13 Year Old Son smoking pot - Mum Seeks Members Advice

[Rose Petal]

My son and I have always had a strong and trusting relationship, for which I am grateful. Today he told me that he had smoked pot on occasion, at a friends house. Worse.. the father of this boy offered them pot, and smoked it with them. My son seems convinced that it is harmless, and perfectly safe for him. I asked him how he had felt, and he said he had felt relaxed and "like everything on TV was really funny, even if it wasn't."

Naturally I am outraged that this man took it upon himself to 'educate' my son, and obviously is one of those parents who justify their actions by spouting the old 'if they're going to try it then it's best they try it with a responsible adult'. I'm livid that he has made that decision for my son, as well as his own. I am proud of my son for being brave enough to tell me. And now I just want to do the right thing by him.

I believe that taking mind altering drugs whilst the brain is still growing is dangerous, and paves the way for future mental health problems. I will be working on convincing my son of this. My son is concerned that the information I give him will all be coming from 'anti-pot' sources. I don't intend to make my son a fully fledged member here or anything, but I would like him to benefit from seeing that there are people 'out there' who are not 'anti-pot' (as am I) but who still do not believe it is safe and advisable for a growing teenage boy to be smoking pot.. or anything else for that matter!

So.. I am inviting anyone here with a sound opinion, to speak their mind on the subject. I will cut and past the thread (in order to cut out the bits I don't want him seeing) and I am hoping that you lot will come up with something that will help him to think twice!

Please would you comment on:

What you think the ideal age is to start, if any:
What are the dangers at his age?
Advice about effects on motivation, etc.

Thanks in advance, for taking the time.

 

[dopemaster]

Marijuana is relativly harmless. The main problem with it in my experience is that it puts the user in the position to have acess to other drugs which are definetly harmful. That being said it looks like you got a little toker on your hands. I would definetly speak to him about the dangers of worse drugs as it can lead to that. Also you should definetly discuss moderation if he persists in using. It would be ideal if he was to limit his use as I doubt you can persuade him to quite altogether. Be careful that he does not slip into other drugs and keep an eye on him. That being said I would consider alcohol to be far worse a substance on the mind and body.

I thought about your post and decided to add more. Drugs have really fucked up my life. Not because of pot. My first 3 years of high school I got good grades and was playing sports and snowboarding alot. Senior year I started taking X, doing coke, and popping pills. This behavior continued and I ended up in detox 3 times for alcoholism. After that I got my shit together. I eventually had a serious injury and ended up on chronic pain maintainance and since then things have gone downhill for me once again. I have become an IV drug user, which is something I never though would happen to me. Im only sharing this cuz your story kind of got to me as I started using narcotics at a young age. The older man that introduced your child to drugs had no business introducing it. It would be a different story if kid was already a user as he would just be company. But thats unimportant. Whats important is to keep things in perspective. Marijuana is not really addictive, but people do get habituated to it. Drugs on the other hand can put you through absolute hell in terms of withdrawal and the desire for more. Moderation is essential to any type of drug use including marijuana and alcohol. You will find yourself much better off in life if you limit drug and alcohol use to minimal amounts at special times.

 

[Jibult]

Rose Petal, I hope this pdf proves helpful in your search for information. The link will prompt you to download the PDF version of this document. It's a short 4 pages entitled Cannabis: A Danger to the Adolescent Brain.

If you want to find a version hosted online then I'm sure Googling the Title of the document will yield good results.


Best of luck with your situation. I would offer up my personal experiences concerning this subject but, as a drug user myself, my posting will likely seem biased one way or another and I don't want my personal bias to get in the way of a parent trying to do the "right thing," as ambiguous a term that is when it comes to parenting.

 

[Egzoset]

Salutations Rose Petal,

My son and I have always had a strong and trusting relationship... ... ...hoping that you lot will come up with something that will help him to think twice!

OKay, the short path.



Right now an important part of society continues to ban/target Cannabis so perhaps it doesn't matter so much who's in error or not: i'd simply mention that as a mother your teenager's decision may hurt you more than meets the eye. What's going to be his priority and so on?... He may find that personal autonomy can wait a little while longer, considering he's got a trustable coach handy.

