☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Bleep Bloop Zap Zang

[TheAppleCore]

HEY fuckers, listen to this!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00tzcnyDL68

 

[nearjat]

That's basically how I felt about addiction treatment when I went, the brainwashing line specifically. It's basically designed to be a replacement for your drug habit, because if you follow what they say exactly it takes up your whole life. I don't see how the strict abstinence from ALL drugs approach is going to work in every situation. I also saw alot of false humour and judgment in my councilor, which from what I read in the Dark Side is very indicative of the system in general.

I hated how you couldn't talk about the positives of drugs, or the spiritually enlightening aspects of psychedelics without it being shot down as a "triggering" thought. You just eventually find yourself saying whatever gets you out of that situation and back into your life where you can pursue whatever you want. If it wasn't for mental strength and positivity I developed from psychedelics and integrating the experiences I doubt I would have been able to resist the pull to lapse into a very fake, stale, and inauthentic existence.

I don't know if that's what you meant by that comment, but it brought out some ideas I've been cooking up in my head lately. Those sorts of settings can make you think your drug use is something to be ashamed of, and should be hidden from any future partners. Not necessarily the case, in fact stopping and going to seek whatever help you can get is a great quality and very attractive to the right people. Just remember to seek the middle path and never just live you're life a certain way because someone tells you it's the best way. Good luck looking for whatever you're seeking

Good post

See I fully accept that at the time I was checked in, I NEEDED brainwashing. I was very irrational.

Middle ground is nice. But I feel like I need to slow down because I just don't enjoy thinking about drugs all the time, it isn't healthy. And not because someone told me that, I just know it isn't.

love ya guys

 

[SKL]

See I fully accept that at the time I was checked in, I NEEDED brainwashing. I was very irrational.

Exactly what I was getting at.

Middle ground is nice. But I feel like I need to slow down because I just don't enjoy thinking about drugs all the time, it isn't healthy. And not because someone told me that, I just know it isn't.

Very very very very very important insight particularly for bluelighters

 

[nearjat]

Thanks man

Yeah I'm convinced everyone here *including me* has a psychological dependence on psychotropics.

Isn't really life ruining or anything, but you can get so much more out of life without that.

summertime, some will try to re-capture the same flag
but i play it smart and recognize the summertime passed

 

[SKL]

I am a degenerate drug addict.

I am hoping to quit soon. So I've moved into the contemplation stage of change.

I'm finding I derive less and less benefit from the drugs as time goes on. Some, like weed and opiates, are downright harmful (both make me anti-social, irritable, and weed has the additional factor of horrible mindfuck paranoia coming out of nowhere to bite me in the ass at unpredictable times ... but yet somehow I still smoke it almost daily, compulsively) ... some, like benzos and amphetamines, are necessary, but easy to go overboard ...

and then there is the case of psychedelics ... and a dizzyingly complex case it is. I think the net impact of my psychedelic use has primarily been to confuse the hell out of me on an existential level, but on the other hand, pre-psychedelics, I was walking around in an anhedonic stupor ... so basically I think what I need is a middle ground.

But the middle ground right now is probably medicated sobriety i.e. very controlled use of drugs for therapeutic reasons only. Might include a trip now and again, but fuck man, what a slippery slope it can be.

Doing psychedelics all the time is not a good look. One becomes totally paralyzed by all these questions and realizations to the point that everyday life and relation to others becomes impossible on any meaningful level, and when you surround yourself with people with similar inclinations, people just tend to reinforce each other's delusions, feed off one another, create "deep bonds" between people that are just totally superficial ...

Ugh.

Am I just getting too old for this stuff?

 

[PepperSocks]

I mean, i love having a gf. Its great to have a companion in life, a person to make love to and care for, and have those feelings resiprocated.
And girls are obviously sexy.

But i cant seem to be friends with girls. The way their mind works is too different from the way mine does.
Being friends with girls involves drama, bitchiness, irrational thoughts, PMS.
Guys are usually much more laid back.

Man, I so totally agree. I think a lot of why I don't connect with girls well is because they're so uptight and "on guard" all the time.

yeh, dont you wish you could just come up to a chic, sniff her ass, and if its all rosey then mount her and go at it.

Yes, yes I do.

 

[nearjat]

Wow wow wow SKL I just fell in internet love with you this has been exactly what I've been thinking.

