Despite currently living in the west I haven't been able to get a proper mental health support, but for the past 14 years it started with me being diagnosed with Borderline Peraonality Disorder, later about 3 years ago it was ruled more of cyclothemia, and with a lot of digging I was able to identify that it was ADHD and got diagnoaed with ADHD mixed with Autism (low degree).
I can have social anxiety among some social circles and not others, but I still feel I have to mask it, I have found it most difficult at work, it feel I am so uncomfortable around such environment, this wasn't the case in my early jobs until I was 22. I have gone through through cycles of depression for the past 13 years, when it peaked I wasnt able to look at people eyes. It is during the 3rd year dealing with this depression that straight up wonderied If I was crazy, given that they say a crazy person doesn't actually know they are.
But throughout I have acheived quite well with so many setbacks and getting back up, I have been top of my class throughout my schooling, and ended up with a scholarship to Uni and later at a multinational. But with marriage, postgraduate studies, asylum (I am a refugee), and ending up homeless (crashing at friends houses until someone accepted my letting application) the past 3 years have been a roller coaster, and for the first time life is dictacting how my life goes more than I did. This period has stripped me naked in front of myself and i was able to reflect and recognize all my flows. I was happy to know others deal with the issues I am facing and I was relieved with the diagnosis that there is a way for me to overcome these flows and make a positive change in my life.
I drink occassionally (Socially; mostly, 3 beers a week), I could take a couple if hits of weed (maybe twice a year) socially as well, it helped me calm my racing and chaotic brain. I have tried coke twice, LSD once (Actually it is after this LSD experience that I felt my brain chemcials were fixed and I ended up stopping anti depressants for 3 years). Felt quite relaxed in my own skin but had some social anxiety depending on the situation, it was a period where I worked from home for 4 years.
To navigate through tough work and academic commitments I used Khat (A stuimulant that contains Cathine). Helped me focus while my life was chaotic, finish the tasks I have and actually progress on my schooling and career. 2 months ago I was told I am vitamin b12 diffecient, took one injection that resulted in me feeling energetic for 2 days and then a crash. Which makes me wonder where the issue is exactly is it adhd, autism, depression, or simply a b12 deficiency that is making me energy less. It breaks my heart when people speak about me (Even in my presence) and say growing up everyone expected I would be the most successful and acheive what no other would acheive, but apparently I am not.
I was working on my thesis, and as a result I was chewing qat for 5 weeks straight. After submission, it was such a relief, and I started my Adhd meds which felt amazing, on Vyvanse I was able to handle house chores, tackled open items on my to do lists, set plans, and I feel on medications, I am able to properly declutter my brain and put it in a paper for clear planning and action. I was on a roll, I felt with this medication, I am able to manage adhd, and get my life together, started journaling, for the first time in life I put my brain into organized plans on a paper, reflected on things I have been doing wrong (things I didn't realize before) and started setting up plans and tracking the actions to train my brain into giving up baf habits and train on good ones.
4th day on Vyvanse I had a lot of work so I decided to chew Khat, it has always helped me with the tasks that are difficult to get done. I didn't know any better, and later learned I shouldn't mix it with Vyvanse. Mixing the two resulted in a complete exhaustion for complete 4 days, racing heart, high blood pressure and jaw clenching, I made mistakes I wouldn't normally do, it felt like I was on a high dose of cocaine. To remedy it, I decided to pause Vyvanse for 2 days. These side effects were alarming, so I kept reading about it, and just as I was about to decide to quit vyvanse. It started getting better. However, I saw how hyper a friend gets when he is on cocaine, and that image got stuck with me and I became afraid thats how I look to others. It is my 3rd week, I feel brain has clarity, but social anxiety and being away from home feels tough. Not quite sure if it is depression I am going through again (I have gone through a similar episode 10 years ago) or it is a result of the medicine, or mixing it with Khat 3 weels ago? It is worth noting that I have never experienced such side effects from qat, it rather works quite well with me. But 5 weeks straight, zero social life and studying 16 hours a day may have made it worse?
