schitzo?

[griffenspade]

Ok, iv been experiencing something strange lately, im not sure who to talk to about it, its probably due to my excessive RC useage and MDMA.

But also, I was mentally unstable to begin with, iv been diagnosed with all sorts of things as a tennager, impulse control disorder, conduct disorder, ect... mostly bi-polar disorder.
I had a two year streak, where I did very well professionally, mostly in sales, where being very manic gives you and edge over the other auto salesmen.

Anyways, since this party, this has been happining since the beginning of this week, iv noticed it alot more.

OK, slowly and every now and then, I hear a voice narrating my life, just very simple and mundane things, usually what im doing at the moment.

For example, if I'm standing in a parking lot, it will say something like....."as he stands in the parking lot."

or when I have to make a decision, ie....should I cross the street, it will say; "you dont want to do that right now"

I cant really assign an accent or sex to the voice, not even a race or emotion. It sounds very calm, collected and monotone, as if supreamly aware of everything going on.

This has only been happening these last few days, am I going insane?

 

[kaossalami]

Have you had any delusions?

Talk to a doc and ask about seroquel

 

[Jabberwocky]

Voices in schizophrenia often make neutral commentary on what a person is doing. Excess use of RCs and MDMA might be a big contributing factor. The first thing I'd suggest is to quit using these things a while. If you feel like you might act out in a bad way, hurting yourself or others get some emergency help. If the voices continue I'd get with a psychiatrist.

I don't think it helps to tell the psychiatrist that you want a certain drug or don't want a certain drug unless you or a close relative has a history of responding to or having problems with a specific drug. There are ppl on TDS that have had hellish experiences with meds that did well for me and meds that were great for some people have been absolute poop for me. The doc will make her best guess and the thing is to communicate well with your doc about problems and benefits if it comes to taking meds.

Don't delay getting help if problems get worse or are continuing. Psychotic symptoms can often escalate into behaviors with long term bad consequences. I hope everything is better soon.

 

[Cohesion]

Hey.

I have been doing some reading online last few days about my own questions Re: proper diagnosis. Preface that by saying - I don't want to be MISdiagnosed, kwim?

Schizo (phrenic, affective, etc.) must meet symptoms in Criterion A (google it) and those symptoms must NOT be a result of drug use.

FYI, and this may help you in your own self diagnosis, I have

Axis I: Drug dependency
Axis II: xxx
Axis III: xxx

So you see there are many levels. Your axis I may be "drug abuse" in this case. But as PP mentioned, lay off it, take it for what it is, replace your behaviors with something else. And most of all, POSITIVE SELF TALK. Act normal. Think normal. Tell yourself you're normal. IMO it's easy to internalize mental illness... thoughts?

 

[swilow]

Self-diagnosis is pretty futile IMO. Its hard to be objective about your own self.

Hearing voices in the abscence of a voice isn't neccesarily a sign of schizophrenia, or any mental disorder. People experience this phenomenom and are perfectly sane. This link may shed some light- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hearing_Voices_Movement#Position

The best idea would be to stop all drug intake (except for medicines, if you're on any)- its very hard to gauge ones sanity when lotsa molecules are floating through your synapses.

Take care

 

[griffenspade]

Thanks willow!!

That last post and link to wikipedia, hearing voices movement has been most helpful

Its thursday today, and im still trying to get a grip on whats going on. The voice, has been mostly neutral, still is making small comments as I go about the day.

I should go back to the beginning of this story. As I kinda started things off midway.

It really all started after last weekends electronic dance festival. I consumed aprox 400-600mgs of MDMA+MDA thru-out the night (I know the typical dosage of MDMA is 125mgs, and what I did was borderline reckless.) Along with several really good hits of blotter.

I had the most amazing time at the festival, I remember seeing huge flashes of lights, and halos around everything. Complex, geometric fractal-faced todom pole like deites sprouting from the dancefloor. Felt like I could bend lazer beams like spagetti noodles, as I danced the night away, feeling, like I was some kind of messiah, standing at the controls of the universe, channeling overwhelming amounts of occultic/psionic power through every neural synapse in my mind. The music shook every atom in my being and things just flowed.

