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Heroin Need to reduce the harm made by the middleman

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FreakinHUGEGuy

FreakinHUGEGuy

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 13, 2010
Messages
6
Location
Washington, D.C.
Hello all, I'm a very new poster to Bluelight, having been registered for awhile and up until now only been reading/researching using the site, which is excellent by the way.
I have a problem about which I don't know what to do. I know the Bluelight policy is that we are not supposed to use the site to attempt to buy or sell any illegal products -- I am not trying to do either of those things, I just need some advice.

My dad died about 2 years ago, and it really fucked me up. I was extremely close with him, and his death has been the singular most negative event in my life, I still think about him every day and it kills me. Back when it first happened the pain was too intense for me to deal with so I turned to substances to escape the pain. I'd been smoking weed and using various other drugs for awhile but they suddenly weren't enough, so I tried dope. Now, 2 years later, the pain has diminished by about 2%. I use occasionally, about 3-4 times a week to get through the worst of my headfucked/train wreck days. I know it's a terrible thing to do, but psychiatrists and grief counselors have proven to be 100% ineffective so I use and it allows me to be semi-functional. My problem is that I can only get the stuff through a "friend" of mine who actually knows the pushers, he won't introduce me to them because I support his habit and he doesn't want me to be able to get anything without going through him. He is completely physically addicted, cannot be employed as a multiple felon with obvious tracks all over his body and is one of the most pathetic people I've ever met, I've given him at least $1,000, but probably more, worth of dope over the last 2 years because I feel sorry for him and my job allows me to and I can't score any other way. But I can't do it anymore, I need to save my money. I'm not asking for anyone to hook me up with a dealer, but if anyone has any advice on how I can find my own source I'd really appreciate it.

When I give him my money to score he often will take 50-75% the powder out of my bags and replace it with god knows what because he thinks I don't notice -- this has led to me banging some of the worst cut dope in existence and many health problems that go along with that. That's where the harm reduction comes in, I can't keep killing my veins with whatever the hell white powder he happens to have lying around his house at the time he's stealing from me.

If this is an inappropriate thread than I apologize to the moderators, please don't ban me. I just really need some advice on how to break free from the middleman who's killing me.

I also apologize in advance for this ridiculously and ludicrously long post, I tend to ramble on and on, thinking every detail of my story is important to the whole idea. If you've made it to the end than thanks, and if you have any advice than thanks even more.

-The Big Man
 
Tell him you'll help him out still if he introduces you to the dealers.. but otherwise you've found someone else.. But are you sure that's something that will better you? It's gonna become that much easier for you to score..

Sorry about your dad by the way :( <3
 
Hi rickolasnice, thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post. That's a good idea, I'll try it tomorrow, I'm just fairly certain he'll come up with some bs about how they don't want to meet anyone new and they only sell to him because they've known him for so long etc etc. But regardless I'll try.

And no I'm not sure that that would better me in the big picture, but certainly in the short term it would. Just last week I got really sick after shooting a few bags he gave me, because he had taken at least half of the dope out for himself and replaced it with some mystery white powder that barely cooked up and was freezing up in the syringe almost before I could shoot it. If I keep getting through him and his fucked up cutting sooner or later it'll have some lasting physical effects on me, I'm sure of it, so I gotta try to break free.

Thanks for your kind words.
 
I don't have any advice for you really...we can't really tell you how else to get a source. I just wanted to say I'm sorry...my mom died a little over 3 years ago, it still hurts, I think about her everyday, and I still cry over it. I finally got myself into counseling and seeing a psychiatric nurse, it took me 3 years to start to deal with it.


I'm not sure where you get the statistic that "psychiatrists and grief counselors are proven to be 100% ineffective." That's totally not true. You are self-medicating right now...try getting yourself some help...if they were totally ineffective, I wouldn't be sitting here telling you it's helping me, or to look into it. You need to talk about it, even if it hurts...and if you're having trouble sleeping or functioning or eating or just existing, there are medications out there, legal ones, that can help you --- and unlike this sketchy cut heroin through a friend, you know what is in these drugs. Seriously, don't knock it until you try it. <3
 
If I were you dude, i'd kick his fucking ass pulling moves like that, fair enough if the dealer shorts you find someone new, but a fucking middleman. Makes me angry D:

You'd think he'd cut it with something as lil less noticable. :/
 
I know that no one can tell me where to get a specific source, I meant just to ask if anyone had any general advice concerning meeting sources, like how you might have met your sources for various substances, maybe a good technique for meeting people, convincing them I'm not a cop etc etc.

