Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

[xxkcxx]

talk to you roomate. h, is a crutch. i know this too. in fact, it may be the h that is making you feel suicidal. talk to you roomate.

 

[helium-4]

I don't have the desire to die, but I have a desire to be dead. Kinda wish I could just disappear. I just really don't want to be in my shoes in this life. Maybe it is me being to lazy/scared to overcome all the shit that has happened in my life. I really don't know, but I'm not enjoying being alive day to day. Not that I'm depressed, I just don't feel like I belong here.

Is it sad to want someone to kill you in your sleep? I couldn't ever imagine killing myself because of my anxiety and phobias, but I'd be down to drift in a world of dreams, or hell even a void for the rest of eternity. Finally get out of this crazy, emotional, damaged mind of mine.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

luckily the kid is grown and the mortgage is paid off. paying COBRA for insurance is a big expense but my needs are few and i can squeeze a lot out of a dollar. my work would rather give me the time i need than have me just quit. i'll prob go back in january until spring then move back to new england. i'm past due for some major changes and change isn't always an easy thing even when it's wanted.
-izzy

I know exactly what you mean when you say change isn't always an easy thing even when it's wanted. That's very true.

Do you enjoy living in New England? I can't stand cold weather.

what is the LD 50 for valium. this shit is weak

My friend (who has since passed away from an unintentional overdose of methadone and butalbital) once took 3 grams of diazepam and survived.

Please don't use benzos to attempt suicide because it isn't going to work.

I don't have the desire to die, but I have a desire to be dead. Kinda wish I could just disappear. I just really don't want to be in my shoes in this life. Maybe it is me being to lazy/scared to overcome all the shit that has happened in my life. I really don't know, but I'm not enjoying being alive day to day. Not that I'm depressed, I just don't feel like I belong here.

What have you done to try to improve your life?

 

[izzy66]

I know exactly what you mean when you say change isn't always an easy thing even when it's wanted. That's very true.

Do you enjoy living in New England? I can't stand cold weather.

i've lived in florida 27, 28 years and i'm really fk'g over the whole florida thing.
i grew up in new england and left because of snow n cold. but i really miss a lot of things about the northeast.
i'm moving to the boston area in the spring to live with my bf.
-izzy

 

[shienar]

So im in the shit

i dont know why but i managed to fuck every good thing that ive had going for me, i have this shitty will power to me i cant stop smoking weed (fucking lame i know) and ive alienated pretty much everyone i know who isnt happy to ssitt in a room and smoke

since i was 16 i dunno ive been miserable there's been some fun times but i can only think of times when ive had drugs to have fun,

some how i thought this would help writing it down here, cause bluelight has been with me pretty much the hole time ive been doing drugs and i dunno but i was hoping that i might feel better about why i want to kill myself

so i stopped smoking last sunday cause i hadnt gone out or called anyone other then my drug dealer in weeks and i got put on cymbalta to cheer up but it isnt even touching the sides of this crash

I mean someone has to be a pretty shitty person to have stolen 1000$s off there parents to buy fucking weed, then i work for to get more but still steal and borrow so i can afford to do shit after ive paid off my tick and gotten another o

i suppose drugs are the only reason i didnt turn out to be a complete loner, i only really had 1 friend till later highschool and never learnt how to be comfortable with people

since quitting ive coughed up more black gunk then i thought possible

fucking mouthfuls and now all i can think is if i get on i wont have to think about this but that would prove again to me how fucking shit i am

so i stuck between wanting to stab myself in the throat and knowing that if i smoke all i have is a fucking molecule holding me togethor

i tried to talk to my best mate about this but he said you just gotta get though it but fuck i dont think his seen the world like this

im tempted to write a full confession of why i hate myself but in the end i already know it all in my head

but left here im not sure what im going to do

people say that the ones who kill themselves are selfish im wondering if it really is i mean fuck what can mourning my death be in comparison to hating yourself so throughly you can do it

i think this is why i have trouble getting offended to insults because there probably right deep down i am dirt

 

[shienar]

so yeah i stumbled across some codeine and i dosed 200mgs to make me feel better

i dunno i told my folks that i was considering it so they will be watching me

im sorta proud that i did this instead of the drugs that i normally use for comfort

maybe they can ask for the truth on some issues

 

[jackie jones]

There is hope, shinear. Try to keep yourself together. You sound like you are in a dangerous mindset, and it may not be a bad idea to smoke some cannabis when you feel like you are going to hurt yourself. That is medicinal. Try to not get caught in the trap of opiate addiction, however. It can destroy you. Just remember that you have the ability to do whatever you want in life. You just have to make it happen. I know at times it seems hopeless, but there is so much joy to be found and shared in life. It just takes time and effort. Do not hurt yourself, okay? If you care to talk privately, shoot me a PM.

