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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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Unfortunately GHB is Schedule I in the US.

Aaaaaanyway, don't give up hope guys. Things DO GET BETTER. When you're depressed it's like you're seeing the world through a cardboard tube pointed at the ground. There's no magic formula, but take it one day at a time and I promise things will get better. Keep at it, because life is ALL WE HAVE. And if it isn't, well, then we'd better hope whatever comes after isn't anything like most religions claim.
 
Just wanted to post that though life remains difficult, and terminal thoughts never far away, things have been better, the past few days, and this thread has been a great resource at my darkest moments. Grateful to all posters and mods on this thread for being here and being honest. David Foster Wallace should have listened to his own wisdom - 'no single moment is, in and of itself, unbearable.' There may not be much light at the end of some tunnels, but the darkness fades at times.

Let's all keep breathing, as long as we can.
 
i've tried to kill myself over 20 times and i was never successful but the closest i got was when i took 18 grams of lithium and two bottles of sizzurp (codine/promethazine cough syrup) 30 effexor pills and 30 20mg zyprexa and i blacked out for 4 days and the doctor told my dad i probably wouldn't make it the only reason i'm still alive is because my dad wouldn't let the doctor take me off of dialysis for the whole time i was out and i was pissed to find out i was still alive when i woke up
 
and if you think life gets better your wrong everyday i wish i was dead the only reason i'm not is because i can't do that to my family
 
mrflowers00 said:
and if you think life gets better your wrong everyday i wish i was dead the only reason i'm not is because i can't do that to my family
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Life can get better and worse - sometimes in the same breath. But to deprive oneself of life is to deprive oneself of the pleasure of deriding it.
 
@ mrflowers00 have you had your brain MRI'd to see if there is something going in there? I think my depression is caused by my situation in life, not knowing what I'm meant to do with my life. When I thought I was in love and was with a girl I felt like I had more to live for, but now that is pretty much over. Today my anxiety wasn't bad, but the depression remained which sucked.
 
i actually have had a CAT scan and there's nothing wrong with my brain in that manner but i do have a bad neck and back and bipolar2 disorder and panic disorder and schizophrenia so I'm a little crazy but the way i view the world is the more of us dead the better
 
mrflowers00 said:
and if you think life gets better your wrong everyday i wish i was dead the only reason i'm not is because i can't do that to my family
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this is how i feel right now.

this has gone on way too long to be the comedown i initially thought it was.

i feel like i'm drowning. miles and miles or water, as far as i can see, and i no longer have the energy to keep treading water.

my head has been really fucking with me the last 2 days. no longer really matters if i pass or fail my course. nothing really matters. i know its self sabotage, i'm not really failing but i have to fail to justify my depression.

edit: to make things worse have just seen things that actually weren't there. i haven't taken anything and this has never happened before. its freaking me out.
 
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chinup said:
this has gone on way too long to be the comedown i initially thought it was.
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How long has this current episode been going on for hun?
I ask because I was in the same situation a week ago. I had some MDMA 2 weeks ago and had a really seriously bad comedown-week last week, and it went on for so long that I started to believe that I had really just lost the plot entirely, and it was no longer due to the MDMA comedown...

But then I awoke one day and it had cleared, I felt fine again.

It took about 6 days.


Also, chinup, what are you proactively doing to get some help? There are a lot of resources out there for people like us who suffer from crippling depression, but you need to call someone and book a time to go and have a chat. I can't recall but I'm sure you've mentioned this before, but have you seen a cousellor/psychologist before? And was it recently?
 
I just heard something that impressed me:
"If you want to kill yourself, that means there's still something there to kill." Which means there's something there to save.
I hope that message gives people hope and strength no matter what you're going through.
 
n3ophy7e said:
How long has this current episode been going on for hun?

...

