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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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sid3 said:
Yeah I believe it. Your brain is still healing, so there's no doubt it's going to be super sensitive to the effets of drinking. I read that the longer you off the faster the brain starts repairing it's on endorphin prodution, makes sense to me. Your doing awesome Quasi, you should be proud.
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Thanks man, I appreciate it. I can tell that my endorphin production has returned to somewhat more normal levels, when I'm alert and active I feel pretty much normal now. I still think that my baseline levels (like when I'm just lounging around not being particularly active) might be a little low but it's nowhere near the discomfort I had during the first couple of weeks after quitting.
 
donnie080208 said:
Im currently on MMT after more or less self medicating with opiates for the last 7 years or so. My only problem is without the heroin all i get is crushing lows , trapped alone in my house at least when on the H i had the highs. my question is does anyone else feel worse now that they have stopped their "real" opiate use and does anyone else plan their suicide "by opiate". I.V. heroin has allways been my ideal way to end my life as its painless, quick and very reliable. ive even gone as far to store some for the day ,when my willpower overcomes my fear of dying. anyway i wonder how many reported opiate i.v. overdoses are actually suicide ,in the general addict population? I plan on leaving notes but how many others do?
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Just to clarify, are you saying that you have crushing lows with methadone? Or do you mean that you have crushing lows when you have *no* opiates in your system?

I've always noticed that methadone has a very profound antidepressant effect. When I took it, I just felt so happy. What was great about it was that it wasn't a high-induced or artificial-feeling happiness but just a general feeling of wellbeing and just generally being "ok". Maybe you need to raise your dose a little bit?

I, too, have problems with depression and suicidal ideation and have always considered an opiate overdose to be an ideal way to die (IV or however else, although I am exclusively a nasal user for now). You really shouldn't do it though. What has always helped me is thinking about everything in perspective. First and foremost: not to be blunt about it, but I think that killing myself would really be a horrible thing to do to the people who care about me. I also have multiple people who are somewhat dependant on me, and killing myself would leave them in the dust. Also, while I really dread living, I have come to realize that the only thing that ever makes me feel happy in any persistent (and not momentary) way is helping other people. If I killed myself, I would die meaninglessly because I would essentially be forcing myself into a situation in which I couldn't fulfill the only meaningful purpose that I've found in my life.

While the last one of those three reasons is rather specific to me, I'm sure that you would find that the first two apply to you as well. No matter who you are, I am sure that there are people out there who love and care for you. On the same token, there are definitely also people out there who are dependant on you (even if they are so only in a minor capacity). With some thought, you will realize that your presence and wellbeing is of paramount importance to many people around you.

I understand that this will probably not bring you happiness, but it is a very good first step to establishing a reason to live (and preventing yourself from committing suicide). That being said, you can lead a happy life through therapy or, if you're lucky, self-discovery...

Please consider these things and don't leave yourself with an easy means to commit suicide. <3

sid3 said:
Wanting to kill yourself is something I just can't understand. [...] So things suck right now, that never means your life can't or won't improve tenfold.
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It's frankly not that simple. I know that you probably know that but, as a person who suffers from mental problems including depression, hearing that doesn't help at all.
 
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finding opiates when trying to get clean

so yesterday i was cleaning out my car for the buyer that was coming to pick it up and what do i see on the ground in the backseat? a fucking little blue pill. what does it turn out to be? a fucking roxy. now ive been clean of all opiates for over 20 days and while i had been struggling, i really had been liking my new lifestyle. but this was just too much. i tried calling my sponsor and got no answer.

i knew it was wrong and i was going to throw away all my clean time but i couldnt resist.

anyone else ever find drugs while they were trying to get clean? and if u were able to resist howd u do it?
 