What you think...

I'm no anti-cannabic warrior (to say the least), yet i personally consider 13 isn't a good time to start and not even at 16, when a guy is still a teenager but he can drive a motorized vehicule and get married if his parents will agree. Even at 23 few of us tolerated intrusive interference as i remember it, nonetheless. But sometimes a situation invites for new input - at any age. So, i won't pretend i'm fit to provide guidance to strangers but my reply might certainly point out at the fact that it's not fun being marginalized and hence you may not want to add more burden than already exists by following that route if/when tempted: it might shake the bridge on its bases.

Of course paving the way for an addiction to legal substances ain't good neither even in a society where that's openly endorsed!

Good luck with that!!

 

[Darksidesam]

i dont recommend anyone below the age of 18 tries any drugs really, other than accidently getting high by taking too much codeine linctus when i was younger or half a cigarette when i was younger, i didnt try any drugs till my first e when i was 19.

the brain is developing and should be clean and free of additives until that person reaches an adult.
I think it is wrong for teens to drink or take drugs, but i guess that moderation is another factor.

If a group of teens are sharing 1 joint , maybe that is less harmful than how older people smoke it (massive joints, multiple joints)
Addiction/habit forming is a thing to worry about though. Some people are more susceptible or 'weak' than others and lose their self control with drugs even from a very young age.

I guess once you play with the reward system of your brain through drugs, it can change you as a person.

All of this doesnt mean that you should now have a tainted relationship with your son, nor an untrusting one.
Some people say that pot makes people more anxious etc, however if i look back on my own life i realise now that before i used any drugs socially id be very withdrawn and do lots of stuff on my own. Friendships were slightly odd to me even, however i enjoy smoking weed with friends around here and i am more comfortable doing that than meeting people sober. If not i can go weeks without seeing people.....



- Sam ( 'pot head')

 

[FromHereToEternity]

Hey at least you came here to talk about it.

While it's perfectly understandable that even parents who would allow their kids to use drugs openly would rather they started at an older age, some things are just out of your control. I don't think it's so bad that he had his first experience near a responsible adult (well, relatively, anyway) who would be able to better help him in case he ran into problems or had a bad trip. It could easily have happened at a younger age or at much less desirable circumstances. Think in a back alley with little friends who think they're gangsta next thing you know he's getting pulled over by the cops and you're picking him up at a police station.


I don't agree with people here about taking recreational drugs while the brain is still "developing". Your brain might start decaying from a physiological point of view after a certain age, but we are always developing in the sense of changing and I don't think anyway here can claim to know it's objectively better to live with or without drugs or to start at a certain age. As you know, everyone is different. Sure, it's way different if he's addicted or abusing it but I think that's far from the scenario right now. He didn't "lose" anything by having smoked pot at a young age, and no, his brain wasn't damaged in any way by doing this this one time.



Now for some practical advice, you don't want to antagonize him on this and try to prohibit it. It just creates an incentive for him to do it. No matter how good your relation might be, you'll eventually go through tough times like everyone does.

I think you'll have much better results if you let him know you're okay with him doing it as long as it's not often and that he takes a responsible approach and doesn't overdo it. Tell him you're fine with him having done it now but you'd really rather he waits until he's older (at least 16+) before making anything like a frequent habit out of it.

About the amotivational syndrome - that's absolute bullshit. People who are amotivated actually seek to escape through different mechanisms, such as sleeping all day or playing video games all day or numbing themselves through drugs, or any kind of activity that's not actually what they would be doing were they responsible. Ignorant or badly intentioned people try to make it as if it were the other way around - a perfectly healthy and motivated person would start smoking weed and all of a sudden it would seem like there's no point to life other than being a couch monitor puffing away. That's just a stupid lie. In truth drugs mostly just enhance what you are already thinking or feeling. In some of my most productive and motivated periods i was smoking everyday, and that actually helped me get more stuff done. On the other hand when i was feeling down smoking certainly made me go even lower. However, it certainly wasn't directly responsible for my moods in anyway.


