Cocaine 4 months in, worried

[legendboy]

Hi All,

I have been in and out of recovery for over 30 years (aa), chronic relapser.

I haven’t lost everything, I am a working professional, recently divorced, two beautiful kids.

Been on a bit of a bender coming up on a year now since my ex wife moved out.

I am also prolapse stage long term benzo addict (had a bad shrink) and am only taking 15mg diaz nightly to stay out of withdrawal. My doctors think I am doing great with that.

So I met someone 4 months ago who I sold a car too, we became friends. He introduced me to crack and it’s been a bit of a whirlwind.

So 4 months later, I am smoking daily. Started having a puff in the mornings as soon as I wake up. Smoking at work now and all evening. Weekends add K into the mix.

I’m scared at what I might be facing when I stop, basically I just can’t financially afford it.

I know many people in the rooms who have lost everything including limbs and life to this drug.
My drinking has almost come to a complete stop, which I was not expecting.

Have had some really incredible insights into my life and massive change in perspective but.

I know this must stop. I’ve worked too hard to let this take me down. Since I first went to treatment at 16 until now 48, my life has been on a trajectory to get well, to be sober. I just haven’t found it in aa.

What am I facing when I stop smoking with regards to withdrawal? This is the first time in my life I’ve smoked crack and I really have no idea, but I hear it is not fun.

I’m worried. I know we are all different but just wanted to hear from you how this goes or any advice how to minimize the withdrawal symptoms. Or maybe I am fuck3d?

Any insight is greatly appreciated

 

[not2quick]

Hey! I recently stopped using after 2 years of light use. I was in a similar situation without the benzo addition. I was juggling a professional career with a big friend/family circle. I was only doing crack about once a month, but soon saw that start to bleed into my regular life. I was only able to use about once a month because I had to hide it. Since you are able to use more freely, this will be more difficult than my experience. Crack is extremely hard to manage with "rules". Basically once you decide to use for the day, its all about crack until you are out. EVERYTHING else takes the backseat. I'm sure you know this.

The first thing is can you trust yourself to not just go out and buy more? If not then this will be very hard. I was able to restrain myself from buying more, but if it was there it was getting used.

If you can keep yourself from buying more, than it's really not bad. You don't have physical withdrawal. Its all mental. Once you're done for the night and it's all gone take your meds to help you sleep. Make sure you don't have any for the next morning and that includes pipes with resin. If it's available you will try it and a shitty hit will automatically have you in search for it again.

After that you will think about it and probably dream about it. Fuck that shit. It's only mental. After a few days it will get better and only gets better with time. Think of your kids. You are not your best self when using. Work will become more manageable, relationships will become stronger and you will mentally feel better. Think of your kids.

Good luck.