 

[Lolie]

so yeah i stumbled across some codeine and i dosed 200mgs to make me feel better

i dunno i told my folks that i was considering it so they will be watching me

im sorta proud that i did this instead of the drugs that i normally use for comfort

maybe they can ask for the truth on some issues

It sounds like you're hoping this will open a dialogue with your folks. I hope that happens for you. Sometimes I think that what we really want most is not to feel deleriously happy but simply to feel understood.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

i've lived in florida 27, 28 years and i'm really fk'g over the whole florida thing.
i grew up in new england and left because of snow n cold. but i really miss a lot of things about the northeast.
i'm moving to the boston area in the spring to live with my bf.
-izzy

I really enjoyed visiting Florida while I was down there. Seemed to be a much more open minded state than any other one I drove through to get there.

I'm glad to hear you're moving to Boston in the spring though, best of luck with the transition!

 

[cherrycolouredfunk]

I felt myself sinking to somewhere I didn't want to go, so I got up and wrote this down on a bit of paper and stuck it on my wall in front of me. It's one of my favourite proverbs.

"This too shall pass" (Persian: این نیز بگذرد, Hebrew: גם זה יעבור‎, Turkish: Bu da geçer) is a proverb indicating that all material conditions, positive or negative, are temporary

I thought I'd share it here. It's getting me through.

 

[n3ophy7e]

That is beautiful cherry, thank you for sharing. It's so good to hear that you're getting through this
By the way I LOVE the colour of your wall paint!

 

[TheMerryPrankster]

So im in the shit

i dont know why but i managed to fuck every good thing that ive had going for me, i have this shitty will power to me i cant stop smoking weed (fucking lame i know) and ive alienated pretty much everyone i know who isnt happy to ssitt in a room and smoke

Hey - while it does sound a bit lame - you are in no way alone in this. I have a friend who is a pot addict. For him, life is the horrible thing that happens in between doobies. It is as destructive to him as Narcotics are to an opiod addict. he cannot even stop smoking for a day - and smokes about 30 numbers on any given day. He is totally stressed about his addiction all of the time - and the saddest part is that indulging his addiction doesn;t make him feel better. If he could just accept it and try and get on with life, it might put him in a better headspace to actually do something about it - but he is trapped - and in a panic - and he accomplishes absoutely nothing with his life - and walks around in circles like a stuck record.

I have been trying to encourage him to get help - professional help. I personally do not trust shrinks and doctors, but I do hbelieve that there are drugs that can help. Even if he went onto Benzo's it would be better for him. He uses pot for stress (only it barely helps and he stresses more over the pot than anything) and better he use a stress drug, and stop abusing the pot.

Have you considered trying to get outside help? There is never any shame in taking action to better yourself - and if you get looked down on, then Fuck 'em - you would know you're doing the right thing. And if goiong through a bit of humiliation gets you the meds that you need to save your life, the just hold your head high, because you're doing the right thing, if you're trying to better yourself.

It's really hard for friends and family to be the main support you need. It's very demanding and stressful on them and can damage otherwise fine relationships. Having an outlet for your personal stuff - someone that is compassionate and who listens - but is not close to you on the home front can be a good thing - as then your friends and family will be able to back you on what remains.

I donlt know if you've heard all this before - or if it makes any sense to you - but my advice as someone who has seriously fucked up on several different drugs at various points in my life, I know that I would have been better off if I had sought help before it was too late. There is never ever any shame in doing something to better yourself - and it's your picture of yourself that is most important. What other people think comes second to what you know.

