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we all know the bad, but is there anything GOOD about bein a dope addict?

I think we use drugs as survival tools. a wise, old, indian, shaman-like dude looked at me real serious, and said i should be real grateful that i had drugs to numb my pain, otherwise i would not have been able to handle the huge amount of abuse i suffered. i started using extremely early, soon after being molested repeatedly by my stepfather. drugs and alcohol became the way i "dealt" with what had happened to me. tho proabably not ideal, it was somewhat of a comfort to at least have that as an escape, otherwise i might have been suicidal. does anyone else know what i mean?
 
Khadijah said:
Nah, Insulin is IM, dope is IV.
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I love you lace and I'm not trying to be a smartass, but Insulin is administered as a subcutaneous injection most always.

Although, under during emergencies it can be given intravenously, but I've yet to observe this in even the most brittle of my diabetic patients.

Love the new name, btw.
 
All the hustlers & con artists I know of & met were never drug addicts. They lied & hustled their way to make a living.
 
maybeimamazing said:
I think we use drugs as survival tools. a wise, old, indian, shaman-like dude looked at me real serious, and said i should be real grateful that i had drugs to numb my pain, otherwise i would not have been able to handle the huge amount of abuse i suffered. i started using extremely early, soon after being molested repeatedly by my stepfather. drugs and alcohol became the way i "dealt" with what had happened to me. tho proabably not ideal, it was somewhat of a comfort to at least have that as an escape, otherwise i might have been suicidal. does anyone else know what i mean?
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I know exactly what you mean. Altho, ive never been sexually or mentally abused, I have had other serious problems in my life & have coped with them the way you have, which like you say, could have saved me from doing something crazy to myself, altho I dont believe in suicide, never have, never will.
 
ControlDenied said:
ive talked about this with my therapists and even my mom once or twice. most people refuse to believe it but it obviously does have medicinal properties. if you're using it mainly to get high then its defeating these properties, overall, but:

1. The first month I started snorting then injecting dilaudid [first dope habit] I lost 99% of the acne on my face which was pretty bad before. My mom noticed this before me and it is indeed proven scientifically that opiates flush out the skin and can actually get rid of acne.

2. I also suddenly developed the ability to grow a decent-sized beard, whereas before I had none [this is probably coincidence though].

3. The music I was making went up about 7 levels in terms of impact and emotion [read: soul. but a crippled one, I guess].

4. It lowered my status in society which actually made me more understanding of other human beings and overall much more compassionate, although the "dope rage" kind of defeats this effect of addiction.

5. False positive: I thought I had discovered the holy grail. WRONG. It is really the throne of dirt, a la Johnny Cage.
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Excellent post my friend................:)
 
i've learned that i'm no different than the homeless man sitting on the freeway entrance holding a sign asking for money. i'm no different than the woman outside the grocery store begging for change. being a junkie has made me a much, much, much more compassionate person. one single slip up and i could be living under that overpass panhandling 12 hours a day.

the one thing i've learned is we're all human. we all have our demons. mine may be different from yours, but everyone bleeds red. we're all the same.
 
i was thinking about this...

and the only thing i can think of, is the DETERMINATION of addicts. we are very determined when we wanna get high, when we want drugs and have no money, we always find a way, and we always get what we want.

NOW.... if only that determination could be put to good use. if only we could use that determination and drive to do positive things in our lives and the world.
 
just in general i can say that a lot of the fuckups ive made while bein an addict served as good lessons. i always say its not the mistakes you make that matter, its whether you learn from them or not that makes the difference
 
Some great posts yall. I feel everybody on the shit youre sayin.

Compassion is definitely one of the better outcomes of bein a dope feen for sure. Its funny cuz in so many ways you so totally compltely selfish, but you also seem to become somebody who judges way less too...like one poster said, you learn that you aint shit, that most people see you as less than scum, and if you aint already the type to be compassionate to others you sure do become like that.

It didnt take dope and bein seen as a piece of shit on societys shoe to make me a person who got empathy and compassion towards all the other "dregs" of society, the folks that people dont want, like the homeless, criminals, poor folks, illegal immigrants, etc. i was always that way, i know how it is to grow up scrappin and barely gettin by, and I seen a lot of that shit in my childhood in my old neighborhood so that wasnt new to me...but ill tell you...plenty of upper middle class, suburban white kids, whose parents are the type to say "keep the criminals locked in jail, take away the welfare, and shoot the illegals as they try to cross the border" become some good, decent folks who finally understand the struggle and got compassion, empathy , understanding and acceptance towards the folks who a lot of other people treat like garbage.

in the many ways dope changes ur personality and who you are, that one seems to be for the better, at least. Once you been broke, begged for change, knocked door to door when your car broke down from noddin out with the heat on in the winter when you needed some place warm to stay and the battery died, beggin for a jump start and had house after house turn you down, when you been out on the street, homeless, livin in your car, when you been the person carrying your bag of stuff, washing your face and under your arms and tryna brush your teeth and comb your hair in a mcdonalds bathroom....if you aint already a person whose down with the down trodden you sure as shit become one.


