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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

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I got rid of all drugs and drug paraphanalia from my house on Saturday - except for the 400 doses of LSD in my freezer. I didn’t even know I had so much party powder of various kinds.

I am now officially recovering from stimulants excluding prescribed dexamfetamine. All others are off the table particularly meth, MDMA, speed, and coke.

Sunday was a bitch and this morning not great either. I cried quite a bit and felt like taking a dive off the balcony for quite a while. But I walked the dog a few miles at 6 AM this morning, Monday here, and was at work at my desk following a healthy breakfast at 8:30.

I’ve resigned being a mod for at least 3 months while I put all my effort into completing my thesis. I need to write at least 1,000 words, 6 days a week, for the next 3 months. Plus the editing, the fact-checking, the references, the footnotes, and the proof-reading.

Not much time for BL.
 
chinup said:
i'd have died in rehab if i couldn't have smoked.

in one of my IP stints for anorexia i was locked in my room and had to 'earn' priviledges, including the right to smoke, they gave me a fucking nicotine path ffs. was horrendous. i discharged myself once i got my bmi up to 15 cos it was fucking torture.

the other you had to be accompanied by a nurse for the first 2 days, and then were allowed out on your own to smoke. the nurses were always busy so it was a pain in the ass. then they accused me of walking too much while smoking so i lost my priviledge of going out unaccompanied. i woulda just smoked in my room but the girl in the room next to me did that and she got sent to a place that was way harsher- like they used it as a threat to keep you in line.

so, ime, the madhouse doesn't let you chainsmoke if you're on a locked ward/room. they fucking should though.

@Shady's Fox i'm glad you're making progress. those small steps add up eventually.
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Here you can smoke anywhere in most mental hospitals-even in rooms.Nobody fuckin cares.Most of these are horrIble places,where you can find all sort of people literally forgotten by God.In some rehab is allow to smoke in the yard.Other types-christian rehabs you cannot smoke at all,watch tv,read anything else aside from Bible,almost no meds.-even to ask for aspirin is unpopular.Gone to hard 10 hours work with fever....and not only once.Christotherapy thats how it call that.Work and pray.Tough places.Harder in many aspects even from jail.
 
Nas47 said:
Here you can smoke anywhere in most mental hospitals-even in rooms.Nobody fuckin cares.Most of these are horrIble places,where you can find all sort of people literally forgotten by God.In some rehab is allow to smoke in the yard.Other types-christian rehabs you cannot smoke at all,watch tv,read anything else aside from Bible,almost no meds.-even to ask for aspirin is unpopular.Gone to hard 10 hours work with fever....and not only once.Christotherapy thats how it call that.Work and pray.Tough places.Harder in many aspects even from jail.
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fucking hell, where are you? sounds horrific.
 
Still get sick and do not feel good. And always in withdrawal maybe too. Yes, still cutting back and feeling bad. Covids going around at work and apparently I have been exposed to this plague now. Going to the other day I don't know if I had a panic attack or just feel horrible like poo poo. I don't know sometimes lately. I didn't get tested yet because what if . . . I am negative today but not tomorrow. Oh went outdoors camping to try to keep staying active allot and breathing fresh. Hopefully keeping the lungs optimum. And trying to keep moving. Really. Outside where it is safe. But still trying to recover joyously. The fatigue that is mentally and physically is just horrible and horrifying. I like the omg cure. Or an interesting journey anyway. Very lonesome except I have my dog Budie, my life. ♡

I forgot to add lol yeah, my eyes are burning.
I don't have hbo anymore. It's too complicated. I take the dogs running too. But struggle through it. Always. I guess I feel better than three years ago. ha ha. But I couldn't believe how horrible taking xanax was to help me through all.
So then I had to kick the xanax and thank hawwwwd I did. Omg what a messed up medication to have to even keep dosing. Triggered some really bad cluster headaches too but It is extreme black out medication. It's not half bad. But the everyday was soo TERRIBLE. Fact.
 
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shit @hylite what a fucking nightmare!! well done for getting out and getting some fresh air, it will have helped your health, both physical and mental.

i'm so glad you have your dog.

well done for kicking xanax!!!

my baby cat is hiding behind my computer, we had electricians in today and they scared him shitless. he's due in the vet for stress shortly, his lift is arriving any minute. i really hope they can help my little man.

lady cat is her usual chill self.

i am tired and stressed about baby cat.

edit update: fuck me i am now so completely drained. all i want to do is drink. my boyf, who washed his hands of all responsibility sorting out the electric stuff, is now not happy with what has been done and doesn't want us to pay the full amount. one thing i did actually notice before they left, and sent him pictures of while the electricians were still here, but he didn't reply so i assumed it was fine. fml. i'm so fucking tired.

baby cat seems ok but i've got to collect a pee sample. at least that shouldn't be difficult. he's now a whopper at 5 kgs. been given some cat valium. might take some human valium. just wish it was bed time.
 
