opiates and mental health

[TheLostBoys]

Hydrocodone is a godsend for depression. I had a few major boughts with depression when I was young, depression turning into schizophrenia just locked up for days wanting to die, just like my Grandmother who was in mental "hospitals" most of her life. Prozac worked but was dangerous IMO. Then I had a major surgery where some nerves were permanently damaged, been on Hydrocodone 15 years since, no depression. Leading a productive life ever since. Of course I deal with pain everyday and am physically "weak" to others, but I'm not depressed and I get up and go to work every day and come home happy. Never once ran out of a script, or called for them early.

So yes opiates are amazing medicine for some with genetically deficient brain chemistry. But not for those with an addictive personality, you have to be very discipled.

Warning I did get addicted to tramadol, this is a dangerous like Prozac. Stick with close analogs of the good stuff motherearth gives us.

Discipline is the key my friend & you have it, especially when you're going on 15 years. Its possible folks but its not for everyone.

 

[Bojangles69]

Haha /\ wtf? (@ post #20 was a bit slow typing) Do all smart people think like this or is it just people who use opiates?

I've always secretely suspected to some degree though that really intelligent people are naturally lazier. Its hard to explain my reasoning why (not really, but intelligent people usually try to maximize gains/resources/profit with as little investment/output/energy as possible) but I see it in my family for one thing. My 3 brothers who went to college and finished all had a bit of a hard time pushing themselves into careers and doing something successful with themselves. While my 2 brothers who never went to college are workaholics, never take vacations, and must work 60-70 hours a week each.

I don't get it but the 2 that work their asses off also happen to be a bit "slower" when it comes to figuring things out. I see it the same way. WHY does it matter what I do?

I don't give a shit about making millions, having a porshe and what not although I do love to travel and that costs money. But it really seems humans have become so programmed and conditioned to be robots like this is all the cost of "civilization". I just want to life my life and travel, meet people, have fun, and laugh as much as I can before I die. Not live everyday on a strict routine, waking up every morning going to work, going to the gym, eating the same healthy meals everyday (ideally), going to the same places every week with some girl I'm with...., doing the same thins with friends, etc. Life really just seems so bland in 2011. Like I'm not made for this generation.
I think I would have honestly done better in some primal time of history. I just want to be naked, hunt and fuck and have fun till I die. Am I a "hedonist" at heart (although I have no sex drive on opiates all I think about off opiates usually is sex)? Are opiates really my way of being on strike against the normal conformists of everyday society? Am I just an "epicurian" that likes to have fun? I don't get it.

But I hear you both loud and clear. I guess the only difference is I don't believe I'll be rewarded by anything in my next life. I've convinced myself thoroughly worms are going to eat me and a 100 years after I'm dead regardless of what I did in my time here noone is likely to remember me. So why work and do all this shit? To be "stable"? lol. Ok I guess thats a good reason and its the reason I myself think I should do it, but I really never knew what my clear problem in life has been. I can point fingers at panic attacks and anxiety, depression a certain points of my life, but maybe I'm too much of a free spirit at heart.
I've always and I mean ALWAYS had issues conforming in my life. Although I'm somewhat of an innocent jock by appearance I'm really a rebellious hedonist for the most part. I'm 28 years though and its about time I make myself "fit" somehow. I don't know. But theseeker don't you live in NJ? We gotta trade aims bro we should meet up and go do something sometime. I see you post a lot on here and we got a ton of shit in common. Could probaly kill a good week just venting about each others problems lol. And thanks again TLB.

 

[theseeker]

If you think about it, no matter what we do in life, we will all die eventually, so does it really matter? I believe here is where the after life comes in. I believe myself that whatever good we do on this earth, meaning helping others & treating others as we want to be treated, we are rewarded in the next life. Now whether you wanna believe this or not is up to you, but believing there is something out there does make life a bit easier imo.

