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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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^^ Mate, I just sent you a PM, looking forward to hearing back from you. Take care, you are a good person who deserves to be happy <3
 
Life definitely sucks, sometimes. But not all the time. The good times are worth fighting for and when the good times come, the wait will have all been worthwhile <3
 
Reverse seasonal depression or some shit.
No one understands why I get so upset over the heat, they're like its just heat....
Yeah, well I'd rather be freezing than sweating so much it drips down my ass crack at work, and no one understands why, nor can I tell them why, cause to tell them would be saying "HERE, ABUSE ME THEN FIRE ME". I can't fucking take this shit. You try doing THIS on a daily basis, quoted from a friend:

"It is like the most horrible, suffocating feeling of claustrophobia in your own body combined with the most crushing feelings of self-disgust and an intense, overwhelming feeling of envy. The envy is the worst part."

Yeah, you'd be suicidal too
 
I can understand what you are saying man, it seems very horrific. However, imagine yourself being an immensely strong person living through something this horrific. That is how I had to think about it when I was in a lot of excruciating physical pain earlier this year.
 
Yeah, I'm still kicking. When my boss teaches me new shit at work and trusts me with a press that when I'm operating it, holds 3 people's lives in my hands cause we all have to walk inside the press to insert the parts, and then I have to press the buttons, making sure no one is inside it....and shit like that....it makes me feel like I am somebody. I remind myself that most people who try workign there quit cause they can't handle the hours or the physical work and most don't train on complicated presses. Yeah. It strokes my ego. But I deserve that for 12 hrs a day...it makes me feel good, I guess.
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
Yeah, I'm still kicking. When my boss teaches me new shit at work and trusts me with a press that when I'm operating it, holds 3 people's lives in my hands cause we all have to walk inside the press to insert the parts, and then I have to press the buttons, making sure no one is inside it....and shit like that....it makes me feel like I am somebody. I remind myself that most people who try workign there quit cause they can't handle the hours or the physical work and most don't train on complicated presses. Yeah. It strokes my ego. But I deserve that for 12 hrs a day...it makes me feel good, I guess.
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There you go! Other people count on you and are eternally grateful for your competency in doing your job. :) That is something to feel great about.

I am sure on a very deep level that your co-workers have a great deal of respect for you as well since they are relying on you.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
There you go! Other people count on you and are eternally grateful for your competency in doing your job. :) That is something to feel great about.

I am sure on a very deep level that your co-workers have a great deal of respect for you as well since they are relying on you.
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That's for sure, and their families too!

You're doing something worthwhile and productive, zap. Good for you man, it's such a good feeling and you deserve it. I'm just now getting back to that point myself.
 
Well, I only ran that huge life containing press for a day as a sub. But I still get to run presses that they don't train you on unless they think you're intelligent enough to run them...ha. In the beginning they liked me cause I work fast, but since my depression started kicking my ass I got slower....I guess I make up for that now by running presses that not everyone can run...but I want to get my speed back up. My boss once said to me when I asked why he kept me as an employee, he said cause I'm fast, I don't fuck up paperwork, I catch on quick....idk. I guess to my coworkers I am somebody, and as long as they don't figure out my secret, I'm good

Just for shits and giggles, this is the press I'm talking about where you have to walk inside

press.jpg
 
It's been a year and 3 months since my sexual health was decimated by a drug at just 20 years old. I don't want anymore of this life, I never did anything bad to anyone and this is what it has given me? fuck this. Why is it impossible to find any easy methods of suicide on the internet? I want to relieve myself of what will be a constantly painful life, especially as I go through my 20's and relieve my parents of what I will become.
 
Jaylib, I'm not sure which drug you're referring to that killed your libido but please believe that you will NOT be like this for the rest of your life. I know, because I've been through the exact same thing. I was on anti-depressants for about 9 months, 3 years ago. The medication absolutely destroyed my sex drive, I couldn't even THINK about sex if I tried. Obviously, being in a relationship, it was a big challenge for me and my partner (we are still together). BUT gradually my libido has been coming back over the last 6 months or so.

Like you, I had lost all hope. But then my sex drive started coming back. I actually wrote a thread about it, here: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=554388

I know that us humans are sexual creatures and when things aren't functioning the way they once were, especially in our 20's, it is deeply upsetting. But things will NOT be this way forever. You will gradually get better. Trust me.
 
