Greetings...Do I have hppd? HELP

[Omega32]

Hello, I have had some pretty bizarre symptoms that pretty much all started after a bad mushroom trip last summer where I experienced the worst and first of many panic attacks in my life.
I started to get blurry vision a few weeks later and feeling dizzy when I walked...felt like my body was going through some uncomfortable and rather odd changes.
I did a weekend workshop where I would sit and feel really stoned and the patterns of the carpet would start moving...it stopped after I went out for lunch but soon after I started having more panic attacks at the slightest emotions.
Then things got more strange..I got visual snow...after image burn, blue field entoptic phenomenon and now i feel like I am stuck in a dream.
I have ear fullness...my ears never pop...head pressure 24/7 for the past 6+ months...feel dizzy and out of focus...detached from reality.
No one with hppd really complains of the dizziness or ear fullness/pressure, and I don't have trails, starbursts, or halos.
Do you still think I have HPPD? Feedback would be wonderful as I am not sure if I should be going back to the docs to investigate this further.

 

[alantis360]

Refer to this post:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=561559

 

[basement_shaman]

I think HPPD per definition only refers to visual disturbances... It definitely sounds like you need to see a doctor, but I don't think he is going to diagnose you with HPPD, at least not as the only diagnosis. I doubt that psilocybin has the effects you described - maybe the bad trip made your change something that brought along these symptoms - it could be a change of eating habit causing a minor mineral/vitamin deficiency? Are you getting enough exercise? I hope you the best. I have some mild visual disturbances myself after my drug use but no physical symptoms like you describe, not at all.

 

[allium]

Although most HPPD symptoms are related to visual perception, I don't see why it can't include other perceptual distortion(proprioception, for example).

^^ Welcome to bluelight!
It sounds like you have some mild case of HPPD, however basement_shaman is probably right about HPPD being not a main diagnosis.

i feel like I am stuck in a dream

feel dizzy and out of focus

detached from reality.

It looks like you have dissociation(derealization/depersonalization), and I second suggestion to see a doctor. This state is treatable with the help of professional, and you definitely need proper medication.

No one with hppd really complains of the dizziness or ear fullness/pressure, and I don't have trails, starbursts, or halos.

Actually, people who really suffer from HPPD, quite often describe similar set of problems. And depersonalization/derealization seem to be quite common problem amongst psychedelic users.

I think I know how you feel, and I really hope you'll get better!

 

[Survived Abortion]

It sounds like another case of an unresolved trip bringing issues to the surface that you need to recognize and deal with. Like allium above me said, your symptoms are indicative of a dissociative state (derealization and depersonalization) which is brought about by an acute traumatic episode. In the case of tripping, this is always likely to be the result of reliving repressed memories of events that you have yet to deal with, and during the trip you resisted the process of full resolution.

I agree that you may need to go to the doctor for a temporary solution if it becomes critically unbearable; however the danger is that you will become dependent on any medications he/she may prescribe you. This is not good, since while you are medicated you are not fully dealing with those problems that surfaced during the trip, or at least not dealing with them efficiently.

SSRI and benzodiazepine medications are the most commonly prescribed medications for such anxiety and dissociation, but they really come with a hefty price of addiction and withdrawal after long-term use. I don't care what anyone says, these drugs are addicting and I would be a complete arsehole to recommend that anyone start using them to supress any spiritual imbalances they have.

I wish someone else advised me this before I first started out on the pharmaceutical circus: you can work through your issues with meditation and intuitive self-analysis, and you will eventually have to anyway in order to overcome them. You may require the guidance and help of other experienced people in this field. You can still trip if you want to in the future, and it may even be the catalyst you need in order to see more clearly those subconscious problems. Look at Stan Grof's and Myron Stolaroff's work on psychedelic psychotherapy. Seriously look at yoga and other related spiritual practices, like tantra yoga.

 

[allium]

^ Although I agree that OP probably have some problems that need to be recognized and solved, I am sure that proper medication is a must, and it may provide great relief.

SSRI and benzodiazepine medications are the most commonly prescribed medications for such anxiety and dissociation, but they really come with a hefty price of addiction and withdrawal after long-term use.

These classes of drugs aren't that terrific, and you seem to be biased against them. There are different ways of preventing addiction and withdrawal. I myself don't recommend using these substances, but I recommend to see a doctor, and start taking these drugs, if they are prescribed.

 

[greenmeanies]

sounds like some yoga could do wonders for the OP?

i don't care if you believe in "energy alignment" or "chakra blockage" but stretching will ALWAYS improve your psychological as well as physiological health.

