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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

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Well buddy’s birthday is today and he’s off his dry January (4 weeks not the full month ... the bastard lol). so he’s been drinking since getting home from his night shift.

It kinda strikes a cord somewhere deep down. But all of me knows that’s a bridge I just don’t wanna cross again. As tbh I’m fairly certain that I just can’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol. So my plan is to continue with my abstinence from alcohol, despite his birthday celebrations.

Also, I’m down to about 90mg nic per week using the 3mg/ml fb ejuice I have. I keep saying I’m gonna hope off Feb 1. But part of me doesn’t wanna let t go, despite knowing it’s the right thing to do. Funny thing is I don’t even catch a buzz from the 3 mg juice, even first thing. Hell even wth tolerance is catch some buzz from drinking ... nicotine sure is a weird drug
 
Nicotine IS fucking weird. I'm fully committed to never again smoking regularly, yet I so enjoy smoking when I drink that I think I'll keep that forever and the point of the exercise will be to drink less so I barely smoke.

I said it's weird because I was able to quit cold turkey and then 8 months later slowly start smoking more and more whilst drinking without the slightest inclination to do so the next day or any other day I wasn't drinking. Zero point zero cravings either. I don't even necessarily get cravings when I drink....I just enjoy it so I go for it. 🤷‍♂️

But that's after 15 years of like....fuck, gotta get my smokes in. Slightest stress? Have a smoke! Tea or coffee? Have a smoke! Waiting for anything for more than half a minute? Have a smoke! Stopped to talk to someone? Have a smoke! Driving for more than five minutes? Have a smoke! Haven't had a smoke in an hour? Have a fucking smoke!

Then just off without issue.

Like, I almost don't trust it.

Am I the only cunt whose "Dry January" is going til March?!

I think I might quit quitting on moving day which has now been postponed til next Saturday....at least for that one day. Have a few pints with the lads and ladies coming to help. Knowing us it's going to turn into a proper house warming lit fest and we'll all get tickets for congregating during lockdown.
 
I’ll join you in a dry first quarter. Unless you count weed. But tbf I find that dries me out even more lol..

I struggled to quit smoking years ago but managed >5/6 years. Then Covid and health issues (read stress) and I’m back to half a pack a day. Vaping, as much as I useful to make fun of it, made getting off smokes a no brainer. However, I think it’ll also prove difficult to get off, simply due to habit (as all the examples you listed above about when a smoke is appropriate also apply to me ). But we shall see.

Good luck on your move this weekend
 
SunriseChampion said:
Nicotine IS fucking weird. I'm fully committed to never again smoking regularly, yet I so enjoy smoking when I drink that I think I'll keep that forever and the point of the exercise will be to drink less so I barely smoke.
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I had to totally quit drinking in my 20s when I tried to quit smoking because they were so associated. A bit like needing to quit sex in my 50s so I can quit meth.

Turns out all my bloodwork checks out A-OK but the reason I have been feeling increasingly like shit is I have an infection running through my prostate, bladder and kidneys. The diagnosis is symptomatic but not definitive but the doctor prescribed nuclear level antibiotics she was so sure. More tests over next few days to be certain. It’s kind of a relief to find it’s not neurological/meth related.

She’s a new doctor in my new practice and also took my word for it that my previous doctor prescribed me valium and zolpidem p.r.n. - so with new script in hand I am very hopeful of now getting some deep sleep for a couple of nights. The last couple of nights have been terrible. I took seroquel that just made me groggy but did not put me out and I have been feeling more and more anxious and retarded with each new day. I really need quality sleep or I’m going to snap.

Insomnia is a well known issue after quitting meth but I hope it is more to do with my infection and having to take a piss every hour during the night.
 
Atelier3 said:
I had to totally quit drinking in my 20s when I tried to quit smoking because they were so associated.
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I wrestled with this idea so much when I quit smoking cold turkey in October 2019. Because I hadn't planned on quitting (I decided on it after waking up the morning after a three day super binge for my mate's 40th, the guy who had to stop drinking, no less hahaha) I was worried that I wouldn't be able to cope when I drank.

