Mental Health Borderline Personality Disorder

[yellodolphin]

i think this disorder does exsist but it has a wierd name and i think they interpret the nature of it wrong. to me its one of those disorders that dont make much sense. but personality disorders are serious and i think its more of a self searching thing then a u just might be crazy thing

 

[Sweet P]

i think this disorder does exsist but it has a wierd name and i think they interpret the nature of it wrong. to me its one of those disorders that dont make much sense. but personality disorders are serious and i think its more of a self searching thing then a u just might be crazy thing

The disorder first got its name cos it was considered on the borderline of neurosis and psychosis. Personally, I think the name should be changed. The World Health Organization's ICD-10 calls it "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder" which is probably more descriptive.

 

[Gormur]

i was almost afraid to type this, but it's good if it can help people..

i was diagnosed in late 08. it's hard to explain and deal with. few people seem to understand when attempt to explain it..even to a psych. that's what makes it so shitty. no one gets it

i'll try to explain the basics of my days..

dissociative- i watch myself act from outside my body, with little or no control over what i do or how i feel. depending on intensity of stress/fear, i react differently - like if fully immersed in the visual detachment vs only feeling detached from everything, physical & emotional. this goes along with panic attacks in public..start to feel dizzy, escape building or black out first -

i want to avoid blackout, since = i lose myself = i'm not conscious of what's going on. i will say things, speak out of character in a different tone or accent. i never know how i'll behave as i lose touch like a switch, then snap. sometimes idk what i did/said during or after the fact, or i'm not sure cause it could've been a dream. often i wake up not knowing if it was a dream i dreamt or something i did, yesterday, maybe 10 years ago? there is a huge gap in my memory that has always disturbed me

i'm hard to know. i don't even know myself. i could be an illusion. i absorb your personality to feel like i have one, like i fit in. it's not a conscious decision or anything. i don't realize it till someone says something or shows alarm at my sketchy behavior (dad, for example). for this i gain popularity in numbers, but real friends, i have none. it's superficial, short-lasting bs. i know that no one can be my friend forever. even the thought is a bit selfish. life changes. those good people who've been crudely honest have called me many good/bad things, but also intense. idk what it means yet, but i can sense when things are off n withdrawal from the world accordingly

i dislike the world n love everyone..even if i can't express it most of the time. unless you've been around me a while, you may think i hate you or don't care. the misunderstandings draw me further from this reality, into a quiet place
i can't really deal with emotional relationships anymore.. i used to, for a few months at a time, but now it's just too much to deal with. it isn't healthy for my mind at this point, unfortunately.. it would be great if it worked well, but i'm probably best being by myself, that's when i feel closest to feeling like the real self, not corrupted n overstressed, and my mind is free of distractions

things become less familiar day to day..i know my name and my family, but everything loses meaning & becomes unfamiliar = uncomfortable.. i've never been comfortable around my parents, but now it's worse & extends to everyone else (unless i'm on some drug to deal with it). it shows, and it makes me kinda sad/guilty

i understand that being 26, things are gradually going downhill. it's not good or bad. it just is. the thing keeping me alive is finishing something to be remembered by.. not mainly, just something that will completely express what i am/was, maybe bringing some kind of just finality to this

who knows? not knowing the future and being curious spreads hope

peace

 

[Sweet P]

dissociative- i watch myself act from outside my body, with little or no control over what i do or how i feel. depending on intensity of stress/fear, i react differently - like if fully immersed in the visual detachment vs only feeling detached from everything, physical & emotional. this goes along with panic attacks in public..start to feel dizzy, escape building or black out first -

i want to avoid blackout, since = i lose myself = i'm not conscious of what's going on. i will say things, speak out of character in a different tone or accent. i never know how i'll behave as i lose touch like a switch, then snap. sometimes idk what i did/said during or after the fact, or i'm not sure cause it could've been a dream. often i wake up not knowing if it was a dream i dreamt or something i did, yesterday, maybe 10 years ago? there is a huge gap in my memory that has always disturbed me

That sounds a lot like DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder. Have you ever been tested for that?

 

[Gormur]

That sounds a lot like DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder. Have you ever been tested for that?

no. i've been through psych therapy & MMPI testing, along with several other tests i don't recall atm but have on file. no one has mentioned DID

i don't have one concrete identity/personality to cope with. it's unstable, changeable. one day i may seem overly-formal the next i may behave & think like a kid again. then again its likely that i didnt mature normally

i'm easily influenced by the gang mentality. it feels safe, you can do anything cause you only exist as a part of something else & it feels good to be respected. like, i couldn't do dirt alone..but if my homies initiate, i'm in. sometimes scary but like a rush. it doesn't feel like i'm doing anything. we are

i was formally diagnosed with bipolar I, schizotypal personality disorder, formal thought disorder, social anxiety disorder, ADD, dyslexia.. also bulimia, but i'm self-diagnosed & didnt seek help

going over that list gives me a fucking headache. i dont know that it's helpful. labels can create head-trash but also borderline personality & schizotypal pd are often comorbid for example, so just thinking of them together feels messy enough

 

[760rollz]

Yes, I know itz been said here before. I've even done a search and covered all my bases. I know what it is. I've lived with it for quite a long time. Has anyone on BL dealt with it and taking a medication to help with it? If so what did you take and did it help you? I am a bout to start Depakote but I have some reservations about it. Depakote is prescribed for Intermittent Explosive Disorder and the experts say not to label someone with IED before all other possibilities are ruled out, including BPD. So I am sceptical about starting this new drug in fear that I have been given a shot in the dark drug that does not really deal with BPD.