 

[poopstation]

sounds like HPPD coupled with an anxiety disorder. in 2002 i abused shrooms pretty heavily and did what Survived Abortion said, i was confronted with issues during a number of trips that i ignored. i continued tripping and it seemed like i was coming down less and less. eventually i was walking around with serious visual disturbances constantly, all day, coupled with extreme anxiety. i fed the anxiety with more anxiety b/c i had no idea what was happening to me, i thought i was losing my mind. the stress rose so high at one point that i actually temporarily lost my vision for a few seconds while i was driving. i wasn't hurt and i eventually came out of it ok. i'm sorry i can't offer a solution b/c different solutions work for different people. i eventually stumbled across a website documenting the effects of HPPD, i was shocked that it listed everything i had been experiencing. i began to feel better i wasn't actually losing my mind and that maybe i just need to learn to live with it. the effects persisted but i did my best to "not care" about it anymore. i would pay no attention to hallucinations and just try to brush them off, accept them as an effect of the condition. this greatly reduced my anxiety. after awhile of not tripping i began to use mescaline and instead of "having fun" with it and tripping out on the visuals like i did when i was abusing shrooms, i used mescaline as a medicine to better myself. mescaline was a much more useful tool for me as the way it introduces problems to me isn't as anxiety-inducing as the way shrooms do it, for me at least. for now i would stay away from psychedelics and just see if you can get a grip on your anxiety. don't worry about the visual disturbances. mind over matter, over time the visual disturbances that were very extreme began to dissipate. i still have visual disturbances but they don't bother me. if i were to really concentrate i can bring it back but i never do that, i've trained myself to do the opposite and ignore it.

so my advice would be to deal with the anxiety and start to ignore visual disturbances. things like concrete turning into lizard skin, disproportionate moving of inanament objects, seeing those little amoeba looking things when you look at a blue sky, and working in an office under fluorescent lights and all white walls where everything has halos and image burn on everything after you blink (even image burn from looking at desks and chairs) can really distract you and stress you out. don't let it. i found that focusing on it or allowing myself to be distracted by it would cause intense trippy type feelings along with imminent panic. ignore it and just focus on dealing with anxiety through whatever techniques you feel might work best for you. i remember the visual disturbances being intense back in 2002 but mine have gotten to be much less over the years. i think it's permanent to an extent though. this may be "TMI" but even now, whenever i take a poop the HPPD gets strong... everytime. it's like something is kicking in, it's that strong. i've had stronger visuals while pooping sober than on actual doses sometimes lol. but it goes away pretty much after i'm done pooping. i've just come to accept it really.

 

[Omega32]

Wow, this is a really great forum for advice. I was not expecting this kind of response, which is pretty tremendous compared to the other forums I have been to. Thanks a lot!

Poopstation...my visuals are not horrendous actually....I don't see some of the trippier things like walls warping or text dancing....but I do have visual snow (this symptom is what actually led me to hppd). Visual snow seems to be a little more permanent where as the trails, halos, starbursts etc seems to fade for most people (I don't have these symptoms).

For everyone that recommend alternative therapies...I definitely think this is the ultimate way of dealing with my issues. I don't have a diagnosis of HPPD though...even after seeing a neurologist...and attempting to describe my "static vision". I didn't have the right terminology at the time...he said I suffered from persistent migraine with aura and prescribed an SSRI. I chose not to take it though because I thought his diagnosis was not right. He told me he didn't know of any conditions related to hallucinogenic use...in fact no doctor I went to said hallucinogens had any lasting affects on the body.
So I was really shocked when I found about HPPD...and on top of it all, no cure!

I had a CT scan/MRI/ eye exam/ blood work...all normal

I think maybe the anxiety took me pretty deep into Dp/Dr because I didn't understand my symptoms at all....I was having nightmares too...developed insomnia....I did take benzos in the beginning when I had to....just to deal with the panic but I don't take anything right now. It has been about 3 weeks since last benzo use. And I didn't know I had Dp/Dr either....until I did my own research...I am pretty sure it is why i feel disconnected.

I am on some natural supplements. But this ear fullness/head pressure and dizzy, disoriented feeling must be due to anxiety and a chemical imbalance?

I am wondering if a panic attack on mushrooms causes a deeper chemical imbalance....I had never had panic attacks the way I did after that trip. Any kind of scary thought would trigger a panic. Now I am past that stage but still dealing with a feeling of dis-reality.

I am not sure how much to blame my current symptoms on the mushrooms or on my anxiety??

 

[OGKooosh]

sounds like HPPD coupled with an anxiety disorder. in 2002 i abused shrooms pretty heavily and did what Survived Abortion said, i was confronted with issues during a number of trips that i ignored. i continued tripping and it seemed like i was coming down less and less. eventually i was walking around with serious visual disturbances constantly, all day, coupled with extreme anxiety. i fed the anxiety with more anxiety b/c i had no idea what was happening to me, i thought i was losing my mind. the stress rose so high at one point that i actually temporarily lost my vision for a few seconds while i was driving. i wasn't hurt and i eventually came out of it ok. i'm sorry i can't offer a solution b/c different solutions work for different people. i eventually stumbled across a website documenting the effects of HPPD, i was shocked that it listed everything i had been experiencing. i began to feel better i wasn't actually losing my mind and that maybe i just need to learn to live with it. the effects persisted but i did my best to "not care" about it anymore. i would pay no attention to hallucinations and just try to brush them off, accept them as an effect of the condition. this greatly reduced my anxiety. after awhile of not tripping i began to use mescaline and instead of "having fun" with it and tripping out on the visuals like i did when i was abusing shrooms, i used mescaline as a medicine to better myself. mescaline was a much more useful tool for me as the way it introduces problems to me isn't as anxiety-inducing as the way shrooms do it, for me at least. for now i would stay away from psychedelics and just see if you can get a grip on your anxiety. don't worry about the visual disturbances. mind over matter, over time the visual disturbances that were very extreme began to dissipate. i still have visual disturbances but they don't bother me. if i were to really concentrate i can bring it back but i never do that, i've trained myself to do the opposite and ignore it.