Didn't find it to be a problem at all for some reason. Then again, I'm still not entirely sure how I was able to just switch off smoking like I did. Brain damage from drinking? ;)



Atelier3 said:
A bit like needing to quit sex in my 50s so I can quit meth.
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I remember my sexcapades when I used to do meth and I feel this.

Atelier3 said:
Turns out all my bloodwork checks out A-OK but the reason I have been feeling increasingly like shit is I have an infection running through my prostate, bladder and kidneys. The diagnosis is symptomatic but not definitive but the doctor prescribed nuclear level antibiotics she was so sure. More tests over next few days to be certain. It’s kind of a relief to find it’s not neurological/meth related.
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Yeah, as shit as that sounds....and it does indeed sound pretty terrible.....an infection isn't necessarily the same sort of chronic and structural damage that might be caused my drug use.
 
SunriseChampion said:
Yeah, as shit as that sounds....and it does indeed sound pretty terrible.....an infection isn't necessarily the same sort of chronic and structural damage that might be caused my drug use.
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I’m still not entirely convinced my prostate or other plumbing wasn’t damaged by such an enormous number of meth + viagra + 12 hours of no-cum fap or sex sessions over the last year. I had quite a few nights where my bladder seized up and the whole area throbbed with pain. Which I nonetheless pushed through and kept at it.
 
tired of crap said:
I’ll join you in a dry first quarter. Unless you count weed. But tbf I find that dries me out even more lol..
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Yeah, that's fair....I've kept my caffeine intake. :p

And it isn't quite first quarter.......my birthday is in early March.

And there's a good chance I take a mid-sobriety run cheat day when I move next weekend.

tired of crap said:
However, I think it’ll also prove difficult to get off, simply due to habit (as all the examples you listed above about when a smoke is appropriate also apply to me ). But we shall see.
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You can do it, bruv. You've done it before so you know what's what in that respect.
For years I was worried that I would have a hard time when I tried quitting because I work outside and there is no restriction on when I can smoke. In fact, this is probably why I continued to smoke for much longer than I had originally planned on (planned on quitting at 30; didn't quit til 34).

Found even that to be no problem....though maybe it's why my brain subconciously decided to surprise quit when it did.

I'm nothing special, trust me. If I can do it......

tired of crap said:
Good luck on your move this weekend
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Cheers!

It's next weekend though...unless I'm being evicted... 😜

Should be an easy one....I'm not even packing.....it's just up 15 floors in the same building. Quite literally "moving on up"!
 
Atelier3 said:
I’m still not entirely convinced my prostate or other plumbing wasn’t damaged by such an enormous number of meth + viagra + 12 hours of no-cum fap or sex sessions over the last year. I had quite a few nights where my bladder seized up and the whole area throbbed with pain. Which I nonetheless pushed through and kept at it.
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Fair point......you animal! :p
 
hope everyone is doing well on this fine morning. i've got to hoover the house today which i'm not looking forward to but its getting embarassingly bad.

the baby cat pissed in the hall (again) and the older cat vomited on the landing so i'm strongly considering putting them both in the bin. especially the baby cat who looked like he was thinking about eating the vomit lol.

have any of you guys tried these meal replacement things? i'm looking at vegan ones but there's so many and i want to know if they are actually edible and fill you up.
 
I feel so bad today I can't even smoke bud or a dab. Need something stronger.
Hopefully something can help. Maybe a hot tea. Don't think an energy drink could stay down.
Bad.
 
I'm still good but I had a few days of double dosing my methadone over the last couple of weeks with a few days binging gabapentin and a fair bit vaping delta 8 so I've definitely not been on my best and recognize what could all too easly become a habit. I'm cutting out any extra dosing. It runs counter intuitive without saying. I believe my gaba binges will stop if I remain stable on my dose.

All and all I'm very happy with my decision to start dosing at the clinic. I need to remain focused so that when it's time to start tapering in the future I will have been stable on the same dose for some time then I can start a comfortable taper plan.

@chinup By meal replacement do you mean one of those protein meal shakes? I used to supplement meal replacement on top of my regular meals to help build muscle mass but never to actually replace a meal. I imagine you would might have a bit of trouble adjusting to the shake in place of a meal at first but it and a good nut/berry bar would definitely help and you should get used to it pretty quickly.

