2 prose poems; please be brutally critical!

[leiphos]

“You’re a Better Bet”

I want your URL. I want a blinder site than sound. I log into conversations and quote my thoughts. I uninstall English and reality. I want a sexier word than want. I want your name.


"Yes"

I shoot a movie with a revolver. I explode my hair like a rock face. I’m dying to live without a liver or to breathe a smog of fingers. I shrink into dirt. I switch off my lips and listen. I’m too old to know any better than myself. I retreat to reality.

 

[(Wordy)]

I really like "You're a Better Bet". I'm not sure about "I want a blinder site than sound", though (I can see the pun on site/sight, but can't figure out what you're doing with it?). Also I like how the poem seems to flit between a kind of narrative flow and paratactic leaps between sentences. That's something I like to experiment with myself, albeit I can't recall doing it in such a short piece. I guess there's a question of how much you want the 'narrative' to grip, and how much you want to fuck with reader expectation.

"Yes" I didn't like so much on first read, but it's grown on me. At first I missed the subtlety of "I’m too old to know any better than myself." "I explode my hair like a rock face" - this is interesting in its surreal overtones, but I'm not sure what you're aiming at with the simile?