• 💊 OTHER DRUGS 💊 Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads 1 Notable Threads 2
    Dangerous Combos Addiction Support
    Emergency Services Benzo Guide v.1
    Addiction Stories Scary Case Studies
    Biology, Pharmacology & Drugs 101
  • Select Your Topic Then Scroll Down
    Alcohol Bupe Benzos
    Cocaine Heroin Opioids
    RCs Stimulants Misc
    Harm Reduction All Topics Gabapentinoids
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums

Opioids Trying to STOP...help, please!

J

jbabep

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2011
Messages
15
I've had an opiate habit for a while now...about 2 years. It's a daily habit now and has been daily for several months now. I do...just whatever I have, basically. Hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol mostly. Occasionally I will get a Fentanyl patch, which I'll cut up and hold under my tongue. And most recently have been introduced to Dilaudid, which I have started IV'ing. That's the first and only thing I've ever IV'd and have done it a total of maybe 10 times or so? No more than 6mg at a time.

My tolerance right now is such that I can take about 60mg of hydrocodone at one time and feel a nice buzz. And like I said, I can IV 6mg Dilaudid and feel pretty good.

But, I think I'm just at a point where I am just tired of it all. Tired of having to rely on the drugs to get me through the day. Tired of thinking about it and worrying about getting more pills, etc. I just want to be DONE. I want to live my life normally again and I don't want this addiction to take me to an even more dangerous place. Plus, it really is putting my job in jeopardy. I could be random drug tested at any time and I'm lucky that I haven't been yet. I'm a nurse, actually, and having this habit is NOT a good thing for my chosen profession. And I could possibly have an opportunity to start a new job soon and if I do get hired, of course I will have to pass a drug test first.

I just want to be done with this. I'm sick of being addicted to this stuff.

The thought of quitting cold-turkey scares me b/c I've tried it before and the W/D is awful. I have about a handfull of hydrocodone left. A few 10mg, a few 7.5mg and a few 5mg.

Is there any way I can use what I have left to sort of wean myself down to make the W/D process as easy as possible? I don't have any benzos, although I could probably get some Xanax if I needed them.

Just wondering if there's any way I can use the hydro's I have left to wean myself down. I don't have a lot, so I don't know if it's possible but even if I could somehow put them to good use to make the W/D less intense...that's better than cold-turkey.

Any suggestions on how to make this as easy as possible?? I'm ready.
 
Well, you're a nurse, so i think you know how the thing works.. Yeah the W/D's going cold turkey are just horrible. Maybe you should taper down, or take some subs, but only for a short time and then wear off, you said that this is going for 2 years long, i think that isn't a so long time (but not a short either). Now is the time to do it, go on. Xanax and other benzo's will help you, but don't take too much. It won't be too easy of course, but i don't think it would be as cold turkey.. Another things that might help you are Kratom, Kava-kava, Poppy seeds etc. I haven't tried these but a lot of people tried them and said that they worked for them. You should do your research and choose. Remember, you should have strong mentality and exercise is very good, it helps the endorphines working, but i think that all these are things you allready know, and they're easy in theory but sometimes difficult to do (not always). Don't worry, keep on and i think you'll do it, 2 years isn't such a long time.. Stay strong<3%)

MartinFn
 
What about the hydrocodone that I have left? I would really like to use them wisely, if possible, to wean myself down if that is possible. I thought maybe I could just take ONE hydro tab if I am feeling the W/D symptoms, then wait until I start feeling W/D symptoms again and then take another one...decreasing the dosage with each time I take one?? I don't know if that would even work since I have such a high tolerance. Obviously I wouldn't be taking them to feel anything, but only to ward off such strong W/D symptoms. Would this work?
 
The hydrocodone will help you, by using it the way you said..you know, by decreasing the dosage etc. But i wanna tell you smthg:your tolerance isn't as high as you think. 60 mg of hydro, isn't a lot. You must believe that your tolerance isn't so high, cause this makes the things worse. Believe it, it's real, you're addicted, but not as much as you believe. I'm sure you can make it. The key is how much you want it..

MartinFn
 
if by "as easy as possible" you mean without discomfort, i hate to break your bubble, but it does not work like this.

Tapering your dose will help, without a question, but it will be painful to some extend.
Here is what i would do:

I would take time off work, by any means imaginable. I would find a way i can stay home for two solid weeks. I would taper my dosage. What did you say? 60mg of hydro a day? i'd cut out 10mg of drug every three days, until: a) either i start feeling like shit and the little dose i take doesn't hold me up any more OR b) i get to a dosage where i don't feel high anymore and i have tapered down more than half of my normal dosage.