Good luck,

TMP

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I thought I'd share it here. It's getting me through.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[brimz]

It's taken me ages 2 post on this thread but i feel it all the fukin time trust me. i can't even put it in to a proper words but i know some day it's gonna happen
Fukin hell i'm comitting slow suicide now .
I get no pleasurer out of substances anymore i been on opiates for 14 years and my benzo habbit takes the piss.
It shall pass . i really hope so cos i been waiting along time ?

 

[TheMerryPrankster]

It's taken me ages 2 post on this thread but i feel it all the fukin time trust me. i can't even put it in to a proper words but i know some day it's gonna happen
Fukin hell i'm comitting slow suicide now .
I get no pleasurer out of substances anymore i been on opiates for 14 years and my benzo habbit takes the piss.
It shall pass . i really hope so cos i been waiting along time ?

Good luck man. Do you have a life with anything fun in it - is there any way you can change your life (where you live, what you do, etc) that might bring some light into your darkness. It's really hard to escape from depression if you don;t have any new stimulus.

The only real comfort I can offer is that I was *deeply* suicidal for over two years - and I am no longer feeling that way. So I do know that it is possible - for whatever that is worth.

TMP

 

[ahint]

I don't know if this is the right thread to post in, or if I 'should', but recently, I just want to die... Very strongly, I'm making plans... I wish I could believe I'm worth anything, or believe people when they tell me it'll get better, but for some reason I just can't believe that, I'm too pessimistic for my own good, it feels like I'm drowning...

 

[TheMerryPrankster]

I don't know if this is the right thread to post in, or if I 'should', but recently, I just want to die... Very strongly, I'm making plans... I wish I could believe I'm worth anything, or believe people when they tell me it'll get better, but for some reason I just can't believe that, I'm too pessimistic for my own good, it feels like I'm drowning...

You are very definitely in the right place. Why don;t you tell us a bit more about what's going on for you?

TMP

 

[ugly]

Good luck man. Do you have a life with anything fun in it - is there any way you can change your life (where you live, what you do, etc) that might bring some light into your darkness. It's really hard to escape from depression if you don;t have any new stimulus.

I read this a number of times. I think this is good advice for those of us feeling suicidal. This is one of the problems for me... I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything, I haven't been able to find work, my degrees and my credentials are useless to me now. I have no money and no insurance so I'm off my antidepressants, my benzos, and lately can't even afford a gram of weed.

I feel total depression washing over me now. Everything that I had is gone. I don't know what to do. I just know that with every passing hour I feel shittier and shittier.

I had a friend on FaceBook post (not to me, just in general) "Life is crazy and awesome.) I laughed. But not because it was funny, but because I thought that was absurd. Life isn't awesome. We get stuck here. I feel like I got stuck into life and I'm still stuck in it up to my neck. I feel like I am cemented into a big block of cement and I am just here with my head poking out. I can see. I can breathe. I've been living like this a long while and I don't want to do it anymore but I can't move.

 

[n3ophy7e]

entacto, mate I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way again. I hope on your list of "pros" for living you have the fact that you were starting to feel better on the anti-depressants. That means that there IS hope for you to feel better. Whichever ones you're currently on aren't the last option, there are a lot of other ones to try and sometimes it can take a few goes before you find the right med/combination of meds for you.
My best friend went through trial after trial of different combos of anti-depressants for about 3 years before she found the one that finally helped her feel NOT suicidal. She held on for that long, and so can you. Please don't let the depression dictate your life. You CAN beat this.
Just hold on, don't do anything to harm yourself today, call your psychiatrist and get an appointment with them as soon as you can. You owe it to yourself and to the people who love you to keep trying.


ugly I didn't know you were suffering like this hun From the way you've worded it, it sounds like your depression is situational? What has happened recently to make you feel like this?

 

[Romie1092]

Aftering being in this world for 25 years nearing 26 I can safely say that I don't want to be here anymore. I don't like anything about me at all. I dont understand why its socially unacceptable to take your own life but I could put my dog down without being questioned. The urge to kill myself is slowly getting stronger and I know that one day I will definitely go through with it, its just a matter. Its already nearly happened once and hopefully next time I wont change my mind half way through. I have the plans I just need to grow some balls now.