Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

[justsomeguy]

About five weeks without a drop. Im studying abroad for this time, and i have roommates that dont know my history (ie, they havent experienced me blacking out and everything that accomponies that).

Meanwhile this bottle of wine / jameson on the kitchen counter is staring at me whilst i stare at it.

So im desperately trying to remember all the things that led me to quit so many times...........

Its actually scary right now.

 

[Asclepius]

Hey man! Well done on the five weeks, that is some feat in my books.
Are you on your own there?
could you just get out of the house and call someone?

 

[justsomeguy]

Made it through that night. Its really sick how obvious ithe morning it is that not_drinking was the right choice, but also, in light of that realization, ts equally obvious how frighteningly deceptive the urge to get fucked up is.

 

[Asclepius]

^
Really Glad! :D

Yes, deceptive is EXACTLY what it is.

 

[phactor]

Haven't had a drink or anything else for many months (close to a year), not sure how many because I do not count days. I think I am going to check though, 264 days (8 months or so, getting close to 9). What a difference it has made. Its totally different now that it was at the start of me getting sober/my break whatever. This period of sobriety has given me a totally different outlook on life, I now realize that I was self medicating badly and that I do not have to do that anymore.

Not sure how long I plan on going, I promised myself at least a year. I know that I cannot handle hard drugs anymore. If I do decide to have a beer here or there it has to be very strict and only on the weekends or something like that. Who knows, I will deal with it when I get there.

I needed some help to stop, but I was shocked at how easy it was. I had built it up in my head so much. Now, I have to admit, I wasn't a hard liquor drinker, but I had to have my 3 to 6 beers every night. I do want to mention that I was also stuck in an opiate relapse cycle. Basically I would use for a week or two every couple of months. I hated opiate withdrawal so I never let it get that serious (at least in the past five years), but I would compensate for not having them with booze. I also would abuse other stuff. I know that I can never touch any narcotic every again, same goes for coke.

What a revelation it is for me to realize that I can function (and function well) without drugs and alcohol. That I do not have to self medicate, because medication exists that can help me.

 

[phactor]

I gave up heavy drinking last July and could not be happier! After abstaining for a long enough time you realize how awful alcohol is on your body and mind. I drink in moderation (beer/wine) and enjoy it MUCH more than drinking to get drunk. It's just the way you think about it and your intentions for doing it, self medicating is not a REASON to drink.

This is a great post, I used to take a month or two off occasionally. But I really would suggest at least a half year. After not using/drinking for 3 months things started to get easier, but things didn't really become clear until 5 or 6 months without any booze/drugs.

I really think you have to get over the first 3 months in order to get the full benefits of a quit or break. At first it was difficult for me to be around alcohol. Now I rarely get cravings, can be around people drinking and can even have a NA beer or two.

One thing I will attest too is that you will not see your drinking friends as much. You kinda have to learn to be more self-reliant and learn how to entertain yourself. Pick up new hobbies and work out or something like that. I didn't really feel like seeing anyone at first, but than I got pretty lonely.

Of course you have a ready made peer group in AA/NA. I tried that, I went to 90 meetings in 90 days and started the steps. I also began to feel more and more uncomfortable with the program. It felt way to high pressure and I was sick of being told it was all my fault when I questioned something. So its not for me. However give it a try, you might like it.

 

[RevDrucifer]

Hey guys, my name is Drew. I've been a LONG time lurker here and have only posted a few times, but I think that's about to change. Today is the first day I'm making an honest attempt at staying sober.

First off, thanks to all who contribute with advice/hope. It's nice to know there are still good people out there. If I may, I'd like to give a little history of myself so if anyone wants to throw some words my way, there's some background.

Alcohol has been around me my entire life. My father played in a band and while he didn't drink much, everyone around him did. My mother/step-father were hardcore lushes for a while, (put it this way, the owner of their bar used to buy my sister and I christmas gifts because he knew my parents couldnt). My mother used to give me Fuzzy Navels (peach schnapps/OJ) when I was 5-8. Full cups, not just sips.

When I turned 16, my parents would buy me booze regularly. I'm 28 now, but since that year, the longest I've gone without a drink has been 2 months. I'm also a musician and was playing at bars when I was well under 21 and never had a problem getting served. Once I turned 21, I was living in Ft Lauderdale and drinking was just what we did. I did a lot of blow down there, but never at an addictive level.