I coulding say anything else but, OMG im rolling so hard, OMGOMG. and as the night went, self control was being lost everytime the dirty dirty bass dropped, Id just say fuck it, I dont want this to stop and would pop another.

Towards the end of the night things started turning really ugly. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, and to my horror, My lips looked like they were turning blue/purple. My eyes looked dreay and tired, with bags under them. The voice then started laughing and kept telling me that I was a drug addict,, crackhead and dirty raver, and a really manic and evil tone, I said this was the last night I have on earth, that I was going to die tonight, that I was not supposed or ready to reach or touch that level of consciousness, that I had overstepped my bounds as a human being, that I had somehow interfered with the plans of the "archtect of the universe" Like the man who, stole fire from the greek gods.

I started to panic and asking other ppl in the mens bathroom, "OMG AM I TURNING PURPLE?? Please help am I turning purple??? AM I MOTHAFUCKIN changing colors??"

Most smiled, others laughed, some re-assured me that I was the correct color. I know this sounds funny to somebody sober, But I was dead-panicing that night.

After the whole bathroom incident, the party was towards the end, and it the time where, everybody is still tweeked/rolling/tripping, and frantically looking for after parties.

This one man, and his friends who for the past week has been texting me, and asking things like, do you think my facebook pic is cute, are you gay, if your not, wouuld you go gay for me...ect just really perverted things. He was at the party, and now as everybody is leaving, im stitting by a large industrial fan cooling down and waiting for my friends, who are nowhere to be found. This dude comes up with his friends and asked if I want to go to an afterparty with them, telling me they have more drugs, they are gonna hire strippers, how big and nice their place is ect.... (Im a salesman, I can smell a pitch, or ulterior motive from a mile away)

I told em yeah, Ill be right back I just have to find a few people. Now im really paniced, because, if i run into them, I wont have an excuse, to leave.

Now im crashing hard really hard, but Im still tripping and The voice really starts tearing at me, just attacking every insecurity I have. Telling me how I'm going to go broke, it said it was watching me dance the whole time, that I was really good at it. And that if I go broke atleast I can be a gogo-boy strip for money. (Im really insure about money, because in sales it comes in chunks and then there are really dry peroids)

I love to dance, just for my own pleasure, I like being in my own zone and the thought of stripping for money just felt crippling inside. The voice said I deserved it and how I was ruining other ppls lives with my recklessness (My friend got 5 tickets the night before the rave, for some really really reckless driving, that i happend to encourage. I was sticking my head out the passenger window with her kissing a girl passionatly in the blistering wind, at 100+mph, weaving in and out of traffic.)

The worst part was when it felt everybody was in on it. Frantically pacing back and forwards through the venue, it felt like I could hear everybody's thoughts and they all had terrible things to say, just really dirty perverted things about me. It wasnt just the one voice, IT WAS EVERYBODY.

Part of me knew that this was to to drugs. and that it wasnt real, I just kept my mouth shut, and finally found my friends and went home.

But this week, I cant stop going over the events, and even as I type this now, the voice would point little things out about the room, or my laptop, or the way the keyboard felt ect...

I suppose I must try to live with it, as its not going away anytime soon.

 

[griffenspade]

Thanks willow!!

That last post and link to wikipedia, hearing voices movement has been most helpful

Its thursday today, and im still trying to get a grip on whats going on. The voice, has been mostly neutral, still is making small comments as I go about the day.

I should go back to the beginning of this story. As I kinda started things off midway.

It really all started after last weekends electronic dance festival. I consumed aprox 400-600mgs of MDMA+MDA thru-out the night (I know the typical dosage of MDMA is 125mgs, and what I did was borderline reckless.) Along with several really good hits of blotter.

I had the most amazing time at the festival, I remember seeing huge flashes of lights, and halos around everything. Complex, geometric fractal-faced todom pole like deites sprouting from the dancefloor. Felt like I could bend lazer beams like spagetti noodles, as I danced the night away, feeling, like I was some kind of messiah, standing at the controls of the universe, channeling overwhelming amounts of occultic/psionic power through every neural synapse in my mind. The music shook every atom in my being and things just flowed.

