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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Being violent while drunk - what does it mean?

you get violent when you're drunk because you can't control your liqour... what do you want people to say?? stop drinking if you want to have any friends at all left.
 
I may be insecure (aren't we all, a bit?) but generally I'm a very generous and compassionate person. I do volunteer work on top of working and studying full time. If I was normally an angry/violent person it would make sense to me.

On a support forum it's probably not a very good idea to go around calling people names who are just asking for help. I'm not sure who's the asshole, frankly. The guy asking for help or the guy shitting on him for reaching out... I would suggest, to avoid being seen as a hypocrite, you should probably take greater care in the way you word things.

I've been through a lot in the past year. More than I ever thought I would have to go through in my life. Nobody I know has had as bad a year at any moment during their lives that I'm aware of and I know people who were continually beaten by their parents growing up. That is not an exaggeration. I have been through hell. If you'd had my year maybe you would lash out when you drink sometimes. Maybe not. Either way it doesn't give you the right to insult people. Check your head.

Thanks for all the genuine responses. I know I have to quit I'm just having serious problems with it. I never fail at anything like this. I'm trying again today. It's weird how difficult it is. Because I don't enjoy it and it's fucking up my life and I've never had any trouble quitting anything. I've quit speed/ meth/ morphine/ DXM/ xanax/ various other anti-depressants and anti-anxieties/ tobacco/ weed. But alcohol is different for some reason. Sometimes I blame Australia. Culturally mass consumption of beer is a huge thing, here but I guess it is everywhere. It's not the country though. That's just another excuse. I need to stop. I've even been considering taking that drug that makes you sick if you drink - despite the horrendous side effects.
 
TheDeceased said:
On a support forum it's probably not a very good idea to go around calling people names who are just asking for help. I'm not sure who's the asshole, frankly. The guy asking for help or the guy shitting on him for reaching out... I would suggest, to avoid being seen as a hypocrite, you should probably take greater care in the way you word things.
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I wasn't trying to insult you, i just happen to think that people who go around punching people and behaving like apes and then whining on about how sorry they are, how they have had a tough year, blah blah excuses excuses, poor little victim you, those sorts of people are insecure assholes that need to grow up, get a grip on themselves, take some personal responsibility and change their behavior.

no offense intended.
 
For the record, I didn't "whine on about how sorry I am" and I didn't mention that I had a bad year until you blatantly insulted me. I was asking a legitimate question in the correct forum. Whether or not you intended to insult me is not the point. As I said earlier, you need to consider the words you choose more wisely. Either that or, as OverDone said, do not contribute to threads in TDS. Calling someone who already has problems an "insecure asshole" is counter-productive. People don't react well to insults. You can express the same sentiment in a more productive/digestible way. And, when it comes down to it, you don't know me.

Some people I know are violent because they grew up in fucked up environments, because their parents beat them or because they had to fight to survive more or less. People from poorer neighborhoods tend to be more violent but that doesn't mean that they are all assholes, does it? It is often circumstantial - as I believe it to be with me. Certain events which I would guess you have not encountered have driven me a little unstable. As I said maybe you would be fine. If so congratulations cause you're a "real man". But honestly I doubt it. I think you'd probably be as fucked up as I am.

I am not generally immature or an asshole. It is ONLY when I get very drunk that I become an asshole. This sub-forum is basically like an online version of group therapy or something. It is the only support I have for my alcohol problem because I don't like the organized meetings. But it serves the same purpose. Do you go into AA meetings and NA meetings and call people assholes? If not, you probably shouldn't do it here. It is inappropriate.

Please take the hint an stop contributing to this thread.
 
OP, i think i can relate. I'm not a heavy drinker- i drank nearly daily for about a year or so, but lately i've slowed down alot and keep it to maybe 2 or 3 times a week socially, and no longer drink to get drunk. when i was 19-21 i would drink excessively, and like how you described, once i would get a good buzz going i wasn't going to stop until i was puking or passed out. puking didn't even stop all the time- i remember quite a few nights that i would be puking my guts out in the bathroom at a party, catch my breath and grab a drink of water from the facuet then be back in the party taking shots no more than 5 mins later. it was all good fun at first- i was well liked and most people enjoyed being around me. i was the quiet kid who got loud when he got drunk. then things started turning dark. i'm not exactly sure what it was- maybe all the weed, the x, coke, or whatever else what around at the time, maybe it was the game changing me- i had started selling weed and a few pills here and there... either way i can't pin it on one thing, other than myself. it was my lifestyle that was turning me into a beast. i watched every bit of kindness and joy slowly walk away from me and replaced it with anger and hate. i became extremely depressed, and everytime i got drunk i was bound to start trouble. i'm not extremely physically violent, mostly just verbly agressive and antognizing, and i don't get like that until i am really drunk.