so my advice would be to deal with the anxiety and start to ignore visual disturbances. things like concrete turning into lizard skin, disproportionate moving of inanament objects, seeing those little amoeba looking things when you look at a blue sky, and working in an office under fluorescent lights and all white walls where everything has halos and image burn on everything after you blink (even image burn from looking at desks and chairs) can really distract you and stress you out. don't let it. i found that focusing on it or allowing myself to be distracted by it would cause intense trippy type feelings along with imminent panic. ignore it and just focus on dealing with anxiety through whatever techniques you feel might work best for you. i remember the visual disturbances being intense back in 2002 but mine have gotten to be much less over the years. i think it's permanent to an extent though. this may be "TMI" but even now, whenever i take a poop the HPPD gets strong... everytime. it's like something is kicking in, it's that strong. i've had stronger visuals while pooping sober than on actual doses sometimes lol. but it goes away pretty much after i'm done pooping. i've just come to accept it really.

^never thought i'd hear such an inspiring story from someone with the username poopstation haha.

anyway, shrooms most likely did not set off some kind of chemical imbalance. i can't remember the term for it but there is a certain likely hood for someone to develop some kind of mental disorder(like your anxiety) and once something like a bad trip happens it can set it off. anxiety is nothing you can't cope with though so don't worry yourself too much about that.

 

[paridiso]

Anxiety acts as a fuel for HPPD. The most important thing to do when you have HPPD is to relax and not give any attention to the hallucinations. Just pretend they're not there. Eventually your brain will relearn to ignore them.

I developed HPPD after messing around with various drugs, not sure which one it was that triggered it. Once I started dealing with the anxiety things got much better. I still get visual snow and walls warp a little but I don't notice it anymore unless I start paying attention to it.

 

[superelephant]

Wow, this is a really great forum for advice. I was not expecting this kind of response, which is pretty tremendous compared to the other forums I have been to. Thanks a lot!

Lol.

I have hppd. I like the visual part. The anxiety/derealization/depersonalization caught me off guard at first to. But it wasn't long before I got over it.

 

[Solipsis]

If you like it then it's not a disorder by definition. Additionally diagnoses are not to be made lightly, though on the other hand in the case of HPPD if it is severe enough it might be too obvious that it is that, especially if you overdid it with psychedelics.

What are we to do with an abundance of threads in which people ask if they have this or not?

 

[allium]

What are we to do with an abundance of threads in which people ask if they have this or not?

Maybe just merge them into B&D HPPD thread after 2-3 days?
Or is this a rhetorical question?

 

[Solipsis]

A little bit
That's indeed what is done in most cases, but it can be hard to keep track of how hot a thread is and to merge it when it 'cools down'. I guess I don't visit the older pages enough lol.

Anyway eeerhmm HPPD. Hallucinogenic Preliminary Pervasion Doohickey.

 

[alantis360]

If you like it then it's not a disorder by definition. Additionally diagnoses are not to be made lightly, though on the other hand in the case of HPPD if it is severe enough it might be too obvious that it is that, especially if you overdid it with psychedelics.

What are we to do with an abundance of threads in which people ask if they have this or not?

exactly, if it bothers you through your daily life then yes it is hppd.

 

[Shambles]

I concur. All the symptoms mentioned have been with me my whole life - many years before I'd ever even heard the word "psychedelic" let alone used any. These HPPD threads confuse the shit outta me to be honest - I always thought this is how everybody lives. Maybe not. Or maybe they just don't notice it at first. I have no idea. But I do know that every one of the HPPD symptoms I see here and every other time it comes up have been my lifelong companions so seriously doubt that psyches are a cause. Or even that it is a real problem unless you decide it is. If you experience the world this way since birth is it a psychedelic disorder? I never thought so until I started reading HPPD threads, to be honest. And had all these symptoms way before I ever knew about psyches. I'd always assumed everybody does to a greater or lesser extent.

PS: Please don't be offended by that comment, OP. But threads like this really do confuse the shit outta me and even get me questioning the world I have always lived in since it is apparently deemed pathological by some.

 

[Omega32]

PS: Please don't be offended by that comment, OP. But threads like this really do confuse the shit outta me and even get me questioning the world I have always lived in since it is apparently deemed pathological by some.

That is okay. I know some people are born with visual snow and others like myself never experienced it until now. I would say if you were born feeling a certain and seeing a certain way, that is your norm. In my case, my brain has been forced to adapt to this new world and change is always hard to do. Building and acclimating to new pathways can take months to years.
Dp/Dr is probably one of the most upsetting symptoms.
I can't say the HPPD is terrible for me now that I am understanding my symptoms more...but the GAD and resulting crap that stemmed out of that.