So as I've said been on suboxone for about 2 years now. It was great in the beginning. I felt normal again was able to get my life back together, got a great job going, my own place, my own boat, no more trouble with the law, and money in the bank.
I was actually happy and things were better than they'd been in my 15 years of being an opiate addict. Yeah I'd chipped a few times and will do some free base a few times a month but I was extremely happy and things can't be going any better.
Over the past 4 or so months though I've been extremely depressed. Nothing seems to make me happy not even being out to sea cathing tons of lobsters on my commercial lobster boat. Which by the way being at sea has always made me smile. When I'm not working I'm basically asleep, I don't really go out and meet people like I've done my whole life.When I do go out people notice that I'm pretty much a miserable prick, a person that isn't me. I've forever been a happy person who loved life and enjoyed going out , being adventurous, meeting new people, and funny to be around. You know the life of the party. But lately thats not the case. I hate evrything and just wanna sleep and be miserable. I can't even stand my self or the reflection I see in the mirror. I was never self loathing. I can't fucking take it any more either.
So basically what I'm getting at is has any1 else experienced this? What's going on is it the suboxone? I was never this bad even at the height of my addiction which was really bad. 10 80mg OCs (the real ones not OPs) or 3 grams of dope a day with a shit load of legal troubles. Can any1 help me please with a similar story or some advice as to what's going on. I can't stand the person I am right now. I want to be me again?