I would tell you not to stress or think about this too much. Focus on making sure your son has a healthy balanced life and other interests, different groups of friends, sports, shit like that. As long as he's doing alright it's likely pot will just be an occasional side thing that compliments experiences, his life won't revolve around it. Just know that taking a hard stance about this is pretty much like trying to conduct the war on drugs on a micro scale - it will create plenty of resentment and anger between you and you still won't stop him from getting/doing what he wants.

Worse.. the father of this boy offered them pot, and smoked it with them.


(...)

I'm livid that he has made that decision for my son, as well as his own. I am proud of my son for being brave enough to tell me. And now I just want to do the right thing by him.

Beg your pardon but he didn't make any decision for your son. Your son had already heard about it and probably already thought about doing it some time. You first said he offered it, so it certainly doesn't seem like he pointed a gun to your kids head and said puff away or i'll take your life away. So yeah, back off there cowgirl, your son made the decision for himself. He could've said no. Plenty of people would have.

 

[Artificial Emotion]

I think it's wrong for an adult to encourage drug use. I am totally against people under 18 using any substance but I accept that it happens, it's a fact of life and the majority of people that smoke a bit of weed as a kid end up just fine. I think you will have a hard time telling him smoking weed at his age is a bad idea when his father is going completely against you and like you I would have a big problem with this. I think it crosses the line.

I think he's confusing the idea that cannabis is less harmful than alcohol with the claim that it's 'harmless'. It's not harmless and it's definitely not something a developing mind should be exposed to. You would be hard pressed to find a legalization advocate that is okay with minors smoking weed. Although they may believe consenting adults should have the right to smoke weed without being put in a cage, usually they are of the opinion that pot sales should be restricted to those over 18.

 

[Cornishman]

It's hard to know what to do in this situation.

But the best thing you could of done OP is come here. It shows a hell of alot more willing than most peoples parents.
Your kid is lucky to have a mum who's so thoughtful, down to earth and clever.

Anyway, I began smoking pot aged 14 and it halted my emotional development.
It stopped me from growing up like I wish I had done. Instead of pursuing girls and living a normal life indulging in hobbies or pursuing a career I took the 'easy' way out and became introverted. Smoking pot with my buddies and watching southpark on T.V.

But that's not to say your son is gonna do the same thing.

I think the biggest dangers are...

1. Lung damage from the smoke (try and get him to vape his weed. Or eat it).

Or...

2. Becoming a stereotypically lazy stoner with no ambition or prospects.

Perhaps now would be a good time to point your son in the direction of something that feeds his soul. Be it pursuing an interest in drugs (chemistry classes?) or playing a musical instrument.
Hell, take him skydiving. Push the f*cker out of that plane and into adulthood.

You could always blaze one up afterwards to celebrate.

Tldr; So long as your son doesn't become one of these drug obsessed 'drug know it all's and has other, real life stuff to focus on. It's probably not worth worrying.

If he does become a 'drug obsessed know it all' don't fight it.
Introduce him to the world of chemistry. Chances are he's an academic and was born to serve the world of medicine.

 

[double ewe]

i'm 29, and have a lot of positive things to say about marijuana.

but smoking at 13 is worlds away from smoking as an adult, or even smoking at 18. along with the very real impairment that regular use inflicts on the adolescent brain (the earlier they start, the riskier), getting into this habit now would be terrible for your son's social development. one of marijuana's biggest dangers is that it makes boredom bearable. if your son and his friend are sitting on a couch with nothing to do, they will likely be bored and want to do something more interesting like playing sports, skateboarding, riding bikes, socializing with friends or talking to girls. any one of those activities will help them learn more about the world, develop interests that will make them happier and more interesting, and gain experience that will help them learn how to navigate future challenges. or they could get stoned and spend those hours watching tv. and that time in a person's life is too valuable to waste watching re-runs.

there are a whole host of other ills that smoking at that age can cause. poor school performance, trouble with the law, hanging out with bad influences, etc, but those are easy for a 13 year old to deny or minimize. if i were you, i would emphasize that while he's correct that marijuana isn't going to kill you or turn you into a crack head, it can make you very boring, and there aren't a lot of pretty girls who want to hang out with a guy whose life experiences revolve around cartoons and video games.