Your thoughts?

 

[neveroddoreven]

I would probably sat I could associate myslef with mild cases of both those issues. Un-diagnosed but many of the symptoms do apply. I dont know the severity of your situation so I cant give a suggestion, but for myself, it hasnt negatively impacted on my life yet, in any big ways, and I would only consider getting help once that happened. I like to leave myself to my own devices in that respect, dont want to change who I am y'know.

 

[Lolie]

I take sodium valproate for bipolar disorder - it's used off-label for a lot of psychiatric disorders because it's a very effective mood stabiliser.

In theory it should help with any condition where impulse control is poor. People with borderline personality disorder have a very low tolerance for emotional discomfort and that's not something a pill is going to fix, but I could see Depakote being a useful adjunct to dialectical behavioural therapy (which is one of the few interventions found to be effective in people who have BPD).

Current research strongly suggests that the personality disorders are a developmental issue - that's why they're on Axis II in the DSM. BPD in particular seems to improve considerably as people age, although it's unclear whether that's because they catch up in terms of emotional maturity or whether it's because they tend to find themselves repeatedly abandoned by others and have little choice but to change their behaviour.

Any of the mood stabilisers could dampen the extremity of your moods but none of them are going to change how you think and feel - they'll probably be useful in conjunction with therapy but not especially beneficial without it.

Make sure that your doctor fully explains the potential side effects of the drug to you. It's been used in the treatment of bipolar disorder for a long time, but it can have significant side effects when taken over an extended period.

If I was you, I'd probably give it a short-term trial - say three months - and make your assessment of whether it's beneficial for you based not just on how you feel but whether other people around you notice any difference in your behaviour. It's really not a drug you want to take long-term unless you're getting a clear therapeutic benefit from it.

 

[spork]

I was pretty unresponsive to most medications, but DBT therapy did wonders for me.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Any of the mood stabilisers could dampen the extremity of your moods but none of them are going to change how you think and feel - they'll probably be useful in conjunction with therapy but not especially beneficial without it.

I definitely agree with this and from what I've read of other BPD sufferers experiences, no medication is of particularly good use without concurrent psychotherapy.


760rollz, if you have any questions about the meds you've been prescribed you should ask your doctor (as well as on here ). If you have reservations about your doctor perhaps you could seek a second opinion from another doctor. If you're not sure about something, especially when it comes to psychiatric medications, you should seek further information until you feel satisfied and at ease with the situation.

Have you had any kind of psychotherapy in the past?

Also, we have a BPD thread somewhere here in TDS from last year, I'll see if I can find it then I'll merge the two, because there was some really good discussion in the other one which may be of comfort/use to you.

Good luck, and let us know how you're doing

 

[Lolie]

I was pretty unresponsive to most medications, but DBT therapy did wonders for me.

Medication has never been regarded as particularly useful for any of the personality disorders, but a lot of drug companies make more money from their drugs being used off-label than they do from them being prescribed for their approved purpose, and they don't have to fund expensive trials to support that off-label use.

A few of the big drug companies have got massive fines for pushing doctors to prescribe for off-label uses in the absence of supporting clinical data.

Well done sticking with the DBT. I know a lot of people give up on it because they think it's dismissive of their feelings and if there's one thing people with BPD are all about it's embracing their feelings. On the plus side, a significant number of those diagnosed with BPD will no longer meet the diagnostic criteria 10 years later.

The whole spectrum of personality disorders is being revised for DSM-5 (some are being dropped altogether) and the working group is considering adopting a dimensional model - it will be interesting to see whether that leads to better outcomes.

 

[lowlow345]

borderline can be described as ambivalence.

ambivalence (n) - the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

 

[760rollz]

Make sure that your doctor fully explains the potential side effects of the drug to you. It's been used in the treatment of bipolar disorder for a long time, but it can have significant side effects when taken over an extended period.

If I was you, I'd probably give it a short-term trial - say three months - and make your assessment of whether it's beneficial for you based not just on how you feel but whether other people around you notice any difference in your behaviour. It's really not a drug you want to take long-term unless you're getting a clear therapeutic benefit from it.

I haven't been able to find the adverse side effects on the net. I asked about the side effects and was told, "The side effects are far to little to worry about considering what you have been through."

 

[Lolie]

I haven't been able to find the adverse side effects on the net. I asked about the side effects and was told, "The side effects are far to little to worry about considering what you have been through."

Google depakote +"side effects" and depakote +lawsuits.

