specialspack
Bluelighter
DOC – edge of being human.
Experience – most classic psychedelics, and a handful of research PEA and tryptamine compounds.
Substances – 8mg DOC (of decayed potency, see below), 3mg alprazolam, 300-400mg Ketamine (approx)
I had some DOC that had been in storage for quite some some (over a year). I had sampled it three times previous to storing it, from 1.5 to 2mg. 2mg produced a moderate plus 3. Visuals for the first 6-8 hours, followed but a further 8 hours + of contemplative introspection. However, a friend sampled the same batch after it had been in storage, and reported that it was very weak – he had virtually no effect at 5mg, and had to take it up to 10mg to really get a proper experience. Disappointed, I sampled it again, had 4.5mg total (3mg initially and 1.5 two hours in) and it felt weaker than the 1.5mg I had tried when it was fresh. Therefore I assumed it had decayed in potency by approx one third or more.
I was annoyed at the degradation, and determined to find a decent active dose. The sample had been dissolved in vodka, 1mg/ml. I measured out 8mg – I thought about 10, but thankfully backed off that!
It's 8pm.
t + 0 – Down the hatch. No going back now. I wasn't expecting too much more than my 2mg experiences. I left to go the local shop to buy orange juice, and some snacks for later.
t + 30 mins – an alert on the way to the shop? Not totally convinced.
t + 1 hour – definite activity. Back from the shop I put my purchases in the fridge and retreat upstairs to keep out of the way of my housemates.
The intensity builds quite quickly. I'm beginning to see crystalline visuals, that I find very common to 2Cs and DOxs. I put on some music – Built To Spill “Keep It Like A Secret” (a wise choice as it turns out!)
t + 2 hours – visuals getting more intense. Much more intense. I begin to be a little worried – I hadn't planned for a powerful psychedelic experience. What's really bothering me though is that I know it's going to be some time before I reach a plateau... After some thought, I reach for the xanax, and take 0.5mg, to calm myself, without blunting the trip too much.
Time goes a little awry here. I realise that I'm just at the start of the rocket ride, and this is only going to get more intense. My body feels uncomfortable to be in, I feel nauseous, and seem to be getting strange pains moving around my body, a sharp ache, which in my abdomen feels a little like hearburn. I swallow another 0.5mg of xanax, and 75mg zantac to calm my stomach. From hear on time markers are just guesses..
t + 3 hours – whoa. This is very strong now. Too strong. Why did I take so much? I'm an idiot. I really don't want this, I was expecting much less. I take another 1mg of xanax in an attempt to curb the now very intense visuals. I'm feeling quite sick. Should I go and purge myself? I remember that I've taken 2mg of xanax and the zantac – I want to wait for those to be digested at the very least.
The visuals are disorientating, it's difficult to make out the shapes of objects – and I've got hours and hours of this to go... I can't relax and enjoy the experience. I look at my hands and see a mass of pink and yellow stars on the end of my arms. I have to focus really hard to make out objects in the room stand out. I lie down and close my eyes – my sense of my body and mind is becoming very distorted.
The CD ends. I get up and think about more music. My laptop isn't plugged in, it will have to be a CD.I try to look at the racks and give up – this is hopeless. I don't know what I want to listen to, and even if I did I wouldn't be able to find it. And putting on the wrong music could be disasterous.. With some struggle I locate the play button and press it. Built To Spill again...
I lie down on the bed and close my eyes. I can feel myself breaking down – very much like the feeling of smoked DMT, where your “self” is eaten up by tiny little machines. I'm a giant fractal form that is constantly eating and re-building itself. I remember that this isn't DMT and wont be over in 10 mins. I've got 10 or more hours left of this. I'm a bit scared...
I wonder if I should have more xanax. I sit up, trying to get a hold of myself, forcing my attention back to the room, fighting the dissociation that takes over when my eyes are shut. I'm confused – memory issues - how many xanax have I had? That's right, 2mg total. I start to worry I will forget – maybe I should write down how many I've had..? Seems sensible.. I look at my hands again, yep exploding pink and yellow stars. It's impossible – finding a pen and paper is hopeless, I can't see anything because of the intensely visuals. I get a flash of humour here, laughing at myself. Even if I could find a pen, would I be able to write? I doubt it. Fuck. Ok, I just have to remember – I've had 2 mg. That's not too hard.
