Lolie
Bluelighter
You might feel drowsy and foggy-headed for a few weeks but that will pass as your body adjusts to the meds.
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Mental Health Borderline Personality Disorder
- Thread starter Sweet P
- Start date
You might feel drowsy and foggy-headed for a few weeks but that will pass as your body adjusts to the meds.
So if I may? I'm gonna bring this thread back to life one more time to ask a quick question. From what I have read most borderlines get over it as they grow older. I think this is not the case for me. I'm 33 and seem to suffer more and more deeper and deeper as I grow older. What are the ages of those who are BPD?
Lolie
Bluelighter
The data I've read indicates that a significant number of people diagnosed with BPD will no longer meet the criteria for the diagnosis 10 years later and that people tend to "grow out of" it by middle age. That may simply be operant conditioning at work, though - they may modify their behaviour to avoid repeated abandonment without their underlying feelings changing. There's also some evidence that clinicians use the diagnosis as a bit of a catch-all for difficult, demanding patients - as there's no real recognised treatment for BPD, it's a diagnosis which allows them to pass those patients on to someone else.
It never used to be diagnosed in people under 18 because teenagers aren't expected to be emotionally stable and mature. In teenagers and young adults, the diagnosis really needs to be regarded as tentative because there are always going to be outliers who mature either faster or slower than average.
Bear in mind that the DSM is descriptive. Borderline Personality Disorder is the name given to a cluster of symptoms - it's not an "illness" per se. It's absolutely possible to be emotionally immature at 30, 40 or even 50 without meeting the criteria for a personality disorder - the impact an individual's behaviour has on their interpersonal relationships and their ability to meet normal adult responsibilities are huge factors in whether or not they'll be diagnosed with a personality disorder. In fact the working group for DSM 5 want to change the method for assessing personality disorders to a dimensional model to better reflect that impact.
Astrobee
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2010
- Messages
- 8
All the great personalities throughout history had "personality disorders" and one man's diagnosis is another man's bullshit. Shrinks abuse this category so much, sometimes just to pigeonhole patients they don't like or can't figure out. Jesus had a personality disorder. He thought he was the fucking son of God.
Today, he would have tardive dyskenesia from all the crappy neuroleptics.
Today, he would have tardive dyskenesia from all the crappy neuroleptics.
^lol This can be true!
In my country Borderline Personality disorder isn't recognised by Health Care Professionals. Reading up on it I would have fit alot of the Criteria, however was never told I had BDP.
I received treatment from the age of 17 up with various Councellors and in Psych Institutions but was treated for Depression.
I attended a private practice in my early 20's, where I got help from a Cog Behaviour Therapist and A Psychotherapist for over 2 years and the Experience was invaluable. When I started Attending it was on the basis of my Anorexia/Bulemia, I had dramatically lost weight and could not function Mentally/Emotionally well, even though I hadn't been hospitalised as my weight was sufficient to keep me going.
I was told by my Therapist that I would be able to identify easily with certain Schizophrenics-still not exactly sure what he meant by this, but I'm guessing it had something to do with Derealization; because the Starvation I had inflicted on myself had left me Emotionally numb and I felt dissasociated from myself alot of the time. This 'numbness' had left my Ego fragile and It terrified me but I was also glad to Escape the Intense Emotions that I used to have felt, and which I was so self concious of(This conflict tore me apart Mentally-it was Hell).
From the age of 17 upwards the whole turbulent Emotional ride started to Snowball.
After my Boyfriend had split with me, I was faced with Raging Dark self-Hatred that I couldn't ease or control, I Attempted Suicide twice during this time and was cutting more frequently and severly than earlier years; I used to use knives but turned to Broken Glass, Punching glass panes, burning and stabbing my wrist with a Hypodermic Needle. Geezus when I think about it now it doesnt feel like it happened to me at all. Only for the Scars on my Arms, It would seeem like a dream.
Drugs and Alcohol made me worse, and I remember one particular episode where I started to pick fights with Men on the main Street of my hometown and was yelling and crying and shouting abuse at people. After that, and the shame of it, I became extremely anxious and frightened of myself. I couldnt walk through the town without getting panic attacks so started to cut myself off from the outside world. I had two friends who stood by me during the worst times and who empathised with my 'sensitivity and frustration at the world but my sense of victimhood and also my anger and inability to remotely like myself would not let me move forward and eventually I lost them as well. I learnt a valuable lesson about the power of my self distructive side, at this stage I didn't know there was any other side of me. I thought I was cursed and damned.
