The 'want' to stop isn't happening ...

[mamaknockknock]

Recently my wonderful partner of many years, decided he'd like/needs to have a break from meth, for various reasons (work, health, finances etc). It was assumed that I would also stop for a bit, but as yet I haven't and I'm having to hide my use from him, which I'm not enjoying at all. For some reason if someone tells me I should not do something, I do the opposite and go even harder, and this is happening now, which I'm ashamed of. I/we, have been regular users for the past 10 years, and for the past 30 have dabbled in lots of other things, but nothing (except alcohol) got its claws in like meth has. I honestly don't know what to do from here. I can't tell him because that will hurt him, and entice him, and I don't want to make it harder for him, but it's so hard lying - that's not the kind of relationship we have. I don't want to stop if I'm honest, I like the person I am better when under the influence, and haven't got the strength to face up to the reality of what it's actually doing to me. I think at the end of the day I don't care about myself enough to stop, but do care about him, and our family. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Lying to one partner, not wanting to do life sober?

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I am reminded of:
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Maybe it is not your season to stop, maybe it is?

 

[washingtonbound]

Recently my wonderful partner of many years, decided he'd like/needs to have a break from meth, for various reasons (work, health, finances etc). It was assumed that I would also stop for a bit, but as yet I haven't and I'm having to hide my use from him, which I'm not enjoying at all. For some reason if someone tells me I should not do something, I do the opposite and go even harder, and this is happening now, which I'm ashamed of. I/we, have been regular users for the past 10 years, and for the past 30 have dabbled in lots of other things, but nothing (except alcohol) got its claws in like meth has. I honestly don't know what to do from here. I can't tell him because that will hurt him, and entice him, and I don't want to make it harder for him, but it's so hard lying - that's not the kind of relationship we have. I don't want to stop if I'm honest, I like the person I am better when under the influence, and haven't got the strength to face up to the reality of what it's actually doing to me. I think at the end of the day I don't care about myself enough to stop, but do care about him, and our family. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Lying to one partner, not wanting to do life sober?

I often have felt that way although have never had a partner that I used with. I'm 31 now and I started realizing that all my drug use was just tricking different brain receptors, as would be evident by the disgusting effects of the comedowns, which always came after a while regardless what drug it was. I suppose I just sort of grew out of the attachment to it, because it began to feel stupid and pointless. I haven't been feeling too great sober, am often bored, but thankfully there isn't the strong urge to use anymore because I realize it's a temporary thing and means nothing in the long term, aside from causing neurochemical dysregulation.

 

[FlouroAcytelated]

Recently my wonderful partner of many years, decided he'd like/needs to have a break from meth, for various reasons (work, health, finances etc). It was assumed that I would also stop for a bit, but as yet I haven't and I'm having to hide my use from him, which I'm not enjoying at all. For some reason if someone tells me I should not do something, I do the opposite and go even harder, and this is happening now, which I'm ashamed of. I/we, have been regular users for the past 10 years, and for the past 30 have dabbled in lots of other things, but nothing (except alcohol) got its claws in like meth has. I honestly don't know what to do from here. I can't tell him because that will hurt him, and entice him, and I don't want to make it harder for him, but it's so hard lying - that's not the kind of relationship we have. I don't want to stop if I'm honest, I like the person I am better when under the influence, and haven't got the strength to face up to the reality of what it's actually doing to me. I think at the end of the day I don't care about myself enough to stop, but do care about him, and our family. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Lying to one partner, not wanting to do life sober?

My entire life for 25 years was lying to hide my use. Lying to girlfriends, lying to family, lying to myself. It starts to turn into a neurotic self hatred, which fuels your desire to use even more.

If you can't get sober for yourself, do it for the people you love. Your partner probably quit in part for his love for you.

I can't really give you any advice except to say that everyone has their own path and journey to sobriety. Everyone is different.

For me it took 20 years of indescribable trauma. Jail. Rehabs. Psych wards. A dozen overdoses and near death experiences. Homelessness. Every institution you can think of.

One day I just got fed up with suffering. I had had enough. Period.

In large part overcoming addiction is inherently sewn together with our maturation process as adults.

You either grow or die. Some never grow out of it. Addiction is a sort of spiritual crisis in a way.

"You either Carpe Diem or fade away into the dark, while everyone else watches, waiting for the Stop to Start."

 

[placebonaut]

you don't have to try to solve everything today

10 years of meth isn't something you can simply switch off, and hiding it from someone has it's own problems. If you're going to keep doing it you might need think about being honest with him, no doubt something will happen at some point and he'll find/figure out, then not telling him will cause trust issues.

You don't have to tell him and promise to quit, but worth thinking about if it's better to actually tell him where you're at, you deserve support too.

having a reason to quit is a great start, sounds like him and your family is a reason from what you've said....

 

[Speegle]

Recently my wonderful partner of many years, decided he'd like/needs to have a break from meth, for various reasons (work, health, finances etc). It was assumed that I would also stop for a bit, but as yet I haven't and I'm having to hide my use from him, which I'm not enjoying at all. For some reason if someone tells me I should not do something, I do the opposite and go even harder, and this is happening now, which I'm ashamed of. I/we, have been regular users for the past 10 years, and for the past 30 have dabbled in lots of other things, but nothing (except alcohol) got its claws in like meth has. I honestly don't know what to do from here. I can't tell him because that will hurt him, and entice him, and I don't want to make it harder for him, but it's so hard lying - that's not the kind of relationship we have. I don't want to stop if I'm honest, I like the person I am better when under the influence, and haven't got the strength to face up to the reality of what it's actually doing to me. I think at the end of the day I don't care about myself enough to stop, but do care about him, and our family. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Lying to one partner, not wanting to do life sober?

Trying to quit drugs like meth without badly wanting to do so is near impossible. I don’t think you should feel like you’re doing something wrong by choosing to live life differently than him. You’re obviously not doing it to hurt him, but because you yourself don’t like the way life feels without meth.

My armchair therapist advice is to just tell him that you currently cannot stop yourself, while fully supporting his choice to do so. If this hurts him it’s his problem, you’re only choosing to do what makes you feel OK.

I don’t know what your meth use looks like. But if it’s causing a lot of other problems in your life, it might be a good idea to examine this at some point. There may be less desctructive options like getting treated for ADHD with something like Concerta or Vyvanse. It’s a lot easier to switch to something less destructive than stopping completely.

 

[Opana313]

I am reminded of:
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Maybe it is not your season to stop, maybe it is?

This is amazing and should be published Sir!

Everyone has great advice. I think this is a regular thing and obviously lying forever will be too much.. overencombered. But also when you think the time is right, tell him the reality of the situation (not just for yourself, but the right time for him to take this news is important too).

Do you think he would be totally displaced by this behavior and completely leave you? Or more worried about him relapsing? I know you don't want to hurt him, but him finding out on his own may hurt worse, which could lead to relapse.

Addiction is a sort of spiritual crisis in a way.

I feel this 100% is correct... can you elaborate on it some more just to open that door a bit more? I'm not a church freak or anything I just really really feel this a true, yet it's hard to explain atm for some odd reason.

 

[FlouroAcytelated]

I feel this 100% is correct... can you elaborate on it some more just to open that door a bit more? I'm not a church freak or anything I just really really feel this a true, yet it's hard to explain atm for some odd reason.

Getting high on hedonistic narcotics that enact euphoria produces an effect that is remarkably close to grace, heaven, or whatever you want to call it.

But let the man himself elaborate this idea;