anyways, i wish i had some sort of solution or answer for you, but truth be told, i don't. other than quit drinking and practice self control to only have a few when you do drink, i don't have much to offer. i'm pretty much in the same place, in the middle of a deep depression trying to find a way out. i've cut back on drinking and am planning on stopping all other drugs, except weed, after this weekend. also i've started exercising and reading, which help tremendously, along with starting a healthier diet. i'm not better tho, and i know it'll be real easy to fall back into the same place that i was in if i'm not careful. i fucked up alot of my friendships, lost contact with nearly all my good friends and hardly talk to most my family. i'm in a bad place to say the least. but if your friends didn't outcast you for the other night and are being cool about it then i think its say to say you have some real homies, friends that you should hold onto. make right with them, and make right with yourself. hope this has helped in some way- atleast you know your not alone in this homie.
 
maybe you are suppressing your anger in everyday life

you say you are usually a good person

maybe you are trying to be too good?

and so when drunk everything comes out? all the times you are let down or rejected or overlooked come out in one big frenzy? this tends to be what happens to me

maybe you need a more constructive release for your built up frustrations - go running or boxing or something

clearly there's alot of misdirected energy there
 
^That makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you.

Tonight I had some acid and drank some wine. I don't usually combine the two. The acid made me more aware of the nature of alcohol and it's effects on me. I sipped a half bottle of red wine from the peak to the comedown, trying to understand it. I've thought about it a lot, all night really. I need to reprogram myself. I don't want to set a precedent now that I have a "problem with alcohol" because I never used to have a problem. So unless my brain chemistry has changed, it's all just circumstantial. I should address the disorder not the individual symptoms. That is why I was asking the question of why I was angry - and not should I or should I not drink. Because the anger shouldn't be there. I never considered the idea that I was repressing it but that makes a lot of sense. I thought it was just "in me" like I was inherently evil or a psychopath or something. I definitely need an outlet. I need to start swimming again.

I find LSD and psychedelics in general to be extremely beneficial towards controlling my desire to drink alcohol. And I have an abundance of psychedelics. So what I'm going to do is continue this experiment over and over until I reprogram myself. If I want to drink, instead I will trip and then reward myself with a small drink afterwards/ towards the end. That may sound insane. It kind of sounds insane to me. But it's the only solution that I think realistically might work. LSD does not appear to increase the effects of alcohol or vice-versa. Rather when I drink, I have a heightened consciousness of the effects of the alcohol and so I am much more likely to drink slowly. If I repeat this process I think I can reprogram myself.
 
TheDeceased said:
So what I'm going to do is continue this experiment over and over until I reprogram myself. If I want to drink, instead I will trip and then reward myself with a small drink afterwards/ towards the end. That may sound insane. It kind of sounds insane to me. But it's the only solution that I think realistically might work. LSD does not appear to increase the effects of alcohol or vice-versa. Rather when I drink, I have a heightened consciousness of the effects of the alcohol and so I am much more likely to drink slowly. If I repeat this process I think I can reprogram myself.
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I'm so confused. I thought you said you don't have a problem with alcohol (as in you're not an alcoholic) and that you don't even like it but you're going to have to replace it with an even stronger substance just to stop drinking?

You've got a problem.

I think you should figure out why this is occurring instead of distracting yourself with yet another substance. You're not getting to the root of your problem and subsequently ignoring it, and that NEVER makes anything better. I understand that a lot of people feel that hallucinogens can help make sense of things (and I'll have to agree with them as long as they're used responsibly) but you're still replacing one thing with another and ignoring the issue at hand, you know?

Once again, best of luck.
 
I would be cautious in your approach to 'reprogram' yourself; i believed i could do same when i was using psychedelics heavily and i had convinced myself of it a few times.. before crumbling back to where i began.

I came to understand that the psychedelics allowed me to realize my issues; but it was upto me to integrate that understanding consciously over time, integration is difficult if not impossible while under the influence because it's not a permanent state of being.

Hope you feel better.
 