In a couple of social gathering I felt agigated, aggrevated, and wanting to withdraw. Today I started a training course I have been excited about. I felt confident and it was a good thing to compliement the medications and my healing jourmey! I had social anxiety among the crowd, despite trying to control it, it is a lil difficult to feel at ease especially that I live in the west and there is too much hostility toward my race/religion background. I am trying to reflect on my actions, but I feel it doesn't match the hostility and the uncomfortable feeling I got. I was very uncomfortable that my brain was simply shutting down.
I think mix of emotional dysregulation, autism, adhd, and likely my ethnicity, just makes it exhausting for me to mask how I feel and just keep getting on with life like that. People were avoiding me in the course today, and that made me feel like I don't wanna be there. I realized my depression and decided not to force myself through an unpleasant experience and withdraw from the course instead. I apologized to the instructor, and to the class that I am not feeling well and took my departure, what was sad is that one members comment hinted that they are better off.
Recently I realized that in life when I see and know an experience I am getting into is disturping, I tend to push through, not quit and put myself through its misery. I decided not to this time and requested a withdrawl when I felt It might be a bad experience. I feel like this is my first time to straight up quit and I am ok with it.
My question: would mixing cathine and Vyvanse result in a damage that I will have to deal with, I dont feel comfortable sharing this with doctors. I wont do it again, I used it to medicate, and now that I am getting the help I need, I quitted. With Vyvanse I am feeling so much clarity and hope. when at home or in among my support network, it feels like things and life will be ok, but not in unfamiliar circles where I work on masking and burying how I feel, it feels exhausting and that I am failing at it.
Is it possible that this isn't a side effect and I am merely more aware of my anxiety since I am on vyvanse. Should I stop Vyvanse, I am currently on 70mg? Is it causing this depression and anxiety, maybe even paranoia.
I don't have a support network here, just my wife which I think she is bearing more than she can handle.
Anything in specific on where Khat/Vyvanse could have lead me to this experience, Anything I can do to fix this? Symptoms I feel are being on edge at times, or more hyperactive in social interactions (maybe too much at times). The anxiety and social fear is there maybe from childhood traumas I am not able to identify or bypass. It just became a norm that sometimes I am able to mask, other times not. Sadly I was never able to get a proper access to a proper mental care to process this, and cant afford private one.
I can have social anxiety among some social circles and not others, but I still feel I have to mask it, I have found it most difficult at work, it feel I am so uncomfortable around such environment, this wasn't the case in my early jobs until I was 22. I have gone through through cycles of depression for the past 13 years, when it peaked I wasnt able to look at people eyes. It is during the 3rd year dealing with this depression that straight up wonderied If I was crazy, given that they say a crazy person doesn't actually know they are.
But throughout I have acheived quite well with so many setbacks and getting back up, I have been top of my class throughout my schooling, and ended up with a scholarship to Uni and later at a multinational. But with marriage, postgraduate studies, asylum (I am a refugee), and ending up homeless (crashing at friends houses until someone accepted my letting application) the past 3 years have been a roller coaster, and for the first time life is dictacting how my life goes more than I did. This period has stripped me naked in front of myself and i was able to reflect and recognize all my flows. I was happy to know others deal with the issues I am facing and I was relieved with the diagnosis that there is a way for me to overcome these flows and make a positive change in my life.
I drink occassionally (Socially; mostly, 3 beers a week), I could take a couple if hits of weed (maybe twice a year) socially as well, it helped me calm my racing and chaotic brain. I have tried coke twice, LSD once (Actually it is after this LSD experience that I felt my brain chemcials were fixed and I ended up stopping anti depressants for 3 years). Felt quite relaxed in my own skin but had some social anxiety depending on the situation, it was a period where I worked from home for 4 years.
To navigate through tough work and academic commitments I used Khat (A stuimulant that contains Cathine). Helped me focus while my life was chaotic, finish the tasks I have and actually progress on my schooling and career. 2 months ago I was told I am vitamin b12 diffecient, took one injection that resulted in me feeling energetic for 2 days and then a crash. Which makes me wonder where the issue is exactly is it adhd, autism, depression, or simply a b12 deficiency that is making me energy less. It breaks my heart when people speak about me (Even in my presence) and say growing up everyone expected I would be the most successful and acheive what no other would acheive, but apparently I am not.
