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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

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I am still am doing allot better than i was a year and a half ago. i can actually get up and go do things once in awhile. still allot of pain though and way too much sugar that can lead to inflammation and kill. stay healthy everyone !!
 
Minor depression, two depressing points to yesterday have rocked my world a bit and I'm still reeling. I'm still very motivated, productive, and not letting go of my progress but am trying to juggle a lot of feelings/emotions/thoughts while still taking care of myself.
 
Yes, um my heart or may be my chest, but i can always feel it in one certain spot really hard and then a little bit over a little bit more another smaller pain. yeah in my heart or chest. i dunno. i think its my heart but i might be wrong but i feel it cramping there.

so i took a hydrocdone (just one ! ) for just my regular pain because i dont want to have to taper from a xan again. it was just a random one time thing for pain and well the next day i got up and was able to function almost completely normal again. BUT then I Still had the pains in my heart. But I had energy?!

So then I took a hydroxyzine and I was able to sleep through another night really well and then woke up today and the stabbing heart pains are gone.

And I am not going to go running to a doctor b.c. if I have to go so bad, then i will just go to the to th ER.

sometimes i think if i dont start eating right that i am going to stroke out real soon.
i eat so much candy its like a one hitter of some short lasting really food dope.

i love redbull and diet coke now and drink it right down when i am thirsty bc it has more of a zap than just regular water.

i am so lazy and just lay around too much because of my pain. I am getting alot better all around as far as physical strength and mentally i need help too but I am alright with me, well almost there.

so with all of this, i took my budi to the damn and we jogged across the damn and up the road a 35% incline up to the water check cage. Ten minute run at least, then jogged and walked back 20 or more minute round trip. of course we stopped at the top and looked around a bit then headed back.

I dont jog like a normal person just do it slower bc i am still boken and have arthritis and painful muscle and back pain. duh. but its true. after that run the heart pain still didn't go away and just continued on like two ice piks piercing me. was just as annoying as ever.

so i took a hydoxyzine and me and dog were passed tf out. so this morning the chest pain is finally gone soooo. . .i am thinking it is just a muscle cramp. and yes i do go to doctors, of course and i do get checked out and they all say i am fuuu goodness sake fine.

so the thing is when i do take a xanax, it does take that heart cramp away. BUT i dont want to take anymore xanax BC i have been taking too much all along AND i would rather stick to my regular routine of pain relief if possible with as simple as a gudammit hydrocodone so there. but just regular doctors don't like to prescribe anymore because of the gvt. policies and all.

i am sure there are places that will help out but i just haven't found them yet.

so yeah the heart pain finally went away without the xanax ha haaa and i did feel so much more strength from being pain free. If ya know what i mean. I had such crippling pain i needed that hydrocodone and my wrist was inflammed and my joint pain was bad.

so i am benzo free right now and the last thing i wanted was a xanax but i NEEDED it. but then i wouldn't have been able to go shopping for supplies because i would be falling from the car and rolling through the parking lot and plus i always have my dog with me and i have to watch out for her. me and buds have to have each others back so to speak.

you could see my wrist swelling. its from too much sugar from junk food and greasy salty potato chips. and like i have other joints that hurt now. at least my appetite is back and i can eat regular food now BUT i am all addicted to junk food and redbull and diet coke.and the diet coke doesn't even require having to get up to brew it like you do with coffee .

so i am going to get up now and have a piece of my wedding cake. its white with butter cream frosting. one morning on my way back from work i stopped at store. they usually put out the cakes with completely reduced prices in the morning so they can put the new ones out ja kno. so i found one for 6 dollars a whole giant cake. and it just happened to be white cake with white buttercream frosting. mine. all mine.

so someone saw it and called it a wedding cake. so i said its my wedding cake and I am getting married to what's left of the rest of my life !!!!

k bye.
 
Every accomplishment
starts with the decision
to try.

You can do it.

It could be so
much worse.
But you can
make it better !!
 
Now that I have finally PROVEN to myself that I just cant be doing heroin and meth anymore, Im ready to never touch them again. Almost 6 months clean from benzos and also never touching that shit again.

Some 160iq shit going on with my decisions to quit certain drugs.
 
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schizopath said:
Now that I have finally PROVEN to myself that I just cant be doing heroin and meth anymore, Im ready to never touch them again. Almost 6 months clean from benzos and also never touching that shit again.

