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IV Users.... Do you regret "picking up" the needle?

Captain.Heroin said:
Do you have reasons for this regret?
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Yeah I definitely have reasons I just didn't think everyone would want to hear why.

Basically, I started as most people do, smoking pot, popping some pills ect ect.

Well I REALLY got into pharmaceutical opiates, specifically Oxycodone/Hydromorphone. I always just snorted them. Eventually (inevitably), there was a shortage and I reached for my first bag of dope. After that I never really touched pharms unless I was sick.

I could easily control my heroin usage; I would buy 1 maybe 2 bags a day (similar to 2-3 80s/day) and be set. I soon picked up the needle to see what the fuss was all about, and did I ever. Shooting dope rocked my world, and opened up a whole different drug scene for me. One or two bags simply wasn't enough and it escalated to me shooting bundles a day for well over a year, shooting thousands of dollars in my veins. I caught needle fever and during this time managed to IV a number of different substances and pharmaceuticals.

Judgement went out the window, didn't matter what my cardinal rule was (NEVER SHARE!)... if I needed my fix now, then I was going to use my friends needle.

Long story short, I was a huge dopefiend, I went to jail, and as of now I am 8 months off the needle and heroin altogether. However, I still dabble with some Norcos, and the occasional Dilaudid or OC (before the switch).

I don't blame the needle, I blame myself. But what took place directly after picking up the needle is irreversible now.
 
I regret picking up the needle mainly for tolerance reasons. I snorted for 2 years and kept my usage relatively under control, never having to spend insane amounts of money to keep up with my habit. Once I started shooting I was up to spending more money than I had within 2 months.
I don't know anyone who has started shooting and not ended up compromising their morals. It doesn't seem to matter where we start, we all end up in the same place if we stay in long enough. The scary part is I've been clean for a year and a half and I still dream about shooting up a few times a week and I start romanticizing dope in my head. I keep forgetting about all the misery that comes along with an iv dope habit. threads like this are a great reminder though.
 
In one way of course I regret using the pin (getting on smack and crack in the first place actually) but in another sense I don't. Why you ask? Well because I wouldn't of starting using snowballs (speedballs to you yanks) ;) and as much as I dislike my addiction I also love it. It's a part of me (it is me) and it always will be. Not to mention I've had the best rushes of my life off 'em (not advisable to start kiddies) it's not worth that rush but it is if you're already addicted ;)
Even though I don't have a full-time habit back atm I still use/dabble whatever the fuck ya wanna call it and I like it this way. I've been a junkie since I was 16 (I'm 25 now) and I've gone from the lowest of the low i.e. living on the streets, begging for money, working the streets for money, you name it this bitch has done it. I wouldn't like to go back there so I keep my habit in check now. I could never not use again but I couldn't go back to being a hard core street junkie again either. It's a catch 22 actually. I just stick with my methadone and use every few weeks. If I stopped all together I'd miss the pin as well as the gear. In fact I'd miss everything about it. I've assigned myself as a life long junkie, just not a full-time one. I'm now a fully functioning one lol and trying to live life on life' terms (though I've never been one to stick to the rules or do as I'm told) so there's quite a bit of rule bending being done but it still works, and most of all it works for me :D

Good luck to all of my fellow pin users who are struggling with their addictions, needle fixations, whatever it is, good luck!!! It can be hard but there's always light at the end of the tunnel and it is possible to have a hold over your addiction instead of it having a hold over you.
 
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Of course I regret it. Sometimes I swear I'm more addicted to the act of injecting than I am to the drugs themselves. I've destroyed nearly all of my good veins and often have a really tricky time getting a hit, which should logically turn me off to the whole process and make me want to stop, but instead it just frustrates the bloody piss out of me and heightens my desire to use. Fucking backwards, huh?

Even though I'm not physically addicted to heroin anymore (I kicked with a small suboxone taper and have been feeling better and back to normal for about 2 and a half weeks now!) I still have a bad fixation with needles. I miss the instant satisfaction, the fast relief. And it scares me so much, because I don't want to go back to the dark miserable hole of physical addiction again, like I have so many times before. I know if I can't get over this stupid needle fetish, I'll be back on again in no time. I'm thinking some intense therapy could really help. One of my friends swears by hypnotherapy. I don't know if I necessarily believe it's effective enough to make up for the cost of the sessions, but I'll try anything once. A friend of mine is helping me learn meditation techniques to help quiet the negative static in my head. In time, I think little steps like this will be what ultimately gives me the head change I really need (and I mean a REAL change, not a temporary fix from heroin or coke or whatnot!) It's just a matter of hanging in there long enough and not slipping back down the hill.
 
