1/13/10

Even though some things in my life have been looking up lately I keep finding myself in these really dark places in my head.
Small things are building up into shit i'm not able to handle and the one year date of losing my husband is only a few days away. It just seems like for every small good thing that happens two bad things take it's place.
I don't have a clue where I should be going now it feels like i'm wasting my time by waiting.

 

It sounds like you’re in a pretty bad place right now, if it’s any consolation I have been in a similar place recently, I’ve just been taking one day at a time, dealing with the little things as they come up daily, I tried leaving them, but they just seemed to build up and then appear bigger than what they really were.
Hopefully in time the good things in your life will be more frequent than the bad times. I tend to focus on the good memories I have, which are really dear to me.

Thinking of you and I hope you feel better soon, take care.

 

thank you, its good to know people care out there!

 

for me, 'every small good thing' helps to build a decent foundation on which you can build even cooler stuff on. When ya build cool stuff on a strong foundation there ain't NO 'two bad things' that can fuck with it.

Isn't it kinda cool to know you're doing the right thing? I can usually tell when I am doing things right by the manner in which things seem to seamlessly fall together in their proper spots.

 

I've bn in a similar place too hun
over the last yr - 2009 - well, that was the worst yr of my life, I never want to repeat a yr like it
my luvly horse and her foal died, my fiance and I broke up afta he abused me, my rottweiler who I had a special bond wiv had to b put down, my dad disowned me...I cud go on but why?

like Simon63 suggested, focus on the positive - one amazing thing happened in 2009 that made up for losing my dog, horses, dad and ex
I met the luv of my life - a beautiful and caring woman who I deeply luv, whos also a BLer
my dad took me back into his life too - and my cuz offered to give me a horse hed bred and broken himself, Apache (Apache will never replace my old broodmare Molly, or my little budding show-jumper/stud stallion-to-be, her son Bollinger...but hes a luvly horse who will, wiv work, b an excellent horse in utha ways)
then I got a call from my cuz just the utha week and he said 'Lydia, tbh I dont want to separate Apache from Blaze' (Blaze is Apaches much younger, unbroken brother)
I started to feel really let down until he went on 'wud u mind taking Blaze as well for an extra $50?'

u never know wat the future holds, hun
I'm not a fan of the 12-steps, but I like one thing they always said at NA meetings wen I used to go - 'one day at a time'
I think it applies here

don't think about yesterday, dont think about tomorrow - think about wat u cud b doing right here, right now, to make a gd day for urself