That part on psychedelics just blew my mind, that's spot on how I'm feeling. I'd say I'm just getting to old but I'm recently 18. Although because of my reckless lifestyle I've shoved in more life experience than most should have to deal with at my age.

 

[PepperSocks]

^ Bingo. Any severely "trying" experience when most people your age have had happy, easy lives kind of sets you apart and detaches you from their mindset and thus makes it hard to connect.

I feel like I'm 22 going on 30 or 50. I was always a "thinker" kid but when I had my first trip at 17 is when I started thinking that much more.

Doing psychedelics all the time is not a good look. One becomes totally paralyzed by all these questions and realizations to the point that everyday life and relation to others becomes impossible on any meaningful level

You don't even have to do psychedelics all the time to get this; doing them a few times opens you up to all those realizations and questions that keep your mind frazzled.

That said; I'm tripping tonight. I dunno; it's just what I do every once in a while.

 

[SKL]

I feel like I'm 22 going on 30 or 50. I was always a "thinker" kid but when I had my first trip at 17 is when I started thinking that much more.

Yeah I feel old like a motherfuck too.

Tripping is tiring on the brain.

It makes everything so ... everything. Everything friggin exponentiated.

Drugs create this immense sense of importance, or salience, of whatever it is that we are thinking or doing, even if it is utter nonsense, or utterly insignificant, and it particularly vigorous psychedelic enthusiasts are often robbed of any appreciation for things sans this artificial salience. A beautiful day becomes a beautiful day to trip, the play of colors in a sunset a playground for visuals, not something merely to be beheld. This is not any kind of growth or progress to me, but rather progression further inward towards the intricacies of one's own ego.

I wrote a short story in the form of a third person trip report that came from me thinking about this issue, in the context of talking to a very dear friend of mine who was very spun and making a lot of crazy cosmic connections ... and realizing that that was a place I'd been to a lot as well.

His vision flooded with colors and lights, the colors and lights waxed higher in intensity and lower in salience. His attention turned inward. He perceived a great structure to all things, linking birth and death, mind and matter, man and cosmos, spirit and flesh. And all things moved as one, in a great cycle – chaotic as all things seemed, they began to relate to one another in previously-unforeseen ways, but with mathematical precision. All the entropic noise ceased, entropy itself began to be given Euclidean form, complexity had been rendered simple, all was part of a supreme lattice, a superstructure uniting all the structures and interrelationships that were in the world.

And this structure shrunk again into itself, coalesced, regressed, it became embryonic, in the final throes of a gestation whose travail would bring forth the dissolution of all the old, cobwebbed structures and meta-structures into a single, eternal, shining singularity. This was Nirvana, this was New Jerusalem, this was Moksha – this was an end to dichotomy, an end to duality, an end to category and separation and dissolution and strife and discord, and above all, of narrative time and the oscillations of the innumerable points along innumerable, convoluted, elliptical continua that defined his everyday subjective being. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.

But as the hours wore on, the sharpness of contrast and the neon hues and the bright lights dimmed, and everything took upon a grittier appearance. And he perceived for a moment himself, perceiving this non-dualistic singularity, and in that moment, he began to perceive it as a spiritual spectacle every much as the carnival of light and colors before his eyes was a visual one. And now, he was just very, very high. And, conscious of this, what he had just seen began to feel illusory. There was no end to dichotomy – this was dichotomy, this lay in opposition to the “other” that was rapidly overtaking him – this was a state, and a state was at the very least a point in a dichotomous continuum if not a binary variable, flipped off and on like a light-switch.

The humdrum, ordinary physicality and emotionality of context returned. Euphoria gave way to mania, mania gave way to grandiosity, grandiosity to paranoia, paranoia to dysphoria, and thus the whole continuum became clear to him, and all the divisions within. As transcendent as monism felt, the practicality of dualism was once again impressed upon him. He passed a difficult, restless night, and awoke feeling tired, with but an ill conceived memory of the Himalayan heights he head reached the evening before.

 

[nearjat]

Yep. It's happening. My everything is changing again. This is getting ridiculous but I seem something bright coming on.

 

[CatfishRivers]

Wow wow wow SKL I just fell in internet love with you this has been exactly what I've been thinking.

That part on psychedelics just blew my mind, that's spot on how I'm feeling. I'd say I'm just getting to old but I'm recently 18. Although because of my reckless lifestyle I've shoved in more life experience than most should have to deal with at my age.