A really important thought hits me. I CAN'T take off my glasses. If I lose them I will be effectively blind, completely unable to do anything. I try to breath, telling myself it's just my ego fraying at the edges, and not to be afraid. I lie back down.
I feel myself going – I seem to be becoming many – yet staying as one. It comes in waves – 15-30 mins at a time I feel myself dissolving, I have no control. I'm fading in and out – pulling myself back when the music ends to stumble over to the CD player to press play again. I'm extremely thankful that I've chosen a good album, that I can listen to over and over again and appreciate the details an nuances. I probably listen to the album 10 times or more in total.. more later on that.
Somewhere along the line I have a third mg of xanax. It doesn't seem to be having much effect. The visuals are still incredibly intense. Some examples - I put my hand down on the bed and immediately black coils of smoke pour, very fast, down the walls the walls, and all over the bedclothes. As they reach my arm they turn into black snakes, and coil around it. At one point, I stupidly start wondering about unpleasant things to think about whilst tripping, and start thinking about spiders – immediately, hundreds of spiders are racing from all corners of the room to cover me. I get a grip on myself, combating the fear is not hard, I know they're not real and can't hurt me. Possibly the effect of the xanax!
I hold up my hand, coloured twisting beams of light are spiralling out of my fingers. My palms appear to be covered in many tiny eyes... I'm still having the sensation of my body/mind being eaten, sometimes they have sharp teeth and scare me, sometimes they are more peaceful. Occasionally my mind wanders to unpleasant things again, I see flashes of teeth, blood and violence but in a detached way, and I'm not really frightened or upset about it.
I think about killing myself – not because I want to, but wondering if I could do it if for some reason I had to. After some thought, I am greatly relieved to come to the conclusion that I couldn't go through with it. This makes me feel pretty damn good...
The constant waves of dissolution when I lie down are making me question the nature of my being, the confusion is strong. I try to let myself go, let my self dissolve. Am I still human..? When the wave ebbs, I try to do things to remind me of my humanity – I lean out of the window, staring at the garden, smoke a cigarette. The garden outside looks incredible, like an impressionist painting, the burning coal at the end of the cigarette glowing like the sun. I've got no one to talk to, to confirm my humanity... What is being human? What are humans anyway? What do they do? I think about the basic needs.. they eat, they sleep, they have sex. I hit on the idea of trying to watch pornography (is this wise?) - not because I am in anyway aroused, but because I want to see humans doing fundamentally human things, just the simple, physical pleasure. I can just about use my laptop, if I concentrate hard. I stare at the bodies on the screen trying make sense of them. Are they fucking or eating each other? That pink splash - is it an orifice or is it blood? Strangely, this doesn't freak me out, the noises of human pleasure comforts me somewhat. Just hearing them grounds me. After about 15 mins of that, I give up – it's too confusing...
t + 8 hours (roughly)
I feel that, maybe, I've stopped rising and the intensity has ebbed a tiny notch. I'm not sure what the time is. The snakes are still coiling up over my bed, but I seem to be more in control now than I was some time ago. I press play on the CD again – how many times have I listened to this record – four? Five? Got to be more than that by now (it must have been more like 10). It's a fantastic album, with each listen I get to know the songs better, and anticipate the crescendos and climaxes. Strong themes of redemption are helpful!
The sun has come up now... The physical painful sensations have gone, and have been replaced by an incredibly powerful and odd feeling. I can feel a presence in the room – something I've never felt from a phenethylamine psychedelic. It's as if there's a very large flying bug in the room, circling constantly over my head, buzzing. But instead of being a solid insect in the air, it's an organised pattern moving through molecules in the walls and objects. It's completely invisible, but very friendly.
As it circles “closer” to me, the sound of buzzing changes mode from sound to touch, into a buzzing sensation on my skin, moving up and down one side of my body. This feeling is entirely pleasant – it feels like a cleansing, as if my body is being eaten up at the edges and spat out and renewed.
This presence and sensation lasts for at least another 6 or 7 hours, constantly there. If I want to pay attention to it, I can, but it remains in the background if I want to focus my mind elsewhere.
t + 10 hours
I wonder if some ketamine is a good idea at this point? I'm still wavering with a touch of anxiety, and the visuals are still screaming along at full blast (after 3 mg of xanax..!).
