Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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Willkommen, Herr Doktor.

Like the Admin said, talk to the board.

I never thought I'd need or use a resource like this in adult life, but this is a place of hard-bitten survivors, not sociopaths. Open up. What have you got to lose but worthless Zeit?
 
Thanks man.

I've took a lot of diazepam and some vodka. Im going to take a heroic dose of mushrooms. Maybe that will make me realise life is worth living. Tha pain is to much just now.

Take care guys.
Pb109

Things just came to a head for me on Saturday. I'm ashamed to say I stole my mums prescription. The pain was unbearable. I must have took about 5 grams of dried mushrooms after taking the diazepam and vodka. I just lay on my bedroom floor listening to the charlatans and loving the music. 2 hours after that I felt really sick and just went to bed and had a really bad trip. I couldn't get certain thoughts out my head. I was hoping someone would just come in and find me but that never happened. When the trip was coming to an end I just cried for a while and felt so ashamed.

On Monday I went to the doctors and told him how I feel and what had happened. He has put me on a course of citalopram. Which he said could take a while to work.

It's going to be hard but I'm going to calm down on the drugs. Maybe restrict my use to once a month or so. I had been taking MXE a lot and was getting no enjoyment out of it. The magic had gone and it only gave me bad thoughts.
 
Things just came to a head for me on Saturday. I'm ashamed to say I stole my mums prescription. The pain was unbearable. I must have took about 5 grams of dried mushrooms after taking the diazepam and vodka. I just lay on my bedroom floor listening to the charlatans and loving the music. 2 hours after that I felt really sick and just went to bed and had a really bad trip. I couldn't get certain thoughts out my head. I was hoping someone would just come in and find me but that never happened. When the trip was coming to an end I just cried for a while and felt so ashamed.

On Monday I went to the doctors and told him how I feel and what had happened. He has put me on a course of citalopram. Which he said could take a while to work.

It's going to be hard but I'm going to calm down on the drugs. Maybe restrict my use to once a month or so. I had been taking MXE a lot and was getting no enjoyment out of it. The magic had gone and it only gave me bad thoughts.

From friend's experiences, Citalopram can be a little rough to adjust to - a close friend went on it after months of miserable depression, and went to a very dark place for a couple of weeks: then came out the other side all bright and energetic, got himself a job and is doing really well. So if it starts to mess with you, don't be afraid to go back to your doc: SSRIs can make things worse, sometimes, before they make them better, and they're not the 'magic bullets' that they were proclaimed as in the 90s. But I'm NOT a doctor, and I think citalopram is easier to deal with than most: certainly, I know two friends who say it saved their lives.

The other thing your post brought to mind: you know yourself and what works for you, but as a general rule - and from personal experience - psychedelics and depression don't go well together. Shrooms are a lot gentler than acid in that respect, but especially when adjusting to an anti-depressant, I'd be very careful about tripping: and search around for info on possible interactions before taking anything while on the citalopram. I think stimulants are also saide to be a pretty bad idea on anti-depressants - in your position, I'd give some thought to taking some straight 'clean time' while the pills do their magic, without throwing other chems into the mix.

My one experience with MXE left me baffled as to what people see in it: just seemed like heavily-cut K to me, without the depth to hole or go anywhere interesting. Maybe mine was just poor-quality, but I'm done with RC's: never did know when to quit with K.

Good luck, man, and listen to your body/brain - anti-depressants work wonders for some, but it's a long way from being an exact science.
 
From friend's experiences, Citalopram can be a little rough to adjust to - a close friend went on it after months of miserable depression, and went to a very dark place for a couple of weeks: then came out the other side all bright and energetic, got himself a job and is doing really well. So if it starts to mess with you, don't be afraid to go back to your doc: SSRIs can make things worse, sometimes, before they make them better, and they're not the 'magic bullets' that they were proclaimed as in the 90s. But I'm NOT a doctor, and I think citalopram is easier to deal with than most: certainly, I know two friends who say it saved their lives.

The other thing your post brought to mind: you know yourself and what works for you, but as a general rule - and from personal experience - psychedelics and depression don't go well together. Shrooms are a lot gentler than acid in that respect, but especially when adjusting to an anti-depressant, I'd be very careful about tripping: and search around for info on possible interactions before taking anything while on the citalopram. I think stimulants are also saide to be a pretty bad idea on anti-depressants - in your position, I'd give some thought to taking some straight 'clean time' while the pills do their magic, without throwing other chems into the mix.

My one experience with MXE left me baffled as to what people see in it: just seemed like heavily-cut K to me, without the depth to hole or go anywhere interesting. Maybe mine was just poor-quality, but I'm done with RC's: never did know when to quit with K.

