so this past weekend i went to this awesome show that i had been looking forward to for months. i was visiting my friend who lives pretty far and the culmination of our trip was this show. so i went to the show with her, she's not entirely into the same music as i am but decided to come along and check out what it was all about. what should have been an awesome night turned out to be a clusterfuck...
the night of the show, her parents had planned an extended family dinner. i didn't really know anyone and felt kinda strange talking to her grandparents and other people who had no idea that in a few hours i intended to roll face and rage my ass off. so once everyone leaves we get ready to head out. the mood is kind of weird... normally i get super hyped before shows but i wasn't since we just spent the last few hours talking to elderly people and since she wasn't all that excited to begin with since she doesn't like electronic music as much as i do. in fact, i kind of felt like i wasn't even in much of a mood to rage, even though weeks beforehand i'd been sooo pumped for this.
so we get to the show and it starts out pretty fun, i pop the molly and start dancing with my friend, who decides to be sober since the night before she puked her guts out after drinking a shit ton. just when i start coming up she tells me she realized she left her car unlocked, and so we end up having to leave the show and come back. this pretty much killed my roll, i feel bad cause i know she's not having fun, and then when we get back she says she doesnt want to go in the middle of the huge crowd. for the first time in all my experience taking e, i wasn't happy. i felt the heaviness and definitely euphoria but something in my head made me feel more sad than happy. i'm used to the usual effects of e... chatting people's heads off, extreme empathy and sense of closeness with others, like everything is perfect and we are all one (oh how i love mdma :D), but i didn't experience ANY empathy or happiness. i didn't even really wanna talk to anyone. I'm guessing it was cause of the major bad vibes and clusterfuckery of the night, but i'm worried that this will somehow have a bad effect on future rolls... is it even possible for one bad time to do that?
maybe i'm just being a little paranoid because i love my mdma and don't want one bad night to ruin future nights, lol. in any case, i'm laying off the e for several months. i guess i've learned that it's not always a guaranteed make-everything-better happy pill... don't waste a roll if there are bad vibes, and don't underestimate the important of set and setting for any drug.
the night of the show, her parents had planned an extended family dinner. i didn't really know anyone and felt kinda strange talking to her grandparents and other people who had no idea that in a few hours i intended to roll face and rage my ass off. so once everyone leaves we get ready to head out. the mood is kind of weird... normally i get super hyped before shows but i wasn't since we just spent the last few hours talking to elderly people and since she wasn't all that excited to begin with since she doesn't like electronic music as much as i do. in fact, i kind of felt like i wasn't even in much of a mood to rage, even though weeks beforehand i'd been sooo pumped for this.
so we get to the show and it starts out pretty fun, i pop the molly and start dancing with my friend, who decides to be sober since the night before she puked her guts out after drinking a shit ton. just when i start coming up she tells me she realized she left her car unlocked, and so we end up having to leave the show and come back. this pretty much killed my roll, i feel bad cause i know she's not having fun, and then when we get back she says she doesnt want to go in the middle of the huge crowd. for the first time in all my experience taking e, i wasn't happy. i felt the heaviness and definitely euphoria but something in my head made me feel more sad than happy. i'm used to the usual effects of e... chatting people's heads off, extreme empathy and sense of closeness with others, like everything is perfect and we are all one (oh how i love mdma :D), but i didn't experience ANY empathy or happiness. i didn't even really wanna talk to anyone. I'm guessing it was cause of the major bad vibes and clusterfuckery of the night, but i'm worried that this will somehow have a bad effect on future rolls... is it even possible for one bad time to do that?
maybe i'm just being a little paranoid because i love my mdma and don't want one bad night to ruin future nights, lol. in any case, i'm laying off the e for several months. i guess i've learned that it's not always a guaranteed make-everything-better happy pill... don't waste a roll if there are bad vibes, and don't underestimate the important of set and setting for any drug.