Nearly 4 years ago, I moved back north to Massachusetts, where I moved in with my childhood best friend. My best drinking buddy ever. I was coming out of a failed engagement and while I was happy it ended, it opened the flood gates for me to consume. I started killing 30 packs each day, if I wasn't going for rum or vodka. Once I gained 50lbs in 4 months, I quit drinking beer and went for my buddy Captain Morgan.

I've worked my way up to a half-gallon every other day. I don't have a few, I either drink til I pass out where I'm sitting or I finish the bottle. I think people around me have allowed this to continue without saying a word because I'm a happy drunk, don't do anything reckless and still do my job.

The past year, however, my motivation is gone. I barely touch my guitars anymore because I have no inspiration. I'm getting anxiety regularly and my stress level is out of control. Some childhood incidents have left me with some anger issues that I been killing off with booze for quite some time.

Last night I made the decision I'm going to give sobriety a shot, since it's something I've never really experienced. I don't have much in the way of support around me, as my roommate is my biggest clutch to drink, (just came home from work and he's dunk), and *all* my friends drink regularly. I do have a great girlfriend who is very supportive and doesn't drink much at all.

Today was good. I've never honestly tried to stop drinking, I've just taken breaks for a week or so, but even heading into the first day with a positive outlook felt immensely better.

Good luck to everyone else on their journey. I'm quite sure Saturn's comin' back around again.

 

[suessmayr]

Why do people drink alcohol? I don't understand. I mean, why do they become addicted to it?

How do alcoholics ever get past the hangovers, headaches and nausea? Opiates and benzos don't really have any down-time, at least not unless you're addicted and without a source; but alcohol, it seems, always culminates in feeling like dirt.

I hope this doesn't constitute 'triggering'.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Good question seuss.
I'm sure if we knew the answer, a lot of us might not be where we're at with our drinking problems

I think the reason alcoholics can work through the hangovers and keep drinking the next day is because their hangovers aren't actually that unbearable as opposed to someone who only drinks every now and then. For an alcoholic, a hangover is just another state of normal, it is a part of their every-day existence, so most don't bat an eyelid at the feeling of being hungover.

Alcoholics gradually build up their alcohol intake over a period of many years, over which time period their tolerance is gradually increasing as well. And of course, there is the little addict switch in the brain which once you give the receptors what they want, it's extremely hard to ignore the addiction, even if you keep getting gnarly hangovers.

From my own personal experience, my drinking started out normally for a teenager. Every 2-3 months I'd go to a party, drink too much, get sick, had fucking WICKED hangovers, said "I'm never drinking again" time and time again, just like every other teenager

But in my early 20s instead of just drinking on weekends, gradually I started drinking every single night. Because I've always had a full-time job I could never get hammered on weeknights but I suspect that the constant supply of small amounts of alcohol to my brain every day gradually increased my tolerance (which was always naturally quite high to begin with) and thus my addiction gradually developed. By the time I acknowledged what was happening, it was too late, I was already an alcoholic.

Initially I was drinking, say, one glass of wine with dinner every night, and drinking lots more on the weekends.
Now, 5 years later, I am drinking at least 1.5 bottles of wine every weeknight (and I hardly even get drunk off that...that amount is purely to feel a buzz and to get rid of cravings), and of course drinking much more than that on weekends.

Sure, I am slightly hungover every morning as I set off for work but for me that is just another state of "normal" and I can function perfectly fine. Then by the time the afternoon comes around my hangover is completely gone and the cravings have set in, and so the cycle continues.

I think my personal secret to avoiding horrible hangovers is that I drink shitloads of water. When I'm drinking alcohol I literally drink at least 3 litres of water, and that helps reduce hangovers immensely.

 

[RevDrucifer]

For me I think it's part of the cycle of self-sabotage/keeping the bad feelings in.

It's hard having a good day when you start it off feeling like shit from the night before, but that doesn't even really compute because you're either thinking about getting rid of the hangover by drinking, or just waiting it out til you can drink again.

It's much more mental than physical. And that's just for those that DO get hangovers.