I coulding say anything else but, OMG im rolling so hard, OMGOMG. and as the night went, self control was being lost everytime the dirty dirty bass dropped, Id just say fuck it, I dont want this to stop and would pop another.

Towards the end of the night things started turning really ugly. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, and to my horror, My lips looked like they were turning blue/purple. My eyes looked dreay and tired, with bags under them. The voice then started laughing and kept telling me that I was a drug addict,, crackhead and dirty raver, and a really manic and evil tone, I said this was the last night I have on earth, that I was going to die tonight, that I was not supposed or ready to reach or touch that level of consciousness, that I had overstepped my bounds as a human being, that I had somehow interfered with the plans of the "archtect of the universe" Like the man who, stole fire from the greek gods.

I started to panic and asking other ppl in the mens bathroom, "OMG AM I TURNING PURPLE?? Please help am I turning purple??? AM I MOTHAFUCKIN changing colors??"

Most smiled, others laughed, some re-assured me that I was the correct color. I know this sounds funny to somebody sober, But I was dead-panicing that night.

After the whole bathroom incident, the party was towards the end, and it the time where, everybody is still tweeked/rolling/tripping, and frantically looking for after parties.

This one man, and his friends who for the past week has been texting me, and asking things like, do you think my facebook pic is cute, are you gay, if your not, wouuld you go gay for me...ect just really perverted things. He was at the party, and now as everybody is leaving, im stitting by a large industrial fan cooling down and waiting for my friends, who are nowhere to be found. This dude comes up with his friends and asked if I want to go to an afterparty with them, telling me they have more drugs, they are gonna hire strippers, how big and nice their place is ect.... (Im a salesman, I can smell a pitch, or ulterior motive from a mile away)

I told em yeah, Ill be right back I just have to find a few people. Now im really paniced, because, if i run into them, I wont have an excuse, to leave.

Now im crashing hard really hard, but Im still tripping and The voice really starts tearing at me, just attacking every insecurity I have. Telling me how I'm going to go broke, it said it was watching me dance the whole time, that I was really good at it. And that if I go broke atleast I can be a gogo-boy strip for money. (Im really insure about money, because in sales it comes in chunks and then there are really dry peroids)

I love to dance, just for my own pleasure, I like being in my own zone and the thought of stripping for money just felt crippling inside. The voice said I deserved it and how I was ruining other ppls lives with my recklessness (My friend got 5 tickets the night before the rave, for some really really reckless driving, that i happend to encourage. I was sticking my head out the passenger window with her kissing a girl passionatly in the blistering wind, at 100+mph, weaving in and out of traffic.)

The worst part was when it felt everybody was in on it. Frantically pacing back and forwards through the venue, it felt like I could hear everybody's thoughts and they all had terrible things to say, just really dirty perverted things about me. It wasnt just the one voice, IT WAS EVERYBODY.

Part of me knew that this was to to drugs. and that it wasnt real, I just kept my mouth shut, and finally found my friends and went home.

But this week, I cant stop going over the events, and even as I type this now, the voice would point little things out about the room, or my laptop, or the way the keyboard felt ect...

I suppose I must try to live with it, as its not going away anytime soon.

 

[Thick_as_a_Planck]

Fuck man! That really was a fucked up drug experience!

I'm not sure what advice I can really give you, I'm in no way a qualified mental health practitioner, I've barely got my own shit together, but there seem to be some points worth mentioning.

First, things seem to be getting better. At the height (depths?) of the drug binge the voice was malignant and evil. Now it's merely neutral and quiet and you seem to be able to cope with it. So hopefully things will continue to improve naturally, so long as you stay away from the drugs for a while. A week isn't really that long in mental health issues so I'd hang on a little and see how it goes. If it starts to get worse again without and obvious cause then you should consider professional help.

Second I just want to say... you don't seem insane. I mean, there are plenty of people who have posted on bluelight in the past who are clearly in the depths of psychosis. when they talk about voices they nearly always do so as if the voices are real, meaningful or important. ...and normally they rant a lot, make little actual sense and lose all control of spelling and grammar. The fact that you describe yours so calmly and straightforwardly must, I think, be a good sign. It's actually rather interesting to read about someone who hears voices and yet is basically still 100% normal. You seem really rather together about the whole thing... If you can suffer from hallucinations at this frequency for a whole week and not start having horrible delusions about it then I think you're probably a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I imagine the vast majority of people wouldn't be able to put up with it - I know i wouldn't. So, as strange as this sounds.... well done! I think you'll be alright, just give it a bit more time and stay away from acid for a good bit longer than that.

