Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[Jabberwocky]

erik sandin before he went to rehab have to admit i'm really surprised he could still use veins in his arm at that point

 

[somnilicious]

the drummer was the only junkie, but courtney love described him as 'the worst junkie i've ever met' and given LA was full of awful junkies at that time that says something. the others get fucked up though and now he's in recovery he has to go to bed early on tour while they're all getting on it.

good luck with court!! dress smartly and be respectful and i'm sure it'll go fine. surely they can't fuck you over at this point? you've done so well!!

Oh yeah, I've got the wholesome, well mannered, milquetoast, all American act down. I have an affable, overly respectful, non-threatining demeanor that authority just loves...lol

The hearing is in another county so I'm just doing it zoom over the phone. Last month they gave me more time to finish this program I just completed. There was probably 20 other similar cases and they were dismissing them left and right. I should be good.

EDIT: All is good in the world; I'm free as bird

 

[Jabberwocky]

Mentally I remain very positive. I’ve been so insanely busy this week moving and getting my new place just so perfect I have not had time to even think about whether I’m having recovery issues. I just feel focussed and generally on top of things, though a bit less reserved and more assertive when interacting with people fucking me around in shops or who have irritated me online. Not sure what that’s all about.

Doctor booked for Saturday for full check up. I have a niggling worry I might actually have a blood-pressure or circulation problem from months of constant vasoconstriction. My lower legs are achy most of the time and frequently feel quite cold. My blood pressure taken on my bicep still quite elevated (130/95).

Major change with alcohol though. I have had no appetite for alcohol for nearly 4 years. Basically since I started taking Rx dex for ADHD and never while I was on meth. However, last night I just had quite a craving and got a nice bottle of wine. Drank two full glasses while watching TV. Still left half the bottle in the fridge and felt satisfied when I went to bed. It definitely took the edge of my underlying anxiety though. Had pains in my lower back (liver?) when I woke up though. Stocked up on some beers and a bottle of vodka when I went shopping though have no immediate plans to open either anytime soon.

I got a couple of nice Tinder matches so I also splurged on a bottle of champagne to keep in the fridge should any turn into an actual date anytime soon!

 

[Jabberwocky]

i think its natural when your quitting one drug for your brain to start thinking about other intoxicants. just keep an eye on it and you should be fine @Atelier3 - you sound like you've got your head screwed on.

i'm super pissed off cos the scales this morning said i was a pound more than i was yesterday, i know i shouldn't weigh myself every day and that there are fluctuations but i had fucking salad for lunch, and roasted veg+grain salad for dinner, no snacks, numbers going up makes me wanna restrict my food intake more but i know i can't do that healthily.

 

[SunriseChampion]

Oh man, I remember how badly I went from meth to alcohol. It was messed up. I was 21 though, so not quite laden with experience I could leverage into learning lessons.

i'm super pissed off cos the scales this morning said i was a pound more than i was yesterday, i know i shouldn't weigh myself every day and that there are fluctuations but i had fucking salad for lunch, and roasted veg+grain salad for dinner, no snacks, numbers going up makes me wanna restrict my food intake more but i know i can't do that healthily.

Probably water weight, no?

My weight regularly fuctuates day-to-day and even intra-day by as much as 5 lbs.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i'm super pissed off cos the scales this morning said i was a pound more than i was yesterday, i know i shouldn't weigh myself every day and that there are fluctuations but i had fucking salad for lunch, and roasted veg+grain salad for dinner, no snacks, numbers going up makes me wanna restrict my food intake more but i know i can't do that healthily.

I don’t want to diminish your pound but I’ve put on almost 3 kilos in the three weeks since quitting meth. First week I kept waking up to stuff myself with carbs every 2-3 hours.

 

[SunriseChampion]

I don’t want to diminish your pound but I’ve put on almost 3 kilos in the three weeks since quitting meth. First week I kept waking up to stuff myself with carbs every 2-3 hours.

Most of my mates who quit meth for good back in the day and didn't particularly keep decent diets and exercise regimens going gained massive amounts of weight. I imagine from messed up metabolisms.

Did you have this problem the last time you quit?

I didn't find this to be an issue when I stopped, but it could have been because of my work which is physically active.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Most of my mates who quit meth for good back in the day and didn't particularly keep decent diets and exercise regimens going gained massive amounts of weight. I imagine from messed up metabolisms.

Did you have this problem the last time you quit?

I didn't find this to be an issue when I stopped, but it could have been because of my work which is physically active.

Last time I quit was 5 years ago and I was immediately much more physically active. Swimming heaps of laps in the pool every day and riding my bike everywhere, so I didn’t notice any particular weight gain. I just got back to my normal weight. This time I seem to have less physical energy and have been super busy organising moving house across the city, so I haven’t got a good exercise routine going yet at all. I’m sure that in a few days when I get a gym/ pool sorted out I’ll start to shed the kilos.