Then, i would lock myself in my room for the next three days or so, and sit out the worst of it camping in the bathroom, with a big bag of weed and plenty of tomato soup on hand. by the time you will need to return to work, you will not feel 100% again, but maybe 65%. It will only get better from here. Your cravings will be the worst after the physical part is over, so be prepared to firmly assert the "just say no" mantra in your mind.

You can do it, lots of people (including me) have done it more than they wish they did.

(personally, i could stop 60mg of hydro a day, be in severe discomfort but still function to a normal level. Different people handle withdrawal differently. i was once like you and thought the world would end kicking 60mg of hydro a day. It didn't and i wish i wouldn't have made a big deal about it, because it reinforced me to keep using.)

Some questions:
a) how big is your habit now
b) can you financially afford to take two weeks off?
 
wait until you are so sick you can hardly stand it, then take a hydro, repeat until you are almost down... then jump off.
 
rave23 said:
if by "as easy as possible" you mean without discomfort, i hate to break your bubble, but it does not work like this.

Tapering your dose will help, without a question, but it will be painful to some extend.
Here is what i would do:

I would take time off work, by any means imaginable. I would find a way i can stay home for two solid weeks. I would taper my dosage. What did you say? 60mg of hydro a day? i'd cut out 10mg of drug every three days, until: a) either i start feeling like shit and the little dose i take doesn't hold me up any more OR b) i get to a dosage where i don't feel high anymore and i have tapered down more than half of my normal dosage.

Then, i would lock myself in my room for the next three days or so, and sit out the worst of it camping in the bathroom, with a big bag of weed and plenty of tomato soup on hand. by the time you will need to return to work, you will not feel 100% again, but maybe 65%. It will only get better from here. Your cravings will be the worst after the physical part is over, so be prepared to firmly assert the "just say no" mantra in your mind.

You can do it, lots of people (including me) have done it more than they wish they did.

(personally, i could stop 60mg of hydro a day, be in severe discomfort but still function to a normal level. Different people handle withdrawal differently. i was once like you and thought the world would end kicking 60mg of hydro a day. It didn't and i wish i wouldn't have made a big deal about it, because it reinforced me to keep using.)

Some questions:
a) how big is your habit now
b) can you financially afford to take two weeks off?
Click to expand...

Your ideas are not possible for me. For one, I can't bury/hide myself in my house alone for 2 weeks. I have 3 young kids to take care of. Plus, I do work. I am off for the next week, but that's all I can get. Even though I am off work, I still have to take care of my daily responsibilities...mainly, my children. I don't smoke weed, either. And I don't have enough hydro to taper down my dosage every 3 days. I have like...a handful of hydros, that's it.

I expect there to be some discomfort and that's fine. I just want to be able to still function, you know what I mean? I HAVE to be able to still function, otherwise I won't be able to stop because #1) I have to take care of my kids, period. And #2) I am a closet addict. No one knows I do this except the person I get my pills from...but they don't really know me. SO yeah, my family has no clue. If I can pass it off as a stomach bug or the flu..that will work. But I still have to be able to function.

I guess I will plan to do what the last poster suggested and just wait until I feel like I absolutely can't stand it anymore, then take a hydro...then wait until I can't stand it again...take another one, and so on...with each one being less dosage than the previous. Just cross my fingers and hope it works and makes me able to quit without going thru hell.
 
Okay, i understand that my approach works for my situation, and does not apply to yours.


Being a "closet addict" will put a lot of strain on you, even more than the actual drug addiction itself.
I can only recommend coming clean with the significant other. It's difficult with kids, i must admit. Children don't understand your situation, and having them know is not beneficial. A "daddy is really sick right now and needs some time to rest" will be sufficient explanation.

I can only urge you to talk to your family sans children about this. Having their support is the best thing you can have in such a situation, and you will feel a million times better knowing that you are ending the lie. The time i actually managed to quit for good was when i talked with so significant other about it. She was upset, but ultimately understood that i wanted to get out of this NOW. And it was her support, nagging questions, and the look in her eyes when she asked me if i was using again that kept me from going back. Then she disappeared out of my life due to unforeseen circumstances and all hell broke loose again.

I wish you the best of luck, and i hope you make the right choices. The right choices are the ones that enable you to stay off it. Ultimately, you will have to know if you will be able to carry the burden all by yourself, and spend the energy lying about it to the people you supposedly love. Break the lie and come clean is my advise. Best of luck to you!
 
I am not sure I can do that, but I will take it into consideration. I'm a chick, BTW. ;) So it would be, in my case, "Mommy is really sick right now". There's about a million and one reasons why I would never want my husband or my family to know about my secret addiction. But....I will think about it.
 
as ugly and bad and fucked up as your actions may seem to you, it's often less dramatic than you envision it to be. by putting your cards on the table you are giving yourself a decent chance at getting out of this, with the help of your loved ones.

