Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
No I didn't get a script I realized the same place I get all my other meds from sells clonidine. I had no idea that even had it but I know they have benzos/steroids and other things.
I feel good about making this decision I really do.
It was getting to the point where as day and day went buy, and I slept less and less, my wds were being aggravated more and more. I was losing my appetite as the days progressed, I was losing my ability to run and workout from always being sleep deprived, and worst of all I've stopped making any money cause I can't run any sidejobs. So I'm getting broker and broker, more and more unstable from the lack of sleep, and from the combination of everything slowly detiorating, I just decided I had enough. It was like I was so use to feeling like shit that I reached a point where I didn't really understand how bad a condition I was actually in.
Its not till taking the pods that I realized how bad a shape I was actually in. I'm not worried at all about going back to higher doses because I've been tapering for so long anyway its second nature to just take as little as I can.
I sat down and opened up word today to figure out where my priorities need to be. And although getting completely clean has always been priority 1, I can't get clean untill I handle some other priorites first.
Priority one. Stay healthy enough so I can work and make as much money as I can this next week or 2. Take the money and buy a lineup of meds/herbs that have worked for me before. I thought a little arsenal of meds would be useless as long as I tapered slow enought.. but I'm realizing if I had some simple effective meds this jump off would not have put me in the headspace I did.
Once I get money together I'm getting:
Clonidine
Benzo for sleep (most likely just 20mg of valium a night)
Passion Flower (this stuff is remarkably strong for sleep I remember taking it years ago and realized today how much it would help)
A refill on my inderal script for after I stop the clonidine as just running out of that a week ago I realized a lot of little issues getting worse (due to not being able to control my blood pressure).
L-theanine to take with the passion flower for relaxation and sleep.
And I already have seroquel which I'm going to use small amounts in combination with all the other sleeping meds/herbs.
Chaltrate which I got today
Potassium to work with the magnesium/calcium to balance electrolytes and at least reduce RLS symptoms (I hear a lot of people having 100% success by this measure alone)
Absolutely about 500ml of tonic water a day (helpme I know you said tonic water has very little quinine but the recommended amount if half a liter which is a lot of quinine).
Pot for depression and sleep.
Meds/herbs I will NOT be taking:
Kratom, its not a bad drug but absoluely stops the upregulation of receptors so you never really overcome that last bit of wds.
Phenibut, (this ones long) its extremely useful for anxiety/sleep. It really is a wonderful drug and I was suprised at what it was able to do temporarily. But I swear to god after only 1 use I had a terrible rebound with that shit. It had my vision blurry today, and as relaxed as it had me yesterday I felt extremely anxious and outright fucked in the head today. I attribute sleep to a good portion of those symptoms, but compared to my usual shitty sleep patterns phenibut absolutely made them worse from only 1 use. I know things that affect GABA have wds, but I've used benzos before for months with only experiencing very little rebounds. I know after only a week on phenibut my mind would not react well to stopping. Its definitely closer to GHB with its rebounds than say xanax or valium. As GHB I use to get GABA/dopamine rebounds after only 2-3 uses. Phenibuts rebound reminded me very much of GHB rebounds, and it doesn't take a lot to cause them.
Immodium, although this has done HUGE things for me ON my taper. It genuinely seems once the pods were gone immodium became useless for anything. I could take huge drops in my pods and use immodium to regulate my wds. But I took 10mg last night, a dose that should have absolutely done something.. anything.. and had some of the worst RLS of my life + I did not sleep 1 second. Not to mention immodium is an opiate and in terms of actually getting over wds I simply can't take anything thats gonna further fuck with my receptors.
Alcohol although it absolutely helps with sleep it causes more anxiety the next day and all around winds up aggravating wds worse. If you're not constantly drunk all the time its pointless imo to use alcohol for wds.
Its a long list but having all those things I will be able to at least sleep, and get through my days being productive. I'm going to aim for taking small amounts of a lot of things, vs taking large amounts of just a couple of meds. I'm doing that because I notice its a million times more affective to take say 20mg of valium with 1/2 cup of passion flower, and 25mg seroquel vs just taking say 100mg seroquel. I always get better relief using the concept of synergy vs the concept of volume or just taking as much as you can.
Nobody worry, at least now I can get back to dieting and working out and getting some money together. I haven't worked out in the last 3 days (you try lifting on 2 hours of sleep every night) and that alone was having a huge impact on my ability to remove stress. I've taken a break with this taper before by going to sub, I didn't wanna do it then, but it got me to 8 days off. I didn't wanna go back to pods after 8 days off, but I'm sure it will get me to eternity off. I just really need to respect my body and mind through this process and do things in a more calculated and patient manner. Who knows if the RLS would have been gone by monday? but just looking at the progression it could have been weeks that I had to deal with the insomnia and RLS. Most pod wds subside within 5-6 days for me (at least in the past) but by the consistency of what I was experiencing I just didn't see an end that was near enough for me to actually reach. So all I need to do is get somethings together and this will be my 3rd and final go. Could I have done it after my first break? Probably, but would it have been worth it? Absolutely not. Some people are ok with turning themselves into vegetables during this process and just getting it over, but I am just not one of those people.
