Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[Blankenstein]

Fuck man take care! Don’t know what else to say. Good luck!

@chinup I was at hospital briefly last week. Told the paramedics and the doctor about the benzo use but was still given them anyways because there was really nothing else that would have gotten my insane vitals under control. I'm surprised they let me leave cause I was a complete mess. I tried eating a banana about 14 hours ago but got about halfway through before tossing it. My appetite is just wrecked and I'm also dehydrated because I'm starting to get muscle cramps frequently. I'll pick up some orange juice and soup broth later, hopefully that helps. I've been told by nurses and doctors that dehydration and electrolyte disturbances lower seizure threshold, so there's that too. Appreciate your help.

@Robi

@birdup Thanks for your support. I don't think my stomach could handle dense food at this point. I do like a good steak and some salmon & halibut though. But as I mentioned to chinup, I just have zero desire for food. This is awful. I have completely ruined my ability to drink socially for the rest of my life. The only good thing that has happened lately was me moving from a shitty hotel to a nice little place I can call my own. Only downside is that there's a very narrow set of wooden stairs so I've been very careful how much and how fast I drink liquor in order to avoid a fall. And of course that means the tremors are always there unless I take a generous amount of benzos. Again, thank you.

 

[Shady's Fox]

So I've yet have to heal because I need to take it full course ( 56 ) Augmentin pills. A box has 14. I've come to share some awarness about this issue, so more or less you can get salivary gland inflammation because of lung issues, which I didn't know I had until last night I had my mouth filled with pink redish spit, then you can get it by the new pretzel 19 vaccine, which luckily I had it before I went to do the vax.. I don't wanna dive into this because there's no need to point out the ''I'' here and then you can have it by unresolved sinus issues which hid well under the layers, don't read on internet.. I thought I had mumps at first lol and i even said how tf cuz this is the primal vax you do at the age of 2, then i said ok isn't this because it goes back and thought is a stone wasn't that, is what what i think now and i do think it is that my sinusitis somehow didn't came just with her tie but with her outfit too and expanded all way to lungs, I haven't had any sort of anxiety because I know I have this is my body and it does what it needs when it detects something moved 30 degrees when it shouldn't. Don't try lemons, infusions cloves or whatever the fuck is out there don't.. just don't go doctor unless you feel like you have a heart condition, that's my cup of tea with hospitals idk about you //// talk to someone who has friends in a pharmacy and get some antibiotics, is that simple.

 

[Shady's Fox]

as far as I, am at the 4 pill and the salivary gland already draws back, I still can't chew but like I can eat a fruit or do some activities like opening up my laptop rn and being able to share this great awarness, fuckin gov.. they came to monkeys and cimpanze nmm it pokes me there the nmm and brought us all these fuckin kind of inflictions

 

[Blankenstein]

After getting a few phone calls from friends concerned about me, being paid decent money and being completely broke, not remembering anything from my week off work for the past year, not knowing how to stop, feeling super alone, isolated and depressed, not being able to stop using for the past year or so. I told my mum I need help and want to go to rehab.

It was a pretty emotional conversation. She knew I’d been using. It’s a relief to have told her and my friends who’s trust I’ve lost I’m going to get help.

I’m back at work for 2 weeks and trying to find a bed somewhere. Found somewhere but I need a referral from my gp who I feel super guilty about telling him since I’ve been using him for pills for years.

But yeh back at work I have 30 beers (will last 3 days), then 900mg lyrica, 50mg valium and 1,000mg tramadol that will last me 2 days.

But yeh it feels like a bit of a relief for it to all be out in the open, but I did hide drugs at home so when I get back I can still get high. I also don’t intend on stopping if I can’t get a bed. Dunno…

 

[Shady's Fox]

also when i eat my forehead gets clenched

and my back is still clenched i had some diclofenac gel earlier didn't do shit

 

[Jabberwocky]

well done @Blankenstein that is huge!! i'm so glad. and yes, tell your GP. it was fucking terrible having to tell mine, i was really worried that i wouldn't be able to get zopiclone prescribed anymore, which i do have a genuine need for occasionally (and insomnia is a huge trigger for my using), but they've been super nice about the addiction and still OK with the odd zopi script.

and yeah, i rinsed mine for diazepam and zopiclone for recreational use so i fully expected to be cut off completely when i was obliged to come clean about the addiction.

having good people around you is a massive help. i don't know how people manage it alone tbh.