What has led you to abusing pain meds in the first case?
For me, it was the fact that my father never loved me like his own child, and pain medication gave me the love i never felt from my father. It took endless hours of soul searching to come to this conclusion. I talked to my father about this (another biiiiiiig step), and while he doesn't acknowledge it, he at least knows about it, and tries to make me feel loved in any way possible. So this has helped me tremendously. He now knows what triggers me, and when i stop showing my face for two days in a row, he comes and visits me, and asks me if everything is okay with me. Sure, there are feelings of guilt for him checking up on his 26 year old son, but i can tell him "yes, i'm doing okay", or "actually, i am in a really bad place right now and have considered using again". And then we sit and talk, and it helps me more then anything else in the world. I couldn't imagine standing alone with this.

P.S: i am in no way judging you or telling you what you have to do. I am merely relating my situation to yours, as i believe it helps you to know that you are not alone with your problem.
 
Last edited:
Hi, I am so sorry you have to go through this alone. I was in your shoes 11 years ago. No one knew my heroin addiction and I wanted to keep it that way. I finally had to break down and tell my older sister and brother, but made them promise never to tell my parents or anyone else in my family. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself. They were very supportive. They reminded me that no one is perfect and that I wasn't a junkie, I was an addict. I had my shit together except my addiction was way out of control. After 5 years I was done.
I relapsed a couple of times and you need to remember you may too. It comes with getting clean. It's frustrating, but you have to keep trying to stay clean. I finally kicked for good after the 4th attempt and have been clean for 11 years. Never went to rehab, NA meetings, or have been on methadone.
What helped me kick the painful w/d was codeine. I went to the ER the 1st night I was trying to kick with my older brother and the doctor Rx me 10mg codeine. I was actually able to finally fall asleep after 12 hours of deliriousness and pain. I wish I had gotten it earlier in the day. I think I took 2 pills before I went to sleep and took 1 every 6-8 hours during the day plus benadryl to calm my nerves. It took about 3-4 days. That's the easy part.
The hard part and the reason why it took 4 times before I finally kicked was the depression and the "Oh I can do it just one more time, kicking wasn't that bad." mentality. The 4th and final kick was the worse and most painful of them all. I actually bit through half of a paper back book. I couldn't get any codeine and nothing was helping, not even 10 Soma pills at one time. If I wouldn't have taken the Rx for codeine and the much easier kicking for granted then I would not be in that stupid situation again.
I can't imagine having a family to take care of and going through this. If there is anyone you can talk to, a friend or family member who you can confide in and is willing to help you by taking care of your kids or you while you go through this would help you a lot. Psychologically too. I know you are ashamed of yourself. It's ok, it means you know your are doing something wrong and you have a conscience. No one is perfect.
You will need to establish some sort of counseling after you kick. NA meetings, a friend, a family memeber, or even through your insurance. You need to get rid of your dealers number for good. You need to get rid of any triggers.
You can do it, you are already on the right path. You are a good person with a bad habit, nothing more.
 
By the way don't mix Benzo's with anything. You can easily overdose. Even addicts with huge tolerances have overdosed on a bar of Xanax.
 
Last edited:
PersianStar, thank you so very much. Your post helped so much...I really. I am thinking about telling my mom. I think she'd be understanding and non-judgemental about it and help me any way that she can. I am just feeling depressed and scared about quitting. I WANT to...but I just feel like my will is so weak, I hope I can do it. Last night I caved and went and got some Ultram from my grandmother...just so I'd have something to prevent W/Ds. I don't know...I have to figure this out.
 
this will sound wird but i was takeing anywhere from 20 to 30 pirk 10s a day easy and then i wanted to stop it was fucking my life up so i started takeing tramidol it helped with the withdraws
 
Well, my addiction started out as a tramadol addiction. That stuff is harder to w/d from than regular opiates, in my opinion.
 
I'm so glad it helped. I was depressed and scared too. That is a normal feeling during this time. It will pass. I hope you do confide in someone, you need the support. I know the w/d are painful and scary but just remember they are only for 3-4 DAYS, not weeks. You can do it! You are stronger than the drugs. Have you talked with your physician yet about this? Do you think he/she can help you with the w/d? You will probably feel depressed after the first couple of weeks or so, I would suggest starting on a anti-depressant after kicking. It helped me. It took the edge off. I started on Zoloft but switched to Celexa due to insurance coverage. It really decreased my anxiety. I wouldn't drink any alcohol for a while too. That's a huge trigger. I hope you are doing ok. Just remember you are a wonderful person with a bad habit you CAN break :)
 
have you considered a rehab program? maybe you need a medical detox with suboxone. it might be easier than doing it on your own
 
^^Steve speaks right,you could take subs to kick off..I'm father and i understand your concerns about your children..

MartinFn
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top