I'm an atheist so I don't believe in any afterlife. You have to make the most of the life you have here and now. For many reasons, I'm not doing that. As Bo said- opiates can put you into a state of apathy. I'm sure they're playing a role in my life. However, I think- at least for me- there are more factors at play. I'm having some mental health problems outside of drug use (at least I believe so) and probably need to speak with a therapist. I have no job and no insurance so that might be hard.

 

[ColdNorth]

Buprenorphine treatment

I went through a ton of different SSRI/tricyclic/neuroleptic treatments when younger for diagnosis like shizoid, borderline, bipolar type 1, general anxiety and all those DSM excuses to hand out meds for things that some would consider personality quirks. Many of them were wrong and years later I find the whole process ridiculous, unscientific and a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, I am now on buprenorphine (and lithium for the bipo). Naloxone-free pain pills, not subutex/suboxone. Of all the treatments I have ever had, this is the best. It keeps me away from the 'bad' drugs and the things that sometimes set off nasty manic episodes completely and there haven't been any ill effects besides constipation. It also lets me work and focus on things which otherwise only comes with more harmful substances. Especially monotonic repetition is much more tolerable. The amounts I take don't get me wasted, I doubt I would feel much more if I took a months supply in one go. They just keep me...content.

It's really weird to get buprenorphine for off-label use, you would think that's a big no-no especially with opiates. Which is stupid, it really has helped my life immensely and I'm grateful to the doctor who took such a leap of faith. He does keep telling me that someone may intervene with the prescription at some point but it's the most widely available street drug in my whole country so even self-medication wouldn't cost insane amounts.

Anyway, just my 2c. I think it would be worth it to atleast keep the option to use opiates in mental health open to those people who obviously benefit from them. Everyone reacts in different ways =)

 

[Bojangles69]

/\ Thats good to hear really good actually. Glad to see doctors are loosening up a bit.

I'm on buprenorphine too but with naloxone. Its also stablized my life a lot and keeps me from wanting to use other drugs. My main issue with it though is it keeps me up at night and gives me almost too much energy. So because I'm not working or going to school right now I'm oversleeping a lot, and absolutely can not get to bed early due to that and the sub. Some nights I take sleeping pills but those just make me sleep longer. So even though I may get to bed an hour or 2 earlier I just sleep an hour or 2 later.

I do love suboxone though its the type of drug I could prob stay on my whole life. I'm just not sure though how easy its going to be to drop this 20lbs or so that I put on when I was using full agonists. Subs constipate me worse than anything and make me feel fat as theres always food in my stomach. Because I feel healthier though (wds wise) I want to start running/lifting again but am afraid the constipation from sub will stop me from losing weight.

Oh well if I need to load up on laxatives so be it. At least sub gives me energy. Just never been sure whether it makes people fat or skinny. Would think it would make them skinny as its a bit of stimulant but the constipation factor may overpower that. Does anyone know if being constipated too much can make you fat? It would seem so not really sure.

 

[Lazyscience]

in america is it really easy to get a hold of opiates like oxycontin and hydrocodone? i dont think you get any of that around the uk.

 

[YourNeighbor]

People talk about this "depression" that comes along with long term opiate use and I want to note that that depression for me is very different than a sober minded type of depression.

Lets put it this way. I had issues with anxiety, had delt with it sober for many years after prison. Aquired 5 years clean, life was "good" for the most part, except there was always this residual anxiety that on certain days would just ruin my days. Some days were normal when I was sober, other days I just couldn't cope with the stress of life. Although I call it "anxiety" though it was more a feeling of claustrophobia for me. When I was at work I felt stuck, when I was home I felt stuck, I felt stuck in my life I think is what it was. And opiates made me forget that I wasnt 100% where I wanted to be in my life. Was working a part time job retail, worked with a lot of uneducated dirtbags, although I worked out persistently and stayed in shape I was always so damn serious with periods of weird manic fun in between, its hard to explain.

