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Cocaine doing coke alone

My family have agreed to let me access my money for a psychotherapist. So Monday I'll be on Google finding one local to me. I've ordered just half a gram again for tonight. I'm thinking of trying hypnotherapy too. I want to attack this addiction from as many angles as possible. My dealer has got coke that pure it's still got a yellow tint to it so even though it's only half a gram it's probably equal to a Q of normal stuff. I've never seen coke still with the yellow tint in the UK. I think my dealer is just letting me have that to rope me back in. It's still oily you can rub it between your fingers and it absorbs through your skin. I haven't got a clue how or where he's got it that pure from. He's probably always got it that pure he just hasn't stepped on it this time. I think this half a gram will last a few days due to purity. I'm just going to do it off the tip of my door key. He's told me to be careful with it. Scamming fuckers aren't they dealers. It's always nice off him, but I get out of rehab and suddenly he's got slightly yellow coke. He must of got that straight off the boat the scamming fucker him. Anyway, I'm definitely going to attack my addiction from as many angles as I can. I'll do tiny amounts just enough to stop me wanting loads of it. I think a tip of a key if that stuff every hour or so will be more than enough. My dealer has asked me to store some for him at my house. I said no. I'm honestly starting to think he wants me to OD. If I had boxes of that around me I'd be dead in a week or so. Plus I don't fancy prison, or worse getting robbed and owing him. Obviously I can't mention money but the yellow stuff is a wallet breaker. Well, in my case a loan breaker. Only place I've seen yellow stuff is in Brazil. I'm sending a tiny sample to be tested because I'm genuinely interested in the purity. There is coke going around the UK that's 80+ purity it's been on the news and we'd because people have been dying from it and that stuff is white.

My dealer is either really looking after me or has done secret grudge against me and wants me to OD. Tbh he has warned me about the strength and told me to go easy even with half a gram. I might bash it myself. Definitely sending a sample to be tested just out of curiosity as regards how pure it is. All my dealer said is no one anywhere near our area has got this quality. See what I mean, he's either sorting me out or wants me dead. But, I don't have to have it so it's on me. Every time I tell him I'm trying to stop he magically pulls some of the good good out the bag, but it's never still had a yellow tint.

Anyway, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, counselling and anything else I can do. In the meantime time half grams maximum.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
My family have agreed to let me access my money for a psychotherapist. So Monday I'll be on Google finding one local to me. I've ordered just half a gram again for tonight. I'm thinking of trying hypnotherapy too. I want to attack this addiction from as many angles as possible. My dealer has got coke that pure it's still got a yellow tint to it so even though it's only half a gram it's probably equal to a Q of normal stuff. I've never seen coke still with the yellow tint in the UK. I think my dealer is just letting me have that to rope me back in. It's still oily you can rub it between your fingers and it absorbs through your skin. I haven't got a clue how or where he's got it that pure from. He's probably always got it that pure he just hasn't stepped on it this time. I think this half a gram will last a few days due to purity. I'm just going to do it off the tip of my door key. He's told me to be careful with it. Scamming fuckers aren't they dealers. It's always nice off him, but I get out of rehab and suddenly he's got slightly yellow coke. He must of got that straight off the boat the scamming fucker him. Anyway, I'm definitely going to attack my addiction from as many angles as I can. I'll do tiny amounts just enough to stop me wanting loads of it. I think a tip of a key if that stuff every hour or so will be more than enough. My dealer has asked me to store some for him at my house. I said no. I'm honestly starting to think he wants me to OD. If I had boxes of that around me I'd be dead in a week or so. Plus I don't fancy prison, or worse getting robbed and owing him. Obviously I can't mention money but the yellow stuff is a wallet breaker. Well, in my case a loan breaker. Only place I've seen yellow stuff is in Brazil. I'm sending a tiny sample to be tested because I'm genuinely interested in the purity. There is coke going around the UK that's 80+ purity it's been on the news and we'd because people have been dying from it and that stuff is white.

My dealer is either really looking after me or has done secret grudge against me and wants me to OD. Tbh he has warned me about the strength and told me to go easy even with half a gram. I might bash it myself. Definitely sending a sample to be tested just out of curiosity as regards how pure it is. All my dealer said is no one anywhere near our area has got this quality. See what I mean, he's either sorting me out or wants me dead. But, I don't have to have it so it's on me. Every time I tell him I'm trying to stop he magically pulls some of the good good out the bag, but it's never still had a yellow tint.

Anyway, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, counselling and anything else I can do. In the meantime time half grams maximum.
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Hi Jessie that's good you only have half a gram ,try your very very very hardest to make it last all night or unleast until its to late to get more which unfortunately is never .
 