I definately also gotta cosign on the determination....thats a age old NA/rehab saying too--''if we could just harness that determination we use towards gettin money and gettin drugs, we could rule the world". Aint no joke. Cant think of how many times I made a dollar outa 15 cents, hustled, manipulated like a puppet master gettin my situations in place so i could get down to cop, without a ride, without money, and ended up with a car or a ride down and on my way home with a couple bundles of dope. shit, once when I had a dealer agree to front me and I didnt have a ride i hitchhiked my ass over to the spot. didnt even have to give up no gas money--OR nothing else neither, to yall with scandalous minds. I guess that was that junkie opportunism that found a good, nice mark who wasnt a threat and then exploited their niceness 8( :| even so many times when the plan didnt work--when shit all fell to pieces and it looked like it was just beat, how we still managed to come up with ANOTHER scheme, MAKE that shit work. giving up and goin home dopeless was never an option. but anyways, the point is-- truly amazing the shit a junkie can do when it comes to a seemingly hopeless situation, word up. if we used that determination to get it at all costs, the ability to create a working plan, and the endless willingness to just keep pursuing the goal no matter wat setbacks, and applied it to somethin worth while, shit yo, it would be an unstoppable army.


And last but not least, to the poster who asked who understands how dope can get you thru when other people woulda died of the pain.....Yea, I even mentioned that in my original post becuz it was one of the first things that came to my mind when i tried to think of good things about bein a dope feen.

Having that incredible power to just push the "pause" button and just make all that bullshit go away, is somethin that shouldnt be underestimated....So many of us been able to live thru and with stand un godly amounts of pain and suffering, physical and emotional and spiritual, that sober, prolly woulda caused us to jump over a bridge. Dope gives you some crazy staying power when it come to that shit, that aint no lie. without dope I don know how I woulda got thru some of these years of my life. For a 'coping mechanism' it cant be beat...
 
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Yeh, I really cant imagine anyone who isnt at least somewhat suicidal already choosing to begin injecting themselves with painkillers. really. thats what one of my buds said after he got me to shoot him up once, he didnt even like it and said, "this is for people with suicidal fantasies" and as far as i know he's never done it again. then again most of the shot missed and caused him a lot of pain LOL.

i guess the overall jist of this is that the dope habit makes you a weaker person overall- - like any disease -- but does carry its own lessons like any experience in life. the only actual positive effect on ME at least was, as mentioned, geting rid of my facial acne. i think it also made me a little better looking. iggy pop once said in an interview "heroin gives one a kind of autumnal beauty".

but these effects are obviously not even close to making a lifetime of hellish struggle worth it. yikes.
 
godlovesugly said:
i was thinking about this...

and the only thing i can think of, is the DETERMINATION of addicts. we are very determined when we wanna get high, when we want drugs and have no money, we always find a way, and we always get what we want.

NOW.... if only that determination could be put to good use. if only we could use that determination and drive to do positive things in our lives and the world.
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Amazing what we could accomplish with all that determination. I for one wager on sports & I put in a lot of hours studying & people always tell me, if I would put that much effort into college, I would be a doctor by now.
 
It helped me get the fiendishness out of my system so that I know I won't ever get addicted to full agonist opiates, or any other drug, ever again. That's about the only good thing it did for me.

This is not a good reason to become a heroin addict or to start abusing it in the first place either, simply because I feel lucky that it "ended" for me. Some people have been doing this (being a heroin addict) for a lot longer than I did, and buprenorphine works very well for me.

I also did well in college that year when I was physically dependent on heroin. I'm not sure how correlated the two are but I do think there is some correlation.

Having abused heroin, I also better understand myself as I realize now I have ADHD.
 