 

[Blankenstein]

well done @Blankenstein that is huge!! i'm so glad. and yes, tell your GP. it was fucking terrible having to tell mine, i was really worried that i wouldn't be able to get zopiclone prescribed anymore, which i do have a genuine need for occasionally (and insomnia is a huge trigger for my using), but they've been super nice about the addiction and still OK with the odd zopi script.

and yeah, i rinsed mine for diazepam and zopiclone for recreational use so i fully expected to be cut off completely when i was obliged to come clean about the addiction.

having good people around you is a massive help. i don't know how people manage it alone tbh.

Thank you. You have been amazing since I’ve started posting on here a year ago. Honestly thank you and everybody else. All the words of advice and support from everyone on here have been beyond helpful. I really appreciate it.

I hope that if there is anybody reading this thread and thinking about posting that they do. The support and help you will receive is incredible.

 

[Shady's Fox]

I logged in to draw the line in the sand, at the moment of activity I eat rice with chicken, like doves and i can't still chew properly, my.. my little buddy is a nuclear reactor when I snizz have I ever wondered a snizze can be this scary lol and then I still spit blood, all a good sign since I don' pee it and bottom line, is gettin better. Rest well, napkins in bed.. I Also had an instant chicken soup all throwed in a glass and a patee' but I ran outta water ahaha. Stay warm and safe, ppl

 

[Jabberwocky]

i resisted the urge to drink last night and am proud of myself. the past few weeks i've only managed when i was so hungover i couldn't face the thought of drinking or was out.

 

[birdup]

Well done @chinup!

 

[Blankenstein]

Just had a phone appointment with my psychologist discussing how I want to go to rehab. The places she suggests are 32 week type places. I’m thinking more of a month type place.

What’s everyone’s experiences been?

32 weeks seems like such a massive amount of time, but as she points out it’s an investment in my self and I’ve already wasted over 10 years probably closer to 15 really going now where drinking daily or using stimulants or now benzos and opiates and still alcohol.

So yeh just trying to figure out where I’m gonna try get into.

 

[n3ophy7e]

i resisted the urge to drink last night and am proud of myself. the past few weeks i've only managed when i was so hungover i couldn't face the thought of drinking or was out.

That is so awesome hun!! I am proud of you. Keep it up!

 

[birdup]

2nd day with no weed this week. 5th day this fortnight. Today was an incredibly difficult day for me because of medical issues. I knocked myself out with Seroquel and wine then I woke up at 11PM to the sound of my daughter screaming. The wife said it was "night terrors". I have no idea what that means.

My timelock box opens in 32 minutes. Tick. Tock.

I equate happiness/recreation with drugs. When I'm sober, that is non-recreational time. But, I think it's actually the other way round. I'm happier with less drugs, I just don't allow myself to be happy because then there is no excuse to be lazy and irresponsible and just get high all the time.

I need to unravel the knots addiction has made in my psyche.

 

[birdup]

You can't tell me you're unemployable when you're this good a salesman.



I'm not interested. It probably would be good for me. It might save my life... but - then again - I'll probably just end up abusing it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Have you ever considered kava chinup as a totally non toxic, zero withdrawal or hangover, non physically addictive take it or leave it alternative?

Kava has honestly been a boon amd godsend to countless ex alcoholics (not calling you one) who have never looked back after discovering it.

thanks. i would look into it but am trying for a baby so need to avoid all substances. i think i can get back into complete abstinence if i actually put the work in. and no offence taken, i don't consider myself an alcoholic but definitely problematic drinker.

I'm happier with less drugs, I just don't allow myself to be happy because then there is no excuse to be lazy and irresponsible and just get high all the time.

oh god i feel called out!! this is me. apart from currently its drunk not high. our brains go round in such insane circles just to make as avoid doing anything that might make us feel slightly uncomfortable, but then we get even more uncomfortable.

am optimistic about not drinking tonight cos i have my study group, but i am not counting my chickens at 2.30pm.

 

[birdup]

I refer to myself as an alcoholic but I don't actually believe in alcoholism. People always drink for a reason. Drinking is easier than solving problems when you're tired but - eventually - it also makes you tired all the time even when you're not. Using anything to alleviate stress is potentially problematic. It doesn't have to be drugs. Overeating is a good example. But television and phones are also hugely addictive. Addiction is a bad trip. It is always something replacing something else until you fix the problem that is causing it. I'm getting there, I think, slowly. Then again, maybe I am just trying to convince myself I'm making progress. Who knows?

