$ he owes me and most importantly my computer. He thinks that he will be getting her after court Friday morning for a few days.
I'll admit, the plan is in need of refining, shit could go down. I could just abandon him at courthouse after I get my computer (and possibly $).

Sorry my posts aren't the most well-written; I'm just trying to get the information out there & respond before she wakes up <3

We build fires every morning in the wood stove. She adds excessive amounts of kindling. After this, I LOVE being a single mom!! I do NOT need a parenting "break".
 
Mami i grew up with a stepfather that beat my mother and was abusive to me. after all your posts about him it TERRORFIES me for yourself and your daughter. i grew up and still am always scared. scared of this and that and nothing. She will remember i promise she will i do. Mami plz leave him alone i once was a scared little girl just like your daughter is right now we all make mistakes but i am really afraid if you dont leave him alone and if you keep leaving your little girl with him DHR will step in and take her from you. He has manipulated you over and over again. B strong mami. My heart breaks for your daughter and your self and i am praying for both of yall.
 
No amount of money or things are worth you exposing you and your daughter to this guy - especially if you've now become afraid of involving the police when shit goes down.

There are services which will help you disentangle your life and your daughter's life from this man - you need to find the courage to contact them because you seem unable to stay away from him without real life support.
 
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Lolie said:
No amount of money or things are worth you exposing you and your daughter to this guy - especially if you've now become afraid of involving the police when shit goes down.
Click to expand...

You are correct. It should never have gotten as far as it did in Mami's case. I cannot speak in regard that I have no children. I have, however, been a professional nanny. I also have the best Dad in the world. I am blessed, for sure.

Mami, you need to never let that child around that man again. I cannot stress this much, and evidently you are not listening.

Your first priority is that of a mother. You had enough confidence in yourself to birth a child. There are worse fates in life than to be a competent and stable single mother. There is no price on the head of your child's sanity.

I am the only child of divorced parents, one of whom is dead for reasons unrelated to the divorce - and it had nothing whatsoever to do with drugs as far as I can tell. I have been through emotional and mental hell. I cannot be strict enough because it pains me to so do. Your daughter might end up like me at age 30. I have limits and I cry myself to sleep at night at time because my parents fucked up.

I hold the way I've burnt close to my heart. I remember my own mother and every day I miss my mother. I live with that every day.

Mami, please be there for your daughter. There is no substitute. Get the fuck off the shit, because your daughter deserves a woman and a mother.

Don't let your child be as scarred as I was. I am afraid and overcoming my fears, but I can see how it could or, for that matter, would, have gone the other way.

Peace be with you and your family in 2011. <3
 
Update

BTW “Fall down” was from doing excessive amounts of “Ring Around the Rosie” with him. (Minor) relief.

* * *

Less than 1wk after I made this thread I chose to visit & leave his apartment before/after dinnertime. I thought I could visit him during the days--

After just 4 of these “day visits”, he obtained some opiates (not one of my DOC's but I'll enjoy them).... I wasn't able to leave because I didn't want anyone to see me high. Then he got some Adderall making it harder to leave. Three days of Amphetamine-induced thinking had me believing we could move in together 45 minutes away!

1 wk later (1 week ago) he'd beat me up (the first time with visible physical damage that is still evident & painful). What began as verbal harassment + social control/jealousy simply progressed. Not news: Abuse is a progressive disease. He has good intentions but the Abuser in him is simultaneously an animalistic beast APART from the rational kind heart co-existing the same body-mind.

In the last week:
I stayed for a few days to play it “cool”. I contacted a friend who's walked my path. I received sound advice – and MUCH NEEDED moral support. A series of personal contacts tipped some investigators to watch his place. This gave me enough incentive to stay away without getting an Order of protection (though I still should).

He was in & out of jail this week. (Court judgment related to traffic stuff from this summer.) Don't know how he got out on $1000 bond. He called yesterday just to talk to our child. +6 hours later, he called with “I have Adderall.” I told him No thanks. I'm going to use Cannabis, and stop refilling my Adderall + Klonopin (which cause depression + warrants a separate discussion. I'm starting to notice long-term damage from the Adderall).

As Lolie mentioned I've found my own ways to get any substances that he can. I can now turn down his “offers” knowing that I'm not acting on impulse when I get a text saying, “Come and get it.” But I'm feeling very rooted in my ability to not get these things. Anyway, there is the update.

I need to get an OP, though.
 
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