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Yeah, I don't know what it is, but when I get drunk at a party or something, I'll ALWAYS look for someone trying to either holler at my sister, or talk to her, and I'll instantly want to fight. She's 22, and I'm 19, I always got her back no matter what, would kill for her any time of the day, but as soon as the drinks start flowing, I'll go up to her every 10-15 min, making sure no one is trying to hit on her, and making sure these fucks stay away.

If I saw a dude touch her I'd break a bottle over their head and wale on em, probably wouldn't stop..
 
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I tend to feel if you're even a little disappointed or saddened before drinking, you're more likely to end up sobbing all night long once you are effected by the ethanol.

I also think that if you are slightly pissed off at anyone or anything, you are likely to take it out on everything/anyone around you after you've started drinking.

I think that this sort of reaction is specifically associated with drugs that have heavy NMDA antagonism, like ethanol, and sometimes other dissociative drugs like PCP. PCP specifically features D2 agonism and dopamine reuptake inhibition, which can explain why other NMDA antagonists which do not feature these effects (ketamine) don't typically yield the same level of "acting out" that drugs like PCP does.

I would just find another drug of choice. Drug recovery is possible, if you want to quit for yourself, but I think it's the best choice to have a "back up plan" in case you would, in lieu of choosing to relapse on whatever is available, would be more likely to relapse on alcohol if you were to try to abstain completely. This back up plan can involve a modest amount of diazepam (or an even less rewarding benzodiazepine like chlordiazepoxide or oxazepam) prescribed by a doctor who is helping you quit drinking, or alternative plans which don't allow you to be around people who will be OK with you drinking.

You are very lucky that your friends did not choose to retaliate.

TheDeceased said:
I'm 28. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't drink every day. Today I'm not going to have a drink cause I have to work overnight for example. So I don't have a strong chemical addiction to alcohol, no. I don't have to drink all the time but I want to and when I do have a drink I will continue to drink until I either run out of money or all the shops close. I don't want to drink that much, and before the first drink I fool myself into thinking that I'll be able to control it. Problem is, the more drunk I get the more I want to drink. There doesn't ever seem to be a limit where I'm satisfied.

I know I should quit drinking but it's something I've failed to do, and declared that I'm going to do, so often that it's getting embarrassing. Like if I go to dinner with people and they're all drinking wine or whatever, by choosing not to drink in that situation - I'm not the guy who doesn't drink, I'm the guy who has a problem with alcohol. And maybe I do. But I'm tired of constantly trying and failing to quit alcohol so I've pretty much given up.

It is getting worse though. I have had so many unexplained injuries this year it's not funny. I often wake up with absolutely no memory of half the night, having done and said horrible things. Most of the time I'm bleeding and bruised. At the moment the inside of my hand is cut to pieces, my knuckles are fucked, my back is fucked, I have a bruise on my arm, another on my leg and a couple of small cuts on my face. This time was different, because there were witnesses that I could ask to find out what happened. Usually I just do it to random people on the street.

I suspect that I try to antagonize people into beating the shit out of me rather than trying to beat the shit out of them. But that makes even less sense than trying to hurt people. Like why would I want someone to hurt me? It doesn't make any sense.
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It sounds like you quite possibly have a self-hatred problem.
 
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ykm420 said:
Yeah, I don't know what it is, but when I get drunk at a party or something, I'll ALWAYS look for someone trying to either holler at my sister, or talk to her, and I'll instantly want to fight. She's 22, and I'm 19, I always got her back no matter what, would kill for her any time of the day, but as soon as the drinks start flowing, I'll go up to her every 10-15 min, making sure no one is trying to hit on her, and making sure these fucks stay away.

If I saw a dude touch her I'd break a bottle over their head and wale on em, probably wouldn't stop..
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I don't know 'what it is' either. You seem to be able to identify your problem, but I couldn't help but notice your lack of interest in doing anything about it. In fact, the same anger you describe when drunk, seemed to manifest itself in your post. Were you drinking when you wrote this reply?

Your sister is 22, well above the age when she can successfully reject or accept sexual overtures from men. If you're really that concerned about it, I would suggest not attending the same parties as your sister, as it's not exactly fair to people who may have a different understanding of what the social protocol is at a party.

If you can't manage to do this, for whatever reason, then your ass may find itself owned by the state in which you reside.
 
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Cyc said:
I don't know 'what it is' either. You seem to be able to identify your problem, but I couldn't help but notice your lack of interest in doing anything about it. In fact, the same anger you describe when drunk, seemed to manifest itself in your post. Were you drinking when you wrote this reply?

