zombiesarepeaceful
Bluelighter
See, I'm not a drug addict. I don't consider myself that. I do use drugs. I smoke pot. I'll do pills sometimes. But I take mya dderall as prescribed, and I know that it affects dopamine, and taking it constantly has made it to where I don't feel pleasure unless I take my adderall or some other drug. And that's with taking it as prescribed. Once it wears off I'm insanely nervous. Paranoid. Depressed. Suicidal. I hate it, but I'm afraid to metnion it to my doc, cause I dont' want to be on anti depressants, been there done that, they fucked me up in a bad way. Idk what to do, honestly.
I usually run out of adderall early cause I need money, and then I don't have enough money to fill my script. Its a shitty cycle.
I do need to stop judging myself though, and caring so mucha bout what people think of me.. and believing the paranoia which was stuffed into my brain as a child.
That alone is the source of half my issues, aside from the amphetamine withdrawal.
Sometimes I wish I had the lack of control to nto care, adn just solve my problem once and for all. Instead, I chose to stick a needle in my arm, draw my blood and write with it (Ive done that for awhile, nothing unusual) but I was drunk and did it too hard, so I have a huge bruise that isn't even a legit track mark cause I wasn't injecting shit, to hide, while searching for jobs. Not a huge issue, since its winter, thank god.
I usually run out of adderall early cause I need money, and then I don't have enough money to fill my script. Its a shitty cycle.
I do need to stop judging myself though, and caring so mucha bout what people think of me.. and believing the paranoia which was stuffed into my brain as a child.
That alone is the source of half my issues, aside from the amphetamine withdrawal.
Sometimes I wish I had the lack of control to nto care, adn just solve my problem once and for all. Instead, I chose to stick a needle in my arm, draw my blood and write with it (Ive done that for awhile, nothing unusual) but I was drunk and did it too hard, so I have a huge bruise that isn't even a legit track mark cause I wasn't injecting shit, to hide, while searching for jobs. Not a huge issue, since its winter, thank god.