I'm twice your age and there's been years where my drug use has been the monkey on my back and others when it's been the spirit animal leading me me into states of ecstasy and increased awareness.

I tend to feel worse when I dwell on things I wish would have worked out (relationships etc) that were probably hurt by the fact of my drug use during those times, but then I also think that I would much rather find someone who fits into my lifestyle with a similar lifestyle of her own...and that combo by no means needs to be a gross reenactment of Requiem for Dream, but I think that is what people fear anyhow...

 

[helium-4]

I'd like to continue on my adornment for drugs, but think about them from a different perspective more of the time. I have been spending some my time researching the pharmacological effects of drugs, as well as the chemistry, and that needs to become more of a focus. I spend to much time consuming drugs, as well as thinking about the enjoyment, rather than complexity that resides with in the drugs. I don't want to separate drugs from my life, and I am fine with drugs being a huge part, but people need to understand (as well as me!) that I'm also very interested in more than the recreation aspect.

I gotta get across the initial hurdle and make a change. Less consumption and more learning. I know my social skills are having a vial thrown over it, and that doesn't help when you have a wall already in front of you. My motivation has been lacking in my daily havings, and doings. I'm supposed to be rocking school this semester, not taking a back seat like I am at this given moment. Forward progress!

Attention, attention! Here and now.

Gotta keep being positive and working towards your own definition of zen.

edit:

I'm reading Ketamine: Dreams and Realities, right now and am enjoying it immensely

 

[nearjat]

The Requiem for a Dream thing has been on my mind a lot. You guys may have notice that I've been posting about "trouble girls" a lot. My mind has been on the subtle sinkholes that come with obsessive drug use and my fucked up relationships in the past a lot.

That's why this music video blew my mind so hard.

I just had a very strong acid trip ABOUT all this. Needless to say I've been shaken up.

A treatment counselor told me how insane I was like this one time: "You are eating/smoking/shooting chemicals that tinker with the very SEAT OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS! In what case does that sound like a responsible decision?".

I tend to see some truth in that statement. This is what I ignored to justify my heroin use, I mean opiates are technically physically safe right?

I made psychedelics my little gem when I got clean, they were an exception. But I'm beginning to think they may be one of the most persuasive destructive forces in my life at times. They've definitely done good for me... but who's to say if it's worth it.

 

[helium-4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhheiPTdZCw
Check this video if you want to fall back into that acid visual space. Very wonderful art, and a great song to go with it.

 

[Volundr]

Some good reads in this thread over the last 24 hours, I appreciate it, had a few deja vu moments reading some of the posts haha

My biggest problem with women is that in 1 to 1 chatting I'm fine, I can make most people laugh pretty easily, I have been complimented on my vast and eclectic music taste on numerous occasions, I also bone art which some women seem to dig. That, and I'd like to think I have a lot more 'interesting knowledge' than most people my age.

There are 2 problems however, firstly, other than girls in my classes, I've never been good at meeting people, like at partys, I don't drink cause I don't really like alcohol so I have no extroverted personality boost, and I'm pretty fucking shy when it comes to meeting new people anyway (absolutely no confidence or self appreciation*) so I usually just chill with a couple of friends doing the boring and smoking copious amounts of bud, which somehow attracts some girls, and that tends to annoy me as they tend to leech the bud and fuck off. So yeah, don't meet anyone through partys, only times I've been clubbing is when I'm either in a different country in a venue for the music rather than social interaction, or when I'm just chilling with friends that are either as equally bored as me, or completely wasted in which case I tend to leave early as drunk people tend to annoy me at the best of times.

* I'm relatively short, and skinny 5'8 or so? After having some weird dready/long hairstyle (accidental lol) my hair has started to receed and I hate it. I was bullied all of my secondary school life and had no real friends, I went through a stage of terrible back-ne in which I had to take extreme depressants to get rid of the spots, was semi-suicidal (not in a way that i'd actually do it, just the thought often popped into my head.) Apparently the back-ne was based on some hormonal bullshit. I get red raw dry skin around my nose if I eat too much yeast based products and dont use cream for it, I have an overbite. Umm basically i just see every flaw I have, but magnified to a point that it defines my view of me. Like my friends say half the things arent noticeable, but to me they are so noticeable and it's all i see when i look in the mirror.

