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the bluelight preconception, pregnancy and parenting l337ness thread

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^exactly. my wife had practically no morning sickness at all, but this is nothing to brag or take credit over. her mum was the same.

ocean, we all have certain weaknesses and vulnerabilities, of course. still no reason to resent the fortune of others. it's not anyone's fault these things vary from couple to couple. the fortunate deserve no credit, and the unfortunate deserve no blame (and vice versa). as for my friends, i'm pretty sure they've given up :(:(:(
 
I have a friend who had many many loses. I ended up having a baby for her in 03. The emotional hardships she went through were so painful to watch and at the time I just offered support, because I had never had a loss. After I gave birth to her son, She called me in the middle of the night crying about 2 weeks later confessing to me how badly she hated being around me when I was carrying her son. She was begging for my forgiveness. I felt really silly having to tell her it was OK.

She confessed to so much hate and jealousy to any women she met that was pregnant or had a baby. I had no idea that even support can sometimes hurt. Until I had my own loss, which happened to happen on my birthday. While I didn't feel any hate it was very hard for me to leave the hospital empty handed and even harder still to see anyone with a baby for a few months.

Time heals sure but I think women put a lot of their self worth into fertility and think of it as something to be proud of. So when things like a loss or bad labor not going your way happen. It's hard to remember that some things are totally out of our control and to remember that it's no one's fault.. not the lady with 9 kids across the street, not the people that have it so easily.. No one. It's really hard when there is no one to blame sometimes.
 
I want to clarify (in case it needed clarification) that i absolutely feel nothing but intense joy for all who have posted their wonderful news of pregnancies, births, and everything else that comes with it. As i said, i adore talking about pregnancy, childbirth and babies, and would never begrudge anyone who has a really easy pregnancy and birth.

I do agree with ocean in that, if you are feeling particularly emotional about this very personal issues (conception issues, breastfeeding issues, the weight of your baby), then it can have an effect. I'm absolutely astounded at some of the stories i hear from my mum friends coming out of their mum's groups - it really is a pissing contest about which baby rolls first, which baby grabs first, etc... as far as i'm concerned, all mums should just be freaking rapt that their babies are healthy and celebrate the health of other babies too.

MDAO - thank you for your kind words <3 My GP doesn't seem to think that there is a major issue and there are a number of avenues that we can explore after making a concerted effort to try to conceive (we're not even trying right now :)) before we consider things like IVF. We are also both open to adoption and foster parenting (both my husband's family and mine had experience with the foster system and would love to give that to a child in need when we're more settled in our own home).

gsx2ts4u - I can understand how for some women who desperately want a baby, but for whatever reason, can't conceive would feel that way. I want a litlte one very much, but for me, I just love being around pregnant women, babies and it just ignites a longing in me... but it's just a sad situation when it just doesn't happen for some women.
 
gsx2ts4u - that was one amazing thing you did for your friend! And how amazing you were with her in general. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her, and for you also! May i ask - did you find you were at all attached to the baby once you gave birth? Was that a challenge for you to then hand it over to your friend?? I did once watch a documentary on women who are baby carriers and it was pretty interesting! Some found they grew attached, some were able to do it pretty easily.
 
You're absolutely right, Tab, i just know how much of a sensitive subject this is, and didn't want to bring the tone of the thread down. The truth of the matter is that the whole process can and is wonderful, but it can be painful, frustrating, everything else in between.
 
ocean said:
I almost feel this could be a different thread!
But yeah, when I lost my baby I heard things like "Well, at least you didn't have it." or "It didn't have a heartbeat yet so it wasn't alive".....I'm sorry we couldn't hear the heartbeat. But I had a LIFE INSIDE ME. I don't care that the child wasn't born, it was my child.
The worse thing I heard was that I was worthless b/c I couldn't carry a child.
My miscarriage was a few years ago, but it was one of the most painful, if not THE most painful thing I have gone through. I still get angry when I think about how some people dismissed my pain.
If you can't put yourself in those shoes, don't comment.
Maybe they were trying to make me feel better by saying some of the nonsense I have heard about my miscarriage but it was so done in the wrong way.
Ugh. I'm getting worked up reading the above comments from people.
Amor, that broke my heart.
I would have been rude and said something to the person who made that woman feel bad.
After experiencing the miscarriage, I feel protective of women who have had miscarriages, who are pregnant and I am not really one to chime in with strangers, but in that case it would have been difficult to hold my tongue- even if it were to turn to that woman and say "You look radiant and beautiful!". :\
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I know exactly what you mean hun, as you know i experienced a surprise miscarriage back in April. I found the experience extremely draining and quite traumatic, and i didn't even know i was pregnant at the time! I can't even begin to imagine the pain of actually knowing you're pregnant, becoming attached to the baby and then miscarrying. Such an emotionally and physically destroying time. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. And i too was very poorly treated by a particular mongrel at my work. In such a hard going time, the last thing anyone deserves is the cruel lashings from other mongrels.

I am actually just approaching 7 weeks along currently, and so far everything seems to be going really well :) This little jelly bean has been totally kicking my arse with the morning sickness!! Which is apparently a really good sign! The hubby and i are thrilled, but i still can't seem to escape my constant fears every single day of fearing another miscarriage. This pregnancy definitely feels a lot different this time, so i am truly praying with all my might that this goes well, because i am finding myself becoming very attached to it all ready.

