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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

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Rio Fantastic said:
I also wanted to point out something that I immediately recognized because it's something I struggle with a lot myself - the fallacy that after X amount of time, since we aren't feeling better recovery is therefore hopeless.
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I definitely fell into that trap. Most of my time in recovery has been great, like feeling better than I'd ever felt before. I'd say from maybe May last year to December, I honestly don't think I wantesd to use once in that period and couldn't imagine ever wanting to use again. but i think what mde me get to the point of feeling hopeless was because i'd been getting progressively worse since mid january, i'd been trying everything, and i just couldn't imagine getting back to the place mentally that i'd been in for large periods in my recovery.

i'm so relieved i get to work at home now for a bit. i'm gonna stay at my parents so i'm not on my own all day every day. not having to physically go into work should really help cos the walk there and back is always a big danger zone to me at the moment, ever since things went shitty with my job. being a bit more relaxed with my schedule and not doing that walk should hopefully give me some mental space to recover.

@somnilicious good to hear from you man!! glad you're sounding upbeat. be careful with the girl, take things super slow. i've seen people relapse by getting in shitty relationships super early on so put the breaks on if you feel you're getting more emotionally attached. but if she's making you feel good about things and gives you a source of enjoyment and optimism then that's ace, just avoid it getting too intense too quick.
 
Hylight said:
not healthy (YET)
definitely not recovered.

in allot of pain.

out of dabs.

in that order.

so, started taking pain medication AGAIN.
(opioid)

this time however MUCH LESS doses than before.
still on a taper for about two years now.
even low doses are PAINFUL to taper from
with the PAIN and ALL KIND of mixed symptoms.

today one of the most difficult is the whole body cramp with the stabbing ice pick pain in the left chest feels like around and in the heart and is slowly being relieved from my low dose of pain medication.
in between the doses it is just not wanting to be alive again from not even being able to function in this world again or even understand reality of whatever this all is supposed to be of course, from not even being able to feel good or pain free for whatever this life is for.

was able to take my dogs on a long walk yesterday so that we could feel happy and be part of the world again.
this was because i needed to take pain medication to be able to function through the last couple days at work.
i am however able to get through with the minimum amount of doses as possible. have been able to go without any opioid at all for around four months at a time some of the time.
and randomly here and there once in a while.

but i only have one thing to live for and that is to take care of my new puppy Budi that i adopted in August last year.
The other two dogs aren't really mine but i do take care of them too allot of times.
i am sure Budi girl would survive without me but while i am still alive we are TOGETHER forever.
😭
Been through so much but Budi is so sweet.
She is my gift to this lifetime.
It's okay, sometimes i still get tears like i am right now. I didn't think i still have the strength to cry but sometimes i can just a little.
Budi keeps me warm enough to appreciate what is left of happiness.

thank you world some day
if this pain can and ever
will be able to even go away.

I LOVE YOU BUDI 🐶
I do and I am in love
with you for your loving
me back too. <3

thanks caps sometimes i think you
are god talking to me in some weird way through ya.
the pain DOES HURT so very bad just like the
never-ending ice pick pain right through my heart.
Budi is just a puppy but am sure we will live out our time and maybe be able to leave together someday. I will be right with you baby girl and leave when you do too. Don't leave without me Buds. 💔
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I have no extract either. Polished off the last of my budder. I only ONLY have marijuana. That is all I have. ~15% thc type not even PR or top shelf.

Not complaining, thankful and taking it all in stride and will recover I hope. <3

Stay strong everyone.

I'm not so much God talking to you but maybe the words are speaking to you because whatever force is there helping us on the path might just help you interpret the best things out of what you're reading.

I really don't believe myself to be "god" and if "I am" then I'm just a "very small part of it, where we all are equally important/contribute to the universe" type stuff. But thank you. <3

Every now and then I share deep wisdom, or will transcribe something that is supposed to help *me* out through things *I haven't gone through yet* and yes I have examples, kind of deep shit so I'll stop there. I'm a firm believer in hard determinism, so really if anything I'm just a vessel for whatever energy/force is here to help you.

People have to want to help themselves but a caring empathetic soul really helps too. I woke up very depressed after hearing some stuff and quickly got better by talking to good people. Support networks help.

Are you in much pain? I'm in a little pain but I'm a little better than yesterday.
 
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my heart really feels like it's full of gas.
not quite sure yet.
thank you for your attention and focus.
beautiful diamonds get marked by flaws.
thanks for your attention and being here
and all the help through the tensions. <3
okay and great motivations for today.
 
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Cap. KEEP ON cut back and you will have more superpower than you already know you have.
I Wuv you and will remember you FOREVER 💙

!!