I wonder how @riofantastic is doing? I haven't seen him on in a bit and usually that means he's on a run. Hope he's ok...

I hope you find some relief for what ails you @Hylight
Over here on the east coast I haven't gotten my Fl med card so all I have is delta 8 thc vape right now.
 
doesn't double dosing methadone just make you incredibly drowsy? i guess you have a tolerance. i scored some in germany once in these little pills cos i was in this tiny town where apparently you can only buy heroin at 8am (i'd usually take dhc/codeine to travel with but i'd smashed through it too quick so needed to score on my penultimate day) it felt reasonably relaxing and more than sorted my rattling but i then slept so long i nearly missed my flight home. so when i had to steal bits of the my housemates take home syrups i'd take tiny sips cos i didn't wanna fall asleep when i had money to make and crack to smoke.

but yeah you should aim to stick to your script. you need to get used to not using on boredom/emotions/breathing before you even think about reducing your script. concentrate on rebuilding your life and working on yourself.

yes i mean meal replacement bars and shakes, i found a company that does a sample box of some different bits so i've ordered that, most companies seem to want you to do a massive bulk order but i'd never do that on food i hadn't tried. i also ordered some very expensive so hopefully tasty vegan frozen ready meals for low calorie actual food options cos the diet-appropriate foods i can be bothered to cook after work are quite limited and i'm already a bit bored.

i think rio is still using. i hope he comes back to us soon. i'm going to tell him to go to rehab in every post when he does.

@Hylight i hope you managed to at least have a cup of tea!! i am addicted to tea i'd be devastated to have to be without it.
 
chinup said:
i am addicted to tea i'd be devastated to have to be without it.
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There is no life without tea.

That's all I have left besides, having gone straight.

Which I'm still kind of getting bored of, to be honest. Wouldn't mind kicking up some more mushrooms experiments again.
 
full disclosure. in rehab we were only allowed decaf tea. i stole proper teabags from NA and hid the in my room. but now i only have caffienated tea first thing in the morning or if i'm super tired.

past me hates current me for so many reasons.
 
Decaf black tea tastes kinda fucked, in my opinion.

I remember a good friend of mine being in a rehab out in the country and they also weren't allowed caffeine.
 
I'm starting to feel like my heart problems are in fact stress related.

One of my best mates came by today and we watched some football (Arse v Man U and Southampton v Villa) and just doing that with someone and yapping about the matches and all that made me feel calm.

I think it's the isolation coupled with the stress of that one project at work that's been causing me problems. I felt fine during the holidays when I was drunk half the time and visiting family the other half.
Felt fine last summer because pubs were open and we were allowed to socialise pretty freely.
Felt fine in the fall when we were still able to watch some football at the pub and was able to go camping at least and was also drinking quite a bit.

I think I may have anxiety problems. I haven't dealt properly with stress ever since I quit meth back in 2006. The smallest things give me massive anxiety sometimes and stress me out beyond reason. I'm told this at work all the time. I trip out about somewhat trivial things; take them too seriously. And time and again, the outcome is nowhere near as negative, nor even negative at all sometimes, as I thought it would be.

This might sounds ridiculous, but I'm convinced the meth gave me long-term anxiety issues which I still suffer from today.

Going to the cardiologist on Friday next....hopefully get sorted, but fuck no am I going any benzo regimen. I'll go straight back to yoga, breathing, and meditation........and a pint here and there. ;)

That's what they usually prescribe for anxiety disorders, right? Benzos?
 
chinup said:
full disclosure. in rehab we were only allowed decaf tea. i stole proper teabags from NA and hid the in my room. but now i only have caffienated tea first thing in the morning or if i'm super tired.

past me hates current me for so many reasons.
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Weirdly this also seems to be true of psych hospitals. I was in one for about a month after my suicide attempt, and we had one of those machines which could spit out coffee, hot water, tea, hot chocolate and a bunch of other buttons. And sure enough all of them were decaf.

Bastards. :p
 
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