Self-harming and self-loathing.. Help!

[glitterbizkit]

Thanks Anyway, am feeling relatively good today, spent a good day with my cousin yesterday being "funemployed" and not feeling guilty about it. Today I have to do some job applications, probably meditate a bit later.

I'm like a ping pong ball! I've decided to start doing a little research on anti-depressants, I don't really want to take them, but then again it's the one thing I haven't tried and maybe it's time to at least consider them, as a temporary solution anyway. Still waiting for a call-back from therapy, but the waiting list is up to 12 weeks (!). It's good I didn't cut myself, but in a way tearing up my paintings is much more self-destructive. They are the one thing I'm really proud of, and it's a case of hitting myself where it hurts the most... Na'vi, here's a picture of my latest one. I was so proud of this one, my best work so far, but I broke the frame Luckily it's ok, the sides are a bit torn and some of it is scratched, but I'll perform some surgery on it and it should be ok again. But I don't want to hurt another one of my babies!

I don't know why I get so melodramatic and self-destructive though, looking back at it now I just feel silly Silly ping-pong ball.

 

[Max Power]

I do talk to my friends, and they do care, but I just don't want to be that exhausting depressive person that everyone has to coddle

I'll go from feeling confident, strong and mature, and then something triggers me, and suddenly...

Ah, I can relate a lot.

The thing that I've realised is: getting over depression is simple. And 'simple' is not to be confused with 'easy'. It's about remembering that you have the choice to choose your thoughts, to choose an empowering thought rather than a self-defeating thought. But it's fucking HARD! It's one of the hardest things to do

You are very correct. It something so simple and yet very difficult. But at least you've found the answer, something I am currently working at as well. Sometimes we tend to just focus on the small, negative aspects of ourselves and ignore all positives about us. And they are there. Whenever those dark thoughts creep in (or bust in as they do sometimes) it's best to take a deep breath and remind yourself you are your own worst critic.

Good to see you around btw. Stick around.

 

[laughingheart]

They are the one thing I'm really proud of, and it's a case of hitting myself where it hurts the most... Na'vi, here's a picture of my latest one. I was so proud of this one, my best work so far, but I broke the frame Luckily it's ok, the sides are a bit torn and some of it is scratched, but I'll perform some surgery on it and it should be ok again. But I don't want to hurt another one of my babies!

Woah... you're incredibly talented. Forgive me but I can't help but laugh because I'm the exact same way. I end up in this fit of self-despair, anguish and I start destroying all my work. Then I wake up after the depressive haze has cleared and regret it immediately. I hope you get better, I find a lot of things I can relate to in your posts.

 

[Liminality]

to the op

I can definitely relate

Whenever i start to feel better, it's like i suddenly realize all the things i'm great at, and how a healthy diet and lifestyle are vital. The problem is sticking to that lifestyle and diet amongst everything else in life going on. Then when stress builds up, i forget all about everything i figured out, and go back to hating everything. It's a vicous cycle, but i think i'm getting there and i hope you do to.

 

[Na'vi]

Wow, you've got some serious talent about your person, glitter! I'm very glad to hear the damage can be sorted out, that would be such a shame to have the whole thing destroyed. I can't imagine how satisfying it must be to complete a piece of art that you've been working on.. Man, I wish I could draw! Sorry for the late reply by the way, how's things? Hope all is well