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Self-harm support thread v. 3

kc I'm sorry that your mum said those things to you. I can understand her fear and frustration that her daughter is harming herself, but it's clear she doesn't know how to effectively convey her concern to you. And it's also clear that she doesn't understand why you do it one bit. This is so hard because you could really do with her support and understanding. Have you tried to explain to her how much her words hurt you and drive you to do it even more?? I know it's hard, but maybe she just needs to be told how she's making you feel. I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you hun <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
Wow I cannot believe that woman in Walmart said that. It upsets me just to read it so I can imagine how awful it was for you :(
But you've come to the right place, there are a LOT of people right here to talk to about what you've been through, and you know we've all experienced similar things with self-harm as well. If you're not comfortable talking about it in the public forum you can PM one of us moderators <3
It is so awesome that you've not cut for over a year, that is truly admirable. Do you do any exercise? I am finding more and more that exercise really is a natural cure for my problems with depression and self-esteem/body-image problems. Are you seeing a psych/therapist about your anxiety, or are you on any medication for it or anything?
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No I dont do any exercise, I basically just work way too much and go to school. I do really want to find some sort of release, something that can keep my mind off of life. I dont go to therapy, but I did just recently start seeing a psychiatrist, however it was probably for the wrong reasons. I like to take adderall on a regular basis, which i didnt see as a problem until the other night when I realized that Im probzbly addicted (but thats another story). But while at the doctor I figured hey why not get something for the anxiety too. So he gave me xanax, but now I think Im starting to develop a problem with that too. I just have a really addictive personality. The cutting started off few and far between, but quickly spiraled into an addiction. I cant stop thinking about it. Im always trying to figure out ways to do it and places on my body to do it without anyone being able to do it. Believe it or not, compared to my life even just 2 years ago Ive come a long long way. The only thing keeping me from cutting again is knwoing how disappointed ppl would be, that and the fact that I cant afford to go to another hospital right now, Id lose everything. So for now Ill just keep it inside. Maybe typing it out here and getting the thoughts out willmake it a little easier
 
I can't believe someone would actually say that in a big public place either. Granted if they had started to go off about that going against god and stuff like that here people would have thought she was the wack job. And rightfully so :|

KC that just plain fucking sucks that your mom can't understand why you do it. I havent self harmed in almost exactly a year now i think but hell atleast my mom understood why i did it even though she would sometimes get frustrated at it. I really hope things work out for you.
 
tweaked0719 said:
The only thing keeping me from cutting again is knwoing how disappointed ppl would be, that and the fact that I cant afford to go to another hospital right now, Id lose everything.
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These are 2 really good reasons to abstain from cutting, but hopefully in time you will find reasons for yourself, e.g. you don't want to cut because you're more worthy than that, or you won't cut because you have the strength to overcome the negative feelings that make you want to do it.
I think it's a blessing in disguise that you're seeing a psychiatrist, do you think you could bring this up with them yet? I definitely think you should continue seeing them because it could help you in many ways. Please be careful with the xanax, if you recognise that you might have a problem with it, try to take a hold of it now before it gets too bad.
 
Unfortunately, I know what she means :( I've been there before too :(

I really hope you didn't do it hun.

Let us know how you're doing okay?? <3
 
I'm in total BPD mode today... feeling depressed, empty, and totally powerless over my life at the moment. So naturally I've been dealing with that by mutilating my hand with razor blades. :\
 
^^ Awww Sweet P, this makes me so sad, because you've been doing so well hun. I hate to see you feeling depressed and hurting yourself :(
Are you still seeing a counsellor? Can you call your gf for a chat instead of cutting? Please take care of yourself okay? <3

billyswifey said:
I didn't, I made myself stop.......but my fiancee did, which made me feel even worse. I feel like I've let him down by not stopping him :(

I've lost the game....I'm ready to give up. There's no point trying when all I do is fail.
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Honey, in the very same post you've said that you didn't cut, but that all you do is fail. If you ask me, NOT cutting when you're right there about to do it and in that frame of mind is a HUGE achievement!! You should be really proud of yourself for that. I know how easy it is to feel bad and beat yourself up about everything when you're depressed, but please try to see the positives in your behaviour. Your fiance makes his own choices hun and it is NOT your fault that he did it.
I really hope you feel better soon <3
 
^^ Hmmm, it's good to see you posting, but not good if you're here for the reason I think it is :(

What's going on Df? <3
 
While I have only cut a few times and never really liked it, my girlfriend has a serious problem with self-mutilation.

