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Benzo Tolerance and Other Issues

Stay.Blazed.420

Stay.Blazed.420

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 26, 2009
Messages
474
Location
Somewhere up north
First off let me tell you everything i've been diagnosed with by my psychiatrist:

-obsessive compulsive disorder
-generalized anxiety disorder
-[severe] social anxiety disorder
-avoidant personality disorder
-attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
-[severe] bi-polar disorder with episodes of extreme mania (angry, mad and depressed episodes all within a day, multiple times)
-[severe] depression
-insomnia

I also just got out of jail on allegations of trafficking weed when all i should have gotten was a possession charge. I have court dates and lawyers and all this bullshit i'm CONSTANTLY stressing and worrying about.

So basically, in my mind, my brain is fucked. I am fucked. I used to enjoy going out to parties and meeting new people and having a blast with my friends. When i'd drink alcohol i would have a great time. Now when i drink i get angry and aggressive/depressive.

I now have very little friends, nor any desire to meet new ones. I used to love having parties as well, now i don't let anybody near me that i don't trust. The only friends I have left are the few close ones i had during elementary and highschool, and the other 300+ ''friends'' i have on facebook are just people of my past whom i WAS friends with at some point in time, or partied often with.

I am engaged to a beautiful woman, and she's the only one i ever spend time with anymore. due to police issues i have been forced to move out of our place and back home with my mom, so now my gf is on her own. I am currently job-less and have no way to help support her anymore. The fact that she lives with other guys there also causes me great amounts of stress. (there are some trust issues i have with her.. I also believe i can be quite controlling sometimes.. I'm definitely not the best partner)


My doctor put me on two .5mg tabs of klonopin a day, and they just don't cut it. I can tell that they really do help with my anxiety, but only when i take 2x the dose i'm prescribed. I'm also on Lorazepam 0.5mg tabs (no refills) and i take those with my klone's and i still am very anxious throughout the day. I can already tell i am addicted/very dependent on my benzo prescription because if i don't take one i'm a bi-polar maniac. I will punch holes in walls, scream/roar my loudest, yell at my mother, get mad at people for stupid things, get mad at myself for little things, get mad at little things that aren't even a big deal (like just now when my fork fell off the plate and landed on the floor i got extremely pissed off) and many other problems that's making me slowly succumb to an inevitable fate of either suicide or psychosis.

I only have nine .5 klones, and eight ativan's left and i don't refill my klone's until the 31'st (and the ativan's don't seem to do much for me). So basically I'm looking at an inevitable period of horrid withdrawl when i already am barely coping with my anxiety on these meds. I can't even get in to see my family doctor until the day of my refill and i don't see my psychiatrist until june 6th. I don't know what i'm going to do. I took 3 klone's today and two lorazepam's and it helped briefly, (but maybe it only seems that way because i was with my girlfriend at the time these drugs had taken effect and usually when i'm around her i'm not as anxious nor depressed) but certainly didn't last long at all considering how long the half-life of klonopin is and how potent it is compared to other benzo's.

The end of the month will be my last prescribed refill. My doctor only put me on them for three months because he warned me of how extremely addictive they are. Leading up to my first fill of these drugs my doctor noticed how shaky i am and how i tear up whenever i even try talking about what is bothering me or causing me anxiety. originally he prescribed citalopram but all that did was make my bi-polar disorder much much worse so i stopped taking them.

I don't know what to do. do i ask for more refills? Do i ask for an increase in my dosage? do i try a different benzo that may work better? I've read clonazepam/klonopin is the best for treating anxiety so i don't get why this isn't working fully for me. I know benzo's are only used to treat anxiety in the short-term but i have long-term anxiety disorders that are really making me depressed and lethargic about anything pertaining to my continued existence. I self loath all the time and can't even help it. I feel like i've lost control of my brain and don't know how to control it anymore. I feel like i'm slowly going mad with all the stresses in my life, and the only time i feel sane or rational is when i'm on 2x my prescribed dose (including the added lorazepam).

I've even tried taking both benzo's for recreational use since i can't get high due to drug testing. I find no recreational value in either what so ever, other than the fact that i turn into a zombie and can sit down and actually think straight and not have thoughts constantly racing in my mind. I know i need psychological help but i can only see my psych every 5 weeks because he is always booked up.

what do i do??
 
so your question is that you blew through your benzo script too fast and now you have to wait for a refill? i'd say you have two options: call your psych and explain yourself hoping (s)he will phone the pharmacy, or just wait for your refill.

i dont know what 1mg kpin+ .5 ativan a day for 2 1/2 months would mean in the way of WDs, but hopefully another poster can fill you in.


but given the length and details included in your post, i think you are looking for a different kind of answer? maybe the kind you would get in TDS.


good luck with things. i hope the judge scoffs at your trumped up charges. i hope that you find a job again soon. i hope you get to live with your girl again soon. i hope you find safe and healthy a way to deal with your mental issues (try running, never seems to hurt).
 
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^Exactly.

Talk to your doctor ASAP and explain your situation. Tapering is what you need to do if you want to be in any sort of comfort during your withdrawal. While 1mg clonazepam+ 0.5mg lorazepam daily is not that high of a dose, I still don't think cold turkey is the right plan for you.

hydro makes a good point, maybe this would do better over on The Dark Side, OP, PM me if you think that would work better for you.
 