 

[SecondPull]

OP, it seems like a lot of people who have bad experiences while combining LSD+MDMA end up in a psychotic state during their trip--it certainly happened to me, and it took a little while for things to settle down afterwards. It may be a little worse for you, given that you have a history of some underlying mental issues, but you do not seem delusional, and this voice is not telling you to act in a socially inappropriate or dangerous manner, so I would not panic.

What may help a lot, and what helped me, is doing things that get you out of your own head, i.e. sports, hanging out with other people, meditation, etc. Your mind can exacerbate a lot of things if you get too wrapped up in 'is there something wrong with me?'

Hang in there, give it some time, lay off the drugs and I bet it will subside.

 

[griffenspade]

Update

Its friday!! and yes things have been getting better, im not as scared of it anymore. Its still there, but im starting to feel little rays of happiness come thru the clouds. I'v had really intense dreams this whole week, very light sleep.

But Im not feeling so hopeless about my situation, Its probably my seratonin replenishing as i'v been taking HTP supplements.

The voice is not going away, but im beginning to explore it, reason with it and communicate with it.

You see.....

For my whole life, i have felt this strange detachment with the world around me.

The best way I could describe it is; Imagine one day waking up in the body of a chimpanzee, with no recollection of your past life. As the days wear on, you slowly begin to do all the silly little things chimps do, you join their society, participate in grooming sessions, work for the benifit of the tribe, socialize, make friends.

However when you have those little moments of time, to just sit and stare at the beach or forest, you know deep inside you there is something terribly wrong with the state of things.....

I have this strange dual/split personality. On one side, I have this supreamly rational, calculating, efficient, ruthless personality, almost like a machevellian superman. And when I have to take care of lifes bullshit, such as talking to a police officer, going for an office interview, appearing in court, going to a buissness meeting, closing a deal, I can perform supurbly.

And I have this really silly, funny childish personalty, that i mostly show, while under the influence, surrounded by loved ones, in a good mood, really emotional, sometimes he throws a temper tantrum, he comes out.

But I'v been able to go through life like this, like a child who has been wandering the earth for the last 1,000 years. Strangely detached, Happy, giddy, and silly, yet all knowing.8)

I think the other voice is my other personality, who is not "taking the drivers seat" At the rave, I was was indulging myself excessively, putting the both of us in danger, and my other personality rationally calculated that I was going off the deep end, and said some things, really hurtful things, but in a way, to make me change my behavior, For the benifit of both of us.

Thats the best I could come up with. I"m still trying to understand, if this is internal or external. Mental or supernatural. I have set up a next series of tests to figure this out. I want to know if "it" knows what I dont. Which will demonstrate, it is possibly and external source.

More to update later.

 

[SecondPull]

Griffen,

It is really, really important to understand that what you are experiencing right now is a product of your own mind, and not anything external to you. "It" is not anything different from you...you began experiencing this voice after indulging heavily in substances that have, on occasion, produced psychosis in others. Treating this particular mental symptom as though it is anything other than a product of that experience is probably not good for your long-term mental health. Looking at it as a particular aspect of your personality is one thing; deciding it is coming from a source external to you is another thing entirely.

If you continue to feel like this voice is not just an internal phenomenon, or feel like someone or something is trying to communicate with you, you should definitely seek out a mental health professional.

 

[queenscarlet88]

This happened to me a lot when I was younger. I'd say, "hello," and a voice in my head would narrate: "'hello,' he said" and then repeat it a few times and start stretching out the syllables and eventually stop. I didn't let it bother me and was usually busy thinking two or three things at once anyway. I don't think it's any big deal and it's likely transitory.

That last post and link to wikipedia, hearing voices movement has been most helpful

Its thursday today, and im still trying to get a grip on whats going on. The voice, has been mostly neutral, still is making small comments as I go about the day.