I feel good about making this decision I really do.
It was getting to the point where as day and day went buy, and I slept less and less, my wds were being aggravated more and more. I was losing my appetite as the days progressed, I was losing my ability to run and workout from always being sleep deprived, and worst of all I've stopped making any money cause I can't run any sidejobs. So I'm getting broker and broker, more and more unstable from the lack of sleep, and from the combination of everything slowly detiorating, I just decided I had enough. It was like I was so use to feeling like shit that I reached a point where I didn't really understand how bad a condition I was actually in.
Its not till taking the pods that I realized how bad a shape I was actually in. I'm not worried at all about going back to higher doses because I've been tapering for so long anyway its second nature to just take as little as I can.
I sat down and opened up word today to figure out where my priorities need to be. And although getting completely clean has always been priority 1, I can't get clean untill I handle some other priorites first.
Priority one. Stay healthy enough so I can work and make as much money as I can this next week or 2. Take the money and buy a lineup of meds/herbs that have worked for me before. I thought a little arsenal of meds would be useless as long as I tapered slow enought.. but I'm realizing if I had some simple effective meds this jump off would not have put me in the headspace I did.
Once I get money together I'm getting:
Clonidine
Benzo for sleep (most likely just 20mg of valium a night)
Passion Flower (this stuff is remarkably strong for sleep I remember taking it years ago and realized today how much it would help)
A refill on my inderal script for after I stop the clonidine as just running out of that a week ago I realized a lot of little issues getting worse (due to not being able to control my blood pressure).
L-theanine to take with the passion flower for relaxation and sleep.
And I already have seroquel which I'm going to use small amounts in combination with all the other sleeping meds/herbs.
Chaltrate which I got today
Potassium to work with the magnesium/calcium to balance electrolytes and at least reduce RLS symptoms (I hear a lot of people having 100% success by this measure alone)
Absolutely about 500ml of tonic water a day (helpme I know you said tonic water has very little quinine but the recommended amount if half a liter which is a lot of quinine).
Pot for depression and sleep.
Meds/herbs I will NOT be taking:
Kratom, its not a bad drug but absoluely stops the upregulation of receptors so you never really overcome that last bit of wds.
Phenibut, (this ones long) its extremely useful for anxiety/sleep. It really is a wonderful drug and I was suprised at what it was able to do temporarily. But I swear to god after only 1 use I had a terrible rebound with that shit. It had my vision blurry today, and as relaxed as it had me yesterday I felt extremely anxious and outright fucked in the head today. I attribute sleep to a good portion of those symptoms, but compared to my usual shitty sleep patterns phenibut absolutely made them worse from only 1 use. I know things that affect GABA have wds, but I've used benzos before for months with only experiencing very little rebounds. I know after only a week on phenibut my mind would not react well to stopping. Its definitely closer to GHB with its rebounds than say xanax or valium. As GHB I use to get GABA/dopamine rebounds after only 2-3 uses. Phenibuts rebound reminded me very much of GHB rebounds, and it doesn't take a lot to cause them.
Immodium, although this has done HUGE things for me ON my taper. It genuinely seems once the pods were gone immodium became useless for anything. I could take huge drops in my pods and use immodium to regulate my wds. But I took 10mg last night, a dose that should have absolutely done something.. anything.. and had some of the worst RLS of my life + I did not sleep 1 second. Not to mention immodium is an opiate and in terms of actually getting over wds I simply can't take anything thats gonna further fuck with my receptors.
Alcohol although it absolutely helps with sleep it causes more anxiety the next day and all around winds up aggravating wds worse. If you're not constantly drunk all the time its pointless imo to use alcohol for wds.
Its a long list but having all those things I will be able to at least sleep, and get through my days being productive. I'm going to aim for taking small amounts of a lot of things, vs taking large amounts of just a couple of meds. I'm doing that because I notice its a million times more affective to take say 20mg of valium with 1/2 cup of passion flower, and 25mg seroquel vs just taking say 100mg seroquel. I always get better relief using the concept of synergy vs the concept of volume or just taking as much as you can.
Nobody worry, at least now I can get back to dieting and working out and getting some money together. I haven't worked out in the last 3 days (you try lifting on 2 hours of sleep every night) and that alone was having a huge impact on my ability to remove stress. I've taken a break with this taper before by going to sub, I didn't wanna do it then, but it got me to 8 days off. I didn't wanna go back to pods after 8 days off, but I'm sure it will get me to eternity off. I just really need to respect my body and mind through this process and do things in a more calculated and patient manner. Who knows if the RLS would have been gone by monday? but just looking at the progression it could have been weeks that I had to deal with the insomnia and RLS. Most pod wds subside within 5-6 days for me (at least in the past) but by the consistency of what I was experiencing I just didn't see an end that was near enough for me to actually reach. So all I need to do is get somethings together and this will be my 3rd and final go. Could I have done it after my first break? Probably, but would it have been worth it? Absolutely not. Some people are ok with turning themselves into vegetables during this process and just getting it over, but I am just not one of those people.
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