dominant emotion while rapid cycling ?

[theartofwar]

I've noticed that no matter what state I am in , I am always aggressive while rapid cycling. Do you guys have an emotion that seems to always be the dominant trait ?

 

[Asclepius]

Im not Bi-Polar but do experience distinct mood swings but nothing life threatening TG!
Fear to Anger would be the dominant . Im either the Hulk or Woody Allen 8)

 

[kaossalami]

I'm very aggressive when rapid cycling also.

 

[theartofwar]

I honestly have NEVER been this fucking aggressive ... and I am naturally a amped up aggressive type person.

This shit honestly is scary how dangerous I feel.

 

[kaossalami]

I know the feeling. Also have had aggressive sexual rapid cycling (wtf? lol).

 

[Lolie]

Yep. I'm extremely irritable at the moment. Apparently mania manifesting as irritability and agitation instead of euphoria becomes more common once you hit middle age. There's no "upside" to my hypomania at the moment and that's a very different experience for me. It's definitely not an enjoyable ride at the moment and while I toy with the idea of stimulants, I recognise that they'd probably only amplify the already negative.

 

[theartofwar]

do not touch any CNS stim while rapid cycling Lolie - I was taking T3 (thyroid med , for lifting) and an ECA (ephedrine caffeine aspirin) and it made it 20x worse.

As for me, I'm off guys, gonna test a couple rifles and my new handgun .

I swear to god I know it sucks for all of us, but it is nice to know im not alone with this shit. I want to fucking KO every mother fucker who looks at me, I jus got a job @ pac sun and I'm seriously waiting to fucking throw someone thru a glass window.

This night is either gonna be manageable or a fucking superb mess.

GOod luck to all you guys, try to keep it under control somehow, i find always having music helps - I dj some so it's always interesting to hear new music and as long as I'm not listening to my metal / gym mixes - I'm in a better state of mind with some sublime or some of the rap I hand pick out of the awful trash played now adays.

 

[paranoid android]

I have rapid cycling bipolar too and i tend to either go from complete despair to rage when rapid cycling. It fucking sucks to say the least but it has calmed down over the past year atleast a little bit anyway.

As for the guns you may want to get a friend to hold onto them until the mood swings stop. People who have rapid cycling bipolar are at a even greater risk of suicide then those that don't rapid cycle. Ive been only a impulse away from blowing my head off with a shotgun in the past so yeah guns and bipolar really do not mix at all.

 

[Lolie]

I was talking to my shrink about taking thyroid hormone the other day. No way on earth he's willing to prescribe it until I'm stable.

I find that cutting myself off from things and people which irritate me helps a lot (I'll often turn my phone off for days at a time because every phone call starts feeling like an intrusion into my space), but there are times when you can't totally control your environment and this is one of those times for me. I tend not to care about burning bridges when I'm in this state - and price seems an acceptable one to pay for peace and quiet.

 

[Lolie]

I know the feeling. Also have had aggressive sexual rapid cycling (wtf? lol).

I've had the hypersexuality thing happen many times while hypomanic - it's pretty common. Hypomania/mania isn't a condition which is conducive to moderation in anything.

 

[theartofwar]

PA - I sold my 3 hand guns, the one I used tonight is bought but I am registering it in FL for my carry. That is when things turn around mentally. I sold all my guns (got LTC) because I was so dangerous, would never risk it.

this shit is fucking awful, i am making myself numb so i dont feel those feelings of wanting to just end it. i fuckin hate it.

 

[izzy66]

Yep. I'm extremely irritable at the moment. Apparently mania manifesting as irritability and agitation instead of euphoria becomes more common once you hit middle age. There's no "upside" to my hypomania at the moment and that's a very different experience for me. It's definitely not an enjoyable ride at the moment and while I toy with the idea of stimulants, I recognise that they'd probably only amplify the already negative.

^+1
as i've gotten older i def have more irritability and agitation while rapid cycling. 5-10yrs ago i had many more of the "enjoyable" aspects of mania/hypomania. i could work a 12hr shift, run 5 miles, write and write and write, sleep 2hrs if at all, then do it all over again for weeks sometimes. i loved it, was like flying w/out wings, so effortless and exhilarating... until it started to break down and the slide into despair began.
*sigh*
"it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
-izzy

 

[theartofwar]

^ when im manic i just completely impulsive, there is no happy joy joy anymore if there ever was. It's just stupid fucking choices and anger, do you guys take meds ? I've tried fucking everything i can think of and nothins helped, I'm so done with this shit. I want to peace out before I end up just ruining shit for anyone who cares about me, it's mistake after mistake for fucks sake therapy is tough and is gonna take time - but im stickin with it - does anyone have ANY success w/meds ???

 

[Lolie]

The meds I'm on work to the extent that they control the extremes, but I'm definitely decompensating at the moment and it's too soon to tell whether the med adjustment made the other day will fix that. I'd don't really have any sense of fun or joy at the moment, even at a low or moderate level. I realise that going off the meds at this point is just likely to make both my irritability and my depression more extreme - it's not likely to produce the "conquer the world" feeling of invincibility that came with previous manic episodes.

Right now I'd settle for finding anything fun or enjoyable - I feel like I've lost that capacity. I know it will return eventually but at the moment fluctuating between depression, indifference, and irritability is getting very fucking old.

 

[izzy66]

^i do not take any bipolar meds now and haven't for about 5yrs. lithium worked the best for me but side effects became so negative the emotional benefit was no longer worth the physical cost.
time/age has helped and i stay to myself a lot. meds were pretty much a negative experience so i had to find non-drug ways to deal.
-izzy

 

[theartofwar]

yeh, i was on over a gram of lithium, 400mg serequel, 800mg depakote first cocktail, since then been on like 20 other drugs. fuck em ust make my body feel like shit and dont do anything anyway. pointless. typical.

 

[Lolie]

^^^

Indeed. Most people who go off bipolar maintenance meds seem to do so either because the meds limit the range and depth of their emotions to an unacceptable extent or because they find the side effects unacceptable in the longer term.

 

[izzy66]

yeh, i was on over a gram of lithium, 400mg serequel, 800mg depakote first cocktail, since then been on like 20 other drugs. fuck em ust make my body feel like shit and dont do anything anyway. pointless. typical.

i remember the first day i really believed i could deal w/ this swingin' up and down.
it was spring and windy. i was thinking about a kite i had when i was a kid. so i went right then and bought a kite, found a good spot, and let it go. i had such a great afternoon.
rediscovering kid-like play has been such a great addition to my life. i get non-competative exercise, laugh until my stomach hurts, and good tears cover my face.

taow, you have all my sympathy re: your meds. been there and it bites, just couldn't see where zombie-fried was an improvement and felt physically a wreck. just was not workin at all.
best of luck to you.
-izzy

 

[theartofwar]

thx izzy.

I am seriously totally lost at this point, I do not know what to do, the only thing I think about is killing myself, i just cant do it to other ppl.

I could go out to friends, but I don't even want to be with people - and yet I've never felt so fucking god awful lonely in my life. Whats the fuckin point man, fuck this shit world.

 

[Tommyboy]

^ I would try to listen to some music that may improve your emotional state. I get rapid cycling, and I find music can help keep me from being depressed, even if its some heavy music that makes me feel angry, its better than feeling shitty.