 

[dopemaster]

Marijuana in itself isnt that bad. He is a bit young, but thats how young I started. It didnt kill my motivation. It did how ever put me in contact with drug dealers and they would offer to sell me stronger shit and eventually I did try other drugs and my life took a turn for the worse. I had other factors contribute to me trying harder drugs, like a shitty homelife as a teenager. But once I started it took years to get it under control. I was fine as an adult, but I have hit a rough patch again after getting on chronic pain maintainance.

 

[ComfortablyNumb95]

well while i think mj is quite harmless i totally agree with you about the fact that a 13 years old kid shouldn't smoke pot neither his friend's father should have offered him pot, that's really diseducative.
i think that if your son begins smoking weed at the age of 13 he will probably be into different drugs by the age of 16 or 17, and i guess you don't want it.
so just tell him that he should start smoking maybe at the age of 16 or so, so he can be more mature not to start using more dangerous drugs

 

[buffalosoldier]

If you have a strong and trusting relationship as you said, my honest opinion is that you should enhance that relationship by inviting him to smoke a joint you two.
by doing this your relationship will grow to a level where your capability of understanding the marijuana high as well as the advantages and disadvantages of smoking it. Moreover you will giving him a lesson just like President Obama did with his daughters in order to avoid they being tattooed..

Weed can really open your mind and make you realize things early in life, maturing the important aspects of life before.
But as it has been said, it really could fuck his life if his new goal turns to be stoned, you will need to help him realize he will need goals in life and if he really likes smoking weed, this can only be a reward and a trophy of the accomplished goals.

Example: I finished my degree last year and never stop smoking, but I only did it after my daily tasks where achieved and complete so I rewarded myself by enjoying smoking a big joint. In that way I only enjoyed getting high if I had completed all my works and tasks, otherwise I feel very bad getting high knowing I have things to do, like study hard and complete tasks.

The key is that he understand that he can really enjoy the ganja if he likes it but as it is a Drug, it has disadvantages that he will be learning over the time, and if you smokes with him you could help him in every step.

Cheers!

 

[coors light]

tough one. i started smoking pot around that age. ive seen alot of people smoke regularly up till present without any problems im 27 now.on the flip side ive seen others develop bad mental illness that i believe may be attributed to cannabis.if you could some how explain the situations of the people that smoked and then developed mental illness that might be a start. when i smoked as a teenager it was fun, good past time with mates. when i smoke now i get anxious and sometimes paranoid often thinking im on the verge of a heart attack. thats why ive been off it the last few months.

 

[Darksidesam]

I think that CBD levels get bred out more and more over the years,

cannabis with very high CBD % is what id consider 'safer' cannabis for anyone to smoke due to its antipsychotic properties. The CBD is anti-psychotic and works as effective as anti-psychotics at treating schizophrenia without the side effects of pharmaceutical products.

this is why cannabis being illegal isnt working out, as we are not only getting limited what strains we can access but also people get offered sideline drugs.
I honestly believe that all countries should at least sell very high CBD strains legally .... it makes sense

 

[Thomas29]

Face palms aside..... I think age is irrelevant. There is going to be 40 year olds who should stay the fuck away from pot and kids who are a lot better off with it. Obviously there is a lot more to say here but that is all I feel like saying for good reasons. I mean they gave me Ritalin at age 8 everybody was fucking COOOL with that but OMFG THC AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

 

[bunnymunro]

OK, my two cents worth.. a/ what is seen cannot be unseen... what I mean by this is that your son has had a drug at 13, I don't reckon that this is cool at all. Given, manyy people don't mind letting their kids have a sip of beer or wine at this age, they would be deemed bad parents if they were to allow their children to get drunk.
Smoking weed is done with the aim of getting stoned. One could argue that drinking is done with the aim of getting drunk, but when drinking,one has the option of sipping, or sitting on a drink half the day if one chooses, its not like slamming down a joint/bong/cone with a group of people, its something you do at your own pace.

b/ gateway drugs. there is no doubt in my mind that once the exploration of altered states begins, it leads to experimentation/curiosity about other drugs, no matter if the first drug is alcohol, weed mushies or H.
Whereas a curious mind will seek stimulation, in the world of a 13 year old, there are many things to explore, and altered consciousness can wait at least a few years until they have some experience in dealing with adolescence which is mad arse even when straight. There is no doubt that drugs are enjoyable, but starting on them before one has had time to develop other interests is not healthy.
Escaping into cloudy world of comfort will not help him deal with real life feelings and all those crazy thoughts of being part of society , like dealing with girls and social groups and finding where your actual personality is, developing confidence in dealing with people and groups.

