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Trouble finding purpose in this society

T

thesoundofmotion

Bluelighter
Joined
May 1, 2007
Messages
104
I live in New York in a typical suburban town.

Anyways I am coming into my mid 20's now and I'm really having trouble fitting in with this society and finding some sort of purpose for my existance here.

I know what types of things turn me on but I feel like I am very limited in the things I can do. The things I can say are unlimited, but the things I do are a totally different story.

I live in a neighborhood that is fairly upper-middle class although we have seen decline lately.

I just really don't know how to fit in. I don't like the idea of having to work for Corporate America and I don't even like the notion of how our society is structured today in terms of law and in terms of economics.

I don't want to sound whiny, but I want to change it and I want to be full of knowledge and wisdom (although I guess this comes with time).

Does anyone feel this way? Don't you feel like there is more to life then this type of lifestyle? I know there is and I can see it, but I can't just yet get there.

I've also never expressed myself sexually with another person which is sad but true.
 
Does anyone feel this way? Don't you feel like there is more to life then this type of lifestyle? I know there is and I can see it, but I can't just yet get there.
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I think a lot of us(not just BL ers) have felt this way. Yes there is way more to life than what society generally expects from us.

I just really don't know how to fit in. I don't like the idea of having to work for Corporate America and I don't even like the notion of how our society is structured today in terms of law and in terms of economics.
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Neither do I but you will probably have to settle for some sort of 9-5 job or at least come up with a business idea to keep your head above water. Or at least have some sort of good, product or service to offer.

I
've also never expressed myself sexually with another person which is sad but true.
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Good luck on that one but there is always time. Maybe I haven't expresed myself FULLY sexually but that is a different discussion. There is still time no worries.
 
Fitting into society is not necessarily a good thing. It pretty much encourages an empty superficial lifestyle that is destructive to the planet and that avoids questioning why we do what we do.

I'm also trying to figure myself out and decide what kind of life I want. It can be overwhelming and stressful, but if you keep your eyes open you will find other like-minded people. Don't buy into the bullshit that we're fed everyday about how to live.

The only way for things to continue the way they are is for everybody to remain completely unconscious. People are controlled by so many external factors without even realizing it, they think they are making decisions but they are mostly reacting unconsciously.
 
legerity said:
fitting into society is not necessarily a good thing. It pretty much encourages an empty superficial lifestyle that is destructive to the planet and that avoids questioning why we do what we do.

I'm also trying to figure myself out and decide what kind of life i want. It can be overwhelming and stressful, but if you keep your eyes open you will find other like-minded people. Don't buy into the bullshit that we're fed everyday about how to live.

The only way for things to continue the way they are is for everybody to remain completely unconscious. People are controlled by so many external factors without even realizing it, they think they are making decisions but they are mostly reacting unconsciously.
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amen!!!
 
hopefully you have a trade, skill or mindset that generates product . work your ass off and plan to get your nose off the grindstone as quickly as possible .

alternately you could live on the margins of society and slang or some other shit.

best advise that i ever got as a young logger was ''learn something and learn it well''. did so and went back to city living and worked my way up to the stratosphere of machinist employers . beats setting chokers or slinging rigging !

there is no purpose to life if one doesn't develop one . nothing spiritual about it at all . you don't care for your present situation then hit the road - you will find something out about yourself and your talents and desires .
 
^ a lot of people talk about 'finding themselves' or 'finding their path' as if those options are out there just waiting to be stumbled upon.

i find if you think about more in terms of creating yourself or creating a path for yourself, it seems much clearer and obtainable. if you want to change, make a plan and change. if you want to be full of knowledge and wisdom, you need to learn. and you probably need a fair amount of introspection as, often i find, the answers are not 'out there', rather they are 'in there'.

alasdair
 
Legerity said:
Fitting into society is not necessarily a good thing. It pretty much encourages an empty superficial lifestyle that is destructive to the planet and that avoids questioning why we do what we do.
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Personally, I see society as a device - a tool to be made use of. Trying to "fit" into it simply concretes your position as a cog in this machine, and provides little fulfillment. I work a desk job because I have the requisite skillset for it, and that provides me with enough income to pursue my hedonistic-progressing-toward-creative lifestyle. I will probably make a career out of writing software, but save for a potential job as a game designer, I don't see it being the sole reason to get up in the morning.

I was introduced to an adage by a friend, and they are wise words to live by: "live to work, or work to live".
 