i regret having picked up a needle all i did was wreck my veins and hide my arms in shame it took me forever to get back to eating and snorting drugs but i did it and i did relapse the other night after not using a needle for two months but im opiate dependant and the little amount of smack i ahd wouldnt have beenn enough to get me well if i didnt shoot it, but i had my friend take my tool and destroy it because i felt so ashamed afterwards even though i was in a house full of mainliners i never want that shame again so that was my last time so yes i will always regret having mainlined drugs i will now only let a drug be injected if a doctor is the one doing it
 
smackncheese said:
I've destroyed nearly all of my good veins and often have a really tricky time getting a hit, which should logically turn me off to the whole process and make me want to stop, but instead it just frustrates the bloody piss out of me and heightens my desire to use. Fucking backwards, huh?
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When I started to get away from heroin and opiates altogether, I quickly became ashamed of my trackmarks, how visible they were, how scummy it made me look, and just how people judged me (can't blame them).

I got a tattoo and it covered up the main (obvious) tracks, and at this point my "infatuation" with the needle quickly disappeared. I have used heroin and hydromorphone since then but not once did I even consider picking up a rig again. I think with time it will pass.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Nope. I've been occasionally scared that I did too much and was going to overdose, but that can happen without needles too, so I don't think I would consider that a fear of needles.
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Does anyone know the exact name for the new "official heroin discussion 5"? I posted a bunch on IV> but now that's closed. Just trying to find it & any help is appreciated! thanx. And by the way, I do not regret picking up the needle, I regret picking up the dope habit! With or without the needle, you'll still get high & withdraw, just the needle gives you everything yo upay for ( And soooooooo much more ;)) )
 
leftwing said:
while the needle hasn't been a problem, other drugs have been. i'm still dancing between a depressed state, verging on apathetic, back to normal hence my benzo tapering at the moment and why i've been so reclusive (apart from posting on here of course:p).

i know you've got all the strength in the world to put it down as well, mav. and you've certainly got all the reasons in the world! <3
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<3 Aww, thanks Lefty! I don't think I'll be able to escape it, especially with everything going on but there's still hope! Hope you get unreclusive soon, miss you!

I haven't changed my tune, I still regret it. That regret isn't enough to make me stop though, neither is the weirdness with the nurse that occurs when going for blood tests at the doctors or the instant full body scan, glare and attitude the pharmacists give me when I go to buy kits or ignoring people when they ask to see my tattoos because they'll notice my injection spot..

I hear you smackncheese! The more difficult it is, the more satisfying it is when you finally have luck! I always told myself that I would stop when it became too hard but the opposite has happened, it's spurred me on, it's added a new little dimension to it..

Being introduced to the needle also introduced me to a brand new world of drug taking. It's like I'd never taken drugs before, it's like it was my first experience with each substance..
 
smackncheese said:
^^ I do hope so. Best of luck to you, my friend. :)
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I really appreciate that, but mostly was just letting you know it IS possible. I won't lie and say I'm not completely in love with opiates/opioids. The only difference now is something clicked and now I can control my usage enough to be a "chipper".

The needle is out of the equation.
 
the needles the reason i wanted to try heroin in the first place, after watching trainspotting and the whole push and rush ultimate hit. my first time i smoked but just knew i wouldnt be satisfied till i tried the needle and now i chip and am content at using 2-3times a week max, often having a week or so off.. been going at it for 4months and its the best drug ever.
 
Chi-Blast said:
I really appreciate that, but mostly was just letting you know it IS possible. I won't lie and say I'm not completely in love with opiates/opioids. The only difference now is something clicked and now I can control my usage enough to be a "chipper".

The needle is out of the equation.
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Good. The needle changes everything. But you know that. :p
I really do wish ya good luck. :) I've been doing pretty good myself with it lately. I can't remember the last time I did anything with a needle, but I know it's been over a week. Doesn't seem like long, but when you have a habit for so long, each moment can feel like a decade.
 
Chi-Blast said:
Yeah I definitely have reasons I just didn't think everyone would want to hear why.
Click to expand...
I do, I read every page of this thread so far.

Basically, I started as most people do, smoking pot, popping some pills ect ect.

Well I REALLY got into pharmaceutical opiates, specifically Oxycodone/Hydromorphone. I always just snorted them. Eventually (inevitably), there was a shortage and I reached for my first bag of dope. After that I never really touched pharms unless I was sick.