I cut out a few small lines and try one. The intensity of the experience notably increases. I hold off doing any more riding it out.
t + 12 hours
This is definitely easing off a bit, and is much more fun now... I do more ketamine – the main feature of this seems to be that there is no distinct “ketamine” experience, per se. The two drugs seem to synergise and produce powerful visual and tactile sensations. They both seem to have an equally dissociative element to them, so it's tricky to know where the ketamine ends and begins. Difficult to say if I really get into a hole, and it doesn't feel as confusing as ketamine alone.
A bit later, I decide to go for a walk, and make it down the park and back. I'm feeling truly fantastic now, a lot calmer, I know that I'm through the most intense bit and everything seems like plain sailing. When I get back, I call up a friend in a different timezone, who'll be awake, to have some human company! Speaking to another human is fantastic...
I could change the CD now, but I've been enjoying it so much I want to hear it again
. I lie back and blast through some more lines of k. The next few hours pass, with the visuals slowly dying down, but present in the background. There's not the pronounced two part experience that I've had with low dose DOC.
I'm really happy. The world seems fresh and new, and I feel glad to be alive. I arrange to meet friend in a few hours time.
t + 20 (6pm the next day) I walk down the pub to meet my friend. I'm still definitely tripping, but I can walk straight without too much difficulty. I feel so good that I have no worries about anyone thinking I'm behaving oddly.
It's a hot day, and we sit outside. My friend is excellent company, and doesn't mind at all that I mainly want to talk about what's just happened. Everything seems whimsical and funny – the cider and the food we have taste AMAZING.
After a few hours of conversation, I head home, starting to feel tired. When I get back, I'm surprised to realise that the buzzing insect sensation is still going on, still flying around the room and around me, nibbling at my edges. When I was out it had slipped into the background.
t + 26 quite suddenly, I pass out on my bed and sleep through til morning.
The next few days are filled with a fantastic positive afterglow.
All in all, after the bumpy start, a first-rate experience. If I did it again, I would try a slightly lower dose, without the xanax...
Experience – most classic psychedelics, and a handful of research PEA and tryptamine compounds.
Substances – 8mg DOC (of decayed potency, see below), 3mg alprazolam, 300-400mg Ketamine (approx)
I had some DOC that had been in storage for quite some some (over a year). I had sampled it three times previous to storing it, from 1.5 to 2mg. 2mg produced a moderate plus 3. Visuals for the first 6-8 hours, followed but a further 8 hours + of contemplative introspection. However, a friend sampled the same batch after it had been in storage, and reported that it was very weak – he had virtually no effect at 5mg, and had to take it up to 10mg to really get a proper experience. Disappointed, I sampled it again, had 4.5mg total (3mg initially and 1.5 two hours in) and it felt weaker than the 1.5mg I had tried when it was fresh. Therefore I assumed it had decayed in potency by approx one third or more.
I was annoyed at the degradation, and determined to find a decent active dose. The sample had been dissolved in vodka, 1mg/ml. I measured out 8mg – I thought about 10, but thankfully backed off that!
It's 8pm.
t + 0 – Down the hatch. No going back now. I wasn't expecting too much more than my 2mg experiences. I left to go the local shop to buy orange juice, and some snacks for later.
t + 30 mins – an alert on the way to the shop? Not totally convinced.
t + 1 hour – definite activity. Back from the shop I put my purchases in the fridge and retreat upstairs to keep out of the way of my housemates.
The intensity builds quite quickly. I'm beginning to see crystalline visuals, that I find very common to 2Cs and DOxs. I put on some music – Built To Spill “Keep It Like A Secret” (a wise choice as it turns out!)
t + 2 hours – visuals getting more intense. Much more intense. I begin to be a little worried – I hadn't planned for a powerful psychedelic experience. What's really bothering me though is that I know it's going to be some time before I reach a plateau... After some thought, I reach for the xanax, and take 0.5mg, to calm myself, without blunting the trip too much.