Sorry that my post was unclear, when I said that they've proven to be 100% ineffective I meant that through my personal experience (tried 5 different psychiatrists and 2 grief counselors) none of them have been effective for me. I certainly did not mean to imply that they don't work for anyone else or that it was a legitimate statistic for others -- just my own findings. The only reason I'm knocking it is because I have tried it and have been consistently disappointed. They usually just sit me down and nod and say that's interesting while I talk for an hour, then they bill me and set up another appointment.

You're right I am self medicating and I don't like it but it's helping me to get through the days so until I find a better way to get through them I have to keep it up, unfortunately.

I really appreciate your empathizing with me, and I'm really sorry to hear about your mom, it's such hell to lose a parent I had no idea how devastating it can be.
 
FreakinHUGEGuy said:
Sorry that my post was unclear, when I said that they've proven to be 100% ineffective I meant that through my personal experience (tried 5 different psychiatrists and 2 grief counselors) none of them have been effective for me. I certainly did not mean to imply that they don't work for anyone else or that it was a legitimate statistic for others -- just my own findings. The only reason I'm knocking it is because I have tried it and have been consistently disappointed. They usually just sit me down and nod and say that's interesting while I talk for an hour, then they bill me and set up another appointment.

I really appreciate your empathizing with me, and I'm really sorry to hear about your mom, it's such hell to lose a parent I had no idea how devastating it can be.
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Ah okay, that seems extremely discouraging. But I think your mistake was the 5 psychs and only 2 grief counselors. Psychiatrists are pretty much drug dispensers, the counselor/etc is who deals with your feelings. I also never saw a grief counselor, I found a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that I see. And, I thought the same thing from previous experiences...they just sit and nod. This time I found people who don't do that, they actually give suggestions for things I could do to help me feel better...it's unfortunate due to a location change that in 3 months I'll lose them and need to find new ones, and then once I lose my health insurance it will be impractical for me to continue...unfortunate because it helps, and just hoping the psychiatrist can write larger monthly prescriptions at that point that will last as long as possible at least. The financial aspect is such a bitch, mental health treatment is far from cheap nor free. I was just a lost 20 year old girl when my mom died too, it was awful.

Anyway, sorry for the derailment of thread. You just kinda make connections through the lifestyle I suppose...meet friends of other friends who use and such over time. Any opiates I have come from a doctor for a legitimate medical reason, so I'm not too sure exactly how it works. But to echo something said above, are you sure you want to keep going down this route? You aren't using daily, and your product is clearly cut to shit, so you seem as if the addiction is mental more than physical now...read around on here a bit, check out TDS (The Dark Side) where you can post about emotional issues, and you can read about how addiction has affected other people. Addiction to all drugs, but some of the opiate stories you read on there especially sound pretty awful. Get out while you still can.
 
Newbierock said:
If I were you dude, i'd kick his fucking ass pulling moves like that, fair enough if the dealer shorts you find someone new, but a fucking middleman. Makes me angry D:

You'd think he'd cut it with something as lil less noticable. :/
Click to expand...

I know right? It's just that he knows that I have no other way of getting the shit so he just does whatever he wants. For the 1st year I was getting it through him he told me the bags were NO PRICES apiece, when in reality they're NO PRICES and if you get at least 3 you'll usually get 1 free. If you spend at least NO PRICES you start getting 2 free. So I would give him NO PRICES and get 5 bags while he would keep 7-8 for himself, completely funded by me. That went on until a mutual friend of ours who had quit using and was in rehab just casually mentioned to me the real price, not knowing that this middleman had been stealing from me for so long.