But opiates take that "heavy seriousness" away from life. I'm able to take everything just a tad bit lighter when I'm on opiates. Nothing seems to have intense meaning. So if I'm depressed, its fairly easy to pop out of on opiates, if I'm anything actually its fairly easy to pop out of mentally. Opiates definitely serve me in one way but in another way they do something very very bad that I can't put words on.
Thats the part the really fucks with me. Is when I'm addicted long term, and I find myself sitting around not WANTING TO DO ANYTHING. No stimulation of any sort. I think some people call this part of opiate addiction "depression", but I don't feel mentally depressed. I feel more like I have no care in the world to do anything but take my opiates, smoke my cigs, drink my coffee, and play around on the computer all day forcing work whenever I can.

Its definitely not depression though and I've been using long term. Its like life literally just slipped out of my fingers. I'm looking at something in front of me but don't know what to call it anymore. Its not life. Its me just existing. And I wonder if THIS is the price I'm paying for using opiates long term. I know when I quit I'll have a world of shit to get through but I'll also get normal feelings back and something about this is very refreshing. But right now on sub although I feel "ok". I feel like a loser lol. Its motivation I think is the thing. For some reason opiates give me motivation at first to want to excel at normal life activities... but after a certain point I can do absolutely nothing, and have no motivation to want to do anything. So its not "depression" its really a complete lack of motivation.

I took opiates initially because of anxiety, but I think it was moreso that I don't take to boredom well. They made everything fun. No matter where I was or what I was doing everything was enjoyable. But THAT is the exact problem. "Everything" becoming enjoyable. Because right now, my tolerance has gone up immensly, and I don't want to use the word "enjoyable" or "fun" anymore. At this stage theres a very thin level of contentness that exists for everything. Hmm I don't have a job... ehh I don't care I'm content with that. Hmm I don't have a gf... ehh well I'm content with that too. Hmmm I don't really eat more than one meal a day, I'm an insomniac, sleep till 2pm, spent the entire last week doing NOTHING and I mean NOTHING. I mean I just fucking graduated and the 7 days after graduation I did NOT DO SHIT. And guess what? I don't care.

THAT is what scares me the most about opiates.
Cause one day I'm going to wake up and be 48, and I'm going to see that yeh maybe I had a bit less anxiety in my life on opiates but what did I accomplish with my life? Nothing. I spent my whole life on the computer being antisocial, not working out, not taking on new learning ventures, etc etc.

This is the part of addiction that scares me. Its cold, hollow nothingness. Contentness in anything. Everything feels the same. Whether its a movie, a cigarette, meeting a girl, there seems to be the same low level of enjoyment for everything.
I really think the issue is after you assualt your endorphins for so long, your tolerance to endorphins goes so high in general that you just become devoid of all emotion. Good and bad.

I am so fucking lost in my life right now and have no direction. I've felt like this the whole time I've been on opiates. And I feel like I can't change till I stop. But I keep taking the shit. When does it end? Like what do I do go to rehab? I think I have to just start making the right choices. Slowly drop my use and get off this shit. Start working. Be ok with natural anxieties natural and unnatural. I don't know. But what I do know is the longer I use opiates the longer I feel lost in life. And I dno't wanna feel like this much longer.

WOW. This is literally, exactly how I feel as well. Thank you for putting that into words, reading it just kind of puts it into perspective instead of jumbled disconnected thoughts in your head...

 

[Anon54]

