• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

Status
Not open for further replies.
i don't know, my thing got deleted, i don't know anymore. i just have to stick to one thing and try to be good at something. i'm all over the place and everything gets fooked !
 
Don't chase people, I know.
Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay.

♡ Creativity is contagious, pass it on ! ♡
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Migraines might not have a cure. I'm facing long-term physical diseases that have no cure. FUN I know. I don't go into that a lot here. It is more disturbing than death and I don't blame anyone for struggling even if there IS a cure. It can take a long time to mentally cope with health.

It sounds like you are having legitimate migraines the way you describe them. I've had one once and legitimately could not handle the pain. It was worse (I'm pretty sure, it's hard to compare these types of pain) than breaking a bone.

Honestly using the dosages of opiates you are for these symptoms seem very minimal and I'm sure your doctors are fine with you on/off them. Which is probably spiritually defeating as you know you're in real pain but really want to quit as well.

<3


No problem. Even if I'm wrong about what I described I am kind of at that point with benzos. Been mostly off for a long time. Sleep / depression / ptsd getting worse. I know how to medicate responsibly. Not a lot worse shit could happen in life right now... I just need to get back to my old self.

It's probably not going to happen. It probably feels just as spiritually defeating on both sides of the fence.
Click to expand...
Alright ♡.
 
morning all. hope you have a great weekend.

it is half 10 and my mum is already doing my head in. first she started hoovering at half 9. on a saturday, or any day, that is just not necessary. then she is bugging me to do something to do with my council tax. which she wouldn't even know about if she didn't insist on opening my post cos i won't because i know what is boring and ultimately pointless from the envelope. then she literally picked nuts out of my cereal with her hands. we are in a fucking pandemic!! i'm not supposed to put my own hands in my mouth let alone eat food someone else has touched! would not mind being back at my own place right now tbh.
 
My headache is finally really gone ! Maybe I was just dehydrated and that was the cause. I wonder if I just get dehydrated really easy now.

Anyway maybe it wasn't really from the brightness of the blaring sun because it was so bright outside. Could be possibly both, I am not sure. It also has been very warm here lately and have seen the weather reports and it seems to be quite warm in allot of other areas as well.

I feel grateful, that my long annoying headache finally went away after at least 24 hours. But, that sure was draining. I barely have the energy to walk but I still can do it, so I am very happy about that !

I hope everyone is staying in strong. ☺
Life sure hits hard when it does. Blessings. ◇
 
♡ Stay safe and realize there is someone to
smile about everyday ! ♡♡
♡ 👍🏽
 
Decided to give in to temptation last week and had a little bit of a beer (malt liquor) bender. I chose to give in for a few reasons, one being I wanted to see if maybe I could control myself since I had racked up almost 6 months without a drop of alcohol, but the answer is sadly not really. Once I start to drink I'm just too gungho and tend to keep going the next day. I also wanted to see if it would make the cravings I was having go away but yeah, that didn't work. Oh well, live and learn. Alcohol's such a dirty drug anyways.
 
Last edited:
chinup said:
morning all. hope you have a great weekend.

it is half 10 and my mum is already doing my head in. first she started hoovering at half 9. on a saturday, or any day, that is just not necessary. then she is bugging me to do something to do with my council tax. which she wouldn't even know about if she didn't insist on opening my post cos i won't because i know what is boring and ultimately pointless from the envelope. then she literally picked nuts out of my cereal with her hands. we are in a fucking pandemic!! i'm not supposed to put my own hands in my mouth let alone eat food someone else has touched! would not mind being back at my own place right now tbh.
Click to expand...

My local authority have suspended council tax payments, hasn't yours done the same? Sounds like it's the last thing you or anyone else needs right now tbh.

It sounds like your Mum is pushing your buttons and overstepping boundaries a little. My Mum did the same the last time I was living at home - I was 24 and only there for a few weeks while we were sorting out my new flat and she would just walk into my room at any time whenever she felt like it without knocking or giving any warning. That was understandable when I was 18, but at 24 when I was only there for a few weeks it irritated me! I guess they just revert back to how they are used to acting with you when you were younger and don't fully acknowledge that you're an adult and deserve to be treated like one.
 
nuttynutskin said:
Decided to give in to temptation last week and had a little bit of a beer (malt liquor) bender. I chose to give in for a few reasons, one being I wanted to see if maybe I could control myself since I had racked up almost 6 months without a drop of alcohol, but the answer is sadly not really. Once I start to drink I'm just too gungho and tend to keep going the next day. I also wanted to see if it would make the cravings I was having go away but yeah, that didn't work. Oh well, live and learn. Alcohol's such a dirty drug anyways.
Click to expand...

