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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

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chinup said:
good luck @SunriseChampion i don't envy you. its difficult enough without a lockdown in winter. do you think you would be able to throw your booze away so its not tempting you? keep us updated on how you're getting on.
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Hell no am I throwing it away. It's quite the collection. The gins especially. I'm one of those arsehole drinkers: no matter how much I drink, it's gotta be the good stuff. I'll be alright.
My main goal is to be able to have a massive stash of the stuff without touching for no reason just because it's the weekend or whatever.
I also like pushing myself and as I've had 1-3 month breaks regularly since I started drinking, I reckon I'll be alright.


chinup said:
i'm finding dry january much easier at mine. and enjoying my life much more as a result, actually laughing with my boyf in the evening instead of us both just sitting there getting drunk watching tv.
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Good to hear! I knew you could pull through after your initial lapses. Each day is a new one. :D

Isn't it better without the stuff?
My weekend mornings now vs waking up a bit slow, if you know what I mean, feel miles better. I'm getting more out of them as well, not waking up at noon and all that.
 
Yes, the idea of another lock down here is doing a number on my mental health. Why? I’m not entirely sure, as I have been rather recluse since moving in Nov. Perhaps because work has been my main source of personal interaction since the move.

But since joining my housemate for dry January I have been feeling better. Likely because I keep a proper level of hydration now lol... and I’m getting more/better quality sleep. I’m still getting stoned but at least I’m able to moderate that and it even usually has a positive effect on my mood/outlook (while alcohol has the opposite).

I’ve come to this conclusion before but I really think I just need to avoid alcohol.
 
wow @SunriseChampion you are a much more controlled drinker than me!! there is literally no point in me buying decent gin cos i don't appreciate it. i'm an adult now so i don't buy the absolute cheapest shit but i could never have multiple bottles of gin in the house. its gone 1-2 days after i buy it.

@tired of crap lockdown really does a number on everyone's mental health. glad that not drinking is helping, its helping me too.

did a 10k run this morning, my first ever. literally crawled up the stairs into bed when i got home!
 
I'm so glad I'm not an alcoholic.

It must be super hard having a severe addiction to a drug that's legal and socially encouraged.

At least my drug of choice is pretty universally condemned and kept very underground, so it's a bit easier to try and avoid it.

Even so, I find drugs have a way of finding you.
 
Alcohol is a trash drug. Any coke or molly is hard to come by in the country and usually cut badly. Festivals are good for that. But the only thing worse than being an alcoholic is being in a relationship with one. I mean I would gladly trade alcohol for coke or sex, but it's the path of least resistance.
 
Hey there,

I'm at the end of week 3 of my psychosomatic rehab, so it's halftime. I had a burnout last year and severe depression and because of the lockdowns and boredom at home I consumed much more drugs than I ever had, especially RC-Benzos in extreme doses, but also pharmaceutical Benzos, always in high amounts. As this is "just" a psychosomatic rehab I didn't want to have troubles because of my consume so I reduced the RC-Benzoes very quickly, using Diclazepam but without any real plan to be honest. I just tried to listen to my body. At the end of November I took Diclazepam for the last time and tapered down with Alprazolam also very quickly. I just felt bored to take so much of it, because also when I took high doses I did not feel anything more than being a bit tired. Thank God I'm not suffering from a GAD or something, so there were really no w/d symptoms, even if it's hard to believe.

On Dec. 25th I started the rehab here and there were just 3 mg of Alprazolam left per day, one in the morning, one midday and one in the evenings. I'm now on 0.5mg in the mornings and 1 mg at night, combined with Escitalopram and Seroquel for sleeping and I feel really well. At the end of last year I was totally desperate because I thought I could never do that without heavy w/d and I was so scared to have seizures - thank God I did not have any.

I have still 3 weeks left here, I also could reduce the AD from 20 mg to 15 mg - the first few days after reducing it I felt a little weird but now everythings fine again.

And I hope it lasts! I hope I could stay away from the RC-Benzos and also from my favourite: Alprazolam. I wish it could be a little helper when I'm really scared - not more, not less.

My Joint in the evening will stay because it gives me the sleep I need - my sleep feels much more natural then instead of taking any sleeping meds.

I have to go to dinner now and wish you all the very best - greetings from Austria and stay safe all :-)

JJ
 
well done @JoEhJoEh i'm so glad you've managed to get back in control!! you sound like you're in a better place. what is psychosomatic rehab?!?

i still can't move from running 10k earlier. i was doing 8k most weeks before christmas so didn't expect it to kill me this much!!
 
chinup said:
well done @JoEhJoEh i'm so glad you've managed to get back in control!! you sound like you're in a better place. what is psychosomatic rehab?!?

i still can't move from running 10k earlier. i was doing 8k most weeks before christmas so didn't expect it to kill me this much!!
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Psychosomatic rehab means they are treating my burnout with a lot of different therapies and I'm learning skills to manage my anxiety that I have because of people that are mobbing me because they want my apartment... It's a long story... These people are criminals, they know exactly what to do so that it seems I would be psychotic. I'm not, I have witnesses meanwhile, the police knows it, I have been to court to talk to a judge because of that but as long as they are not threatening me or even more I have no chance. I don't know what is awaiting me at home when I come back. Thank God my cats are at a good friends place and I have one neighbour who helps me a lot. It all sounds very bizarre but it is happening. My neighbour who lives next to my door already committed suicide at the end of November, now I'm here mostly because of the mobbing.... As said, it's a long story but I'm so glad to be here because here I'm safe and far away from Vienna. The therapists are nice, we do a lot of workout and besides have a lot of different therapies so I don't have the time to think too much about what is going on at home. On the other hand I should think of it because I'm sure it will not stop. Thank God I have one neighbor in the house whom I trust 100 % - he is looking after my apartment every day. It scares me to think of coming home but I have to go through this, unfortunately. I will see a lawyer when I'm back home and then let's see... Good thing is I have an insurance which covers everything...