I should go back to the beginning of this story. As I kinda started things off midway.

It really all started after last weekends electronic dance festival. I consumed aprox 400-600mgs of MDMA+MDA thru-out the night (I know the typical dosage of MDMA is 125mgs, and what I did was borderline reckless.) Along with several really good hits of blotter.

I had the most amazing time at the festival, I remember seeing huge flashes of lights, and halos around everything. Complex, geometric fractal-faced todom pole like deites sprouting from the dancefloor. Felt like I could bend lazer beams like spagetti noodles, as I danced the night away, feeling, like I was some kind of messiah, standing at the controls of the universe, channeling overwhelming amounts of occultic/psionic power through every neural synapse in my mind. The music shook every atom in my being and things just flowed.

I coulding say anything else but, OMG im rolling so hard, OMGOMG. and as the night went, self control was being lost everytime the dirty dirty bass dropped, Id just say fuck it, I dont want this to stop and would pop another.

Towards the end of the night things started turning really ugly. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, and to my horror, My lips looked like they were turning blue/purple. My eyes looked dreay and tired, with bags under them. The voice then started laughing and kept telling me that I was a drug addict,, crackhead and dirty raver, and a really manic and evil tone, I said this was the last night I have on earth, that I was going to die tonight, that I was not supposed or ready to reach or touch that level of consciousness, that I had overstepped my bounds as a human being, that I had somehow interfered with the plans of the "archtect of the universe" Like the man who, stole fire from the greek gods.

I started to panic and asking other ppl in the mens bathroom, "OMG AM I TURNING PURPLE?? Please help am I turning purple??? AM I MOTHAFUCKIN changing colors??"

Most smiled, others laughed, some re-assured me that I was the correct color. I know this sounds funny to somebody sober, But I was dead-panicing that night.

After the whole bathroom incident, the party was towards the end, and it the time where, everybody is still tweeked/rolling/tripping, and frantically looking for after parties.

This one man, and his friends who for the past week has been texting me, and asking things like, do you think my facebook pic is cute, are you gay, if your not, wouuld you go gay for me...ect just really perverted things. He was at the party, and now as everybody is leaving, im stitting by a large industrial fan cooling down and waiting for my friends, who are nowhere to be found. This dude comes up with his friends and asked if I want to go to an afterparty with them, telling me they have more drugs, they are gonna hire strippers, how big and nice their place is ect.... (Im a salesman, I can smell a pitch, or ulterior motive from a mile away)

I told em yeah, Ill be right back I just have to find a few people. Now im really paniced, because, if i run into them, I wont have an excuse, to leave.

Now im crashing hard really hard, but Im still tripping and The voice really starts tearing at me, just attacking every insecurity I have. Telling me how I'm going to go broke, it said it was watching me dance the whole time, that I was really good at it. And that if I go broke atleast I can be a gogo-boy strip for money. (Im really insure about money, because in sales it comes in chunks and then there are really dry peroids)

I love to dance, just for my own pleasure, I like being in my own zone and the thought of stripping for money just felt crippling inside. The voice said I deserved it and how I was ruining other ppls lives with my recklessness (My friend got 5 tickets the night before the rave, for some really really reckless driving, that i happend to encourage. I was sticking my head out the passenger window with her kissing a girl passionatly in the blistering wind, at 100+mph, weaving in and out of traffic.)

The worst part was when it felt everybody was in on it. Frantically pacing back and forwards through the venue, it felt like I could hear everybody's thoughts and they all had terrible things to say, just really dirty perverted things about me. It wasnt just the one voice, IT WAS EVERYBODY.

Part of me knew that this was to to drugs. and that it wasnt real, I just kept my mouth shut, and finally found my friends and went home.

But this week, I cant stop going over the events, and even as I type this now, the voice would point little things out about the room, or my laptop, or the way the keyboard felt ect...

I suppose I must try to live with it, as its not going away anytime soon.