Your sister is 22, well above the age when she can successfully reject or accept sexual overtures from men. If you're really that concerned about it, I would suggest not attending the same parties as your sister, as it's not exactly fair to people who may have a different understanding of what the social protocol is at a party.

If you can't manage to do this, for whatever reason, then your ass may find itself owned by the state in which you reside.
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No, I wasn't. My sister can hold her own, but, I'm her bro, I wouldn't let a single thing ever hurt her. I'm not worried about doing anything about it, I've yet to get into a fight, because people know me, and not to hit on my sister, but, I still look out for her. I'm just saying, if I'm drunk, and some dude does some fucked up shit, I'm not going to care weather or not he's hurt minor or major. If you can't see where I'm coming from with that then either you don't have a sister in which you care deeply for, or you're not willing to fight anyone to protect your loved ones.
 
ykm420 said:
No, I wasn't. My sister can hold her own, but, I'm her bro, I wouldn't let a single thing ever hurt her. I'm not worried about doing anything about it, I've yet to get into a fight, because people know me, and not to hit on my sister, but, I still look out for her. I'm just saying, if I'm drunk, and some dude does some fucked up shit, I'm not going to care weather or not he's hurt minor or major. If you can't see where I'm coming from with that then either you don't have a sister in which you care deeply for, or you're not willing to fight anyone to protect your loved ones.
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"Fucked up shit" isn't very descriptive, though.

If your sister can stand up for herself, why don't you let her do that? If she needs help, just be there and wait for her to say she needs help before intervening in her affairs.
 
Maybe I misunderstood then.

In your original post, you said that if people were to 'holler' at, talk to, or hit on your sister, there you felt there was grounds for a violent confrontation. But these things happen all the time at parties, to all sorts of people, for universally accepted reasons. Now you mentioned that you wouldn't allow something to 'hurt' your sister, which is quite reasonable, but most people don't draw a parallel between hurting, and hitting on. So this is where I'm feeling the disconnect.

Is she in a relationship already and you're protecting the interests of her boyfriend who is not in attendance?

I see you are from Texas. Is having a higher than normal interest in the sex life of your siblings something unique to the south?

Is she also under the influence, and prone to making poor decisions? If this is the case, I would suggest addressing the problem at the source, rather than setting up what seems to be an intentional recipe for disaster.

You can maybe see why I found your reasoning to be irrational. I'm not seeing the link between a 22-year-old consenting adult engaging in party-like activities at parties, and violence. Sister or not.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
"Fucked up shit" isn't very descriptive, though.

If your sister can stand up for herself, why don't you let her do that? If she needs help, just be there and wait for her to say she needs help before intervening in her affairs.
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Pretty much what I was getting at.
 
Cyc said:
Maybe I misunderstood then.

In your original post, you said that if people were to 'holler' at, talk to, or hit on your sister, there you felt there was grounds for a violent confrontation. But these things happen all the time at parties, to all sorts of people, for universally accepted reasons. Now you mentioned that you wouldn't allow something to 'hurt' your sister, which is quite reasonable, but most people don't draw a parallel between hurting, and hitting on. So this is where I'm feeling the disconnect.

Is she in a relationship already and you're protecting the interests of her boyfriend who is not in attendance?

I see you are from Texas. Is having a higher than normal interest in the sex life of your siblings something unique to the south?

Is she also under the influence, and prone to making poor decisions? If this is the case, I would suggest addressing the problem at the source, rather than setting up what seems to be an intentional recipe for disaster.

You can maybe see why I found your reasoning to be irrational. I'm not seeing the link between a 22-year-old consenting adult engaging in party-like activities at parties, and violence. Sister or not.
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She has a girlfriend, man.. I don't care about her sex life, but, I know what guys want from girls. I'm not going to let some guy try and put moves on my sister. No, I'm generally the one under the influence. I'm not some asshole who's drunk going around hitting kids, and killing the vibe. I'm just saying, I'm going to make sure no one is trying to do this. Family is family, I'll help where I can.
 
ykm420 said:
She has a girlfriend, man.. I don't care about her sex life, but, I know what guys want from girls. I'm not going to let some guy try and put moves on my sister. No, I'm generally the one under the influence. I'm not some asshole who's drunk going around hitting kids, and killing the vibe. I'm just saying, I'm going to make sure no one is trying to do this. Family is family, I'll help where I can.
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Not all guys want the same thing from girls, man. That's like saying girls only want one thing from guys...
 
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