 

[Blankenstein]

I refer to myself as an alcoholic but I don't actually believe in alcoholism. People always drink for a reason. Drinking is easier than solving problems when you're tired but - eventually - it also makes you tired all the time even when you're not. Using anything to alleviate stress is potentially problematic. It doesn't have to be drugs. Overeating is a good example. But television and phones are also hugely addictive. Addiction is a bad trip. It is always something replacing something else until you fix the problem that is causing it. I'm getting there, I think, slowly. Then again, maybe I am just trying to convince myself I'm making progress. Who knows?

I relate to all of this… I find that when I stop drinking or using i then have to deal with life, so then I start drinking/using again to forget about my problems and only have to focus on stopping using again and not have to worry about other life stuff because getting clean is the main focus. Total self sabotage.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Just had a phone appointment with my psychologist discussing how I want to go to rehab. The places she suggests are 32 week type places. I’m thinking more of a month type place.

What’s everyone’s experiences been?

32 weeks seems like such a massive amount of time, but as she points out it’s an investment in my self and I’ve already wasted over 10 years probably closer to 15 really going now where drinking daily or using stimulants or now benzos and opiates and still alcohol.

So yeh just trying to figure out where I’m gonna try get into.

a month is way too low, but 32 weeks is fucking insane. like you will get institutionalised in that time. like is that residential the whole time or is some of it IOP or what?

my rehab was 2 months, i'd have stayed another month if i wasn't feeling so guilty about my parents paying and how expensive it was. but it turned out OK.i did spend the next 6 months treating my recovery like a full time job after, but out in the world. so i guess in total i put in more than 32 weeks. i'd been using some substance or other daily for 16 years and had got to the point where i'd lost my job, my house was barely habitable, i was IVing 'heroic' (stupid) doses multiple times per day and being surprised when i woke up, doing absolutely degrading things to get as much money as possible for my habit. yet convinced i wasn't that bad cos i wasn't homeless.

check out reviews if you can and go and visit the place. i was recommended mine, and from what i've learned about rehabs since it was incredibly good- like max of 6 people in groups, some have 30!!

well, did drink last night. but 2 small cans of beer and 1 small tin of g+t. i really didn't need to by the time my study group was finished but the decision had already been made before it started.

i'd got myself massively flustered earlier on arguing with covidiots. not even the ones on here. one on facebook so he knows my name, can look me up and can check the work the company i work for has done on covid. i explained to him that his theory about how sars-cov2 was mutating was incorrect, politely and with citations. and he was like 'well i still think my explanation is correct,' he admits he has literally no expertise in this area. i got so annoyed. like i can see why people on here would have less of a reason to believe me because i need to be more careful to keep myself anonymised but where i can be completely open about exactly what i do and people i'm discussing it with have the ability to verify my claims, i'd expect them a bit better. it really confirms for the billionth time that these people literally do not care about evidence, they have set up their narrative and will stick to it.

i really should just delete him from my facebook, its someone i was friends with when i was living in grenoble and by friends i really mean he used me cos i had a city centre flat he could come and smoke weed in.

 

[dragonix]

You can't tell me you're unemployable when you're this good a salesman.



I'm not interested. It probably would be good for me. It might save my life... but - then again - I'll probably just end up abusing it.

Thanks for the tip will avoid been a week without weed now feeling fine already

 

[dragonix]

thanks. i would look into it but am trying for a baby so need to avoid all substances. i think i can get back into complete abstinence if i actually put the work in. and no offence taken, i don't consider myself an alcoholic but definitely problematic drinker.


oh god i feel called out!! this is me. apart from currently its drunk not high. our brains go round in such insane circles just to make as avoid doing anything that might make us feel slightly uncomfortable, but then we get even more uncomfortable.

am optimistic about not drinking tonight cos i have my study group, but i am not counting my chickens at 2.30pm.

Way to be optimistic best wishes with everything/one!

Complete abstinence is the only way for me I feel too many painful trials and errors or erroneous trials but I tried to do it how I know the responsible users say to even experts I cannot why should I keep trying to intoxicate lol if only I can sell that idea to the fiendish cunning/conniving subpersonality/ies that keep me going back out to the races...

I told a guy at a meeting last night nicotine makes me want to drink he gave me a funny look but didn't give me a hard time about it at least. Grateful I beat the withdrawal recently.

Ermm unique just noticed a possible relation bt you and birdup? The uppity up family/club?