It feels like the other day that I had to drop her off with tears in my eyes. She looked at me and promised that nothing would happen, that she would be okay. I told her to come with me, but she just wouldn't listen.

Needless to say, something happened and I got a call from her mom at 2 in the morning that night. She cut her wrist and ended up with 20 stitches. I'll never forget that drive. An hour drive, while the whole time the tears would not stop falling.

I'm so scared she is going to do it again. So fucking scared. It breaks my heart to see her scars and hear her talk about how she has lost her "beauty" due to them. If anything, it only makes her more beautiful in my eyes. However; I can not take it when she hurts herself. I can't do it anymore.

I need help. I'm constantly scared it is going to happen. Constantly fearful that she won't be as lucky this time, that instead of stitches she'll end up in a casket. I don't know what to do.
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ Hmmm, it's good to see you posting, but not good if you're here for the reason I think it is :(

What's going on Df? <3
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went a loooong time... again...lol I'm not sure how fast this thread moves along but I'd imagine at least back in v. 3 or 1?

but yeah, when the women in my life leaves, there is always a blade waiting to keep me warm and kill the pain for a little bit. This one had to include her telling me she started fucking my 'best friend' 4 months ago. The first girl I ever trusted enough to let move in with me. I don't know why I thought giving her that trust would somehow make her more trustworthy but I think I did. Now the bitch won't get out of my life, I had the cops call her and tell her to leave me alone so now shes harassing my brother and his girl friend at work saying shit to get it back to me and I fucking can't take this shit right now

Painkillers make really do make the situation so much worse, this is the second break up I had right around surgery time and when the pain killers run out and it all hits you it hits you hard, and you just want the fucking endorphins and if you've cut before you know right where to turn to get them. Last few slips I've had over the years have become very localized, right over my heart, it's like I'm not even kidding myself why I do it anymore.

happy birthday to me
 
shoosT said:
I need help. I'm constantly scared it is going to happen. Constantly fearful that she won't be as lucky this time, that instead of stitches she'll end up in a casket. I don't know what to do.
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Make sure she knows how concerned you are. Unfortunately that probably wont be all it takes to stop her from hurting herself, but you could at least urge her to seek help.
It also might be beneficial for you to talk to someone too. A professional could teach you how to deal with your own anxieties surrounding this, and help you decide on a plan of action.
 
^^ This is really good advice.
shoosT, you're in a really difficult situation and I really feel for you man. You should definitely seek some counselling of your own to help you deal with this. If you can feel more in control of your own emotions it might help give you the strength to get your girlfriend to seek the help she needs. Does your girlfriend know how scared you are about her taking it too far?

Dragnfyr, so sorry to hear about all the bullshit this woman is causing you man :( Hopefully she'll get bored of it soon and move on. How are things now? I really wish you wouldn't take it out on yourself by cutting. I understand the desire for endorphins, and I know that it's very familiar and comforting to you, but there are other ways you can feel good. Exercise is the #1 endorphin-release activity for me these days, it gets me out of so much trouble. Do you do any exercise, or do you think you could incorporate some in to your week?

billyswifey, it is never your fault that he cuts himself. Don't let him make you believe that hun.
How are things now??
 
It was my fault....I started the fight....

Things are better, we've spent proper time together lately, we're going on a date this weekend :D

As far as cutting, I'm about to start my meds again this weekend (haven't had $$ to get them til now) and I haven't felt very depressed at all.
 
..... back when I was a teenager and up until about 20, I did a lot of branding on my arms. I never did them really deep, just enough to leave a light scar that faded after a couple years. Once I stopped doing that and started getting tattoo's, I never thought of branding again.

now though.... i find myself really considering it, aside from the fact that if I did and my VA doc noticed, well..... it wouldn't be good.

but still.... the urge has been really strong. I'm just wondering if I could pass it off to my docs as something like a tattoo, and not a self-harm suicidal thing. again that would be bad.
hell.... at least they look cool when I did em. lol
 
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