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Delsyd said:
Never, i think it might be in your best interest to take better care of yourself.
Your posts seem very self destructive.
Youre intelligent and funny and have a whole life ahead of you.

Take control of your life now before it spirals way too out of control.

Quite a few people have been through rough times in their lives and made it through.
I left my parents house at 18 and did the being on my own thing.
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Great post Delsyd

Keep on truckin Never :(
 
Never Knows Best said:
Well normally it happens when I go into a dissociative hole, I'll vomit before regaining motor control. This time I was drinking straight out of the bottle (stupid) and ended up passing out, prolly threw up right before hand since I wasn't IN the puke that implies that I was conscious when it happened. Carpet still kinda smells, I think I will clean it some more right now.

Feeling pretty positive these last couple of days, I blame my mini-vacation, if this keeps up I'll make it through this month easy. Though who knows, this positivity never lasts 'cause I always realize it's based off delusion at some point then I go back into nihilistic fatalism (a bad philosophical combo if there ever was one). When I'm positive my thoughts are more along the lines of a spiritual determinism.
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Have you ever heard of dialectical behavioral therapy?

I'm not suggesting a diagnosis by any means, but I really think you could benefit if you found a good practitioner. You're obviously a very intelligent kid, but you engage in some incredibly self-destructive behaviors. I really think you have the potential to live a happy and fulfilling life if you're open to getting help. There are plenty of people like you who turn out just fine...don't think you can't.
 
If tomoro goes as planned it should be my first date with lady K. It has been a while since I tried a new drug and I'm pretty excited. Plan on just laying back in my bed in the dark with my ipod.
 
Delsyd said:
I left my parents house at 18 and did the being on my own thing.
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Living on your own is awesome, I mean, I did the university thing for a year and while my roommate and I hated each other, it was way better than living with the folks. But it's kind of hard to support yourself without a source of income (amazing how the most severe of my problems keep on coming back to that point, eh?), I've been thinking if I can stop being lazy and try to get out that MF money, and if that came in before my San Diego vacation on July 20th, I'd like live in a motel for a week or two, kind of like a wilderness sabbatical (but without the wilderness).

You shouldn't worry too much guys, I mean, if I can fix my problems I can fix them, if not then that ain't any of you guys' faults, man cannot oppose fate after all.

Now I'm being too depressing, I can't help but do it sometimes (it's good to get these things off your chest, ya'know), but I know we come here for more pleasant talk usually, so enough about me!

Oh, and delsyd/dodante, I don't see myself as intentionally engaging in self-destructive behavior, I mean yeah a lot of what I do is bad for me, but I just do what I have to to get by. I mean, the booze helps me not obsess over my problems constantly when I can't do anything about them (at night), and more than that represents what I think is a continuance of the psychological dependence on GABAergics I developed during my daily GBL use of the last four months of 2010. I've been drinking less days a week too. I've stopped doing that contaminated 4-meo-pcp (or got it down to once a month, I'm almost out) that was fucking up my stomach so much, so it's not all bad. So long as my sporadic efforts to get a good opiate connect continue to fail I think my drug situation will continue to get better/more healthy.

phennyj said:
If tomoro goes as planned it should be my first date with lady K. It has been a while since I tried a new drug and I'm pretty excited. Plan on just laying back in my bed in the dark with my ipod.
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That's always a good thing to do with dissociatives, they're also really good with movies. Like, when your ego is removed, you're not watching a film so much as experiencing it firsthand, and everything takes on an incredible personal relevance to you (so choose your film carefully, if you decide to do it at some point).
 
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Cool, glad you had a good time.

That's one that's on my list to try someday, never had a chance to try it.

Today I had some pretty spirit-crushing depression, but I'm feeling better now that I am home and had dinner. Some days are harder than others.
 
yucatan said:
Today I had some pretty spirit-crushing depression, but I'm feeling better now that I am home and had dinner. Some days are harder than others.
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On harder days, I try to keep in mind something I once heard. The desert is beautiful because you know somewhere deep within lies an oasis. You just gotta figure out what your oasis in the desert is, and now matter how difficult things are, you can keep your eye on the beauty and positive things in the world. :)
 
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^ Beautiful advice, NKB. :) I like to think of the world as a painting, black ink on white canvas: the work of art is apparent only upon the boundaries between the ink and the canvas. Love and hatred, pain and pleasure, sorrow and gratitude.


I'm really quite stoned right now, and I have just written an essay which I have entitled, Same Thing Twice:

TheAppleCore said:
the world is like a strange anomaly of the universe, in which many "echoes" appear. primarily, these take the form of creatures replicating themselves in the cycle of life, generation after generation.

but also, they take the form of memories and intentions. a memory (e.g. childhood experience) is as individual element of the human psychology which always follows a pattern, in which by some neural analogy, it reflects some past experience. an intention (e.g. "i think i'll have soup.") also, assuming the individual with the intentions is successful in putting them to command, resembles a future course of action by some neural analogy. and so you see, more little echoes.

so, my question is -- why are the echoes never perfect echoes? they're always distorted, if only slightly. echoes in the form of replicating organisms are relatively exact, however always differ by genetic combinations, or genetic mutations, or other subtle details of their little lives. and as we all know, memories can become rather distorted (alzheimer's), and the best of intentions can be had with the worst of luck.

apparently, whoever's running this thing never really likes to do the same thing twice!
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Tell me if it makes any sense whatsoever. I'm not a proper judge of that ATM.
 
I'm excited, my wife finally booked a flight and is coming to join me. We've been in different cities for the last 5.5 months, as I moved for my new job and she was still finishing up her least part of schooling for her career path (she just finished). It's been rough being apart from her, especially since I moved away from all my family and friends as well.

I do not recommend doing something similar to what we did. However, my desired career path made it such that this was one of few options.
 

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TheAppleCore said:
^ Beautiful advice, NKB. :) I like to think of the world as a painting, black ink on white canvas: the work of art is apparent only upon the boundaries between the ink and the canvas. Love and hatred, pain and pleasure, sorrow and gratitude.


I'm really quite stoned right now, and I have just written an essay which I have entitled, Same Thing Twice:





Tell me if it makes any sense whatsoever. I'm not a proper judge of that ATM.
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it does make sense, but i feel the first paragraph is a little detached from the rest of it. it is an interesting idea.

but wast there a whole philosophy on how history repeats itself, and how people keep making the same mistakes over and over, even if they appera different ebcause they are in a different context? lke the inescapability of humanity?
 
^ Heh, thanks for reading. :) As for the philosophy you speak of, I'm not sure... I mean, that would probably fall under the broader term "psychology".
 
Man, I've been sober for like practically a week now, I feel like a pot of boiling water perpetually on the verge of overflowing.

Oh, when I was sitting out on some balcony someplace on my evening walk (the closest thing I get to relief), on top of this plum tree was this one branch with twigs devoid of leaves sticking straight up at the sky, and there was this house finch sitting at the very tip top of it all, I was lookin' down on it being on the second story and all, it was very picturesque, like I think it would have made a nice Chinese style painting or something. And that was the best part of my day.


How y'all doing?
 
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