CH ! KEEP ON KEEPIN ON !
 
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PAINFUL ONE ♡

I need to hear your voice.
What has been happening !

Is everything well, what's shakin
up all in your direction 💓💓💓
Love to here from YOU.
 
Shits fucked. Robbed my dealer yesterday and still going to be sick again today. Hell doesnt describe this shit accurately. Got sub but it's so hard to successfully transition. This fent-alog shit is something elee
 
fuck cj you're in a really bad situation. you don't need me to tell you that shit can get you killed.

urgh the other day i found out what this neural pathway stuff i learned about in theory is really about. i scored again. i had not remotely planned to. i was walking past a beggar and the thought crossed my mind not as a craving or anything, as a thought, and straight away i was acting on it with no conscious choice. i was more sensible with my use this time so didn't write off the next few days. it still wasn't really enjoyable. i'm now at my parents til this corona shit blows over and actually releived, cos that was quite scary. i hope however long i'm here for is long enough for that not to happen again.
 
i hope you feel better cj.

uk is in lockdown. is actually the best thing could happen to me right now. 3 weeks at my parents, at least, should hopefully nip the relapse i was sliding into in the bud.
 
still recovering. but have so much pain right now. my wrist is hurt again and i am fighting off some kind of a borderline horrible headache.
but i don't get the full blown cluster headache that bad anymore because Painful One pointed out for me to go slow with tapering and i realized that was what i needed to help. it made sense and then worked.
then up until that Captain helped me so fucking tremendously, more than i that i could ever explain to someone who wouldn't understand.
thank you, both, for being that gift somehow.

anyway, you might fall down by accident,
but you can get yourself back up.
keep climbing, keep going and you can get out.
 
Hylight said:
still recovering. but have so much pain right now. my wrist is hurt again and i am fighting off some kind of a borderline horrible headache.
but i don't get the full blown cluster headache that bad anymore because Painful One pointed out for me to go slow with tapering and i realized that was what i needed to help. it made sense and then worked.
then up until that Captain helped me so fucking tremendously, more than i that i could ever explain to someone who wouldn't understand.
thank you, both, for being that gift somehow.

anyway, you might fall down by accident,
but you can get yourself back up.
keep climbing, keep going and you can get out.
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thank you hun

you're helping me because i'm sick, quarantined and lonely

and just reading that made me smile just a little bit inside :)

I hope you feel better soon. I'm not feeling the best but I wanted to stop by <3

I'm also not using opiates, and I'm not going to let them put me on them or a ventilator or anything fuck that noise.

In terms of recovery I cannot stop smoking cannabis at the rate I am :| and had to 4 months ago for the flu, am sick right now and if i get covid i'll definitely have to take a break and i'll be in a world of pain.

Hylight said:
A Smile Can Hide
The Tears,
A Laugh Can Hide
The Pain,
But Nothing Stops
The Longing,
Of Trying To
Do It Again ♡
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this is so beautiful it made me cry thinking about being stuck in this body forever and it just makes me so sad, like i'll never get out.

then I remember the really cool trips where I died and it was so amazing and freeing and it was just utter nirvana for the time being until I came back. I will one day get out of this body (again) I know it. <3
 
5 months totally sober from booze now. It's been fairly easy. Not having a great day today, not cuz I want to drink but irritable I think from lack of sleep. I swear it won't be the corona shit I die from, it's gonna be lack of quality sleep.
 
Weak and inna fog.
Very depressing.
Praying for strength and of course
am staying strong.
I actually think I can heal but I did seem to
get more strength back
and am actually going out in the real world.
It's terrible to feel so very depressed and heavy,
even in normal circumstances.
Nothing like wondering, wtf is going on.
Unreal how we all have something to think
about.

Your Chosen Mindset And Your Perception Are
Crucial In How You See The World We Live In

So I guess EVERY ACCOMPLISHMENT
STARTS WITH THE DECISION
TO TRY
 
nuttynutskin said:
5 months totally sober from booze now. It's been fairly easy. Not having a great day today, not cuz I want to drink but irritable I think from lack of sleep. I swear it won't be the corona shit I die from, it's gonna be lack of quality sleep.
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I'm really happy AND proud for you man not because you're not getting drunk but for like your kidney and liver and heart's sake. <3

If it didn't cause so much organ damage and wasn't so addictive and destructive to people's lives I wouldn't be thankful you aren't drinking. The organ damage is cumulative and it can be a very quick transition between "can recover if you quit" and very low odds of survival even with dietary restrictions and dialysis. :(

I still miss my ex so much.
 
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