Time goes a little awry here. I realise that I'm just at the start of the rocket ride, and this is only going to get more intense. My body feels uncomfortable to be in, I feel nauseous, and seem to be getting strange pains moving around my body, a sharp ache, which in my abdomen feels a little like hearburn. I swallow another 0.5mg of xanax, and 75mg zantac to calm my stomach. From hear on time markers are just guesses..
t + 3 hours – whoa. This is very strong now. Too strong. Why did I take so much? I'm an idiot. I really don't want this, I was expecting much less. I take another 1mg of xanax in an attempt to curb the now very intense visuals. I'm feeling quite sick. Should I go and purge myself? I remember that I've taken 2mg of xanax and the zantac – I want to wait for those to be digested at the very least.
The visuals are disorientating, it's difficult to make out the shapes of objects – and I've got hours and hours of this to go... I can't relax and enjoy the experience. I look at my hands and see a mass of pink and yellow stars on the end of my arms. I have to focus really hard to make out objects in the room stand out. I lie down and close my eyes – my sense of my body and mind is becoming very distorted.
The CD ends. I get up and think about more music. My laptop isn't plugged in, it will have to be a CD.I try to look at the racks and give up – this is hopeless. I don't know what I want to listen to, and even if I did I wouldn't be able to find it. And putting on the wrong music could be disasterous.. With some struggle I locate the play button and press it. Built To Spill again...
I lie down on the bed and close my eyes. I can feel myself breaking down – very much like the feeling of smoked DMT, where your “self” is eaten up by tiny little machines. I'm a giant fractal form that is constantly eating and re-building itself. I remember that this isn't DMT and wont be over in 10 mins. I've got 10 or more hours left of this. I'm a bit scared...
I wonder if I should have more xanax. I sit up, trying to get a hold of myself, forcing my attention back to the room, fighting the dissociation that takes over when my eyes are shut. I'm confused – memory issues - how many xanax have I had? That's right, 2mg total. I start to worry I will forget – maybe I should write down how many I've had..? Seems sensible.. I look at my hands again, yep exploding pink and yellow stars. It's impossible – finding a pen and paper is hopeless, I can't see anything because of the intensely visuals. I get a flash of humour here, laughing at myself. Even if I could find a pen, would I be able to write? I doubt it. Fuck. Ok, I just have to remember – I've had 2 mg. That's not too hard.
A really important thought hits me. I CAN'T take off my glasses. If I lose them I will be effectively blind, completely unable to do anything. I try to breath, telling myself it's just my ego fraying at the edges, and not to be afraid. I lie back down.
I feel myself going – I seem to be becoming many – yet staying as one. It comes in waves – 15-30 mins at a time I feel myself dissolving, I have no control. I'm fading in and out – pulling myself back when the music ends to stumble over to the CD player to press play again. I'm extremely thankful that I've chosen a good album, that I can listen to over and over again and appreciate the details an nuances. I probably listen to the album 10 times or more in total.. more later on that.
Somewhere along the line I have a third mg of xanax. It doesn't seem to be having much effect. The visuals are still incredibly intense. Some examples - I put my hand down on the bed and immediately black coils of smoke pour, very fast, down the walls the walls, and all over the bedclothes. As they reach my arm they turn into black snakes, and coil around it. At one point, I stupidly start wondering about unpleasant things to think about whilst tripping, and start thinking about spiders – immediately, hundreds of spiders are racing from all corners of the room to cover me. I get a grip on myself, combating the fear is not hard, I know they're not real and can't hurt me. Possibly the effect of the xanax!
I hold up my hand, coloured twisting beams of light are spiralling out of my fingers. My palms appear to be covered in many tiny eyes... I'm still having the sensation of my body/mind being eaten, sometimes they have sharp teeth and scare me, sometimes they are more peaceful. Occasionally my mind wanders to unpleasant things again, I see flashes of teeth, blood and violence but in a detached way, and I'm not really frightened or upset about it.
I think about killing myself – not because I want to, but wondering if I could do it if for some reason I had to. After some thought, I am greatly relieved to come to the conclusion that I couldn't go through with it. This makes me feel pretty damn good...