I feel the same way and the most hope I have found has been at a Buddhist monastery.
 
thesoundofmotion said:
I know what types of things turn me on but I feel like I am very limited in the things I can do. The things I can say are unlimited, but the things I do are a totally different story.

I've also never expressed myself sexually with another person which is sad but true.
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Well, first of all, the sexuality portion might come with generally feeling uncomfortable in this situation, not to mention the main motives for someone to want sex. It is not sad to not express sexually. I feel that you might be making a better choice for yourself by not hitting the nearest hoe just to get some. You seem a lot more wise than that. Congrats, from my heart!

Secondly, our own views on society influence the type of lifestyle we lead. I distinctly remember a certain quote from an older style way-of thinking:

"If you don't like it, tough shit. You have to learn to deal with it."

I feel many people live by this quote without fully realizing it. They "learn to deal with things" they don't like instead of changing their circumstances. I like what has been presented in this thread, a more "you don't like it, do something else" approach.

I too find that I cannot, nor will I any longer, fit into society. It's almost like lying to yourself and I feel that more people feel this way than they let on. Go with what you know about yourself. Take some time to figure out what YOU want from this life and who cares what everyone else thinks! When you know what you want, you become free.

Legerity said:
Fitting into society is not necessarily a good thing. It pretty much encourages an empty superficial lifestyle that is destructive to the planet and that avoids questioning why we do what we do.
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Two words: The Giver.

alasdairm said:
^ a lot of people talk about 'finding themselves' or 'finding their path' as if those options are out there just waiting to be stumbled upon.

i find if you think about more in terms of creating yourself or creating a path for yourself, it seems much clearer and obtainable. if you want to change, make a plan and change. if you want to be full of knowledge and wisdom, you need to learn. and you probably need a fair amount of introspection as, often i find, the answers are not 'out there', rather they are 'in there'.

alasdair
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But in this day and age, we also have to look for what we're looking for. Looking for the lifestyle we want to lead, try out different things. Everyone gives us one path today. They say we have to do things and in order to break out from it, we do indeed need to "find our path" because it's so infrequently taken that we don't know what's on it!

Not to mention we need to try it out before we can truly decide what we want.
 
Birth. Eat. Learn. Fuck. Work. Retire. Gold. Die.
repeat. repeat. repeat.

Our society has become a thriving cesspool of pointless selfish consumption.

There is no direction for our race to improve.

Bad things like slavery, inequality, war, murder... are not priorities to prevent and our civilization is still fraught with there dangers after thousands of years.

The human life span seems to short to enact great change, dynasties are the seat of power for change, but it takes a long time.

Modern society sucks you can:
A) not live in it (hermit)
B) deal with it and succumb
C) try to change it
D) kill yourself
 
I don't live in USA but I know exactly how you feel. When I was in high school, people were telling me how I should complete school, go to university, get a job, etc... That talk always made me feel sad, as I never felt belonging to the society was very rewarding. The only things that I found pleasurable seemed to be getting drunk or high, playing games with computer, and doing my hobbies(making homemade explosives with friends).

Fortunately, my interest in natural sciences developed from a hobby to a career, and now I'm studying theoretical physics in the university... I can do something that I feel is interesting and take part in the society at the same time!

If you feel that nothing that normal people do gives pleasure to you, it might be possible that you suffer from clinical depression. If that's the case, you should talk about that with a psychiatrist. I've been on antidepressants for 12 years myself...

You also say that you have never had sex... I'm 28 years old myself and I had sex for the first time two years ago, and that was with a prostitute... There's nothing to be ashamed about that.
 
I recommend you travel for an extended period of time (weeks to months). Do it on a shoestring, and get very creative about how you get around, where you sleep, what you eat, how you keep yourself entertained, and how you support yourself financially. Be sober the vast majority of the trip, and bring a journal. You will undoubtedly meet many interesting people who've carved out some very interesting niches for themselves in this society. You will learn about things, causes, movements, and ideals that people dedicate their lives to, that suburban life never taught you about.

IMHO, some of the best parts of what society has to offer are found at its fringes. Perhaps there's a place for you there too. Keep your mind and your options open, and if anything you do or try gives you a deep down feeling of "Hey, I could be really happy here!", don't ignore that.
 