jessepinkman779 said:
Rarely. It's funny you should ask that I've literally just been and got some beers. My family don't mind letting me have some of my own money for that.
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Yeh I don't care what anyone says ,nothing wrong with a few beers
Just don't let it lower your inhibitions to much
Little bumps at a time ,I always found cutting it as fine as I could with Stanley blade after crushing resulted in more powder ,lasting slightly longer
 
lost weekend said:
Yeh I don't care what anyone says ,nothing wrong with a few beers
Just don't let it lower your inhibitions to much
Little bumps at a time ,I always found cutting it as fine as I could with Stanley blade after crushing resulted in more powder ,lasting slightly longer
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I'm the same. I get it as fine as I can.I won't buy anymore coke tonight. This will last me. I've got some benzocaine so I might even bash it 2:1 ratio. Obviously I'm still using, but if I can stretch half a gram for as long as possible it's a win in my book. It's certainly strong enough for a 2:1 bash. If I do bash it I'll make it last me tomorrow too. I've promised myself I'm taking my diazepam and going to bed no later than 11pm.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I'm the same. I get it as fine as I can.I won't buy anymore coke tonight. This will last me. I've got some benzocaine so I might even bash it 2:1 ratio. Obviously I'm still using, but if I can stretch half a gram for as long as possible it's a win in my book. It's certainly strong enough for a 2:1 bash. If I do bash it I'll make it last me tomorrow too. I've promised myself I'm taking my diazepam and going to bed no later than 11pm.
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That sounds like a great plan ,sometimes it's just the ritual you need and if it stops you buying tomorrow that can only be a good thing 😉
 
lost weekend said:
That sounds like a great plan ,sometimes it's just the ritual you need and if it stops you buying tomorrow that can only be a good thing 😉
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This is that strong it'll still be fire with bash. I'm just trying everything I can. Little bumps of my key. I did a 3:1 ratio and it's still fire. TBF I've only done 2 bumps so far but it's still the good good. It was lethal. The way I see it is I'm in a fight and I need to start swinging left, right and centre.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
This is that strong it'll still be fire with bash. I'm just trying everything I can. Little bumps of my key. I did a 3:1 ratio and it's still fire. TBF I've only done 2 bumps so far but it's still the good good. It was lethal. The way I see it is I'm in a fight and I need to start swinging left, right and centre.
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Just take that little pill at 11pm and get some sleep ,fill your day tomorrow with something to take your mind off it and leave it till late afternoon if you must start again .👍
 
jessepinkman779 said:
This is that strong it'll still be fire with bash. I'm just trying everything I can. Little bumps of my key. I did a 3:1 ratio and it's still fire. TBF I've only done 2 bumps so far but it's still the good good. It was lethal. The way I see it is I'm in a fight and I need to start swinging left, right and centre.
Click to expand...
Remember if you go to bed at 11 you will have for tomorrow
That was always my downfall ,I'd start 1.5g at 6pm and could certainly have just split it but cos I knew it was there my lines would get bigger and bigger till 4am and everything was gone
 
I'm managing on half a gram a day at the moment. Still not ideal, but it's an improvement. I've got my first session with a psychotherapist in 3 weeks time. I'm still considering hypnotherapy too. I'm doing small lines spaced apart to just pull me through. I'm sleeping properly, eating a little bit better. I'm also aware that I'm walking a tightrope with the half a gram a day as it could easily escalate. My friend is holding my coke though and won't give it to me until 5pm or later each day. I've been meditating, exercising a little bit. I've got to attack this from as many angles as possible.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I'm managing on half a gram a day at the moment. Still not ideal, but it's an improvement. I've got my first session with a psychotherapist in 3 weeks time. I'm still considering hypnotherapy too. I'm doing small lines spaced apart to just pull me through. I'm sleeping properly, eating a little bit better. I'm also aware that I'm walking a tightrope with the half a gram a day as it could easily escalate. My friend is holding my coke though and won't give it to me until 5pm or later each day. I've been meditating, exercising a little bit. I've got to attack this from as many angles as possible.
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Sounds like a good start ,it's a terrible urge just to "go for it " but you always regret it the second your eyes open in morning. It is a tight rope I suspect deep down you know your self that drug can never be tapered
But don't think your trying to quit is like an elastic band round your waste and if you slip up your right back to start,expect moments of weakness and just try try again
 
lost weekend said:
Sounds like a good start ,it's a terrible urge just to "go for it " but you always regret it the second your eyes open in morning. It is a tight rope I suspect deep down you know your self that drug can never be tapered
But don't think your trying to quit is like an elastic band round your waste and if you slip up your right back to start,expect moments of weakness and just try try again
Click to expand...
Thank you. I do know deep down this drug definitely cannot be tapered so I guess I'm just trying to hold on to it. Hopefully fully engaging with the psychotherapist will give me the tools to stop completely. I had a brief conversation with her and she said my reasons for using are likely deep-rooted and to expect to remember things I buried a long time ago. If I'm willing to do that and dig deep she can work with me. Any lies and she'll drop me as a client.
 
I started reading this thread and it was very engaging. I read til page 7 or so then skipped to the end. I'm glad you're still heading in a positive direction JP.
One thing I don't see being discussed unless I missed it is why you are an addict? Is there childhood trauma you need to deal with? Until you work through that and reprogram your brain you'll never heal. It's possible but the odds are low hence the low recovery rate. It's like a self destruct button deep inside.
I think if you stopped cold turkey it'd take at least 6 months for your brain to start to recover and feel normal. The best thing is to get as fit and healthy as possible first.
Teach your body to release endorphins. Put your number 1 priority each day to work out, sweat and get stronger. I would highly recommend carnivore diet plus fruit. You can feel as good as you do high while sober but it takes a lot of time.
Recovery can only happen through other people. Do you have any good influences to lean on?
Is your current dealer still your childhood friend or someone else? They sound really awful for you.
If I was you id try to do Ibogaine therapy if you have the money? I think it's good for any addiction or just opiates?
Edit: just checked and Ibogaine can stop coke addiction. Do it if you can!!!
 
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