The constant waves of dissolution when I lie down are making me question the nature of my being, the confusion is strong. I try to let myself go, let my self dissolve. Am I still human..? When the wave ebbs, I try to do things to remind me of my humanity – I lean out of the window, staring at the garden, smoke a cigarette. The garden outside looks incredible, like an impressionist painting, the burning coal at the end of the cigarette glowing like the sun. I've got no one to talk to, to confirm my humanity... What is being human? What are humans anyway? What do they do? I think about the basic needs.. they eat, they sleep, they have sex. I hit on the idea of trying to watch pornography (is this wise?) - not because I am in anyway aroused, but because I want to see humans doing fundamentally human things, just the simple, physical pleasure. I can just about use my laptop, if I concentrate hard. I stare at the bodies on the screen trying make sense of them. Are they fucking or eating each other? That pink splash - is it an orifice or is it blood? Strangely, this doesn't freak me out, the noises of human pleasure comforts me somewhat. Just hearing them grounds me. After about 15 mins of that, I give up – it's too confusing...
t + 8 hours (roughly)
I feel that, maybe, I've stopped rising and the intensity has ebbed a tiny notch. I'm not sure what the time is. The snakes are still coiling up over my bed, but I seem to be more in control now than I was some time ago. I press play on the CD again – how many times have I listened to this record – four? Five? Got to be more than that by now (it must have been more like 10). It's a fantastic album, with each listen I get to know the songs better, and anticipate the crescendos and climaxes. Strong themes of redemption are helpful!
The sun has come up now... The physical painful sensations have gone, and have been replaced by an incredibly powerful and odd feeling. I can feel a presence in the room – something I've never felt from a phenethylamine psychedelic. It's as if there's a very large flying bug in the room, circling constantly over my head, buzzing. But instead of being a solid insect in the air, it's an organised pattern moving through molecules in the walls and objects. It's completely invisible, but very friendly.
As it circles “closer” to me, the sound of buzzing changes mode from sound to touch, into a buzzing sensation on my skin, moving up and down one side of my body. This feeling is entirely pleasant – it feels like a cleansing, as if my body is being eaten up at the edges and spat out and renewed.
This presence and sensation lasts for at least another 6 or 7 hours, constantly there. If I want to pay attention to it, I can, but it remains in the background if I want to focus my mind elsewhere.
t + 10 hours
I wonder if some ketamine is a good idea at this point? I'm still wavering with a touch of anxiety, and the visuals are still screaming along at full blast (after 3 mg of xanax..!).
I cut out a few small lines and try one. The intensity of the experience notably increases. I hold off doing any more riding it out.
t + 12 hours
This is definitely easing off a bit, and is much more fun now... I do more ketamine – the main feature of this seems to be that there is no distinct “ketamine” experience, per se. The two drugs seem to synergise and produce powerful visual and tactile sensations. They both seem to have an equally dissociative element to them, so it's tricky to know where the ketamine ends and begins. Difficult to say if I really get into a hole, and it doesn't feel as confusing as ketamine alone.
A bit later, I decide to go for a walk, and make it down the park and back. I'm feeling truly fantastic now, a lot calmer, I know that I'm through the most intense bit and everything seems like plain sailing. When I get back, I call up a friend in a different timezone, who'll be awake, to have some human company! Speaking to another human is fantastic...
I could change the CD now, but I've been enjoying it so much I want to hear it again
. I lie back and blast through some more lines of k. The next few hours pass, with the visuals slowly dying down, but present in the background. There's not the pronounced two part experience that I've had with low dose DOC. I'm really happy. The world seems fresh and new, and I feel glad to be alive. I arrange to meet friend in a few hours time.
t + 20 (6pm the next day) I walk down the pub to meet my friend. I'm still definitely tripping, but I can walk straight without too much difficulty. I feel so good that I have no worries about anyone thinking I'm behaving oddly.
It's a hot day, and we sit outside. My friend is excellent company, and doesn't mind at all that I mainly want to talk about what's just happened. Everything seems whimsical and funny – the cider and the food we have taste AMAZING.
After a few hours of conversation, I head home, starting to feel tired. When I get back, I'm surprised to realise that the buzzing insect sensation is still going on, still flying around the room and around me, nibbling at my edges. When I was out it had slipped into the background.
t + 26 quite suddenly, I pass out on my bed and sleep through til morning.
The next few days are filled with a fantastic positive afterglow.
All in all, after the bumpy start, a first-rate experience. If I did it again, I would try a slightly lower dose, without the xanax...
Last edited:
. DOx s are quit possibly the most intence trips besides pure lsd . iv seen ppl melt into the ground screaming. its quite amazing yet not somthing for beginners witch i was at the time. the first few times i did it i bought it as lsd, and i loved it