I was working on my thesis, and as a result I was chewing qat for 5 weeks straight. After submission, it was such a relief, and I started my Adhd meds which felt amazing, on Vyvanse I was able to handle house chores, tackled open items on my to do lists, set plans, and I feel on medications, I am able to properly declutter my brain and put it in a paper for clear planning and action. I was on a roll, I felt with this medication, I am able to manage adhd, and get my life together, started journaling, for the first time in life I put my brain into organized plans on a paper, reflected on things I have been doing wrong (things I didn't realize before) and started setting up plans and tracking the actions to train my brain into giving up baf habits and train on good ones.
4th day on Vyvanse I had a lot of work so I decided to chew Khat, it has always helped me with the tasks that are difficult to get done. I didn't know any better, and later learned I shouldn't mix it with Vyvanse. Mixing the two resulted in a complete exhaustion for complete 4 days, racing heart, high blood pressure and jaw clenching, I made mistakes I wouldn't normally do, it felt like I was on a high dose of cocaine. To remedy it, I decided to pause Vyvanse for 2 days. These side effects were alarming, so I kept reading about it, and just as I was about to decide to quit vyvanse. It started getting better. However, I saw how hyper a friend gets when he is on cocaine, and that image got stuck with me and I became afraid thats how I look to others. It is my 3rd week, I feel brain has clarity, but social anxiety and being away from home feels tough. Not quite sure if it is depression I am going through again (I have gone through a similar episode 10 years ago) or it is a result of the medicine, or mixing it with Khat 3 weels ago? It is worth noting that I have never experienced such side effects from qat, it rather works quite well with me. But 5 weeks straight, zero social life and studying 16 hours a day may have made it worse?
In a couple of social gathering I felt agigated, aggrevated, and wanting to withdraw. Today I started a training course I have been excited about. I felt confident and it was a good thing to compliement the medications and my healing jourmey! I had social anxiety among the crowd, despite trying to control it, it is a lil difficult to feel at ease especially that I live in the west and there is too much hostility toward my race/religion background. I am trying to reflect on my actions, but I feel it doesn't match the hostility and the uncomfortable feeling I got. I was very uncomfortable that my brain was simply shutting down.
I think mix of emotional dysregulation, autism, adhd, and likely my ethnicity, just makes it exhausting for me to mask how I feel and just keep getting on with life like that. People were avoiding me in the course today, and that made me feel like I don't wanna be there. I realized my depression and decided not to force myself through an unpleasant experience and withdraw from the course instead. I apologized to the instructor, and to the class that I am not feeling well and took my departure, what was sad is that one members comment hinted that they are better off.
Recently I realized that in life when I see and know an experience I am getting into is disturping, I tend to push through, not quit and put myself through its misery. I decided not to this time and requested a withdrawl when I felt It might be a bad experience. I feel like this is my first time to straight up quit and I am ok with it.
My question: would mixing cathine and Vyvanse result in a damage that I will have to deal with, I dont feel comfortable sharing this with doctors. I wont do it again, I used it to medicate, and now that I am getting the help I need, I quitted. With Vyvanse I am feeling so much clarity and hope. when at home or in among my support network, it feels like things and life will be ok, but not in unfamiliar circles where I work on masking and burying how I feel, it feels exhausting and that I am failing at it.
Is it possible that this isn't a side effect and I am merely more aware of my anxiety since I am on vyvanse. Should I stop Vyvanse, I am currently on 70mg? Is it causing this depression and anxiety, maybe even paranoia.
I don't have a support network here, just my wife which I think she is bearing more than she can handle.
Anything in specific on where Khat/Vyvanse could have lead me to this experience, Anything I can do to fix this? Symptoms I feel are being on edge at times, or more hyperactive in social interactions (maybe too much at times). The anxiety and social fear is there maybe from childhood traumas I am not able to identify or bypass. It just became a norm that sometimes I am able to mask, other times not. Sadly I was never able to get a proper access to a proper mental care to process this, and cant afford private one.
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