For the most part, I don't get hangovers. I feel like shit more from the mass amount of cigarettes I've smoked the night before than the booze.

 

[suessmayr]

I find this interesting. I have abused virtually every downer that is available (notably ketamine, benzos and opiates), excepting only RC's and things like that, but I never felt even slightly attracted to alcohol. This is strange given my patterns.

And are you saying that, when an alcoholic wakes up hungover, they can get rid of their hangover by drinking more?

Is drinking 'euphoric' for alcoholics?

 

[RevDrucifer]

The feeling of the hangover can be replaced by the feeling of being buzzed again. I don't believe the hangover (which is mostly dehydration) is being 'cured' though.

I've had my share of opiates/benzos in the past. I loved methadone, but I wasn't all that functional while on it with all the nodding off. Xanax went hand in hand with booze the whole time I lived in Florida. Splitting a bar with a friend before going out was just how it was, without question.

I'd take booze over pills pretty much any day. I don't get nauseous when I drink.

And yes, I would have to say alcohol has been euphoric for me. Not all the time and not in the same sense that MDMA/opiates/etc have been, but it has been euphoric.

 

[szuko000]

I would say drinking is euphoric. I'm still sober now at 13 months i think, but hey whose counting anyway It was in a strange way for me it was like a comfort thing. The day could beat me into submission all it wanted because there was a bottle in my freezer. Its like having a loved one or something so beautiful waiting for you that the world is ok. And of course the actual act of getting and being drunk is euphoric in itself.

But the real reason i posted is because it feels as though im running out of options. My girl and i have gotten into oxys and though we arent bad they do cause a lot of minor inconveniences. It stresses me out and sometimes its hard to keep my head up. And recently she went to the doctors and shes being tested for cancer, we are still waiting on the tests. Im scared i dont know what id do if i lost her or something. I know everything is going to be ok, it would just be easier if life didnt do its best to wear me down.

I could write pages on how and why its all fucked up but meh just thinking about it makes me upset. I havent told anyone i dont know how and i want to act like these problems arent in my life.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ szuko I sincerely hope that the test results are negative. Please let us know, if you like. I will be thinking of you and your girlfriend
In the meantime please try not to torture yourself with the "what if's". Whatever happens, you WILL be okay. Humans are survivors and we always find a way to get through whatever troubles we have to face.
Please PM me any time if you need to chat/vent

And are you saying that, when an alcoholic wakes up hungover, they can get rid of their hangover by drinking more?

Yes, definitely. I'm not sure what the exact mechanism for this is, but it's quite well-known that for alcoholics, that first drink in the morning can help get rid of the hangover feeling and help them feel "normal" again.

Quite often whenever I've been speaking to a doctor about my drinking, they've asked me "Have you ever needed a drink first thing after you wake up in the morning?"
My answer to that is yes I have felt like I needed one, but I've never actually allowed myself to have a drink first thing in the morning, despite wanting one very badly. To me that would be taking a huge step downwards way further in to the problem than I currently am.

Is drinking 'euphoric' for alcoholics?

Oh yes, absolutely!!!
For me, nothing compares to the euphoria I get from the first few drinks of the day. But it's mainly about satisfying the alcohol cravings, and getting some of the drug to reach the receptors in the brain. I imagine it would be the same for an addict of any drug. The type of substance in question isn't important, be it alcohol, meth, heroin, coke etc, it's the nature of addiction and satisfying the cravings that causes the euphoria. Once you've satisfied the craving, the feeling of relief and euphoria is immense.

 

[Allein]

It was week yesterday since i had my last drink, working with a counselor I've sort of timed it in with tapering off Diaz.

I got the Diaz in about 3 months ago thinking i would do a home detox from alcohol, or at least that was the excuse I used to get the Diaz in

Ended up with a 100mg + (some days quite alot +) for about 8 weeks before starting a taper.

I'm down to 5mgs a day and on the last couple of days of the taper, also came off all ADs as I've tried 5 now and they just make me ill.

As long as i can stay off the booze my CBT course will start in August at the moment I can't say its easy, I'm on edge all the time, I can barely face the day fuck knows how I'm going to live a sober drug free life but i know its got to be done. The symptoms of my anxiety and depression have really increased over the last 3 years and so with it my alcohol and drug abuse.