This is one quote that springs to mind, and although it wasn't written about weed, I can relate to it

my main concern with using any drugs;

the rule of thumb is for every day you use drugs, is a day lost of emotional and social growth.

so say your addicted to drugs for 2 years, you will be 2 years behind your age group in social and emotional interaction.
That is because you lose your normal thought process and interaction skills while on drugs, so when you stop, you basically play catch up.

thats why (At least for me) after a long while on drugs, i have to re-adapt to socializing with my friends, and re-adapt to the way i approach girls. Seems like everything has changed while i was using. Kind of like when you go to prison, and come back to the outside world and you have to re-adapt into your surroundings because youve missed so much of whats going on. Your a fish out of water for every day you use. http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/archive/index.php/t-652993.html

I smoked weed from about 15 till about 40, and became caught up in the culture of it... I am sure I wasted far too much energy, time and money on it that could have been put to better use. Sure, I made good friends, shared funny experiences, but I don't think it really did me any good mentally. It didn't do much harm as far as I know, but used resources that could have been better utilised elsewhere.
(BTW I still use recreational drugs).

OK, so now I have a son who also smokes and occasionally does other things so I am in the same situation as the OP. (he is 19). I cannot be hypocritical and make him stop, and it would not work. He will smoke mull with or without my say so. All I can do is advise him about them, encourage other ways to get endorphines and tell him when I reckon its getting out of hand, as in interfering with making progress on life, and his focus needs to change. At 13, your son is going to run into drugs in every facet of his life,... the band camp, the skifields, what you need to do is accept that, and make sure that it remains a by product, not the main game, its like sport training, where I grew up, we had training on two nights a week, followed by getting pissed with the team in the clubhouse, main game on a Saturday, followed by getting smashed on Saturday night.
Still, we had some state/country reps out of that, also we had some alcoholics.
In the end its up to the individual to decide how much effort they wish to put into succeeding in their chosen path.
And to be honest, I believe that smoking weed accentuates the ability to make decisions, at least for me, perhaps not everyone.

To sum up...nurture the honest relationship you have with him, as you will not stop him smoking drugs if he is dead set on it. be prepared and open to him asking about different drugs, which means that you need to be fully armed with knowledge.
Just a thought... its not so much the drugs that are the danger, its more so the lifestyle, the money/time/opportunities wasted in being a drug user that is of as much a hindrance than anything else.

I hope this makes sense, I may edit it later.

 

[laugh]

Naturally I am outraged that this man took it upon himself to 'educate' my son

yes i would be pissed-off with this bloke too. have you spoken with him?

'if they're going to try it then it's best they try it with a responsible adult'

i agree that is better to be trying with a responsible adult and at a home or safe place rather than out on the streets, however, i dont think i would call this father guy a responsible adult. imo he should have contacted you first. perhaps if you knew this guy things might be different but it sounds like you only know him as one of your sons friends dads.

I believe that taking mind altering drugs whilst the brain is still growing is dangerous

i think it can be yes. i wouldnt want my child smoking ganja at only 13. myself and my peer group started smoking bongs infrequently at 15/16, looking back in hindsight (now mid/late 20's) i wish i hadnt of started until later. it didnt cause me any mental health issues but it certainly did effect my education and sports.

What you think the ideal age is to start, if any:

the later the better imo. in a perfect world maybe somewhere between 18 and 21 or later.

What are the dangers at his age?

that is tough to answer due to the many variables at play like frequency of use, product used (bush, hydro, leaf, bud, etc), method of intake (eating, joint, bong, vape etc), childs mental health and over all health prior to ganja consumption, family history, just to name a few. the biggest issue is as you have already mentioned kids shouldnt be ingesting chemicals/drugs while they are still maturing and their brain is still growing. it is just not wise.

