hey guys, today was actually pretty hard...... my anxiety and depersonalization or whatever the fuck i have (undiagnosed) got to be pretty unbearable, i feel so helpless and broke down infront of my girlfriend, and started crying because i feel like i cant lead a normal life anymore, because im fucked up... she has been extreammly supportive through this... Im starting to think that im going to feel like this for a while (this happened before when i did smoked weed, and did coke, on a few seperate occations, lasted a week or two, and went away) but it has been over two months now and im starting to feel like i really did it this time.... I remember even coffe used to make me jittery and anxious, but i liked drinking it while working because i turned that anxous feeling into proactive energy, made the day go by faster.... anyways, my depression and anxiety has been pretty bad, i even had thoughts of not being able to handle this for the rest of my life, and thought about what the fuck i would do if i had to live like this forever.... I went from someone who always had a smile on there face, laughing and joking, to being depressed, terrible anxiety, depersonalization, feeling mentally numb, feeling like im in a dream world, feeling kind of detached, feeling like theres some sort of tingley sensation in my head, just being all around emotionally fucked up... even my dreams now are fuckin crazy... i have such vivid dreams, but sleeping feels like its the only way i can relax my mind.... I dont really mean to be such a downer but this is the worst feeling in the world, along with scariest, and i feel so helpless in a sense that noone around me can really understand what im feeling.....
I have a date with a mental health clinic this week, but thinking about it what can they really do? talk to me or prescribe me medication.... i feel like theres not really gonna be and end to this terrible feeling, i had a wonderful life, and i fucked it up cause i wanted to pop a pill one night while partying....
I just hope that if i did imbalance my chemicals.... that my brain can re balance them somehow....
is there even any REAL test to distinguish what type of "mental" illness you have? or is it all just educated guesses from doctors who put the facts and symptoms together?
Sorry for the messy post, just having a terrible day... feel like im trapped in a nightmare