methadone/MMT: for and against opinions needed please

:?:?Impressive reading about everyone's tapering experiences. My main WD experience was brought about not by desire to taper or WD, but because I ate my oxys (200 mg daily for chronic pain) early and my doctor was on leave. I live in a small city in Oz and impossible here to see another doctor for controlled drugs. So from ~ 250 - 300mg OC to nix for 5 days. I obviously got thru'it, but I never ever want to go anywhere that living hell again.
From then on I reduced my OC use by 5mg daily week by week, until I reached 20mg bd. But it meant I started buying OTC stuff with enough codeine in it to make the diff. Liver and kidney damage is a definite possibility when you're desperate enough to go down this path.
Finally I took control of a situation which reminded me of my slide 4 years ago into the oblivion of alcohol. I am now on a low dose MMT which actually works.
You can't imagine what a relief it is after 40 years of low (and high very high) level opiate abuse which started with Palfium tablets washed down with brandy for period pain when I was 14!
Some of the stuff I've read here on BL makes me think I'll be considered stupid to swap one opiate for another, but as I've lived for this length of time with an addiction that was never going to leave me and I'm not brave enough to face the world without my "opiate veil", I made the decision to use methadone and don't intend to change/taper/WD or anything else for the forseeable future.
I just need the advice of some of you advanced BLers out there please? I'm on 25mg dose and have been for 4 days now. Will the slight, but vaguely pleasant feeling stay with me for at least the 12-15 hours after I am dosed? I'm having trouble sleeping, but that's cos I stopped the 10mg Diezepam I was taking before. I also have 150 mg Lyrica for chronic pain. I was told by a D&A nurse that Subutex would've been a better option, but my research indicated that for a longterm user and abuser of opiates, like myself, who is 54 this year and "looking forward" to more knee and hip replacements (I've had 2 already) due to a rare and painful autoimmune disorder, MMT would give me the slow buzz I have always needed (obviously I'd prefer the euphoric buzz of OC, but those days are over) and control my pain.
I'd appreciate and look forward to your comments and advice. I don't know much about methadone, apart from WD problems, but I really would like to find out from BLers who've used it, how it works, whether, like all opiates, you develop a tolerance and need more and more....which just leads to "the nod".
Have I made the right decision, in your opinions? Cheers, Kanaffa from Oz.
 
Sorry, I should've checked if this was the appropriate place to post this request?
Also, I need to know how they deal with a MMT person who needs major surgery, as I will shortly, as in another hip or knee replacement.
When I was on 100 mg OC daily and had my 2nd knee op, the anaesthetist mied up a "cocktail" (his words. not mine) of Tramadol, Clonidine and my usual 100mg OC for post-op pain. After the spinal sedation wore off, I was in agonising pain and then went into full blown paranoid delerium as a result of an obvious allergic reaction to the Tram. I had to be attached to a monitor and virtually tied to the bed, as I kept trying to escape, convinced they were trying to kill me. Had to stay in hospital for nearly 4 weeks and the pain was unbearable, only alleviated by a morphine shot now and then... I realise that pain relief post-op is hard when you're on 100 mg oxy daily, but will it be just as bad with methadone?
Cheers, kanaffa from OZ
 
@KANAFFA Depends how much methadone the person is on, below 50mg and it shouldnt block any other reasonably strong opiates whatsoever. also im led to believe if you take opiates on very high doses of methadone, you wont feel euphoria BUT will get most/all of the pain killing effects . Being on subutex and naltraxone, is when you get more problems with post op pain relief
 
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Recent Replies?

I am new to BL, so maybe this is a stupid question......but have there really been no new replies to this thread since September? Am I just not looking in the right place?

Johny O
 
Johny O said:
I am new to BL, so maybe this is a stupid question......but have there really been no new replies to this thread since September? Am I just not looking in the right place?

Johny O
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It can get lost if people fall off who had it subscribed as a thread - and / also people just put there part in and that was that. Hope you guys are holdin strong. Good luck.
 
Im strugglin,..got the desire to get high..that obsession

but want to be clean, dont want to hurt people/myself

yet i still find my self obsessing over heroin, bein on done 5 months didnt make it any better prob made it worse cause my tolerance was so high i ended up with the needle..odd isnt it.


now i got charges and shit so im tyin to get clean, i feel like i wanna for me 1 second, then the devil in me wants to do some sneaky shit. fuckin blows
 
i feel you man ^ haha its just like that.

one second ill be like '' yeah! recovery, living clean, awesome." then the next second " get the fuck outta here, you think you can be clean? please you know you gunna drink eventually so why not just start with that damn needle already?''

when i had like 30-60 days clean it was that constant fight in my head. but now i got nearly 4 months and i will honestly tell you it aint as bad. of course i still get thoughts but they aint the overwelming obssessions.

i attend NA so im told to call that negative voice in my head the "disease" but sometimes i feel like its the devil , no joke. on the other side. i have a higher power that only wants me to do right and be a good happy person w/o drugs. and sometimes i struggle w/ that voice like i think "really? would that not be spiritual?'' no it wouldnt, be you'd be hurting someone else or your motive aren't pure and you dont want to do that.


its cool though cuz the longer i've been staying clean, the better i am at being able to handle my ''disease'' devill'' w/e u wanna call it.
 