Advice about effects on motivation, etc.

as i have already mentioned this is how in hindsight i think smoking ganja negatively effected me growing up. it most certainly effected my schooling negatively (at the time i wasnt really concerned with school as i went to a pretty pathetic public school, it was more childminding than an education campus but i know now smoking herb didnt help anything). i was big into sports at the time and i realise that smoking also had a negative impact on my motivation to continue to play sport.

hope that helps a little. dont be to worried Rose i know a lot of my friends in school were dabbling at that age and turned out as normal as they could be. you realy want to hit it on the head before it becomes a habit, though, which im sure you will. you sound like a pretty cool mum. keep the communication lines open.

please feel free to pm if i can help in any other way.

all the best to you and your son

 

[Halif]

Hi Rose Petal!

As some other members have already said, the way you are approaching this situation seems very reasonable and much more likely to have a good outcome than any kind of knee-jerk reaction or black/white response to the matter.

I can understand why you're concerned about the possible effects on your son's development, given his age. I started drinking and smoking marijuana from a fairly young age (12). I didn't use much or often then, but when I got to my mid-teens I really started to use both alcohol and marijuana a lot and I also started having mental issues at this time. I feel very strongly that my issues were NOT caused by marijuana, but they were certainly worsened by it.

Being only 13, it may be too early for you to know if your son has any latent psychological or behavioral issues. A lot of mental health issues manifest themselves during people's teenage years. I'm not talking about normal, hormonally driven mood swings or being very introverted around people, or tonnes of other things which are part of growing up for many/most people. I'm thinking more of things like severe depressive states, delusional thinking, or hallucinating (while not on any drugs).

If a teen is smoking weed regularly and begins to act strangely out of character, it can make it hard to know if they are just moody because that's a normal part of that life stage , OR if they are being affected negatively by the drug and will soon be fine after they stop, OR if they have a more serious condition which is manifesting and being exasperated by the drug.

As such, I don't think there is an ideal age to start using anything, but basically the more a person can develop and mature naturally the better. I had a few weed smoking friends who I used to light up with two or three times a week when we were in high school. We smoked quite a lot and would get very stoned. That was when we were about 16. Two of them stopped smoking a few years later, but one of them is still smoking now and is almost exactly the same as he was then. He and I are still in touch, we are now in our mid-thirties, and I can tell you that he is a classic case (on the extreme end, though) of arrested development. I strongly believe that his non-stop use of marijuana is the main reason for this.

I think one of the most productive things you can do, is talk to him about it (as you've done) and ask him how it feels and why he did/does it. If a person is drawn to substances, then they will use them, and the best friends and family can do is try to understand why and if there's anything practical which can be done to help IF the person is experiencing problems related to their substance use. Taking a hardline approach, or pushing too hard could open up a distance between the two of you.

Good luck with it all

 

[Jackeh]

Face palms aside..... I think age is irrelevant. There is going to be 40 year olds who should stay the fuck away from pot and kids who are a lot better off with it. Obviously there is a lot more to say here but that is all I feel like saying for good reasons. I mean they gave me Ritalin at age 8 everybody was fucking COOOL with that but OMFG THC AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

Age is an important factor. After a certain point, it doesn't matter what age you are, but when your brain is still developing then mind altering drugs aren't going to be good for it. There's a difference between this situation and you being given Ritalin. If you were given it, it meant you had a problem (I'm assuming) and Ritalin was going to help you. In that case, it's a good thing.

This cannabis hasn't been prescribed or suggested by a doctor, it's being done for fun meaning any changes on his developing brain will not be for the best.

 

[Halif]

when your brain is still developing then mind altering drugs aren't going to be good for it.

I agree with this for the most part.

But the poster you quoted stated that they were given a powerful drug (ritalin) at the age of 8, and you say it was a good thing. I think 8 is too young to be given powerful medications.

I don't agree with the logic that substances have good effects on one's brain if prescribed by a doctor, and bad effects if taken for fun.