People are their own worse critics and I am sure everyone has heard the same thing from everyone. "You look great." "You are not fat." "Stop this nonsense because all it is, is an act of attention seeking." etc. They just do not understand and think that what they are saying is something special that is going to change your tomorrow.
I come from a family that has weight issues, but all of them are VERY confident. My mom is 5'11" and weighs close to 280lbs but still will wear a two piece bathing suit(Woah! right?) but I am 6'4", 175lbs with a 29 in waist can not go swimming without a shirt and have not been able to for 8 years. Whenever I ask her how she does it, she says just don't look at yourself in the mirror before you leave. So I have been trying to do this and it seems to work, but I still have extreme guilt and anxiety.
So I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for about two years, suffer bouts of situational depression, and have panic attacks when I miss a day at the gym. I have been seen by a psychologist, physiologist, and nutritionist but still am suffering. I have gotten my statistics stating that I am at 4.9% body fat, underweight according to the new BMI, and should be eating 3,743 calories a day to MAINTAIN my body weight... if you have posted or viewed this thread then I am sure you are like holy crap how do you even do that, but we all know that a good binge session puts us over 10,000+ calories easy. The thing is, in the beginning binging and purging was just an action used to stay skinny. However, now that I am skinny and am starting to realize it, the act of doing sends me into a state of ecstasy! I am a control freak, so the act of binging sends me into a complete catatonic state where I lose control which is relieving (when asked to define the feeling I say: its like being a food zombie, all you think about is what morsel is the next thing you are going to consume.) so binging is fun, but purging is pure ecstasy... knowing that I am getting rid of this "toxic substance" that is going to make me fat, shoots waves of electricity through my entire body. Unfortunately, 10 minutes later I feel disgusting, hungry, and lethargic.
One day during my session, I chipped the enamel off on of my front teeth and being gay I take extreme pride in how I look, so I freaked out and started crying. I swore that I would not purge again. I cannot say this works for everyone but it has worked for me, I literally searched for shock stories and videos. Countless hours were spent on youtube watching beautiful people have their body ravaged by this disease and I deduced that when they finally realize the damages they have done, they look like they have been chewed up, swallowed, corroded by acid and thrown back up. I know it sounds odd to think this way, but a long time bulimic looks like it. So the shock videos worked for me and I have not thrown up for a little over 5 months, but I still have anorexia and suffer from binge eating.
I don't know when and if I will ever get over this disease, but I am taking steps to further better myself. I am learning portion size, cutting back the amount of cardio I do and adding in weights, lifting weights however made that ungodly number go up on the scale so I broke it and now avoid them like the plague lol and tell myself everyday to love how I look and not what that number says, because we all know anorexia and bulimia makes you look like a "skinny-fat" (skinny without muscle tone) and I want tone lol! I want that rock hard body, I want to be able to go to the beach and get those "dayum" stares not those "omg, you can count his vertebrae" ones. I struggle with it everyday but it is getting better and I wish everyone good luck in their recovery and hate what society has done and is doing to the younger generation.
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
In the words of Rupaul (keeping it homo! =P) "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anyone else?"
) that seeking out a psychiatrist to help you work with the particulars of why you use overeating as an emotional coping mechanism might not only be more comfortable for you, but also far more beneficial.
I know many people who would find the above extremely triggering. If anyone else who is seeking to quit purging wants to try the above technique to inspire health, please pay special attention to be your emotional state as it might inspire self destructive behavior instead!