^^I totally agree. & although ive tried oxy/morphine ive only been addicted to codeine & tramadol. ive had my fair share of benzos too
I waste alot of time & money on codeine & it doesnt even do anything any more. 400mg today to feel more normal. but not normal.
u could say this about any drug. mariguana & to an even more degree alcohol.
nothing wastes life more than drinking.
smoking is also hrs wasted in a day.
I self medicate with benzos/opiates. (codeine really only is as strong as coffee to me & doesnt seem to have any side effects.) Its certainly healthier than smoking & drinking.
im pretty sur long term use of opiates dont fuck up ya stomach, right? (I did research this)
ive started mirtazepine. i dunno. back when they used to use opiates for depresson maybe it would be better. cuz than i could just pop a pill. & get on with my day.
if u look up antidepressants on wikipedia it states that opiates are better at treating depression than ssris.
i honestly dont know if opiates are good treatment for depression. they seem to work well.
they prescribe ssris. why not opiates. i used tramadol for over 4 months. never got tolerent to it & still get a mild mood lift from codeine.
I think anyone who gets addicted to opiates uses it for depression. otherwise they would be part of the group who tries it but moves on. people take antidepressants, antipychotics. but they have so many side effects. why not a weak opiate every day. tramadol worked pretty good for depression & wikipedia say bupe is superior to any antidepressant.
most ppl i know self medicate with something. weather it be over eating, cigarettes, alcohol ADs etc.
opiates seem to be cleaner way to self medicate than alot of other drugs. (cigs & alcohol are dirty yet still legal) opiates arnt to hard on ya body imo.
drugs are drugs weather they're legit prescriptions or street drugs.
the question is where do u draw the line between mediction and recreation?

 

[belfort]

bpjangles-Um WOW is all i can say..great post and thats how i feel..im clean from opiates but not drugs in general...the drugs work miracles when it comes to creating contentment and allowing us anxious fellows enjoy life..but they do work too well in that days fly by like minutes and what usually gets accomplished when content on drugs, NOT MUCH..just the daily things...problem is, you take away the drugs, back comes the boredom and anxiety and in your case, the seriousness that drives you mad on its own..thats been my biggest hurdle, my sober life is to be honest, quite boring no matter what i change up, just the same old shit..i do blame it on me frying my pleasure centers with opiates and other drugs years ago..im anhedonic and thats the biggest complaint of drug addicts...simply 'doing things' doesnt solve anhedonia when nothing flips that switch in our brain to allow for enjoyment..

so yes, if you are dysphoric and anhedonic sober and the drugs solve that temporarily but bring about other problems...hmm, kind of a 'damned if you do, damned if you dont' scenario..

 

[belfort]

another question is why are drugs a waste of time if they make you content, happier and less anxious??that would seemingly allow you to enjoy your life better so it wouldnt be a waste..trust me, i see many non addicted folks that spend many nights drinking it away at the bar...are they also wasting their lives??what is looked at as a positive way to pass the time then, only sports and things like reading??

ill admit the main reason i enjoy working out and playing sports is the endorphin rush i get but i dont feel like im wasting my time doing those things so...i dunno, i know this is the dark Side but ive always been curious about this topic..

 

[theseeker]

another question is why are drugs a waste of time if they make you content, happier and less anxious??that would seemingly allow you to enjoy your life better so it wouldnt be a waste..trust me, i see many non addicted folks that spend many nights drinking it away at the bar...are they also wasting their lives??what is looked at as a positive way to pass the time then, only sports and things like reading??

ill admit the main reason i enjoy working out and playing sports is the endorphin rush i get but i dont feel like im wasting my time doing those things so...i dunno, i know this is the dark Side but ive always been curious about this topic..

Indeed- I see your point but I see something of a paradox at work, at least for me. While opiates seem to make me feel better, I'm not quite sure I'm any *happier* than I was before them. I know that sounds strange, that I feel better but then again don't really feel any significant improvement in my life because of them. I think it's because feeling good is just a part of life- it's not the everything many of us make it out to be. Also, feeling bad can really be quite a motivator for some of us. If you take feeling bad out of the equation, are you not missing out on a real part of the human experience? Opiates subtract from that experience- especially in my case.

 

[ColdNorth]

True words Bojangles69, somehow I missed your post before. Bupre does the exact same thing for me and many friends as well. Some people don't seem affected by that at all though. Seems the same goes for weed, some people don't get the passiveness at all. I started feeding myself MDMA last couple of weeks to 'fix' the lack of empathy/interest but that half backfired. It did actually help but rolled 5x in 2 weeks, 200-400mg each time so I'll probably suffer more in the coming week(s) than I gained.