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Shady's Fox said:
Phuu!! i dunno what's goin on anymore, tonight was the first pill of the second box.. the swallowing has yet to go away.. is still shiny outside though.. isn't that..
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😎🖤
CkGsUlK.jpg
 
I had an enormously bad day today, but it was a good day because I handled it like a pro. My job is super high stress, but that means I keep getting thicker skin all the time. Every week is easier than the last because every week is brutal.

Today was a fucking nightmare.

Hallelujah.
 
@Shady's Fox

Sorry to hear about your TB, dude. My brother got it in Africa. Nasty shit. Sending you positive vibes. <3

...

Another hellish hangover. I have two medical conditions that combine to make vomiting much more unpleasant for me than the vast majority of the population. It's super painful which means I haven't been able to keep down any tincture for long enough. Holding it in my mouth immediately makes me want to vomit and if I swallow it, it comes back up in less than twenty minutes. Finally had a little window of opportunity to smoke a joint just now and I feel so much better.

Alcohol fucking sucks. The downsides massively outweigh the upsides. At least when you smoke crack the high is amazing. I really wish this drug wasn't so socially acceptable. I don't want people to see me as that guy who can't handle alcohol so he doesn't drink any more. I don't want to be the one guy who doesn't have a beer, but I envy those people and I don't judge them... This shame I associate with not drinking is probably just the devil on my shoulder twisting things again.

I like alcohol but I have this weird problem where I drink too much. Last night I had 12 standard drinks in less than 3 hours. This amount always makes me sick, so why did I do it?

It seems to be unique to alcohol. Most addicts don't intentionally ingest toxic doses.

I don't think I'm ever going to stop drinking completely.

It feels like I'm doomed to re-experience this nightmare over and over.
 
The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all !
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of it's furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- Scottish Poetry

to the graduating doctors in Scotland that year
 
Self-Kindness

May I be kind to myself.
May I accept myself just as I am.

For the last two phrases, use whatever words speak to your particular situation, such as:

May I be safe.
May I forgive myself
May I be happy and free from suffering
May I safely endure this pain
May I find peace in my heart
May I be strong
May I protect myself
May I learn to live with ease and well being
May I accept the circumstances of my life
May we learn to live together in peace
 
birdup said:
@Shady's Fox

Sorry to hear about your TB, dude. My brother got it in Africa. Nasty shit. Sending you positive vibes. <3

...

Another hellish hangover. I have two medical conditions that combine to make vomiting much more unpleasant for me than the vast majority of the population. It's super painful which means I haven't been able to keep down any tincture for long enough. Holding it in my mouth immediately makes me want to vomit and if I swallow it, it comes back up in less than twenty minutes. Finally had a little window of opportunity to smoke a joint just now and I feel so much better.

Alcohol fucking sucks. The downsides massively outweigh the upsides. At least when you smoke crack the high is amazing. I really wish this drug wasn't so socially acceptable. I don't want people to see me as that guy who can't handle alcohol so he doesn't drink any more. I don't want to be the one guy who doesn't have a beer, but I envy those people and I don't judge them... This shame I associate with not drinking is probably just the devil on my shoulder twisting things again.

I like alcohol but I have this weird problem where I drink too much. Last night I had 12 standard drinks in less than 3 hours. This amount always makes me sick, so why did I do it?

It seems to be unique to alcohol. Most addicts don't intentionally ingest toxic doses.

I don't think I'm ever going to stop drinking completely.

It feels like I'm doomed to re-experience this nightmare over and over.
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If you drink much tincture is not good solution,cause is spirit.normal to have urge to vomit.Better for you to smoke a joint sure.Keep safe birdup
 
i dunno i just don't know anymore.. but do i want to? when i've been on these rabbit holes i've heard stuff that don't make sense but they do thankfully to the Gov, apparently you can be well healthy and if you're stressed out, your glands can swell..

also tb can make them swell. I dunno i've heard a story from someone telling me that because she didn't had enough money to move outta her parent's crib and stuff and she ended up with her child there and nephew, she didn't had a job for a few good yrs and stuff, heartbreaking story anyway you look at it there's just no positivity, her gland swell and she went to hospital and didn't had anything, just past investigations which were already concluded and solved.
 
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