Hey, I finally found the right thread I've been dying to be a part of! I've been clean off the gear for 3-4 days now. taken low doses of methadone 10-15mg a day. Had a few weeks relapse previous to the methadone use and was only a light addict. Smoke two bags the most, daily. So this is my second attempt and I'm very confident about it. My bf and I had a worse addiction to gear just this past summer and months back. We went clean for two months, kicked the habit with dfs and going cold turkey and foolishly thought we could take it again without getting back in. :(

Now at the present moment, we've stopped taking the methadone, feeling sure that the rattle will potentially be bearable. We no longer want it in our life and are confident to stay strong.

What kills me the most is the depression. I'm not suicidal but my mind is surely full of negative thoughts. I try my best not to say anything to my bf because I don't want to upset him. That's the last thing he need atm. I haven't got any friends to speak to about this because most of my friends are either still using or have either distanced themselves because of my past use/social exclusion. Or because I can't afford to socialise.

I'm in a bit of a bad position atm, no job, hardly any financial support, don't have much but my bf.
All my close family and friends are back in America and I haven't seen them for years.

I'm staying strong and I'm through with the withrawals and the sadness of it all. But I'm finding it hard to get any help when I feel like I haven't got anyone to talk to.
 
I have been on every known painkiller for 15 years. What a fricking waste of time! I was injured and my doc sent me to pain mgmt. Big mistake!! Tomorrow I will be 30 days clean YEAH FOR ME! But I've got to tell you this is a living nightmare. I took 60mg of Methadone a day, 20 mgs of Opana, 30 mg of percocet and a muscle relaxer oh and let's not forget a sleeping pill. I'm overdramatizing the living nightmare part. The at home detox sucked! When I wasn't puking, I was hoping to die, but fortunately I survived. I physically feel much better but I sometimes feel like I might explode or I need to pull all of my hair out. How long does this generally last?8)
 
yea after a while i'm pretty suer al ot of people realize they are better off with out any type of drugs, prescribed or not. i mean once you start abusing and get addicted, it's almost game over. to those who can put it down and go to work to next day, i envy you. how ever once you turn a cucumber into a pickle you can't change it back.

good thing you can't actually die from opiate w/d.
 
mymindisgoo said:
good thing you can't actually die from opiate w/d.
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Actually, you can. You don't die from the WD itself per se, but you die from complications that the WD brings on. For example, there was a well-publicized documentary called Ben: The Diary of a Heroin Addict or something like that. When the guy went in for detox, he died of a stroke.

nearlythere said:
I have been on every known painkiller for 15 years. What a fricking waste of time! I was injured and my doc sent me to pain mgmt. Big mistake!! Tomorrow I will be 30 days clean YEAH FOR ME! But I've got to tell you this is a living nightmare. I took 60mg of Methadone a day, 20 mgs of Opana, 30 mg of percocet and a muscle relaxer oh and let's not forget a sleeping pill. I'm overdramatizing the living nightmare part. The at home detox sucked! When I wasn't puking, I was hoping to die, but fortunately I survived. I physically feel much better but I sometimes feel like I might explode or I need to pull all of my hair out. How long does this generally last?8)
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Are you still DT-ing? Were you still taking methadone before the DT? Methadone DT takes a long time. I've heard 3-6 weeks as a general figure thrown around. Luckily, the methadone DT isn't as hard a kick as the Opana, Perc and muscle relaxer kick is going to be. Luckily, the latter three will be much faster.

I'm also surprised that your doctor prescribed you Opana and Percocet on top of a 60 mg dose of methadone. I'm pretty sure that 60 mg is a blocking dose. Seems kind of irresponsible to me.

Velouria said:
We went clean for two months, kicked the habit with dfs
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What are dfs?
 
For the record, Ben was also heavily addicted to benzos and booze which are much more likely to be the cause of his death when he was trying to detox.
 
I don't remember him using benzos in the documentary. And IIRC, he only drank when he could get money from begging.
 
flacky said:
What are dfs?
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Dihydrocodeine or DHC or Df118

120mg slow release. A few of those a day helped with the rattle along with gradually tapering down. Along with valium for sleep. However, I don't recommend it. It was just a rapid detox, but they hold you quite well.

Methadone is very dangerous, however it was the most helpful in my case.

Still Clean and very happy. Good luck All :) <3
 
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