There's a fitting saying here "the whole body suffers from a stupid head".

The addiction is not impossible to break but like you said, things just get sooo boring. After a few days you think 'fuck this, I could be enjoying my evening right now' and get back on it. The fact that it's relatively harmless works as a double-edged sword since nasty side-effects will rarely be a motivation for anyone to quit bupre.

About the constipation, the doc recommended sodium picosulfate, apparently it's fast working. I lowered my bupre to a miniscule 1.2mg/day over the winter (thanks to a decent MJ harvest) and the shit problems went away so I can't confirm if it works, but it's pretty cheap. If/when the MDMA crash hits I'll probably be taking enough bupre again to test it out. Never seen anyone get fat on it but I suppose it's possible. Still, nothing like the way people bloat up on Seroquel etc.

As I'm sure you've heard there's a UN meeting on drug policies on June 3rd. Momentum has been building towards ending the war on drugs for a while now and you can sign a petition to the world leaders at www.avaaz.org (online petitions may be often useless but Avaaz do know what they are doing and have succeeded in many ventures). Even if the global policy were to change it would take time for attitudes and practices to catch up but ultimately it would mean better, cheaper, easily available drugs for us and thus better health! It's hard not to be a bit excited about the prospect =)

 

[captainredlegs]

hi i saw this threat and felt i needed to contribute. i live in the uk and its possible we have different names for our painkilling drugs. i have lived with severe pain for over 20 years. i am only 49. i take df118 which in the uk is a class B restricted drug. i also take a drug that is not a narcotic but a very effective pill, called nefferpam(acupan) df118 is a highly addictive and very strong morphine based painkiller which i have been on for 17 years. its not a precipitive drug in than one feels the need to take more and more. the withdrawals come quickly though if you miss a dose. here in the uk illegal possession of this can and often does carry a custodial sentence as crack addicts cut this with heroin to get an extra high. i actually do no know that there is any link between this drug and depression. For myself this drug has been a godsend. df118 is just about the strongest painkiller available here that a general doctor can prescribe without referral to a specialist clinic. as i said this drug is highly addictive but very different to bezos, which are a precipative drug. i know i was addicted to diazapam over 20 years ago when here our doctors were still handing them out. the withdrawals were appalling when they got stopped so much so that i had to be hospitalised to detox. but i know of no link between df118 and depression. in my experience depression is linked to life experiences. and unless one locates the roots of ones depression a pill will not make any difference if when that pill is stopped that persons life is exactly the same as it was before. if we try to locate the roots of our depression in an opiate, then why bother to take the anti depressant. in my view which is located both academically and in experience anti depressants are absolutely ineffective in combating depression. this was also the view of the british medical council who adivised that drugs such as prozac were totally ineffective in treating most depressions and adviised that doctors only offer them as a last resort. counselling was the advised option, but seeing that here in the uk it can take two years to see a free government appointed counseller, doctors had no alternative but to give innefective pills just to meet their targets. so here in the uk patients are being filled full of useless expensive pills because there is no alternative. i have strayed off topic. sorry

 

[belfort]

^^not that easy, some people seem to be depressed and its biological for them..it seems to be somehow deeply engrained in their body and mind..there isnt a trigger for it it doesnt seem..people that suffer from dysthymia and other forms of low grade depression, some will say they have never felt normal until they started taking certain drugs...

besides, people that take opiates for pain will end up miserable imo, in worse pain in the long run..i used to take opiates for back pain and at the end of my use i was miserable with pain..i was thinking 'no way could i get off pain meds as im in too much pain' but when i was forced to stop the opiates, after a few months my pain lessened!!the opiates totally rewire your nervous system so the pain you feel is worse while taking them!no one believes me when i say this but its true..i have much less back pain now than when i was on opiates...