 

[queenscarlet88]

People replying to your post freaking about how you need to "seek medical attention immediately" are in a position of ignorance. Your experience quoted below sounds exactly like mine, and guess what? I'm a functioning member of society, on no antipsychotics or other prescribed stupid-making pills. Pot can worsen repetitive thought-noises et alia acutely but I'm somewhat dependent on it to be creative and enthusiastic from having smoked too much of it too often. The only strong recommendation I'll proffer is DON'T take psychedelics as long-term, potentially irreparable harm is likely to a probably schizophrenic mind such as yours. Or mine. I was psychologically debilitated for months following trips on acid and mescaline. Mushrooms have treated me very well though ... Be wary! And enjoy, don't fear, any voices your own mind might use to communicate with your conscious personality ... It's all in your head, and therein lies the beauty and fascination of the intra-voice phenomenon!

Its friday!! and yes things have been getting better, im not as scared of it anymore. Its still there, but im starting to feel little rays of happiness come thru the clouds. I'v had really intense dreams this whole week, very light sleep.

But Im not feeling so hopeless about my situation, Its probably my seratonin replenishing as i'v been taking HTP supplements.

The voice is not going away, but im beginning to explore it, reason with it and communicate with it.

You see.....

For my whole life, i have felt this strange detachment with the world around me.

The best way I could describe it is; Imagine one day waking up in the body of a chimpanzee, with no recollection of your past life. As the days wear on, you slowly begin to do all the silly little things chimps do, you join their society, participate in grooming sessions, work for the benifit of the tribe, socialize, make friends.

However when you have those little moments of time, to just sit and stare at the beach or forest, you know deep inside you there is something terribly wrong with the state of things.....

I have this strange dual/split personality. On one side, I have this supreamly rational, calculating, efficient, ruthless personality, almost like a machevellian superman. And when I have to take care of lifes bullshit, such as talking to a police officer, going for an office interview, appearing in court, going to a buissness meeting, closing a deal, I can perform supurbly.

And I have this really silly, funny childish personalty, that i mostly show, while under the influence, surrounded by loved ones, in a good mood, really emotional, sometimes he throws a temper tantrum, he comes out.

But I'v been able to go through life like this, like a child who has been wandering the earth for the last 1,000 years. Strangely detached, Happy, giddy, and silly, yet all knowing.8)

I think the other voice is my other personality, who is not "taking the drivers seat" At the rave, I was was indulging myself excessively, putting the both of us in danger, and my other personality rationally calculated that I was going off the deep end, and said some things, really hurtful things, but in a way, to make me change my behavior, For the benifit of both of us.

Thats the best I could come up with. I"m still trying to understand, if this is internal or external. Mental or supernatural. I have set up a next series of tests to figure this out. I want to know if "it" knows what I dont. Which will demonstrate, it is possibly and external source.

More to update later.

 

[queenscarlet88]

I just want to finish up by saying that you come across as extremely bright and that it would be a terrible waste to dash an intellect such as yours against the rocky shores of heavy psychiatric doping, which -- were you to consult a clinician and honestly describe your "symptoms" -- would be inevitable.

 

[griffenspade]

Reply

In no way, am I going to speak to a psychatric professional about this. I am strickly managing this by myself, with the help of some close friends.

I know what happens when you tell a psych doctor of these things..... risperdal, seroquil, geodon, abilify, trazadone, haldipro. ect.....

I absoulely hate anti-psychotic meds, they make me feel horrible. It saps a large part of who i am, i definately belive they are damaging to the mind.

Anyways, Im somewhat beginning to see, this voice as a source of guidance and creativey, and companionship. all of this is starting to feel like a shotgun marrige, hated each other at first, but the two of us have to share the same mind, so might as well get along.

 

[griffenspade]

new thoughts

I dont belive doctors even really know what "madness" is, so how are they going to try to sell me a pill that supposely cures it??

I appreciate the amount of progress it took mankind, to go from superstitious belives and religion, to slowly appying the scientific method to looking at the container of his own self, the mind/brain.

And I applaud modern psychology for heading down the right path.
But I dont feel the science has gone far enough to be claiming they can cure psychosis. Anti-psychotics just feel like a chemical lobotomy. Fuck that shit.

I perfectly understand the concept of "cultural frames" as in the majority of people see the world in frames, it used extensively in global commerce, law, religion, sales, psychology, politics, and soforth.