Good luck, man, and listen to your body/brain - anti-depressants work wonders for some, but it's a long way from being an exact science.

Thanks for taking time to write that. The best thing for my mind is just quit any drug till I'm feeling good again. I will post again in a few weeks and let's you know how I'm getting on

Thanks guys
Pb109
 
was just released from a psych ward after involuntary confinement for 6-7 days. be careful what you say to your doctor. they take things VERY seriously. and they've got the law on their side.
 
^Telling your therapist could save your life.
I would hope that anyone reading this and who is TRULY considering suicide will seek medical attn.
Being involuntarily confined may not be fun, but you'd be alive and have the opportunity to change your life for the better <3
 
was just released from a psych ward after involuntary confinement for 6-7 days. be careful what you say to your doctor. they take things VERY seriously. and they've got the law on their side.

This is very true.

My advice about the matter is, if you know being put away involuntarily will worsen your suicidality, please seek help without having to talk to a doctor, as they can do this to you.

If it won't worsen it, then you should talk to someone who can help you.

However, "help" is a subjective word. If what the medical professionals do is not help you, you need to report them for the sake of anyone else who may find themselves in your foot steps.

So, seek out help, but do be careful what you say. Just don't mention ideation, impulses, etc. - talk about depression and panic and anxiety, but not suicidality.

The only reason I say this is because I am better off by myself, if someone forced me on some shitty antipsychotics and shoved me in a padded room, I imagine I couldn't not be suicidal afterwards. :(

Humans aren't rabid animals and shouldn't be treated like them. I am sorry to hear what you went through Mescalito - if you want to talk about it feel free to, I am actually interested about what happened and what you said for this to happen to you. :(
 
My words EXACTLY Captain. I haven't sought help yet cause I've been in wards before, and if you say the wrong thing you end up in lockdown and put on meds that don't help, and if you tell them that they ignore you or say wait a little longer for them to work...ignore shitty side effects...just my experience. My current shrink is the only one who's ever helped me, and it helps my adhd but not my depression and I don't want to go down antidepressant road again, didn't like how they made me feel. I'm pretty sure a ward would make me feel more suicidal in the aftermath of getting out, for reasons no one else here has. But yeah. I've learned what and what not to tell shrinks.
 
I have tried to bump myself off so many times with different combinations of meds and alcohol - I really did try. I am so suprised that my liver and kidneys haven't packed their bags and left for good. Like honestly I believe that you can not kill yourself with pills.... I have taken a tremendous amount of pills and always woken up asking what was going on.
So I did some research into suspension hanging - not off a tree or clothes line or whatever - just sitting and from a door handle or some sort of strong support that wont break when you loose consciousness. I have prepared everything for this and know exactly what to do... Just got to do it - because there will be no turning back. I will even secure the bathroom door do noone can rescue me as I do not want to wake up with brain damage and be a dribbling mess for the rest of my life. I read the first post for this thread and what is said is so true. Its the pain the we wish to escape. In my case it is pain that I have caused others with my illness that I want to just go and punush myself catestrophically. Since thinking of the hanging idea I thought about lights out for the first time. Once my eyes shut and I die I wont be here anymore. I wont see my children, or my husband, or any bloody thing. How enlightening! Still I want to do it. Just to fuck my self over, and besides everyday is a drama with my head - I hate it. BIPOLAR SUCKS ARSE! And the meds help.....Anyhoo - I dont know what I am going to do but I wanted to share my bit with you all.
 
Hi xygirl, thanks for opening up. Could you maybe make a list of everything that you do care about in your life?

I hope you do not blame yourself for the illness and the impact it has on others. Even if it is difficult for them at times, I'm certain that we all cause an amount of stress for those close to us when we're not at our best. This is just the nature of relationships; it's not all fun/games and often there are difficult periods where one person or another needs support from the rest. You're not to blame and part of of life is having others be there for us during the ups and down. When people experience genuine love and caring for a person then it's not even a burden to support them; it flows naturally and it gives people a opportunity to see that there are things that they care about and puts things in perspective regarding the importance people's own often petty concerns. <3
 