 

[gloeek]

Mental illness and substance abuse run hand in hand. It's hard to get off drugs. I struggle everyday with the huge desire for a fix, but I've been clean from everything except the occasional drink or casual bowl for about 5 months now. I still take a lot of prescriptions for my illness (Thorazine, Abilify, Adderall, Lithium, Klonopin, and Ambien), but I feel better than ever. I was in the psych ward for about 3 months at the end of 2010 and got clean. When I got out I drank heavily and overtook my prescriptions, but that's it. I used to be really addicted to opiates, coke, and benzos. I didn't do anything like that except the Klonopin I am prescribed to. I would consider myself clean now.

I'll tell you though. It's haaaarrrddd ass work. I was using for 6 years and it was hard as fuck to get off. Withdrawal symptoms suck, going to parties where they have drugs suck, dealing with your own temptation sucks, ect. BUT it feels sooo good to be clean.

Actually, I've found in my own personal experience and have read in many books that substance abuse makes your condition worse. Yeah, it feels good to have relief from all your symptoms, but once you stop taking drugs you will notice the before and after change. I guarantee you that all your symptoms will be worse after drug use. I had to have over 40 ECTs and am on a buttload of meds to keep myself stable and I blame drug use. Well, not entirely. I was already really sick, but I realized how sick I really was when I got clean. So I'm not really sure how drug use and mental illness correlates except for self medication.

 

[TheLostBoys]

besides, people that take opiates for pain will end up miserable imo, in worse pain in the long run..i used to take opiates for back pain and at the end of my use i was miserable with pain..i was thinking 'no way could i get off pain meds as im in too much pain' but when i was forced to stop the opiates, after a few months my pain lessened!!the opiates totally rewire your nervous system so the pain you feel is worse while taking them!no one believes me when i say this but its true..i have much less back pain now than when i was on opiates...

^^^^^^^

I dont believe people will end up miserable because of pain meds if they have severe pain. Pain meds alleviate the severe pain which makes life a little better.

As far as the pain getting worse after prolong use of pain meds, I believe that happens when you abuse opiates to get high & kill the pain. You gotta take opiates for pain in moderation or they will eat you alive. If you're self medicating for depression, its also gotta be in moderation but its harder to do in this instance since you're trying to feel better all the time but people have done it successfully.

 

[belfort]

^^how is someone supposed to take pain meds in moderation when they are in extreme pain to begin with?this is usually what happens with chronic pain people on opiods...they are in pain, get scribed opiates..works great at first but in time their pain seems to get worse, so they increase dosage of pain pills or get switched to strong pain med...it works again but down the road the same thing happens, pain increases, so they take more meds or higher doses...before you know it they are scribed 4-5 different pain meds and STILL in chronic pain..i wish i could dig up a past loveline(american radio show) where dr drew goes into detail about how opiates reire the nervous system making you more sensitive to pain..it made no sense to me until wi kicked opiates...now it makes perfect sense..ill see if i can dig it up.

 

[anterrabae]

This thread has blown my mind. Especially Bo and TLB, I don't know. I tried to die when I was thirteen 'cause a neighbor had passed away. Then cutting. Everyday. Addicted to it, the pain. Parents find out and make me see someone. At 16 I was put on Zoloft before they knew it caused suicidal tendencies in younger people. Not even a week goes by and I try to hang myself with an extension cord on my bedroom ceiling fan. Cord broke. So did the fan.

Four mental hospital stints in my 26 years. Nine stitches on my wrist, Hanging from a tree, stealing pentobarbital and a nasal feeding tube ....3 day coma, docs said I'd either be brain damaged or just dead. I actually started the process of rigor mortis. But I'm here. That was 2002. After high school graduation. My best friend of seven years started dating my boyfriend of 16 months while I was committed. I was in love with both of them. What reason had I to live? I planned and planned for months.

Anyway, I started with marijuana like most do. And the occaissional painkiller here and there. Now I want them everyday. Or anything to make me not sober. Without opiates, I just find no meaning in life for myself. Yeah, I got a BA in studio art, what is an artist supposed to do?
Opiates increase my creativity and skill as well as drive.