Some 160iq shit going on with my decisions to quit certain drugs.
Click to expand...
You seem knowledgeable enough to quit. And you do! So that is good.

Anyway I am so glad that you are alright.
Or at least made it through this alright!

I hope you feel better SOONer than later !

Be well. You will be alright!
 
Actually also drank too much coffee this morning, and since Im still on buprenorphine I didnt notice till I ODed, and just now remember that my stomach cant handle coffee.
 
schizopath said:
Now that I have finally PROVEN to myself that I just cant be doing heroin and meth anymore, Im ready to never touch them again. Almost 6 months clean from benzos and also never touching that shit again.

Some 160iq shit going on with my decisions to quit certain drugs.
Click to expand...
it can be hard to stop heroin and meth like those are my top 2 I know to stay away from. heroin is a life=over situation for me :(

it just means you know yourself and will live a better life for it
 
Im pretty sure that I wanted to quit benzos subconsciously but always ended getting them during low times. Then alot of shit happened and finally quit them consciously. And because schizophrenia is kind of the unconscious becoming conscious and vice versa, I believe that the whole thing was the only way I could have quit them.

Same thing seems to have happened with heroin and meth now.
 
i didnt want to quit benzos but i knew i would have a worse life if i stayed on them, and was running out.

legit still meed for mental health at some points but largely abstaining from those too myself.
 
Personally I never even needed them. I got on em when I first started drugs and my dealer bullshitted me, a naive retard, into getting on them.

I still have a sweet spot for valium but I get psychotic during the comedown.
 
i need a hydrocodone so bad but i won't take one because it hurts even more when i try to quit.
my brain is all broken.
and i just lay around and i want to cry. and i can't get up.
will get some mushrooms soon. the pain relief will be great to take when i can get some more.
 
Pain is for a moment, Satisfaction is for life.

Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do.

Live everyday with intention !
 
Still around... Still sober....well been smoking a bit of pot and took a couple of tabs last weekend but Ive mostly just been working a lot. Had this young little punkybrewster chick at my work try to ruin my work reputation yesterday but my manager wasn't having any of her bullshit and I later found out everyone has a problem working with her. Kind of upset I let her rattle me a bit but in the end I brushed the whole event off and carried on in my usual upbeat way. Hoping to get a couple of hits of acid for my days off but I won't be crushed nor bothered if it doesn't materialize. Reading "Mans Search for Meaning"... by Victor Frankl. A very good book that makes you realize just how powerful the human spirit is when properly channeled, even in the most desperate of situations the heart can still triumph.

Edit: meant to post this days ago but now I see it was left in transcript. @cj that extremely destressing dude. Same thing happened to me last January. I would get my paycheck and go overdose every weekend. I got hit by Narcan from the paramedics 4 out of 5 weeks. The bullshit they sell now is just garbage. Do whatever it takes to get yourself out. Believe me when I say you don't want the guilt grief that comes with a dead girlfriend. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I recommend some kind of brief commitment to either allow for proper Bupe transition or to clean out. It sounds like a shit idea but nothing provides clarity and time to think like a good old lock down detox. Sometimes it's what we need. I wish you the best.

I wound up taking those few tabs but it was actually kind of boring. I have 3 left which I am going to break into quarters to experiment with as a anti depressive agent and motivational aid. I smoked 2 grams of pot over the last 2 weeks and I am about to run out which will actually be a good thing as it is getting boring and causing bad habits.

Work has been awesome!! Been basically clean from opiates for a month and a half with a few one day slips that ended with me throwing away excess dope. Im happy to have regained a measure of life and common sense. I don't want this clarity and freedom to end. I know with action I can find more fulfillment in life but it's really all a matter mindset because fleeting joys and pleasures never bring lasting happiness that only comes from sustaining one's convictions and personal growth. At least that's my experience with life.

Best wishes to everyone. Sorry I haven't been around much. I've been trying to not look too far past my nose or what's directly in front of me. My version of mindfulness I guess.
 
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i'm so depressed and i seem to be sleeping so much, and especially lately.
well at least when i am sleeping i'm not taking any drugs.
i seem to always be sleeping or for some reason trying to sleep.
I think sometimes drugs are the only way to get energy but it shouldn't have to be..
 
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