Also, chinup, what are you proactively doing to get some help? There are a lot of resources out there for people like us who suffer from crippling depression, but you need to call someone and book a time to go and have a chat. I can't recall but I'm sure you've mentioned this before, but have you seen a cousellor/psychologist before? And was it recently?
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been down since i sobered up from the bender really. so saturday. which is odd because usually i feel good, though tired, the day after. its been getting worse since then. hopefully it'll be like yours and i'll snap out of it v soon! have even cut down using mdma etc because i don't think its good for my general mood right now, but don't wanna cut it out completely.

i am having weekly appointments with a care coordinator, who does cbt style things and stress/occupational therapy related stuff. i supposedly have an appointment with a psychiatrist in about 3 weeks. i have informed uni that i'm struggling so they've taken off the pressure a bit. it took me a long time to seek help becuase i've done it all so many times and it feels a bit hopeless.

today has been really hard, mildly psychotic symptoms, which i've never ever had before, and being torn between chucking all my meds down the loo or down my throat. haven't done either. just waiting for my boyf to get home.

this is hurting my head i can't concentrate.

and coffee drinker- that certainly is food for thought.
 
chinup said:
been down since i sobered up from the bender really. so saturday. which is odd because usually i feel good, though tired, the day after. its been getting worse since then. hopefully it'll be like yours and i'll snap out of it v soon! have even cut down using mdma etc because i don't think its good for my general mood right now, but don't wanna cut it out completely.
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I think it would be a good idea to take a few months break from MDMA and other amphetamines hun. Really. I remember back when I was abusing MDMA nearly every weekend in late 2005, I'd developed bulimia, I was cutting myself, I was suicidal. Yet I still couldn't fathom quitting my beloved MDMA. But it was the sole cause of all of my problems.
I eventually admitted this to myself and took about a 5 month break, picked up the pieces and got myself back together again, and was able to enjoy MDMA in moderation after my long break.
How frequently are you indulging in amphetamines hun? (you don't have to disclose that here if you're not comfortable doing so, of course).

chinup said:
it took me a long time to seek help becuase i've done it all so many times and it feels a bit hopeless.
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I am in exactly the same boat hun! I could've written that word for word :D
I know sometimes it seem futile to keep having to go back to seeking professional help, but sometimes it really does take a few attempts to get it right, for the therapy to "click" with us. But please just keep trying, it will be worth it in the end.

Good luck with the psychiatrist appointment, let me know how you go okay? I'm always just a PM away if you need to talk one-on-one. You are not alone, and you will get through this <3
 
my depression also doesn't seem to have anything to do with my drug use because i was just as depressed and suicidal before i ever did drugs as i am now
 
n3ophy7e said:
I think it would be a good idea to take a few months break from MDMA and other amphetamines hun. ... Yet I still couldn't fathom quitting my beloved MDMA. But it was the sole cause of all of my problems.



...

Good luck with the psychiatrist appointment, let me know how you go okay? I'm always just a PM away if you need to talk one-on-one. You are not alone, and you will get through this <3
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Your are definitely right. In fact I'm quite annoyed, I read this on friday and when I read it, I thought I could honestly do that. I have loads of busy none druggy weekends coming up so wouldn't have the time. As soon as we got home on friday we got straight on the mephedrone, second week in a row. When my boyf moved up to live with me we took md/drone almost every week and I ended up a wreck, hence the decision to calm down, usually once a month.

I think I do have a good chance of taking at least a 2 month break now, and will try to make it longer. I don't think I can face purposely taking a break though, I need to just not have the time. Its sad but it would feel like giving up the only thing that makes me feel goot right now, which would be hard to do.

Though I should also say, I have always been a depressive, so its not entirely caused by drugs but I know they are certainly a factor.

Anyway I'm feeling quite a bit better today. Its always up and down though.

Hope you guys are all ok, and yeah n3o I'll keep you posted.

Thanks.
 
I'll just say.....mdma, the few times I tried it...made me feel extremely depressed for a week on the comedown, worse than any depression I've felt in my life. I stay away from that shit now.
 
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