I put up with it because I could afford to and I wanted to keep getting dope, I don't know why it didn't make me flip out and try to kill him which would be the rational thing to do, and I still might. I guess I just love the dope that much, when it's not ridiculously stepped on.
 
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This guy needs you, you're in the position of power. Simply be a little deceitful, and he will melt to you.

If he is taking 50 -75 % he will not pass up the chance to only get 30%.


Tell him something like, "My boy J just met this guy with (blah blah blah what you want to ideally pay, and they are phat blah blah blah), and he's always good. He's mad scared of meeting new people, kinda like your guy. Honestly though man, until you can drop your price or get better bags I'm out.

He'll call with a better deal about 70% of the time within a day or two. Of course I made that statistic up, but I do feel it is of a high probability.
 
Hey man, unfortunately I cannot tell you how to find sources. But your story really hit close to home with me, as my father died in June of 2009. After that my dope habit spiraled out of control, as well as excessive benzo use and cocaine. I still haven't come to terms with his death. Psychiatrists/therapists and whatnot haven't been any help and haven't told me anything I don't know. I am seriously lost. Luckily I am maintaining on methadone, but mentally I am losing it.

If you need someone to talk to please PM me, it seems we have a lot in common.

As for your middle man situation, that is the unfortunate thing of going thru "friends" who are also junkies. I had a similar situation when I first started doing heroin, but soon found my own sources and cut out the middle man. He wasn't shorting my bags or anything but he wouldn't give me the number, and always wanted some bags or whatever, plus a ride, to the city. Dumb shit that adds up over time.

Over in Drug Culture I think there are some threads about scoring in open air markets, I am not sure where you live so the scene can vary from city to city. Here in Northern NJ driving through the hood is all you really need to do, someone will flag you down.

I understand your predicament, and it sucks. But I highly recommend dumping your junky 'friend' and working on finding your own source. I could understand throwing him a couple bags or whatever, but him cutting your bags with garbage is just too much. He obviously doesn't give a shit about you and is relying on you to support his habit. Don't believe that bulshit about his dealers 'not wanting to meet you'. The dealers don't give a shit, as long as you aren't a cop, and have money.
 
yeah man tell him you found somebody else that has way better stuff and cheaper prices, but since hes been hookin you up for so long you figured youd give him a call to see if he could get you better deals before you switch.

also when im in this situation ive just staight up told the guy look i know how much this shit costs and i know you need to get something out of this, and im fine with that as long as its reasonable. so you can hook me up and make a little bit or i can go somewhere else and you can make nothing.

another good technique which i found is the ONLY way to get hooked up with a dealers number where i am, is to let a guy middle man you for a little while, then wait until theyre really sick and tell them im not buying anything else until you set me up with your guy, and if you do right now ill give you like 40 worth of dope.

trust me itll get you set. and giving him 40 as a sort of severence pay is generous, theyll usuall do it for a dime if you wait for the right time.
 
Believe me, if you tell him that you won't give him any dope until he introduces you to the real people, and he's physically addicted and can't fund his habit, withdrawals will crack him real easy.

Tell him you'll still help him out but can't afford to pay for both of you guys forever. When he gives you bullshit, tell him to call you when he changes his mind and don't talk with him.

If he's cutting your stuff, its dangerous to continue taking his stuff. If he takes bags and cuts the bags he gives you, you're probably only getting 20% of what you're paying for, if that.
 
word, i've dealt with some assholes like that. theres a few things you can do. i don't know how to tell you how to find new sources, things that like just kind of fell into my lap. what skoat and echo mentioned is probably the best bet. since youre dealing with a middleman i assume you give him the money and he goes and gets it..ever thought of saying, "i'm coming with you" ? or just follow him, what could he possibly do about it..if you don't get any he doesn't get any, and no junkies going to turn down free dope regardless how much it is..do you kick it with this guy or is it just the transaction and you part ways..cause if you kick it with him you have more options of obtaining information and numbers
 
This is still considered sourcing in OD and we won't help you find drugs in ANY capacity. Please review the forum guidelines and standards links in my signature and PM me if you have any questions.
 
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