Alot of people thought I was looking for Attention, and I was, but not the way they believed. I just wanted to be validated, I wanted to to be told that I wasnt inherintly flawed and good for nothing, I wanted to be valued for who I was, I needed to learn all the dysfunctions that I saw and experienced in my Family and within Social groups were not healthyl and that It was ok to love myself even when others rejected me, and that being different is a quality and not always fitting in didnt mean I was a Freak of Nature.
I saw alot of people who would drink in the bar I frequented become Mentally ill over the years, some even commited Suicide others drug Addicts and Alcoholics and some went on to live ok lives . When I think of how lucky I am to have gotten through and out of the place I was in I am so filled with Grattitude-if it werent for a select few people and the power of good and wisdom that flows out there in life I dont know where I would have ended up.
I am now 32 and still have issues I work on:depression, Anxiety and Self Esteem but my life has definitely gotten more stable. I am a hell of a lot wiser and more free spirited than I have been since I was a young child. I dont cut myself, my ED struggle is less Acute and I am better able to set down boundaries(although relationships can still be stressfull and complicated but its not as overbearing). I dont take medication based on choice at the moment, but I do take SSRI's when I feel I am having difficulty.
I work every day to embrace myself and others. I have values based on what I believe in and stand by them. I try to fight the good fight and am slowly reaching toward building a life based on what I believe in rather than what I think It should be. The bad days come and go but nothing is insurmountable, even if it FEELS like it isn't.
In my country Borderline Personality disorder isn't recognised by Health Care Professionals. Reading up on it I would have fit alot of the Criteria, however was never told I had BDP.
I received treatment from the age of 17 up with various Councellors and in Psych Institutions but was treated for Depression.
I attended a private practice in my early 20's, where I got help from a Cog Behaviour Therapist and A Psychotherapist for over 2 years and the Experience was invaluable. When I started Attending it was on the basis of my Anorexia/Bulemia, I had dramatically lost weight and could not function Mentally/Emotionally well, even though I hadn't been hospitalised as my weight was sufficient to keep me going.
I was told by my Therapist that I would be able to identify easily with certain Schizophrenics-still not exactly sure what he meant by this, but I'm guessing it had something to do with Derealization; because the Starvation I had inflicted on myself had left me Emotionally numb and I felt dissasociated from myself alot of the time. This 'numbness' had left my Ego fragile and It terrified me but I was also glad to Escape the Intense Emotions that I used to have felt, and which I was so self concious of(This conflict tore me apart Mentally-it was Hell).
From the age of 17 upwards the whole turbulent Emotional ride started to Snowball.
After my Boyfriend had split with me, I was faced with Raging Dark self-Hatred that I couldn't ease or control, I Attempted Suicide twice during this time and was cutting more frequently and severly than earlier years; I used to use knives but turned to Broken Glass, Punching glass panes, burning and stabbing my wrist with a Hypodermic Needle. Geezus when I think about it now it doesnt feel like it happened to me at all. Only for the Scars on my Arms, It would seeem like a dream.
Drugs and Alcohol made me worse, and I remember one particular episode where I started to pick fights with Men on the main Street of my hometown and was yelling and crying and shouting abuse at people. After that, and the shame of it, I became extremely anxious and frightened of myself. I couldnt walk through the town without getting panic attacks so started to cut myself off from the outside world. I had two friends who stood by me during the worst times and who empathised with my 'sensitivity and frustration at the world but my sense of victimhood and also my anger and inability to remotely like myself would not let me move forward and eventually I lost them as well. I learnt a valuable lesson about the power of my self distructive side, at this stage I didn't know there was any other side of me. I thought I was cursed and damned.
Alot of people thought I was looking for Attention, and I was, but not the way they believed. I just wanted to be validated, I wanted to to be told that I wasnt inherintly flawed and good for nothing, I wanted to be valued for who I was, I needed to learn all the dysfunctions that I saw and experienced in my Family and within Social groups were not healthyl and that It was ok to love myself even when others rejected me, and that being different is a quality and not always fitting in didnt mean I was a Freak of Nature.
I saw alot of people who would drink in the bar I frequented become Mentally ill over the years, some even commited Suicide others drug Addicts and Alcoholics and some went on to live ok lives . When I think of how lucky I am to have gotten through and out of the place I was in I am so filled with Grattitude-if it werent for a select few people and the power of good and wisdom that flows out there in life I dont know where I would have ended up.