It's difficult but I'm optimistic I can do that after 3 more weeks here. Keep your fingers crossed please...

JJ
 
@chinup congrats on the 10k. I haven’t run since I started drinking again in June. I think I need to start with some stretching and strength exercises before I get back intoruns of that length (tbh I much prefer <5k lol)

@JessFR im thankful my addiction to alcohol has never been that severe, but; yes going to the store for groceries and walking past the beer isle is definitely triggering. Or the ads on the radio driving to/from work (as I find after work is a time I’m likely to crave too).
 
tired of crap said:
Yes, the idea of another lock down here is doing a number on my mental health.
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Yeah, I've like psychologically shut down. Feels similar to the way I've dealt with my depression over the years: just mentally close up shop a bit...sort of go numb so I don't think about the shit that will set me off on a bad mental trip.

Being fully sober for it is actually helping though.

I'm out of work now though and I have no idea when we'll have work again so it's gotten even fucking more wack. I'll be glad when it gets cold after next week so the lake starts freezing up so I can finally go skating....all the rinks are access by booking ahead and that's been impossible to do.

tired of crap said:
I’ve come to this conclusion before but I really think I just need to avoid alcohol.
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Yeah, I'm struggling with this idea of whether or not I can manage to drink within reason or if I should just fuck off it forever.
 
chinup said:
wow @SunriseChampion you are a much more controlled drinker than me!! there is literally no point in me buying decent gin cos i don't appreciate it. i'm an adult now so i don't buy the absolute cheapest shit but i could never have multiple bottles of gin in the house. its gone 1-2 days after i buy it.
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Yeah, usually my gin doesn't las too long either as me and my crew will go through it in a night, but I made sure to stock right up. Spent like 600$ on liquor before the holidays.
My drinking is more along the lines of bingeing when I do get into it on a night. I've never had problems not drinking.....just drinking in moderation can be an issue.

chinup said:
did a 10k run this morning, my first ever. literally crawled up the stairs into bed when i got home!
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10K!!! That's amazing! Nice one!
 
tired of crap said:
... but; yes going to the store for groceries and walking past the beer isle is definitely triggering. Or the ads on the radio driving to/from work (as I find after work is a time I’m likely to crave too).
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Yeah......any time I see a cocktail anywhere....it could be an ad, someone else's table at a restaurant, etc I kind of start thinking of getting some in me.
Or watching football....I associate it with pints so hard it's kind of disturbing.
 
It's now been 36 days since I've had any PCP, kratom, meth, or benzos. 7 months of no alcohol. 4 months of no heroin (really a year with only one slip up.)

I'm happily attending NA meetings every day. I'm in transitional living, still under lock and key for another week and a half.

Time is going by quick enough though and I'll likely be back to work in no time.

The divorce is weighing on my mind but I'm trying to focus on other things and I think I'm making progress processing it.

I've got my court case for my dwi next month, so I'm worrying about that a bit.

My life is still a bit of a mess but I think I'm making progress. One day at a time.
 
Clean off everything 13 days now. No alcohol in almost 20 months. 15 months of that was in prison but have managed to stay off since my release in August. Was dabbling with cannabis, kratom, lsd, and ketamine on and off, but decided I need total sobriety. Have a good job that is temp but should be permanent soon unless my conviction fucks me, which I doubt just wish I knew one way or the other.

Either way, I will find out sometime in the next month. Also have been in my new apartment for 2 weeks which is awesome, much better than staying at my parents place. I am very grateful they helped me out with money or I wouldn't be here. My mental health is alright though sometimes I still struggle with depression. Should probably see a psych doc honestly.

Congrats to everybody staying clean and to all those struggling stay strong!! I'm still very grateful to be a part of this community.
 
RDP89 said:
Clean off everything 13 days now. No alcohol in almost 20 months. 15 months of that was in prison but have managed to stay off since my release in August. Was dabbling with cannabis, kratom, lsd, and ketamine on and off, but decided I need total sobriety. Have a good job that is temp but should be permanent soon unless my conviction fucks me, which I doubt just wish I knew one way or the other.

Either way, I will find out sometime in the next month. Also have been in my new apartment for 2 weeks which is awesome, much better than staying at my parents place. I am very grateful they helped me out with money or I wouldn't be here. My mental health is alright though sometimes I still struggle with depression. Should probably see a psych doc honestly.

Congrats to everybody staying clean and to all those struggling stay strong!! I'm still very grateful to be a part of this community.
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It's tough to get to the point of accepting that you need total abstinence. But it is rewarding for those that are ready for it. It took me a while but I'm starting to feel better and better every day being clean and sober.

I'm no longer a walking train wreck which is nice.
 
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