Now, onto the second problem, which is an equally large obstacle. Whenever the time has arose for me to be able to make a move on someone, I've just been a complete pussy and haven't known what to do. Like at a party a few months back I was out in a freezing (like 0 degrees C, it snowed that night) cold garden finishing a joint, bored (I knew no one there) and someone I'd like to say is pretty hot came over and we started talking and seemed to have loads of similar interests and it was nice. Her friends came out and joined in conversation a bit, at which point I shied a little, but they soon left complaining about the cold but she forcibally told them that she'd be in later and wanted to stay out. Obviously I knew she liked me, but I just turned into an absolute pussy, carried on the conversation for a few more minutes before realising I was shaking (through a combination of cold and fear?) and said I had to go get my coat. Needless to say the chance was lost and I felt like an even bigger douchebag later on in the night when her drunk friend started lecturing me about how I should've "got with her" and all that shit. I've spoken to the girl online a few times since (conversation goes really well), and seen her once in passing, but it was really kinda awkward, like neither person knew what to say.

So yeah, I have no confidence sober or on drugs, I can see my 'pros' but I have no self appreciation and often keep myself awake all night through stress and other bullshit. I think in terms of the second problem, my major flaw is that I'm 18 and unless you count when I was like 6, when I kissed a nursery girlfriend lol, I've only had like 3 hugs from women, let alone anything further and thus I have no idea what to do if the situation even arises. That and I have other bullshit worries which I may add to if I post this in SLR, but theyre pretty awkward, to me at least.

So yeah, sorry for this absolute wall of text but I've been meaning to post this in SLR for an age but never plucked the 'confidence' through embarassment primarily. However, thank you PD for allowing me to get this off my chest, purely through having a conversation about relations! haha.

I'm not expecting anything like advice (of course it is greatly appreciated), this is mainly just a way of me getting a lump of my chest, so again thanks.

--

Finished the first season of Breaking Bad... I'm hooked, and I normally hate tv!

 

[Bomboclat]

4-MMC tonight, or a Gram of Ketamine?

Decisions, decisions

 

[SKL]

A treatment counselor told me how insane I was like this one time: "You are eating/smoking/shooting chemicals that tinker with the very SEAT OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS! In what case does that sound like a responsible decision?".

I tend to see some truth in that statement. This is what I ignored to justify my heroin use, I mean opiates are technically physically safe right?

I made psychedelics my little gem when I got clean, they were an exception. But I'm beginning to think they may be one of the most persuasive destructive forces in my life at times. They've definitely done good for me... but who's to say if it's worth it.

Yeah, dude, for real.

Life before psychedelics for me was drab and gray and anhedonic and just a resounding "meh."

... but who's to say it was so bad? When I was living it it didn't feel s obad. I didnt have all this colorfulness to compare it to.

But the colorfulness fucking sucks.

Because most of the color is paranoia and grandiosity and utter bullshit that I think is uttely destructive to your inwardmost soul and to your outward human relationships.

Be mindful Im talking about a certain pattern fo psychedelic use that a lot (probably a majority) of this forum would fall under ... but not all psychedelic use. Even Meher Baba's anti-drug screed admitted there were legitimate uses for psychs.

Just not how a lot of us are usign it.

And Ive bee ntalking with a number of people on BL and elsewhere who feel the same way.

And I'm really glad to be dialoguing with yall about it.

I wonder if it might be useful to spin some of this discussion off into a new thread. Some of it is here too.

 

[helium-4]

Man so does piracetam fuck with anyone else's sleep patterns? I can't sleep as long and feel restless any time I wake up. My dreams that I have been able to remember have also felt very strong in terms of emotions/feelings projecting from the dream. I've woken up pretty startled just from the intensity. Pretty strange stuff. I take about 2g in the morning and 1g later in the day if I have anything important going on.

 

[Bomboclat]

4-MMC tonight, or a Gram of Ketamine?

Decisions, decisions

Screw it, im doing both.

Now onto the next question.



Has anyone tried 5-MeO-DiPT Freebase?

Ive run into a good amount and plan on getting some, but I would like to know how it compares with 5-MeO-DiPT HCl.

 

[TheAppleCore]

To me, honing in on a healthy psychedelic regimen, whether that's a weekly or a yearly trip, or never another trip at all, comes from weighing the psychedelic experience against one's life goals.

Confusion comes from a directionless, wandering lifestyle.