"Dirty" is the perfect word to describe it. It's so gross and messy, especially when you compare it to drugs that have a direct, clean effect. I love the euphoria I get when alcohol is first kicking in from the initial few drinks but then very soon after that the sloppy, disinhibited, no-fucks-given version of me appears and I will drink til I pass out or am throwing up, all the while cursing myself for being stupid enough to drink when I know that I don't enjoy it. What cravings were you trying to control? I imagine they weren't alcohol cravings since those would go away when you drank.

Still though, it's a learning experience. You can remember this next time you are craving a drink. I think if we as addicts want to go about trying to use responsibly, then the worst way we can possibly go about it is by using on the spur of the moment when we had previously resolved not to, because then we're starting in the first place by giving in to temptation and failing to control our impulses. If you want to drink responsibly and your experiment in trying to drink responsibly starts by saying "Fuck it, I planned not to but I'm going to drink today anyway" then you've pretty much already failed to control yourself so it doesn't make it very likely that you will then regain self-control after the alcohol kicks in.
 
nuttynutskin said:
Decided to give in to temptation last week and had a little bit of a beer (malt liquor) bender. I chose to give in for a few reasons, one being I wanted to see if maybe I could control myself since I had racked up almost 6 months without a drop of alcohol, but the answer is sadly not really. Once I start to drink I'm just too gungho and tend to keep going the next day. I also wanted to see if it would make the cravings I was having go away but yeah, that didn't work. Oh well, live and learn. Alcohol's such a dirty drug anyways.
Click to expand...
I think the fact you can't go without using again the next day, and you can admit and learn from that, means you're still doing fine man.

One slip up with buprenorphine and I went on for months (most of a year) knowing it would hurt to stop (this was seven years ago...).

I can't have "just a day or two slip up" with opiates/bupe. I can't. It would be "game over" for me. I'm not kidding.

So don't feel too bad man you have a LOT of will power and a strong ego working for you. :) I'm really proud of you for being able to stop at that point. If that's what it was like for me, I know I couldn't. I just don't have it in me.
 
Sick hateful bitter from my heart and meaness within
damaged and gone for eternity forever
and do not really care quite that much at all.
hoping for a nod into being able . . . .
to possibly sleep and for some good rest
also.
🎠
just on a downward slope of sadness that just gets worse.
i am, however able to find a little and some relief from pain.
thank you for all that care
to focus and be so aware.
the end. again.

well i do have allot of good times and
things to remember.
why can't i just focus on that instead.
don't answer that please. and tanks.

i am so thankful that i can do alright
with tapered, and small, amounts of good medicine.

it is not easy and is quite difficult at times
trying so much not to always be sick and to not have so much pain continuously.

hey everybody. thank you for all of your amazing efforts and energy working so much with recovery and good health.
that is one thing that is so great and really
feels so good.

hy <3
 
Rio Fantastic said:
My local authority have suspended council tax payments, hasn't yours done the same? Sounds like it's the last thing you or anyone else needs right now tbh.

It sounds like your Mum is pushing your buttons and overstepping boundaries a little. My Mum did the same the last time I was living at home - I was 24 and only there for a few weeks while we were sorting out my new flat and she would just walk into my room at any time whenever she felt like it without knocking or giving any warning. That was understandable when I was 18, but at 24 when I was only there for a few weeks it irritated me! I guess they just revert back to how they are used to acting with you when you were younger and don't fully acknowledge that you're an adult and deserve to be treated like one.
Click to expand...

i don't know about council tax, but given i'd probably have to pay it at some point i don't mind.

i'm so tired and frustrated i could scream right now cos of my mum. we were playing cards, the whole family, and got to the last round then she decided to get up and faff about for ages. she would lose hwer fucking shit if someone else did that. it would make no difference to her if she faffed after finishing the cards. so i just got up and went to bed and i really hope i've sent a message. i woke up at 5.30 this morning and have been completely useless all day.

anyway i'm going to bed will reply to you all properly in the morning.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I think the fact you can't go without using again the next day, and you can admit and learn from that, means you're still doing fine man.

One slip up with buprenorphine and I went on for months (most of a year) knowing it would hurt to stop (this was seven years ago...).

I can't have "just a day or two slip up" with opiates/bupe. I can't. It would be "game over" for me. I'm not kidding.

So don't feel too bad man you have a LOT of will power and a strong ego working for you. :) I'm really proud of you for being able to stop at that point. If that's what it was like for me, I know I couldn't. I just don't have it in me.
Click to expand...

Thanks. Yeah, honestly I just felt the need to test the waters after half a year sober for whatever reason. I found out pretty quickly that I just "want" to keep going and things start going downhill pretty quickly. Oh well, I got my answer. Live and learn.
 
I just want to say I am REALLY enjoying being clean and feeling myself move back towards maximum creativity and productivity with each passing day. The first couple of weeks were fucking murderous but one does come out the the other side a happier and better person. That said, this is still probably only a break rather than a lifelong cure I am sure. The thing stopping me from hitting up again is just as much the fact that my psych meds block all stimulants as much as it is my new found joy in life.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top