Trying a variety of ways to help other people, somehow, somewhere, is a good way to avoid staring into the abyss.
 
thesoundofmotion said:
I know what types of things turn me on but I feel like I am very limited in the things I can do. The things I can say are unlimited, but the things I do are a totally different story.

I just really don't know how to fit in. I don't like the idea of having to work for Corporate America and I don't even like the notion of how our society is structured today in terms of law and in terms of economics.

Does anyone feel this way? Don't you feel like there is more to life then this type of lifestyle? I know there is and I can see it, but I can't just yet get there.

I've also never expressed myself sexually with another person which is sad but true.
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Well, what of your education? Is that undetermined? You seem eager to get your hands in on some social issues. Political Science, maybe? Or for a home brew you can start a single issue group relating to pains of the surrounding society. Purpose in this life is only measured in contentment. If you're content owning a few acres of land and working your ass off for little, you've served your purpose. If money makes you content, that's your purpose. I feel purpose is taken, not something we're born with. Other than ensuring survival of our species which is fundamental.

Sex is just another drug, there are plenty who just use and throw away, and many more who have lasting relationships. None of this relates to your purpose in life. Just thank yourself you're not a monk or a priest.
 
Introspection/interest for philosophy/little job/exploration of my world/study

That's how I live my life with a reality that is close to yours.:D
 
Move away...

Go back sometime if you have ties there, never look back if you don't.
I know what types of things turn me on but I feel like I am very limited in the things I can do. The things I can say are unlimited, but the things I do are a totally different story.

You're in limbo - sounds like, like a lot of us, you're pretty scared to take a step in the right direction, in case it's the wrong one and you find yourself hating your life 20 years down the line - that's pretty normal state of being in this society we live in, we're told there is an infinite amount of possibilities of making money, and to a certain extent this is true - but what is money??

OK, it puts food on the table and pays the bills, but there are a lot of jobs out there, which are solely possible because of a corrupt system that is falling, and crumbling under us.

DOn't worry - you have time to realize what yout path is, but unless you take a wrong one how will you know???

Out of all of your ideas you say you have, pick one, run with it, see where it goes.

I wish I had had this advice a lot longer ago myself, but found my way in the end - you have a few years when you can possibly fuck around, testing the waters with things you're interested.

If you don't like how the system works - find a group of people who share the same values as you, there are "hippy" eco-communes where you get back to the basics and impact less on the world; there are survivalist communes (not the nutcase ones, mind) that are up-in-arms about the system, and what it's done to your beautiful USA (the world even), and live in the mountains in log houses, with farms, and trees and their families and nothing else.

THink about what is right for you, go out there and meet people - don't be scared - this world is a beautiful place, just get out there and connect with people until you find a place right for you.

You say you want to be full of knowledge and wisdom?? Well, living life and going where coincidences of circumstances take you - this is how you will become wise, by learning life's lessons.


I hear you where you're at, I empathize - existential pain is hard, but look forward, not backwards, take chances, and don't be scared to open up to new and wonderful people.
 
Jblazingphoenix100 said:
If you don't like how the system works - find a group of people who share the same values as you, there are "hippy" eco-communes where you get back to the basics and impact less on the world; there are survivalist communes (not the nutcase ones, mind) that are up-in-arms about the system, and what it's done to your beautiful USA (the world even), and live in the mountains in log houses, with farms, and trees and their families and nothing else.


I hear you where you're at, I empathize - existential pain is hard, but look forward, not backwards, take chances, and don't be scared to open up to new and wonderful people.
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Do you have any more information on this type of living? PM me if you don't think it fits into this thread.
 
A lot of people go through similar psycho-social crises, I think, because of the socio-cultural transition of modernization (still continuing): rapid development in the division of labor led to drastically increasing role-differentiation and in turn social fragmentation of relationships. These processes in turn eroded the traditional sources through which we accord meaning to our biographies and identities: namely, modernization has eroded the plausibility of semiotic anchors rooted in tradition, kinship, or other ascribed status groups. The problem, here, is that modernization does not 'organically' (that is, in terms of social systemic function without conscious intervention) erect alternative frameworks of meaning, leading to this crisis. (all this is Durkheim and Weber, through a heterodox Parsonsian lens). The penetration of mass-consumption, and thus the ascent of the contemporary atomized consumer as socially dominant outside of the workplace, exacerbates this crisis.

Parsons argued that pathological response to this crisis resulted in the appeal of fascist movements in the mid-20th C. However, we all struggle with this crisis personally too.

ebola
 
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