I have tried to bump myself off so many times with different combinations of meds and alcohol - I really did try. I am so suprised that my liver and kidneys haven't packed their bags and left for good. Like honestly I believe that you can not kill yourself with pills.... I have taken a tremendous amount of pills and always woken up asking what was going on.
So I did some research into suspension hanging - not off a tree or clothes line or whatever - just sitting and from a door handle or some sort of strong support that wont break when you loose consciousness. I have prepared everything for this and know exactly what to do... Just got to do it - because there will be no turning back. I will even secure the bathroom door do noone can rescue me as I do not want to wake up with brain damage and be a dribbling mess for the rest of my life. I read the first post for this thread and what is said is so true. Its the pain the we wish to escape. In my case it is pain that I have caused others with my illness that I want to just go and punush myself catestrophically. Since thinking of the hanging idea I thought about lights out for the first time. Once my eyes shut and I die I wont be here anymore. I wont see my children, or my husband, or any bloody thing. How enlightening! Still I want to do it. Just to fuck my self over, and besides everyday is a drama with my head - I hate it. BIPOLAR SUCKS ARSE! And the meds help.....Anyhoo - I dont know what I am going to do but I wanted to share my bit with you all.

Don't do it! You said you have a family that loves you! A husband, children. Please don't do that to them. You have to be strong for them. I couldn't imagine losing my mom, no matter how many times she lost it on me. Same goes for my wife. Please don't do that to them...

I have bipolar also. It's quite common from what I hear. Really the only thing that ever helped stabilize my mood was smoking cannabis.

If you're feeling like you want to die, you never know something could happen to you at anytime on this crazy ass planet. So many random acts of violence and freak accidents happening constantly, there's a chance you could catch a stray bullet to the head just going about your own business. It happens all the time. But at least that way if something happens to you, you won't leave behind a loving family that wonders "why did she leave us behind?". They will feel like you wanted to escape THEM, which I don't think is the case.
 
I have tried to bump myself off so many times with different combinations of meds and alcohol - I really did try. I am so suprised that my liver and kidneys haven't packed their bags and left for good. Like honestly I believe that you can not kill yourself with pills.... I have taken a tremendous amount of pills and always woken up asking what was going on.
So I did some research into suspension hanging - not off a tree or clothes line or whatever - just sitting and from a door handle or some sort of strong support that wont break when you loose consciousness. I have prepared everything for this and know exactly what to do... Just got to do it - because there will be no turning back. I will even secure the bathroom door do noone can rescue me as I do not want to wake up with brain damage and be a dribbling mess for the rest of my life. I read the first post for this thread and what is said is so true. Its the pain the we wish to escape. In my case it is pain that I have caused others with my illness that I want to just go and punush myself catestrophically. Since thinking of the hanging idea I thought about lights out for the first time. Once my eyes shut and I die I wont be here anymore. I wont see my children, or my husband, or any bloody thing. How enlightening! Still I want to do it. Just to fuck my self over, and besides everyday is a drama with my head - I hate it. BIPOLAR SUCKS ARSE! And the meds help.....Anyhoo - I dont know what I am going to do but I wanted to share my bit with you all.

Don't do it it's not worth it. Especially if you have a husband and kids, cmon! Call 911 and tell them your suicidal - dont have any drugs or anything on you cus the cops will come pick you up, but you wont get cuffed or anything especially if you comply with the cops, theyll just give you a ride to the emergency room and drop you off, then check into a psych ward. It might sound like a shitty time but i've done it a few times when i was really down and out and it saved my life. Go get some help!

Actually, you know what, instead of calling 911 try to get yourself checked into a pscyh hospital yourself...only go the 911 or emergency room route if you cant get into anyplace on your own
 
I have thought about killing myself in the past and more so recently, but I will never do since I will always fight till the end. Also I couldn't put my family through that kind of stuff especially my mom since her sister killed herself years ago. For me lately I feel like life has lost it spark or I have lost my spark. nothing excites me anymore and the only time I can find relief is when I am running the hardest I can until I can't run anymore. One thing that really helped me was I meet a girl that I felt truly loved me and I felt the same way about her, but months in the relationship things got bad and I moved away. So now that I don't have the connection with her and feel like she loves me it makes things harder right now. Well I finally made an appointment to talk to a therapist and tell them everything. I just want to get excited about life again and feel like I have purpose again, not just feel like I am waiting to die.

Never give up, never surrender! I will beat this shit to death and it will be a distant memory of a bad time in my life.
 
I have come to the realization that if I manage to save the money for the shit I need to do so I feel less like killing myself...I'll be fucked cause the return to work letter will say "so and so in so and so department"...thus making it obvious. So if I still have this job then...I'm fucked. today at work this one no good noob who got hired in for what reason I don't know...which was another thing that pissed me off...but anyway...was going on about at the factory he used to work at, there was a person with...issues...and making fun of them...using the wrong terms to refer to them...and it pissed me off, made me self conscious, paranoid. etc.

I wonder why I bother when I'll never accept my shell of a human being in this life, and no one else will ever see me for what I really fucking am. which makes me wonder why I prolong the shit.