I could easily control my heroin usage; I would buy 1 maybe 2 bags a day (similar to 2-3 80s/day) and be set. I soon picked up the needle to see what the fuss was all about, and did I ever. Shooting dope rocked my world, and opened up a whole different drug scene for me. One or two bags simply wasn't enough and it escalated to me shooting bundles a day for well over a year, shooting thousands of dollars in my veins. I caught needle fever and during this time managed to IV a number of different substances and pharmaceuticals.

Judgement went out the window, didn't matter what my cardinal rule was (NEVER SHARE!)... if I needed my fix now, then I was going to use my friends needle.

Long story short, I was a huge dopefiend, I went to jail, and as of now I am 8 months off the needle and heroin altogether. However, I still dabble with some Norcos, and the occasional Dilaudid or OC (before the switch).

I don't blame the needle, I blame myself. But what took place directly after picking up the needle is irreversible now.
Click to expand...
I see, I am sorry to hear you went to jail. :(

drgsw45 said:
I don't know anyone who has started shooting and not ended up compromising their morals.
Click to expand...

I didn't. I either didn't have morals in the beginning to compromise, or I simply never compromised my morals, whatever they may be.
 
I always said i wouldnt do oxy every day
then did

then i told my self that id never do dope
then did (rational? cheaper than roxis)

told my self id never use the needle
then decided fuck id just try it a few times when sniffing wasnt cuttin it anymore

obviously i have not sniffed a bag of dope since that first shot. hell even missed shots are better than sniffing lol (not if your shooting tar, but I missed a good few times when i started with powder and never once got anything remotely close to an infection)

and beleive me the pure sight of someone iving disgusted me..not when i was doin it to my self though, and not once I got some legit shots off and got that rush

do I regret it? yes holy fuck so big time

its dangerous, it'll make you more desperate than other ROA's IMO
my spendages on dope stayed the same, I quickly was shooting a bundle at a time, actually hell I didnt even used to sniff that much at once

naturally that led to curiosity and iv'd some RC's like mephedrone, methylone(sp), subutex which I did really rarely cause i never had a micron

the needle put sniffing to shame, i could never go back, it just doesnt do it for me

it also put my life in the shitter pretty quick.. in recovery now but still got the needle fetish which grabs me every so often

i never shot oxy but everyone I talked to said it basically doesn't have any rush remotely comparable to diesel

just thinking about it, the instant warmth over your body, tingling, ahh

but after a long run i definitely can agree with lacey on there for fuckin 45 minutes blood dripping poking your self trying to register in your fucked up veins. i wasn't a life long IV'er, and kind of overweight (probably a solid 15 pound loss would do me wonders) so veins are somewhat limited





on a positive note, there are needle exchanges in two of the closest dope towns over here, and nyc is just a train ride/15mi away depending where I am staying at the moment. the needle exchange has no problem givin you 20 pins to start out with or trading as many pins for as many dirties as you come in with, plus sterile water, cookers, etc...

in nyc (actually al of NY i beleive) you can buy a 10pack from the pharmacy. its some harm reduction thing...wish it was like that in NJ cause id rather spend 2.65 on 10 pins of my choice then get stuck with the fucking 27 and 28g 1/2cc the exchange always seems to have

gotto have that 1/2" 29 or 30g 1 cc yo

but even with those resources at my fingertips I still find my self reusing syringes etc...you know..out of desperation


honestly though the lack of good visible veins (except the ones I used and abused) makes me want to work out lol.
sometimes I see dudes and theres just this big FAT vein runnin up their arm or leg or something and im like damn i wish i could transplant that shit
 
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I think I'm very unique because I shot dope and only shot it once. It was scary how good it was. Everyone else who shot it, every single other person I know who used a needle, is either still strung out, in jail, dead, or had parents with enough money to send them away for a long time to get clean. Stay away from that shit. You will not be me, and I don't even know if I will continue with my one-and-done record for long...shit was that good.
 
yeah when i first ever shot i did it once and like i sucked at it and was turned off/disgusted with myself. my arms looked all fucked up from trying to do one shot cause i had no idea what i was doing, missed, bruised etc.....really is not something you can learn on the net, (though research does help if you dont got someone to show you)

but eventually it got the better of me..like i figured a fwe months later, fuck whats the big deal you know cause i already crossed that dangerous line.

just make sure you dont EVER make it twice lol

and now i love the sight of a new insulin syringe lol
 
I regret it with banging herion. I thought that since I was already opiate tolerant, I wouldn't crave the herion anymore than a pill. WRONG. I almost destroyed my parents by steeling their money out of their bank account. It's all I wanted, all day everyday.
Finally I took a look at myself and realized I had to stop.

Though now, I'll bang my dilaudids every now and then. That doesnt affect me like the herion did.

So I guess for the most part, I do regret the needle...
 
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