Best wishes to all out there trying to dry themselves out

 

[phactor]

I think my personal secret to avoiding horrible hangovers is that I drink shitloads of water. When I'm drinking alcohol I literally drink at least 3 litres of water, and that helps reduce hangovers immensely.

Drinking lots of water is always good, I did the same when I was drinking. While I didn't drink quite as much as you, I know what you are saying by a very slight hangover but it being almost normal. Its almost like an extended fuzziness or something.

RevDrucifer - If you are drinking a half gallon at night you most likely cannot quit drinking cold turkey on your own. Either taper slowly on your own (which can be very dangerous) or talk to your doctor.

I am going to repost this link:

http://hamsnetwork.org/


Anyway I am starting on my Suboxone taper day 2. Just a milligram or two reduction, no biggie. I did have a very slight craving for a drink last night. About 2 minutes at the most. I was prepared for it, because I went out to a favorite bar (hadn't been in a while) and had 2 NA beers over the course of a few hours. Fun time. Very weird driving home totally sober. I haven't driven drunk in years, but I would sometimes drive maybe a beer over the limit. I spent a total of 5 dollars. With the type of beers I enjoy I would have spent at least 12 bucks.

A caveat though: I waited until 7 months to try an NA beer. I know some recommend not having them after quitting or taking a break. I personally do not feel a craving from them but I'd imagine it could cause people trouble.

In regards to the alcohol in the NA beer itself: There is a little, but orange juice has some alcohol in it too. Its really upto you. Know way is someone gonna tell me that I relapsed, because I feel I didn't. This is my life and my decision.

 

[RevDrucifer]

Thanks, phactor.

It was pretty much a half gallon every other night. Meaning, I'd buy one at 9pm monday, by tuesday AM, half was gone, then I'd clear out the rest of it Tues night. So, a quarter-gallon a day.

Today's my 3rd day without anything and aside from the constant, "Man, a drink would be nice.", I haven't really had any issues. I've been sweating A LOT more than usual, but I'm not surprised as the last bender surely had some toxin storage.

I've never had any real physical reactions to stopping, aside from the usual shakes the next day, but the most I've stopped for has been 2 weeks in the last 4 years.

Should I expect something more severe to come up? I know mentally it won't be easy, but should I be worried about seizure's, panic attacks or anything else?

Thanks again!

 

[n3ophy7e]

The symptoms of my anxiety and depression have really increased over the last 3 years and so with it my alcohol and drug abuse.

I can relate to this so much!! Like, I've always suffered with depression, but I NEVER ever had anxiety issues....until the last couple of years. Now my anxiety is through the roof and completely out of control, and I know for a fact that alcohol has caused me to develop this anxiety.
Awful.

As long as i can stay off the booze my CBT course will start in August at the moment I can't say its easy, I'm on edge all the time, I can barely face the day fuck knows how I'm going to live a sober drug free life but i know its got to be done.

Please keep going man, you've done a week sober, that is so excellent!! So now you KNOW you can do it. August is not that far away, seriously, only a couple more weeks. Then you can start your CBT sessions.
I wish you all the best, and please keep us updated with how you're going


I've been sober for 2 days now. And especially those two day falling over a weekend, that is immense for me. I honestly cannot remember the last Saturday night that I didn't drink alcohol...it would have to be like 4 or 5 years ago. But I made it through, unscathed.
Man I tell ya, it was mind-boggling to wake up this morning at 8am (Sunday), fresh as a daisy and ready for action, no hangover, no hitting the snooze button for over an hour, just bounced out of bed and started doing stuff.

I liked it

 

[Allein]

^^^

Thanks for the support, over the last few years, apart from work (which doesn't really count IMO) I have little social contact outside of my partner and cloase family, I even avoid family when I can.

I'm sure its the same for so many people, if it was just giving up the booze and benzos I don't think it would be this hard but the anxiety and depression are still there and now I don't have anything to block them out.

When I look back over the last 25 years, there's always been something I was doing daily, I'm lucky I never got into opiates or I'd be dead by now for sure.

At the moment even without the booze I wake up just wanting the world to go away, or for me just not to have to deal with it.