If all goes well, the baby will be due around the 20th April! It was conceived on my 30th birthday :D (While we were on holidays staying in a beach side bungalo!)

Edit: Those that are on my facebook please don't post anything about this on my wall as there are people from my work i wish to keep this secret from until i am past the first trimester :)
 
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Oh and i know i posted a little while ago in the dark side about my issues with alcohol, well for me there was no better reason to quit it cold turkey than to fall pregnant! Haven't touched a drop since i found out, and the hubby has quit smoking as well. I wont even drink coffee or my green tea's (at least in this first trimester)

I am rather surprised in how easy i was able to give up all of those things- that is one thing i WILL boast about! This baby is definitely my number 1 priority. :)
 
congrats dfrs, wishing you & your husband all the luck. <3

and Samadhi, I'm sorry there is such insensitivity in this world. Sometimes people don't realize exactly how much weight their words carry.
 
Max Power said:
congrats dfrs, wishing you & your husband all the luck. <3

and Samadhi, I'm sorry there is such insensitivity in this world. Sometimes people don't realize exactly how much weight their words carry.
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This is so very true on so many levels, Max. <3 It's ok though, my husband and i have found out over the past months just how much of an amazing support group we have - and through adversity it shows the most. There is a lot of change going on for us right now, and once those major factors settle down in about a month, we can really relax and let nature take its course

Congruatulations, I am wishing you all the best with your pregnancy, DFRS :)
 
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drugfukkdrockstar said:
gsx2ts4u - that was one amazing thing you did for your friend! And how amazing you were with her in general. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her, and for you also! May i ask - did you find you were at all attached to the baby once you gave birth? Was that a challenge for you to then hand it over to your friend?? I did once watch a documentary on women who are baby carriers and it was pretty interesting! Some found they grew attached, some were able to do it pretty easily.
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It's what I do.. I am a gestational/traditional surrogate I have had 2 sets of twins and 1 singleton for infertile couples. I never got attached.. I get way more attached to the intended parents then i do the babies. I never saw it as "giving up MY child" Because it wasn't my child. :) And thank you very much your kind words are greatly appreciated. :x
 
^really that IS an amazing thing you do. wow, three times!

i have looked into surrogacy in my studies and the legal problems that can result if attachment does occur. it's very interesting that you were more attached to the intentional parents. do you know if that is common or are you unique in that respect? as i understand it, surrogacy contracts aren't legally enforceable. what would happen if the baby had a developmental issue, and/or would require lifelong care?
 
Good questions L2R i don't think they covered them in the doco i watched!

I also want to say just how amazingly supportive my husband has been. Well he is always an amazing husband, but in this time i couldn't ask for a more compassionate and understanding man. Naturally he has no idea what it feels like to be pregnant, but he listens and respects how i say i am feeling and he has been cooking dinner for me every night!

I don't know how some women who do not have supportive husbands cope. I know of a couple who recently had a baby and even though the mother smoked and drank all through the pregnancy, her husband treated her like dirt and cheated on her through out the pregnancy. And he called her names about being fat and all that. I work with this guy, and he made a comment to me that i better not turn into a fat blimp like his wife did! I quickly snapped back and advised him that i am not his wife and he has no right to talk to me as if i am. She may put up with that crap but i wont. So glad i married the man that i did! <3
 
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ocean said:
Amor, that broke my heart.
I would have been rude and said something to the person who made that woman feel bad.
After experiencing the miscarriage, I feel protective of women who have had miscarriages, who are pregnant and I am not really one to chime in with strangers, but in that case it would have been difficult to hold my tongue- even if it were to turn to that woman and say "You look radiant and beautiful!". :\
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I probably should have said something but this woman was pretty aggressive and I didn't want to get punched out. :( Good thought on just complimenting the pregnant woman rather than attack the rude woman. I didn't even think about that.
 
Awww thanks to those for the kind words, it's still sinking in that i am actually pregnant now =D Its a weird feeling!! In a wonderful way. I am actually looking really forward to when i start to show!

And Amor - that is so awful what that nasty woman said to the pregnant lady on the bus, people sure can be cruel on both ends of the spectrum. It is so childish to lash out at someone like that because of jealousy. If that nasty woman couldn't conceive or whatever the hell her problem is, that is not the fault of the pregnant lady and it breaks my heart to hear it.

It's not like hating on someone makes the bully's situation any better anyways. I don't get people like that. :(

And also the women that can conceive rubbing it in the faces to those who haven't as yet need to grow up, and will probably raise brats because the mother is one! lol

It's annoying some women just never grow out of their insecurities and jealousy. But that's life! I just choose to have nothing to do with those types.
 
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<3dfrs<3

send my <3's to w. for stopping ciggies. it's amazing how much priorities change with something simply incredibly important like a little one. it's all about that choice in the end.
 
Yeah he has done very well! Dropped them cold turkey :D Coming down with the the flu helped him stop, and he just continued on with not smoking after that. Thank GOD. The smell of cigg smoke makes me want to throw up!
 
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