Jaylib said:
It's been a year and 3 months since my sexual health was decimated by a drug at just 20 years old. I don't want anymore of this life, I never did anything bad to anyone and this is what it has given me? fuck this. Why is it impossible to find any easy methods of suicide on the internet? I want to relieve myself of what will be a constantly painful life, especially as I go through my 20's and relieve my parents of what I will become.
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I believe that there is a way to reverse what the drug has done to you - how long has it negatively impacted you thus far?

You shouldn't give up hope yet, as there might be a way to help you out.

Have you talked to doctors about your issue?
 
So I found a reason to live for now.
When my mother reported me as a missing person (long story, but completely unecessary), what I read on the police report confirmed my belief that if I were to die before her and funeral shit defaulted to her, she'd ruin everything I worked to achieve and completely wreck what everyone thought about me in my obituary. And if there's one thing I refuse to have happen, its to have certain things about me revealed, even if I'm dead. so for now, my goal is to outlive the cunt, and take it from there...
 
Right now my depression is even effecting me harder because I'm going through relationship issues. I was living with this girl in a different state and I was really happy... long story short I could not find any work so I came back home. I'm working now, but our relationship is falling apart (she is also the first girl I really loved). Since I left she acts different towards me and not having that feeling of someone else truly loving me back caused my depression to intensify. I'm planning a trip to see her and I'm hoping I can find out how see really feels and talk face to face about it. If things don't work out I know they are other girls out there, my only problem is I have low self esteem issues and I get discouraged easy. I'm trying to think more positive and be more out going plus I'm not a bad looking guy and I'm really nice (which sometimes I think might be my problem).
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
So I found a reason to live for now.
When my mother reported me as a missing person (long story, but completely unecessary), what I read on the police report confirmed my belief that if I were to die before her and funeral shit defaulted to her, she'd ruin everything I worked to achieve and completely wreck what everyone thought about me in my obituary. And if there's one thing I refuse to have happen, its to have certain things about me revealed, even if I'm dead. so for now, my goal is to outlive the cunt, and take it from there...
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:D ZAP I am happy for you. Despite how horrible that must have been (unnecessarily reporting someone as a missing person is a waste of valuable resources and surely she should be facing some charges herself for filing a false police report!!), I am glad that you want to live if ONLY to out live her! :)

I have a lot of hope and faith in you ZAP so I hope to hear good things from you in due time. You can always PM me of course.

forums1969 said:
Right now my depression is even effecting me harder because I'm going through relationship issues. I was living with this girl in a different state and I was really happy... long story short I could not find any work so I came back home. I'm working now, but our relationship is falling apart (she is also the first girl I really loved). Since I left she acts different towards me and not having that feeling of someone else truly loving me back caused my depression to intensify. I'm planning a trip to see her and I'm hoping I can find out how see really feels and talk face to face about it. If things don't work out I know they are other girls out there, my only problem is I have low self esteem issues and I get discouraged easy. I'm trying to think more positive and be more out going plus I'm not a bad looking guy and I'm really nice (which sometimes I think might be my problem).
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Just remember that there are billions of other people in the world, so try to remember that there are always more options.

I am hoping you and her can work it out though - best of luck on talking to her about it.
 
So yes...and here we go again...

Overwhelmed by work, paralysed, isolated by both choice and circumstance, blew the benzo taper - had got down, briefly, to 20mgs of diazepam a few months after kicking opiates, now back on doses of 70+ mgs a day. Seeking treatment, but as yet with little luck - and suddenly thoughts of ending it are constant again. I need to get out of this job - too high-pressure - and like my mom said, 'don't let it fucking destroy you' - but then I'm looking at insolvency and maybe worse.

I'm a Jew, we're 'sposed to toast 'L'chaim' - 'to life' - but I can't so toast, right now, with any honesty.

Don't really know why I'm posting, except I come here when I feel this way.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
My advice is to find a less stressful job; there has got to be a less stressful job that is out there for you. :)
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True enough: but I've made commitments I have to see through, or I'd be even less able to live with myself. 9 more months of this shit, if I can make it through, and I'm out, not just of the job, but the country. That's the closest I have to a plan, anyways...
 
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