I',m an unemployed babysitter who gets paid in drugs or money when I need it. I got unemployment to cover my $700 health insurance 'cause my meds are still patented. Abilify, Cymbalta, Xanax, Lunesta. But percs are really what brings out my capabilities. Without opiates, life is nothing for me. Well, maybe my ferret. He and the one who passed on helped so much with my depression. But when I'm at my worst, not even that fuzzy weasel can help. I'm always waiting. Waiting for the next one.

One mushroom trip convinced me that I should have died in 2002 'cause I haven't done anything with my life. But opiates take all the painful memories away. I still have nightmares about the hospitals and high school...but give me a percocet and I'm a well put together person with zest for life. Take away the perc, I'm nothing. Life is nothing. I should be dead. I wasn't meant for life. Life without opiates...that is the dank deep depths of depression with no way out. So give me a percocet, would you?

 

[woodspiece]

I am the OP of this thread. Frankly, i thought it would go nowhere. I'm quite surprised there have been so many posts on this thread. While each of you have contributed your unique and personal relationships to opiate use and MH, I can't help but find a common thread here that most do find; albeit some with trepidation, that opiates and mental health have at the very least, a close relationship.

I don't want you all to think I'm some research doctor looking to gather data. Yes, i am a doctor (non-medical) but please believe me that i have found a touch of "truth" in all of your stories and how i conduct my life with opiates. And for more years than I care to admit.

 

[TheLostBoys]

This thread has blown my mind. Especially Bo and TLB, I don't know. I tried to die when I was thirteen 'cause a neighbor had passed away. Then cutting. Everyday. Addicted to it, the pain. Parents find out and make me see someone. At 16 I was put on Zoloft before they knew it caused suicidal tendencies in younger people. Not even a week goes by and I try to hang myself with an extension cord on my bedroom ceiling fan. Cord broke. So did the fan.

Four mental hospital stints in my 26 years. Nine stitches on my wrist, Hanging from a tree, stealing pentobarbital and a nasal feeding tube ....3 day coma, docs said I'd either be brain damaged or just dead. I actually started the process of rigor mortis. But I'm here. That was 2002. After high school graduation. My best friend of seven years started dating my boyfriend of 16 months while I was committed. I was in love with both of them. What reason had I to live? I planned and planned for months.

Anyway, I started with marijuana like most do. And the occaissional painkiller here and there. Now I want them everyday. Or anything to make me not sober. Without opiates, I just find no meaning in life for myself. Yeah, I got a BA in studio art, what is an artist supposed to do?
Opiates increase my creativity and skill as well as drive.

I',m an unemployed babysitter who gets paid in drugs or money when I need it. I got unemployment to cover my $700 health insurance 'cause my meds are still patented. Abilify, Cymbalta, Xanax, Lunesta. But percs are really what brings out my capabilities. Without opiates, life is nothing for me. Well, maybe my ferret. He and the one who passed on helped so much with my depression. But when I'm at my worst, not even that fuzzy weasel can help. I'm always waiting. Waiting for the next one.

One mushroom trip convinced me that I should have died in 2002 'cause I haven't done anything with my life. But opiates take all the painful memories away. I still have nightmares about the hospitals and high school...but give me a percocet and I'm a well put together person with zest for life. Take away the perc, I'm nothing. Life is nothing. I should be dead. I wasn't meant for life. Life without opiates...that is the dank deep depths of depression with no way out. So give me a percocet, would you?

You are the prime example why opiates should be given for depression. You tell yourself its opiates or no reason to live & I truly understand this. Sure years from now they may not help you like they are helping you today but take into consideration that you are self medicating yourself & are still alive & that is what counts in my book!

If you can add some happy years to a life that has been down & out for years suffering with depression, I dont see why opiates cant be used to give you some normalcy in a world where it is so hard to just "live" in.

So yes, I would give you a perc..........