You will get their bro. I honestly never thought I would get clean.. I've experienced everything from homelessness, prison, destructing things with my family, embarrassment on the street being high out my mind while out in public, being broke.. having to go out an steal from stores everyday to support my habit, several overdoses.. and despite all of that, none of it was enough to make me want to quit.
It seemed like I kind of just accepted it as part of my lifestyle. Only time I went to rehab, or detox was to please my family.. and majority of the time I would get high the same day I got out. While in some of the rehabs, I found myself mixing with the bad crowd that was putting their money together to cop drugs while we were in there.
I say all that, to say this.. drugs tend to have a remarkable ability to take hold of a person, and destroy ones life. Now that you're clean, just remind yourself of how much it had a hold of you. Remind yourself of that just using one time, will in most cases lead to you wanting to use the next day. Being able to actually have money in my bank account is a blessing. Being able to have a couple hundred of dollars in my wallet, and not having the urge to spend it.. is a great feeling. I honestly regret having wasted so many years chasing the high. I literally wasted my 20s and my 30s getting high. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy myself while I was doing it.. but im also wise enough now to know, those days are over. Not to mention, Fentanyl has completely destroyed the game.