A lot of the side effects are relatively minor or transient, especially at the doses you're looking at for mood stabilisation (people with epilepsy can be on up to 2000mg a day) but not all of them are trivial and I sure as shit wouldn't trust a doctor who gives you a non-answer when you ask.

When you get the prescription filled, ask the pharmacist for a leaflet on the medication - the leaflet should tell you which side effects are ones which indicate you need to contact your doctor ASAP.

 

[spork]

Wow, what your doctor said really pisses me off. You have every right to know what the side effects are of anything that is being put into your body. That was extremely unprofessional and inconsiderate. That comment alone would be enough for me to switch doctors.

 

[Lolie]

Wow, what your doctor said really pisses me off. You have every right to know what the side effects are of anything that is being put into your body. That was extremely unprofessional and inconsiderate. That comment alone would be enough for me to switch doctors.

You especially should be warned about any potential side effects when you're being used as a guinea pig.

 

[760rollz]

Google depakote +"side effects" and depakote +lawsuits.

A lot of the side effects are relatively minor or transient, especially at the doses you're looking at for mood stabilisation (people with epilepsy can be on up to 2000mg a day) but not all of them are trivial and I sure as shit wouldn't trust a doctor who gives you a non-answer when you ask.

When you get the prescription filled, ask the pharmacist for a leaflet on the medication - the leaflet should tell you which side effects are ones which indicate you need to contact your doctor ASAP.

Thank you, I will look into it. Im kinda apprehensive about this but Im also sick of the pain to myself and the hurt to others.

Wow, what your doctor said really pisses me off. You have every right to know what the side effects are of anything that is being put into your body. That was extremely unprofessional and inconsiderate. That comment alone would be enough for me to switch doctors.

I wish is was that simple. I qualified for a state funded program a little over a year ago. Somehow I found a psychologist who I could see for free for one year through a state funded program. That was great. I was seeing this Doc once a week for free just cuz the psychologist deemed me crazy enough for this state funded program or something. Then year was up, but by this time she left the state funded clinic and opened her own private practice. She agreed to continue seeing me for free on her own dime. Which all and all is great. She is a great Doc and I couldn't ask for more. She has worked with me hand in hand for over a year and I've come leaps and bounds with my day to day life and interactions with others.

Now mind you she is a psychologist not a psychiatrist. That means she can not prescribe. After working with her for over a year she recommended that I be prescribed xanax for when I get to the point that I can no longer control my urges and feelings. The thought behind this was that I could then pop a xanax and calmly ride it out. Then I could reevaluate my thoughts and feelings after I had some calm drugged up time to let the instant borderline reaction to let my thoughts and feeling pass. Since she cannot prescribe and I have no money or insurance she recommended that I go to a county funded walk in psych clinic to try and set up the meds. She told me that if I do go in to the psych clinic I could have them call her and she would talk with them and tell them everything we have done over the past year ect. ect. ect. So I went in and it took two 6 hour days of sitting there to finally speak to some old ass nurse practitioner who then prescribed me the depakote.

It was the walk in county run psych clinic nurse practitioner who prescribed the meds. It was her who gave the evasive not so answer to my simple question. Believe me when I tell you that I was more than a bit disappointed to be walking out with a prescription for depakote instead of Xanax lol. But just as the nurse practitioner said, and just as I am sure everyone of us who truly has lived with BPD knows... after the pain and suffering I've endured due to BPD a couple of side effects should seem like nothing.

But as you've said, anyone answering my question like that is not to be trusted. And if I could I would switch people in a heart beat (I was told Xanax not depakote )But because it's a county ran free meds clinic I wont even be getting my meds till Wednesday. I will also be seeing my psychologist on Wednesday so I figured I would have the time to research the shit on my own and get answers form both here and my psychologist before I ended up doing something I would think was helpful at first but would end up regretting latter.

Thanks again bluelight for helping and showing support when I need it.

 

[Sprout]

My partner has BPD, and as much as I love her and respect the fact it's out of her control it can really present problems - she always finds a way to blame herself, then locks herself away in depression so I have no chance to show her it's not her fault. Gah I love her, but my god it's hard

 

[Lolie]

My partner has BPD, and as much as I love her and respect the fact it's out of her control it can really present problems - she always finds a way to blame herself, then locks herself away in depression so I have no chance to show her it's not her fault. Gah I love her, but my god it's hard

Two really excellent books on BPD are Walking on Eggshells and I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

It's really, really difficult to have someone with BPD in your life at close range - it's utterly draining emotionally - and you need to have really strong boundaries for the sake of your own sanity and emotional well-being.

A lot of mental health professionals won't accept patients who have a BPD diagnosis and that only compounds the problem because the only effective treatment other than age is a shitload of demanding therapy.

 

[760rollz]

Well I after researching the shit on google I picked up the meds today. I am going to see my psychologist in 3hrs. I am probabbly gonna give it a go unless my psych say something to talk me out of it. Worse case scenario I don't like the results and I discontinue. Wish me luck!