Well, I've never really been a benzo person (strictly this isn't a benzo anyway).
In my entire life I've had 30mg Olanzapine, less than 100mg Diazepam, less than 100mg Lorazepam, less than 100mg Temazepam and less than 200mg Tetrazepam which is very little considering the amount of drugs I had been doing over the past 7 years.
So I'm not really a benzo person, they never really gave me any desirable effects at all. This always surprised me. One time I took 7.5mg Lorazepam and STILL wasn't able to sleep. I've heard some people with ADD get adverse effects to this stuff, so I thought this must've been it.
Anyway, here's my problem... For years (ever since I had a very short, but also very intense sexual relationship with a distant cousin and stopped smoking cigarettes in summer 2002) I've felt extremely tense, always grinding my teeth, started getting severe back pain one year later.
With increasing psychedelics and dissociative use these phenomena increased immensely. Since I quit drugs 3.5 months ago, my jaw clenching went over the top. My teeth actually started moving (requiring correction now) because I was grinding them so hard.
Now yesterday I felt like shit. More tense than ever. I chugged some vodka, drank 150mg codeine (all we have at home drug wise). The hour after that I still felt like shit. I felt warm inside, but not euphoric and still very very tense. Actually I started becoming dysphoric. Allright so I decided to come to my girl friends party to make her happy, stayed there for two hours, took the last train home, feeling worse than ever now. Still warm, a little more drunk than before, still tiny pupils, but feeling tenser and tenser.
Than I remembered that my mum was prescribed some Zolpidem a year back which should've still been around. And it was.
-----
Snorted 5mg, adminstered the other 5 orally, fixed 4 strong espressos and chugged them down so I wouldn't fall asleep.
Ten minutes later I was in a perfectly serene state. Not only was my mind calm for once, but my body as well... SHIT!!! I felt soooo relaxed! No more back pain, no tooth grinding - Perfect bliss. I haven't felt this good in years. It felt better than anything I've ever experienced before (and those who know me will know that there is quiet a diversity in the states I have experienced).
It was so good. It's weird as fuck - Benzos were NEVER able to do this for me. It was either the combination with alcohol and the lingering codeine effects or Zolpidem is a lot different from other benzodiazepoids. I'd like to know more about this substance.
Mmmm, besides that, I had REALLY weird thought patterns!! Abstract thoughts started popping up in my mind which I couldn't make sense of. Bizarre mental imagery of things rearranging. Then when I tried to make sense of these things I'd just lose them and would have a very hard time finding my way back into the line of thought I was pursuing.
Oh and aside from the weird mental imagery, which was at times almost like stage 1 dreaming, I had very vivid dreams when I finally fell asleep.
By experience I don't dream at all on downers (including benzos, antipsychotics, opioids, pot and certain antidepressants). There was one exception to this rule before which was ZOPICLONE, this one gave me very vivid dreams as well.
Oh, sex sucked, it was really boring and lacked the tension and passion of sober sex (which will always be my favourite).
crOOk
In my entire life I've had 30mg Olanzapine, less than 100mg Diazepam, less than 100mg Lorazepam, less than 100mg Temazepam and less than 200mg Tetrazepam which is very little considering the amount of drugs I had been doing over the past 7 years.
So I'm not really a benzo person, they never really gave me any desirable effects at all. This always surprised me. One time I took 7.5mg Lorazepam and STILL wasn't able to sleep. I've heard some people with ADD get adverse effects to this stuff, so I thought this must've been it.
Anyway, here's my problem... For years (ever since I had a very short, but also very intense sexual relationship with a distant cousin and stopped smoking cigarettes in summer 2002) I've felt extremely tense, always grinding my teeth, started getting severe back pain one year later.
With increasing psychedelics and dissociative use these phenomena increased immensely. Since I quit drugs 3.5 months ago, my jaw clenching went over the top. My teeth actually started moving (requiring correction now) because I was grinding them so hard.
Now yesterday I felt like shit. More tense than ever. I chugged some vodka, drank 150mg codeine (all we have at home drug wise). The hour after that I still felt like shit. I felt warm inside, but not euphoric and still very very tense. Actually I started becoming dysphoric. Allright so I decided to come to my girl friends party to make her happy, stayed there for two hours, took the last train home, feeling worse than ever now. Still warm, a little more drunk than before, still tiny pupils, but feeling tenser and tenser.
Than I remembered that my mum was prescribed some Zolpidem a year back which should've still been around. And it was.
-----
Snorted 5mg, adminstered the other 5 orally, fixed 4 strong espressos and chugged them down so I wouldn't fall asleep.
Ten minutes later I was in a perfectly serene state. Not only was my mind calm for once, but my body as well... SHIT!!! I felt soooo relaxed! No more back pain, no tooth grinding - Perfect bliss. I haven't felt this good in years. It felt better than anything I've ever experienced before (and those who know me will know that there is quiet a diversity in the states I have experienced).
It was so good. It's weird as fuck - Benzos were NEVER able to do this for me. It was either the combination with alcohol and the lingering codeine effects or Zolpidem is a lot different from other benzodiazepoids. I'd like to know more about this substance.
Mmmm, besides that, I had REALLY weird thought patterns!! Abstract thoughts started popping up in my mind which I couldn't make sense of. Bizarre mental imagery of things rearranging. Then when I tried to make sense of these things I'd just lose them and would have a very hard time finding my way back into the line of thought I was pursuing.
Oh and aside from the weird mental imagery, which was at times almost like stage 1 dreaming, I had very vivid dreams when I finally fell asleep.
By experience I don't dream at all on downers (including benzos, antipsychotics, opioids, pot and certain antidepressants). There was one exception to this rule before which was ZOPICLONE, this one gave me very vivid dreams as well.
Oh, sex sucked, it was really boring and lacked the tension and passion of sober sex (which will always be my favourite).
crOOk