"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't fix"
-some random person on some random website
 
When I started citalopram it made me feel worse for almost two weeks (not only more depressed, but felt the "zombie" effects that anti-depressants are known to cause at first).

Luckily I knew to expect this after reading accounts online and I stuck it out, and I can honestly say I'm better with it than without it.

Most drug users are used to the instant effects of things, but this just isn't how SSRIs work. They're much more gradual and much more subtle. So don't expect the world.


Things just came to a head for me on Saturday. I'm ashamed to say I stole my mums prescription. The pain was unbearable. I must have took about 5 grams of dried mushrooms after taking the diazepam and vodka. I just lay on my bedroom floor listening to the charlatans and loving the music. 2 hours after that I felt really sick and just went to bed and had a really bad trip. I couldn't get certain thoughts out my head. I was hoping someone would just come in and find me but that never happened. When the trip was coming to an end I just cried for a while and felt so ashamed.

On Monday I went to the doctors and told him how I feel and what had happened. He has put me on a course of citalopram. Which he said could take a while to work.

It's going to be hard but I'm going to calm down on the drugs. Maybe restrict my use to once a month or so. I had been taking MXE a lot and was getting no enjoyment out of it. The magic had gone and it only gave me bad thoughts.
 
I wonder why I bother when I'll never accept my shell of a human being in this life, and no one else will ever see me for what I really fucking am. which makes me wonder why I prolong the shit.

i feel like this all the time. i don't know why you bother. i bother because i only consider not bothering when it feels like all hope is gone.

my supervisor thinks i can pass my course. this is my hope. you need to find yours. since i opened up to her, i have been calmer. but i still feel like i'm letting things slip out of control. i can't use the fact i'm fucking around all the time and still not failing as an excuse to continue fucking around all the time because then i will fail eventually. if i fail, thats it.

i hope everyone's ok.

xygirl please, please speak to your husband. or anyone. i'm currently under investigation for bipolar (NOS), if thats whats wrong with me, then yes it sucks, but its not the end. its not a death sentence. its not a sentence to a life of suffering, a world of pain, it makes things more difficult but life is not impossible.

i have been listening to 'irrational fear of water' by brutal youth a lot, it speaks to me in my current state. considered posting the lyrics but if you're really interested you can look them up. when i cannot say those words to myself, hope is lost.
 
Hi guys,

I am just chiming in here to vent really, I have a little bit of a strange story to be honest. To cut things short; at 20 years old the drug propecia/ finasteride which I only took briefly to try and combat male pattern baldness when I was 18 has left me with severe sexual issues, even after being off the drug for over a year now. I shaved my head the minute I started to recede at the temples, now my hair is quite thin all over really. I never even cared THAT much but when I first took it I was in the middle of a breakup and moving to a new university. The aim was just to keep my hair for a couple of years so that I could enjoy my early twenties without getting self conscious about it, when your confident everything around you is so much better. I read the studies from Merck which stated that only 2% of men suffer temporary side effects, there was no mention of any persistent or ongoing side effects even after quitting the drug. Now in the middle of 2011, Merck have altered there packaging labels in the US and a number of European countries to say that impotence may continue. There has been increasing press coverage about 'erectile dysfunction' caused by the drug, which is only the start of it and there has even been a doctor that has carried out studies on over 100 men suffering with persistent side effects.

I have always been a very happy guy, able to get on with life as it came and certainly never had any sexual troubles. If anything I was too horny, probably because of an abundance of DHT/ testosterone which causes the hair loss in the first place. I have been in a steady relationship with a beautiful girl since I quite the drug, I have a lot of good friends at university and generally everything else is great. Of course it would be nice if I wasn't going bald so early but I shave my head and still attract plenty of girls - I am over the hair. Depression is not the cause here. I am incredibly depressed, suicidal at times over what has happened though. At first i thought things would get better but after a year off the drug shit has got real.

Is it pathetic to think that my life isn't worth living because of this? this is my reason for feeling suicidal, I guess we all have our particular reasons.

I apologize if things aren't too clear here - I am sure that I will get good advice about doctors, endocrine issues and so on. But I just wanted to vent because it has really made me think my life is worthless for the first time ever. I have done a lot of research on what may have happened to me and actually there is a forum with over 1800 members dedicated to men that have been destroyed by this drug. I actually came across this forum researching the drug GHB because a number of men have gotten better after using GHB/ Xyrem to get good sleep for a month.

This article in particular was very interesting:

http://www.antiaging-systems.com/ar...egenerative-effects-of-ghb-the-elixir-of-life
 
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