That said i do get up, I hold my job down and things are going to get better, I keep telling myself that lets hope for once in a long time I can avoid de railing any chance of it and at least feel a little contentment without it being chemically induced.

 

[randomness]

Alcohol for me was the only thing which completely cured my social anxiety and enabled me to have a social life. I went from being housebound for years on end, to spending every night in pubs and meeting complete strangers off the internet.

Being sensitive to alcohol (and drugs for that matter) it only took 2 or 3 beers for me to get very intoxicated, and at that level I could be myself and just communicate with people and maintain eye contact easily with no fears at all.

I began to like the whole routine of going to the same pubs, meeting people and hanging out smoking, particularly in the summer. It soon got to a point though where I was drinking just to go get to the pub or even to the shops. I seemed to be incapable of doing anything outside the house unless intoxicated.

This lifestyle was fun while it lasted but it soon became unsustainable and started to take its toll on my health. I even passed out one time and had to be carried home. I started being sick in random places and usually on arriving home plastered. But worse than that I started to get these terrible hangovers. Not just ordinary hangovers. They would start about 4 hours after my last drink. Excruciating headaches. Real agonising pain like my brain being ripped open. My blood pressure would be sky high so I could feel and hear my pulse throbbing and with each pulse, pain.

This would sometimes last 2-3 days, during which time I'd be confined to bed not eating. These "hangovers" or whatever they were started to become more frequent until eventually they would start even after 2 drinks. I took this as a warning sign I had to stop drinking, which I did.

When the drinking ended, so did my social life. I've never been the same since with alcohol and can't enjoy it like I used it anymore now. If I have one beer I feel groggy and a mild headache. So that is about my limit now..just one beer or a glass of wine and no more. My body can't take it. I guess there is a lesson here. I'm lucky I didn't get physically addicted to alcohol rather than just psychologically dependent on it as a social crutch. Maybe the hangovers thing was a self-protection mechanism thing to stop me abusing alcohol like I was.

I find this interesting. I have abused virtually every downer that is available (notably ketamine, benzos and opiates), excepting only RC's and things like that, but I never felt even slightly attracted to alcohol. This is strange given my patterns.

And are you saying that, when an alcoholic wakes up hungover, they can get rid of their hangover by drinking more?

Is drinking 'euphoric' for alcoholics?

I don't think a hangover can be cured by drinking more, that has certainly never been the case for me. I see a hangover as really the early symptom of alcohol poisoning. It's your body's way of telling you this stuff isn't doing you any good at this quantity in your body.

You can definitely get euphoric from alcohol if you drink enough. It's the most pro-social drug I ever took and nothing else suppresses inhibitions quite like it. The only problem is, it's such a dirty toxic drug and has such a high body load at the level you need to get the good effects.

Alcoholism and the symptoms of it alcoholics exhibit are not the same as hangover. The kind of symptoms are fear, anxiety, confusion, depression, shaking, sweating, possibly hallucinations. Drinking more makes those go away temporarily.

Why do people drink alcohol? I don't understand. I mean, why do they become addicted to it?

Well alcohol can be extremely physically addictive to some people, just like hard drugs or benzos. And you can get tolerance too so that you need to drink larger quantities to get the same effects, and the more you drink, the more additive it becomes and damaging. A vicious circle that gradually destroys you much like heroin, only over a longer period.

How do alcoholics ever get past the hangovers, headaches and nausea?

That's a very good question. For me, it was the hangovers, headaches and nausea which stopped me becoming a full blown alcoholic I think. Perhaps for alcoholics, if they continue to ignore those warnings long enough their body finds ways to adapt to them and they don't experience them as severely.

Opiates and benzos don't really have any down-time, at least not unless you're addicted and without a source; but alcohol, it seems, always culminates in feeling like dirt.

I hope this doesn't constitute 'triggering'.

I agree with you, alcohol is a really dirty toxic drug to put into your body in large quantities regularly. It probably destroys more lives than all the other drugs put together.

Give me an opiate or benzo any day. The only issue with those is rapid tolerance and dependency, then all the hell of withdrawal. I'm lucky I have never had to face that *touch wood* as I'm always careful with drugs. I was on Valium almost daily for 2 years under a doctor, and I've self-medicated with Tramadol and other opiates, but never been addicted.