I am now 32 and still have issues I work on:depression, Anxiety and Self Esteem but my life has definitely gotten more stable. I am a hell of a lot wiser and more free spirited than I have been since I was a young child. I dont cut myself, my ED struggle is less Acute and I am better able to set down boundaries(although relationships can still be stressfull and complicated but its not as overbearing). I dont take medication based on choice at the moment, but I do take SSRI's when I feel I am having difficulty.
I work every day to embrace myself and others. I have values based on what I believe in and stand by them. I try to fight the good fight and am slowly reaching toward building a life based on what I believe in rather than what I think It should be. The bad days come and go but nothing is insurmountable, even if it FEELS like it isn't.
I've not read the whole thread yet, but what you describe there is me.
Did it two weeks ago, been trying to get my relationship back on track for a while as she is the only person I have ever loved and opened up to.
After many months of hard work, (I messed up really bad), it was nearly there.
So for pretty much no reason at all I destroyed it with my actions, and put it in a place far worse than it has ever been.
I am still in shock at what a prick I was, I knew full well what would happen.
^Welcome Nytol
Have been a master of messing up past relationships, and feeling so guilty but like I was doing the other person a favour, cause I wasnt worth it!
Good luck at mending things with her, just be honest about your flaws with yourself and with her and hopefully she will show you mercy. Think the more honest we are about our insecurities and the more compassion we have with ourselves, the more it reflects back onto the relationship.
Have been a master of messing up past relationships, and feeling so guilty but like I was doing the other person a favour, cause I wasnt worth it!
Good luck at mending things with her, just be honest about your flaws with yourself and with her and hopefully she will show you mercy. Think the more honest we are about our insecurities and the more compassion we have with ourselves, the more it reflects back onto the relationship.
Lolie
Bluelighter
It's a tough slog but well worth it if you can stick with it.
growing out of it...?
I'm sure some of us might grow out of it. But what really happens os probably by the time we get diagnosed with BPD late into our 30's cause like some ppl have said teenagers are suppose to be hormonally unstable. The 20's are spent either hiding it well, or our relationships cover it up like a "bandaide" the issues for the time being till it wears out and "falls off like a wet dirty bandaide" much what my relationship ended looking like. Then by the time we get diagnosed, treated, live life for a bit then we get demented in old age and it just gives society something else to label ppl with.
I'm sure some of us might grow out of it. But what really happens os probably by the time we get diagnosed with BPD late into our 30's cause like some ppl have said teenagers are suppose to be hormonally unstable. The 20's are spent either hiding it well, or our relationships cover it up like a "bandaide" the issues for the time being till it wears out and "falls off like a wet dirty bandaide" much what my relationship ended looking like. Then by the time we get diagnosed, treated, live life for a bit then we get demented in old age and it just gives society something else to label ppl with.
sarcophagus.heels
Bluelighter
Sorry to revive an old thread back from the dead, but I have a relevant bit of venting.
I was diagnosed with BPD back in January through a psych study that I volunteered for - I had often suspected that I might had BPD, so I decided to go for it. The psychologist dxed me with BPD, and I started on Lexapro along with weekly therapy. I think I definitely fall under the introverted type of BPD - I rarely lash out at other people, and tend to turn any anger or whatever that I'm feeling back onto myself. But I've tried therapy before (I went in for drug and alcohol issues), and it's been extremely difficult for me to go through with it. It's nigh impossible for me to open up to other people, and I find myself lying and being manipulative to protect myself. I got frustrated with the therapy and made the impulsive decision to cut my therapy short and stop my meds. So then I went through some really shitty SSRI withdrawal. I hadn't told my friends about any of this, so I was doing my best to hide it from them - but they know me well, and knew something was up, but I kept brushing it off and pinning it on insomnia.
Well, by the spring, I was experiencing the worst anxiety and depression that I'd ever had. I became extremely impulsive and started stealing my friends' alcohol and any painkillers that they had around. I withdrew myself socially and emotionally, fell into a dissociated state for long periods of time, which I had experienced before, but rarely to that extent. I was just barely functioning. When I started cutting myself, my friends knew that they had to intervene and made me promise to get help. As did my social science professor, who allowed me to take an incomplete in his class on the condition that I seek help.
I came home for the summer and made an appointment with a psychologist - I wanted to keep my parents out of it if at all possible, since we've never connected very well. But as it turns out, we haven't had health insurance in 6 months, which I only found out when trying to call our old insurance company. My anger triggered a depressive episode, and I ended up getting really drunk, so my parents unfortunately caught on that something was up. We went to a clinic and I was prescribed Lexapro again, but my mom doesn't totally understand the severity of the problem, and despite my insistence that I want to see a psychologist, she has been very slow about looking for new health insurance. I don't want to tell them about the BPD diagnosis because I don't want my parents to treat me radically differently, and frankly, I don't think it's any of their business.