Stay.Blazed.420 said:
I can already tell i am addicted/very dependent on my benzo prescription because if i don't take one i'm a bi-polar maniac. I will punch holes in walls, scream/roar my loudest, yell at my mother, get mad at people for stupid things, get mad at myself for little things, get mad at little things that aren't even a big deal (like just now when my fork fell off the plate and landed on the floor i got extremely pissed off) and many other problems that's making me slowly succumb to an inevitable fate of either suicide or psychosis.
Click to expand...

I just wanted to say that while I am certainly no doctor, I do know that the behavior you described could undoubtedly be related to benzodiazepine withdrawals and not solely a bipolar episode. Discontinuing benzodiazepines abruptly has been known to cause urges to throw/break things, yell, and basically be a violent asshole. Personally, when I was withdrawing from high doses of Xanax or Klonopin, I would pick up the heaviest thing I saw and chuck it against the wall as hard as I could. Unfortunately, I am actually responsible for causing a massive break in a wall at a realitives house due to my irrational behavior during benzo withdrawals. I also experienced a type of rage like no other—shouting, agitation, ect. I would highly recommend that you keep in mind that a portion of your antics may be due to the benzodiazepine withdrawal. Some people get vicious as hell, and I speak from experience.
 
I've already taken my two today (took them early because i had job interviews and didn't want to be a nervous wreck) and it's now 8 hours later and i'm anxious as fuck. I don't want to risk taking another one just to make it worse in a couple of days... ugh
 
tell your doctor man - this is very important, accept, and ask for help - thats what you pay them for, and why they chose to continue helping.


what SOoO said, is so true that its dangerous to only ignore.

please recognize this -

and please also recognize this as resolution as to why some sort of external therapy, out-let, or 'practice/self recognized therapeutic routine' is that much more needed.


<3
 
i'm just worried that if i go back to the doc he'll take me off them completely. he already thinks i'm a drug seeker because i asked to be changed from concerta to dexedrine. Ever since then he's always been weary of giving me things, even when i'm in intense pain like when i had my wisdom tooth grow in fucked up and then get a very very bad infection he didn't put me on 5mg percocet until 5 days had passed. (and i had been calling every day saying it's been getting worse and it got to the point that it was so swollen and so painful that i couldn't even bite my teeth down together or move my tongue in my mouth, swallow liquids or even my own spit. It was hands down the most painful experience i've ever gone through)

and when he prescribed me these he said 3 months only... so now if i go back asking for more (early) or ask for an increase in my dose he'll just think i'm abusing them (which is NOT the case)
 
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dont worry about it is often the last thing to say with someone in a state of high-anxiety, but for now maybe?


this is not something to worry about, just be honest... they dont want to under prescribe, just as much as they shouldnt want to over-prescribe you. you know?
you and you doctor must find out what works for you, and this isn't - thats your only concern it sounds like, to me anyway.

write down your concerns, what you have noticed to help and not, how and when any relief is most apparent - to help and find out why - i dont know if your doctor mentioned, that this isnt permanent most the time...

rather then being so damn frustrated and psychically instigated/ignited(heh) as well, anyone could skip the entire point and needed focus of the conversation in such a state; rather presenting entirely what you need to; your personal concerns that is.
 
No i got my first bottle of 68 and then realized i was 7 days short and was about to make an appointment but then went to jail and the jail doctor took me off it completely just to make my time there worse (maybe because i wasn't going to be in there for very long so he wanted to make it hell)

then i got out of jail on the 27th of april and received another 68.

Then upon realizing once again that i have used too many (even with my added lorazepam which i was only supposed to take one daily) i made an appointment with my family doc asap, but he's not available until the 31'st which is my next pick up date!

so should i go see a walk in clinic or just wait it out? Also, if i do wait it out, should i not bother mention that i was a few days short and just tell him it's not working as effective anymore? atleast this way he won't think i'm just in it to abuse them
 
^this is a chance to establish real trust with your doctor, and help yourself.


insist on being monitored on this medication, i am shifting off now after 4-5 years of klonopin, at 6mgs for a couple. after 8 days w/o taking any, i caught a rebound w/d a couple of days ago.


some people externalize in w/d, i internalize; doing either is harmful to yourself to extents. understand that opioid w/d will make you wish you are dead, benzo w/d can and will do so once established - start this with trust and good habits, and finish with more.
 
i would go to the walk-in, dont try and tip-toe with this shit - from what ive learned and experienced.

-----
for your own safety you should really ask/insist to have this drugs dosage and yourself monitored occasionally by a third party.



Edit:
its a good question, and because of the drug class i cant imagine any other answer.
 
So me and my girlfriend/fiancee had a big fight and i dont have a vehicle to use right now so i can't go over there to resolve it and i'm having horrible anxiety. I took 1mg of lorazepam earlier today and don't know if taking some clonazepam is worth it?

I mean, i only get worsened anxiety when we're fighting, so maybe now is a better time to use it rather than when i'm going through with sub w/d's?

the anxiety is killing me ugh
 
this is a perfect chance not to, and to prove how you can step through this(and many situations) with out the benzo's; or any thing to alter your mind.


keep what you have for when you feel you physically need it - maybe think about how you can not depend on the stuff to help you through a relationship - and grow


anxiety and fear can only hurt you as much as you allow it to; benzos they do hurt man..!
;-)
 
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