ControlDenied said:
i think it also made me a little better looking. iggy pop once said in an interview "heroin gives one a kind of autumnal beauty".

but these effects are obviously not even close to making a lifetime of hellish struggle worth it. yikes.
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^^^^^^^

Must be some truth to the beauty statement because my gf since she started popping opiates (not needle using) seems to look more attractive every day.............:)
 
hhaha yea right wait til shes strung out.

skinny as fuck, no ass no tits, black bagss under the eyes, cigarette burns and track marks all over the arms, lookin a mess....that aint pretty. the dudes that think a strung out bitch is hot is the same ones who like anorexic chicks and shit.


anyways....
 
Yeah. In the end though they are diabolical and seductive destructive drugs. I regret the first time I even popped a couple percocet, because I fell in love instantly.
 
Khadijah said:
hhaha yea right wait til shes strung out.

skinny as fuck, no ass no tits, black bagss under the eyes, cigarette burns and track marks all over the arms, lookin a mess....that aint pretty. the dudes that think a strung out bitch is hot is the same ones who like anorexic chicks and shit.


anyways....
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LOL why would junky girls necessarily have to have cigarette burns and track marks? I don't have ANY of either. I also have met tons of junky chicks who are the opposite of skinny: plump or even fat. There aren't really any solid rules as to what painkiller addiction does to people. They are terrible, terrible drugs to be addicted to, but it's not always like you see on TV or like the beggars you see on the street.

Also I have met a couple hot junky girls. They aren't skinny at all and like me don't have track marks. I dunno how to explain this, and it doesn't make junk addiction "good" obviously, but I don't agree with that very common misconception about what junkies look and act like. Maybe it depends on the person's resilience, self restraint and so on as to how it effects them... not to mention their specific biology...
 
1) anything to do with creativity is accentuated. anything from my writing skills and music composition skills were increased ten-fold when I used to use. the proof is in the pudding in this one, just look at how many artists use or used dope

2) next, I would say the best thing about being an addict was that my life was so simple back then. I didn't have to worry about anything else to have a good day, all I would have to do would be to get high. I didn't really have to worry about anyone else, as long as I got well - all was good. I miss that the most, the singularity of my life as a fiend
 
ControlDenied said:
LOL why would junky girls necessarily have to have cigarette burns and track marks? I don't have ANY of either. I also have met tons of junky chicks who are the opposite of skinny: plump or even fat. There aren't really any solid rules as to what painkiller addiction does to people. They are terrible, terrible drugs to be addicted to, but it's not always like you see on TV or like the beggars you see on the street.

Also I have met a couple hot junky girls. They aren't skinny at all and like me don't have track marks. I dunno how to explain this, and it doesn't make junk addiction "good" obviously, but I don't agree with that very common misconception about what junkies look and act like. Maybe it depends on the person's resilience, self restraint and so on as to how it effects them... not to mention their specific biology...
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man, all im sayin is it aint pretty once you get in some deep addiction type shit.

And anybody who stays lookin good, looks good IN SPITE of their addiction, not BECAUSE of it. I was jus commentin on the idea that heroin beautifies people cuz thats just some shit that makes me laugh.


And let me tell you yo--i kept my appearance when I was strung out as good as I could. I was in beauty school, so my hair was always did, i always had nice makeup, etc, but I was mad skinny cuz the dope made me never want or really need to eat and i spent so much time sick when its impossible to eat. But i always had cig burns cuz Id nodd out smoking my stoge all the time. and I aint downplayin sniffers, but honestly, you cant really know the true depths of heroin addiction if you aint shootin up, IMO. I know thats a loaded statement but for me, I aint never seen a single sniffer get as "bad" as any of the shooters I ever knew, so maybe that has somethin to do with the not lookin strung out--maybe you just aint addicted bad enough yet for it to fuck with your appearance.

from almost 10 years now of experience shootin dope and more than that with the opiate life, I can tell you one thing--It aint the "stereotype" of the junkie, it aint the shit you said about 'societys ideas of a junkie' etc. People DO loook like that. people DO live like that. And maybe if you aint met many junkies who look strung out, who are that desperate, that much of a mess, you aint been all that deep into that world is all Im sayin. And that aint a bad thing. But real talk--in this case, a lot of the stereotypes are there for a reason. When you see some fine lookin girl chances are she aint a fuckin balls to the wall dope feen. And if she is shes an exception to the rule. Same with guys. the shit DOES fuck with your appearance. Even when i took great care of myself, i was mad specific with that shit , and did way more for myself than just about any feen i ever met, even with my hair and nails and makeup all did up, in some nice clothes, i just had that strung out vibe . Once you bad enough yo, you really cant hide it. and that aint the picture of attractiveness.
 
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