I’ve started taking my prescribed dexamfetamine and my appetite has reduced to a healthy level, so I’ve stopped stuffing myself too. Even bought a salad yesterday.

 

[Jabberwocky]

its either water weight or my body composition changing. given what i was eating before vs what i'm eating now i'm pretty sure its impossible for me not to lose weight, but i've upped these HIIT body weight workouts and have basically no upper body strength so should also be making muscle. tape measure would possibly better than a scale but the more ways i have of measuring myself the more i court relapsing into serious eating disorder.

woke up at 6am ffs. at least its friday.

 

[SunriseChampion]

tape measure would possibly better than a scale but the more ways i have of measuring myself the more i court relapsing into serious eating disorder.

Is it at all possible to keep the measurements to how much better you're feeling? How much more energy you have? Etc

Might help ease any pressure you're putting on yourself to achieve something measured against a benchmark real or imagined. Just a thought.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Is it at all possible to keep the measurements to how much better you're feeling? How much more energy you have? Etc

Might help ease any pressure you're putting on yourself to achieve something measured against a benchmark real or imagined. Just a thought.

Don’t count the absolute numbers, just look for the downward trend. No matter how small it is.

 

[Jabberwocky]

yes @SunriseChampion that is a great idea! I have been noting down my weight, exercise and food intake daily but if I can wean myself off the scales and just start weighing myself weekly and noting how i feel each day that would probably be much better.

i kinda fucked it off today anyway by eating an unreasonable amount of peanuts. been feeling really shit, i have days where i'm literally allergic to life and am so sneezy and eyes itching etc its just intolerable, and today was one of those days. its completely debilitating. not having these is the only thing i miss about heroin.

my boyf offered my alcohol twice and i refused so am glad about that.

 

[SunriseChampion]

yes @SunriseChampion that is a great idea! I have been noting down my weight, exercise and food intake daily but if I can wean myself off the scales and just start weighing myself weekly and noting how i feel each day that would probably be much better.

I would think it'd be a better way of going about it for someone with a history of eating disorders. Make it psychologically less of a fight against yourself.

my boyf offered my alcohol twice and i refused so am glad about that.

Good on ya for not doing it!

Yeah, I've been thinking of having a pint or two or a cocktail or three now that I'm not working.

Or at least some mushrooms or M.

I wanted to get drunk in the morning one of these days because I love day drunk and have only done it once in the last year. But I have to wait til March. The two bastards I'm still socialising with keep forgetting I'm not drinking and keep coming up with pints and wine.

Still my problem: being straight edge is easy.....getting high in moderation......sigh, the goal that I may or may not ever achieve.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Saw my new doctor today. Covered all my problems without actually mentioning meth addiction. I’m pretty sure everything can be treated symptomatically without worrying about the specific cause.

Was really happy he gave me Valdoxan. It’s the best thing for post-meth addiction insomnia and night terrors. Sad for my US buddies it is not approved for use there. I’m looking forward to finally getting some long, deep, and restorative real sleep over the coming nights.

I feel a bit manic with long lists of things I want to get done but still finding the days go too quickly even though I’m up at 6 and usually don’t go to bed until around midnight.

 

[Jabberwocky]

glad you'r dr appointment went well @Atelier3!!

my day has been a right off. i always have a horrendous hangover type thing when i have a day of extreme allergies so i've mostly slept. my fitness watch is telling me i've slept too much. really wish i could somehow tell it i had an ailment that necessitates that. its so annoying to lose a day of my weekend but i've read a lot which was cool.

my work computer is bricked again which is a bit stressful.

 

[cduggles]

i always have a horrendous hangover type thing when i have a day of extreme allergies

I feel you on this!

 

[Jabberwocky]

glad you'r dr appointment went well @Atelier3!!

my day has been a right off. i always have a horrendous hangover type thing when i have a day of extreme allergies so i've mostly slept. my fitness watch is telling me i've slept too much. really wish i could somehow tell it i had an ailment that necessitates that. its so annoying to lose a day of my weekend but i've read a lot which was cool.

my work computer is bricked again which is a bit stressful.

Have you ever been too see an allergist and been tested for what sets you off?

 

[Jabberwocky]

no but i really should! i haven't seen a dr about allergies in years, cos antihistamines don't really work well for me and i'm not taking steroids. things like yesterday though, i was in the bed i always sleep in, woke up and started sneezing straight away, then worked at the desk i always work at, and just got progressively worse through the day, so i don't understand what it can be as usually i'm fine in bed/at my desk.

 

[Jabberwocky]

no but i really should! i haven't seen a dr about allergies in years, cos antihistamines don't really work well for me and i'm not taking steroids. things like yesterday though, i was in the bed i always sleep in, woke up and started sneezing straight away, then worked at the desk i always work at, and just got progressively worse through the day, so i don't understand what it can be as usually i'm fine in bed/at my desk.

Wash your sheets and pillowcase (lol).

 

[Jabberwocky]

haha yes i will.