I'm still struggling with what the diagnosis even means - it just seems so hopeless. I have yet to tell my friends about it, although I feel like I owe it to my two best friends, who honestly are probably the only things that kept me from being institutionalized at the end of the school year. I can't afford to pay for therapy, but I also worry that if I put it off for too long I'm just gonna keep getting worse. I know myself - if this goes for too long, I'll just start doing a lot of drugs again and convince myself that I don't need treatment. The Lexapro has taken some of the edge off of my depression, but it really hasn't done much else - I've still been getting waves of terrible anxiety, spells of dissociation, and this chronic, overwhelming feeling of emptiness and worthlessness that often makes it almost impossible for me to get up and do anything sometimes. I love my friends, but I find myself sometimes strongly resenting them and avoiding them. As for my best friends back at school, I feel like I'm not worthy of them, and constantly obsess over all the bullshit I've sent their way - they worry about me so much, and I feel like I give them nothing in return, but I'm terrified that I'll do something to finally drive them away and then I'll completely fall apart.
Sorry for this long rant of the post, I'm just feeling overwhelmed and totally helpless. There's really nothing I can do until my family gets a new insurance plan, but I just feel like a fucking time bomb sometimes.
I was diagnosed with BPD back in January through a psych study that I volunteered for - I had often suspected that I might had BPD, so I decided to go for it. The psychologist dxed me with BPD, and I started on Lexapro along with weekly therapy. I think I definitely fall under the introverted type of BPD - I rarely lash out at other people, and tend to turn any anger or whatever that I'm feeling back onto myself. But I've tried therapy before (I went in for drug and alcohol issues), and it's been extremely difficult for me to go through with it. It's nigh impossible for me to open up to other people, and I find myself lying and being manipulative to protect myself. I got frustrated with the therapy and made the impulsive decision to cut my therapy short and stop my meds. So then I went through some really shitty SSRI withdrawal. I hadn't told my friends about any of this, so I was doing my best to hide it from them - but they know me well, and knew something was up, but I kept brushing it off and pinning it on insomnia.
Well, by the spring, I was experiencing the worst anxiety and depression that I'd ever had. I became extremely impulsive and started stealing my friends' alcohol and any painkillers that they had around. I withdrew myself socially and emotionally, fell into a dissociated state for long periods of time, which I had experienced before, but rarely to that extent. I was just barely functioning. When I started cutting myself, my friends knew that they had to intervene and made me promise to get help. As did my social science professor, who allowed me to take an incomplete in his class on the condition that I seek help.
I came home for the summer and made an appointment with a psychologist - I wanted to keep my parents out of it if at all possible, since we've never connected very well. But as it turns out, we haven't had health insurance in 6 months, which I only found out when trying to call our old insurance company. My anger triggered a depressive episode, and I ended up getting really drunk, so my parents unfortunately caught on that something was up. We went to a clinic and I was prescribed Lexapro again, but my mom doesn't totally understand the severity of the problem, and despite my insistence that I want to see a psychologist, she has been very slow about looking for new health insurance. I don't want to tell them about the BPD diagnosis because I don't want my parents to treat me radically differently, and frankly, I don't think it's any of their business.
I'm still struggling with what the diagnosis even means - it just seems so hopeless. I have yet to tell my friends about it, although I feel like I owe it to my two best friends, who honestly are probably the only things that kept me from being institutionalized at the end of the school year. I can't afford to pay for therapy, but I also worry that if I put it off for too long I'm just gonna keep getting worse. I know myself - if this goes for too long, I'll just start doing a lot of drugs again and convince myself that I don't need treatment. The Lexapro has taken some of the edge off of my depression, but it really hasn't done much else - I've still been getting waves of terrible anxiety, spells of dissociation, and this chronic, overwhelming feeling of emptiness and worthlessness that often makes it almost impossible for me to get up and do anything sometimes. I love my friends, but I find myself sometimes strongly resenting them and avoiding them. As for my best friends back at school, I feel like I'm not worthy of them, and constantly obsess over all the bullshit I've sent their way - they worry about me so much, and I feel like I give them nothing in return, but I'm terrified that I'll do something to finally drive them away and then I'll completely fall apart.
Sorry for this long rant of the post, I'm just feeling overwhelmed and totally helpless. There's really nothing I can do until my family gets a new insurance plan, but I just feel like a fucking time bomb sometimes.
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