When you walk into a Mc Donnald's and they ask if you would like a small, medium or large. It doenst matter which one you chose, the option has already been framed for you. Any choice of the above 3 yields a profit for Mc Corp.

Same thing with democrat vs republican. straight vs gay, SANE VS INSANE.

I understand I am getting alittle bit off topic, but this is the way I choose to rationalize it. Homosexuality was once viewed as a psychiatic disorder. But now viewd as a choice.

Under most benchmarks I am far from normal. Even now, as these thoughts materialize, I feel the upswing of what psychiatry calls a Manic episode. The lifted spirits, fast thoughts, nuclear-fueled confidence.

It used to be said that those who are insane, will never agree to the fact that they insane. For me, there is for the most part there is a "designated driver" at the seats. I recognize a manic episode when its coming.

The voice and I have come to the only rational conclution benifical to the both of us. If I can changed the cultural frame of others in my life, my peers, if I can have them belive, this voice is positive or spirtiual, using traditional "frames" ie angles or god.

Then I can re-write, or should I say "re-frame" the definition of normal. To make it acceptable, to make me special. Then all is well.



BTW Im going to a party at the university of Iowa, ttyl!!!!

 

[nopipesdfw]

Anyways, Im somewhat beginning to see, this voice as a source of guidance and creativey, and companionship. all of this is starting to feel like a shotgun marrige, hated each other at first, but the two of us have to share the same mind, so might as well get along.

I don't think you are a schizophrenic just from this, when I play music there certainly is a sensory "muse" element that comes out within me (that tears it the hell up), but I haven't gotten voice narration except for a day or two after huge trips.

 

[30roxi30]

this sounds like the movie "Stanger Then Fiction"...are you Will Ferrell? j.k man....I didnt read really anyone's answers cause they seem really long but im sure someone has said that schizophrenia is when you hear the voices and you truly don't know if they are real and fake ..if yoou are aware that these voices arnt real then it could be something else ...there are so many mental illnesses its hard to say and alot of times people are misdiagnosed ...

i also wanted to add that i knew a girl that seemed perfectly fine and took a large amount of E for the first time in her life and ended up in a coma and after she was a real bad skitzo.. there are people with schizophrenia that you wouldnt know they had it unless you got to know them real good then there are people with schizophrenia that you can tell within 5 min of meeting them... she is now one of them 5 min people and seemed completely normal before this

i believe that she was probably going to develop schizophrenia later in life but maybe the E forced it to happen sooner because she was i think 15 or 16 when this happened to her and alot of people dont really get signs till there 20s i believe ...

i got a few Qs for you ...

Is this one voice always narrating your every move?

Do you believe that there is someone narrating you or do you realize its all in your head?

Is it always the same voice you hear?

Can you always tell the difference between from what is real from whats going on in your head?

 

[griffenspade]

To answer ur questions roxy,

The voice doesnt narrate my every move, mostly when I have to make a descision, such as coming to a yellow light, It would say something like. "I would stop if I were you" In a really calm neutral tone.

Im open to both posiblities of it either being in my head, or from a metaphsyical source. i have a hard time deciding, sometimes it answers me in a very vague metaphoical way.

Its not always the same voice. Its tone, and choice of words seems to match my mood, which is another reason I think its in my mind.

For the most part, I can tell whats real and whats not. However as I enter the second week of this phenomenon, Im starting to see the voice is having rational and smart ideas. It seems to understand my pattern of decision making, and my personality structure. It seems to be using this, to say very very convicing things. Im starting to make, decisions based on consulting with it.

On decisions ranging from the size of my burger that I am about to purchase, to the friends I/we decide to hang out with.

I would seriously question things, if it stared to say irrational or dangerous things.

 

[MeddieFrac]

I don't think you are schizophrenic, just seems like you are obsessing over your inner-dialogue voice that we all have but you just noticed it more when you rolled and you keep obsessing over it because it usually isn't so prominent and loud. I know my inner-voice will come out more when I eat mushrooms and when I smoke pot and whatnot. But it goes away say when I do lots of roxies and xanax and other type pills. So just stop using your inner voice so much. We all have it but don't use it so much ya know?