My 12 yr old and drug suggestions?

[BabyGurl3171]

My 12 yr old has been through hell to sum it up.

Anyway she's on Tenex, Trazodone, Risperdal (sp) and Zantac

Today we had another major outburst. I mean I literally had to hold her down to stop her from hitting/kicking me or her sister or her step-dad. Finally I gave her one of my Trazodones and about 20 minutes later she settled down and apologized explaining she doesn't know what causes her to become so angry and she tries to stop but can't.

She's been diagnosed ADHD but that was changed after a year to bi-polar. I really think they don't have a clue what's going on with her.

So during all this we called her dr and he said to increase her Tenex until he sees her until Monday. I really believe that's not helping her b/c as soon as she gets her 11 am dose of Tenex (she takes it 3 x's a day) the attitude starts.

Anyway, has anyone else experienced this or something similar? I really need some advice on what to tell this dr or what meds to try. At wits end right about now and it kills me to see her go through these episodes. I suggested putting her in the hospital to get her meds straightened out but he keeps wanting to try everything but that. *sigh*

Thanks for any advice!

 

[happygoluckygal]

Honestly...kids and meds are a complicated mix.....for the most part...meds are left as a VERY last resort due to the risk of actually making problems worse with med side effects. The only thing I could suggest is to make sure that your daughter is being cared for by a child psych...a specialist. It sounds as though you are working closely with her doctor....perhaps seek a second opinion if you're not happy?

What kind of non-med approaches have you tried with your daughter?

The very best to you and your daughter...its a tough spot to be in!

 

[BabyGurl3171]

She sees a child therapist and I always talk to her after her episodes and even during I calmly reassure her that I love her and this isn't her fault. She'll be screaming at the top of her lungs, and then some, but I still tell her I love her and we'll get through this. I also keep reinforcing she needs to talk to her counselor b/c most times it's just a conversation about nothing.

This is her second child psych. The first one mis-diagnosed her with ADHD and now this one is saying Bi-Polar. I think it's time for a third opinion. *sigh*

 

[Violenza666]

Bi polar is often missed and diagnosed as ADHD in children.

I was heavily medicated as a child and I have alot of problems now because of it. So research every med. Risperdal is nasty shit. Be really careful. I messaged your yahoo!

 

[JamtasticX]

I had a younger brother with some problems like this, and honestly, the medicine messed him up worse than the problems. My mom was a hospital administrator and had access to some top nerologists/psychiatrists, that normally you'd be put on waiting lists for years to see.

Most of the people at the top of the field agreed, that using "adhd" type drugs for kids is wrong, and borderline unethical. I say this, and put "adhd" in quotations because it seems that there is a push to have young kids medicated out of their mind. Most people forget what it was like to grow up, but just because you don't do your homework, or have a temper tantrum doesn't mean you should be medicated. The reason I say it's unethical is because you have Dr's being pumped cash by drug companies, and you have parents that are bombarded with a society that tells them that their kids need drugs. Then the real problem comes in, when you have parents that would rather take the easy way out, and Dr's that go along with it, than actually take the time to investigate and be a parent, and find the real problem. This is why I call it unethical - if you can't handle what a child is like growing up, you should not have had a child, and its unethical to zombyfi a person because of your mistakes. Their mind should have the same opportunities to grow as countless generations of children has without problem. It's only in this society we see this, and it enables parents to attempt to escape the "growing pains" of childhood with their children.

My brother ended up trying some different things at low dosages, but all were stopped pretty quickly. Plain old parenting and communication worked fine.

I'm confident my brother got the best possible care, seeing as my mom was their boss. Tests/drugs/money were obviously not an issue. I feel that had she not been, and had not had those contacts at such a high end of the spectrum, my brother probably would've gone through rounds of meds.

Personally, I believe that adhd medicines, anti-depressants, etc, should only be used in children with extreme circumstances. If kids got in a fight 50 years ago, maybe it was "boys would be boys", now your child has developmental and learning impediments?

Just my 0.02

 

[BabyGurl3171]

I just signed into yahoo It was off.

I hate that she has to be on medicine but I've also seen her off of it for months and it was not a pretty sight.

To explain in short, her dad had custody of her and recently he touched her inappropriately. Thank God she came to me and told me immediately so I could get her the hell out of there and away from him! The counselor is working with her on it and thankfully she is responding and talking about that. She's now in my full custody so I know she's safe but this is gonna be one more hellish thing she has to work through now. This isn't even the worse this poor little girl has been through. I am very thankful she's here and safe now but the issues she has to deal with, hell not even an adult could deal with. And she's only 12!

I hate medicine, I hate me being on medicine, but (and I hate to admit it) I think she needs meds. she just needs the right meds which I don't feel she's getting!

 

[JamtasticX]

I just signed into yahoo It was off.

I hate that she has to be on medicine but I've also seen her off of it for months and it was not a pretty sight.

To explain in short, her dad had custody of her and recently he touched her inappropriately. Thank God she came to me and told me immediately so I could get her the hell out of there and away from him! The counselor is working with her on it and thankfully she is responding and talking about that. She's now in my full custody so I know she's safe but this is gonna be one more hellish thing she has to work through now. This isn't even the worse this poor little girl has been through. I am very thankful she's here and safe now but the issues she has to deal with, hell not even an adult could deal with. And she's only 12!

I hate medicine, I hate me being on medicine, but (and I hate to admit it) I think she needs meds. she just needs the right meds which I don't feel she's getting!

Clearly that is emotional, and I'm very sorry that your daughter has experienced this. Being so I want to preface anything you might say in response to my above post, knowing that it's a very touchy issue, that I don't mean any disrespect in respect to your daughters case/condition, as of course everyone is different, so hopefully you don't take anything the wrong way.

Additionally, since your daughter has had a trauma it would warrant meds more than a similar child who hasn't. Although I would advise that you must be careful to address the issues with the help of drugs, not to mask the issues, or use drugs to build an emotional fog around the pain. It is better to address the pain, feel the pain, and be on an anti-depressant, than not address the pain, not have the feelings, and take a drug to just make you "happy". If you choose this, fine, but your child should also be given that choice, and I believe if they choose to drug themself out of their mind at 18 to escape, then ok, but until then they need to actually experience the pains.

Again, my .02 and no disrespect

 

[BabyGurl3171]

Personally, I believe that adhd medicines, anti-depressants, etc, should only be used in children with extreme circumstances. If kids got in a fight 50 years ago, maybe it was "boys would be boys", now your child has developmental and learning impediments?

Just my 0.02

I agree! Now a days every child in the world has *ADHD*. It's ridiculous! In my daughter's case I think she needs meds but she does not have ADHD. My brother had that and he really did. This child just has other issues but certainly not ADHD.

What happened to the days of smacking a child on the bum and being a parent without worrying about CPS being called on ya? I'm not saying she needs that, but in some cases she does just act out to see how far she can get.

 

[JamtasticX]

I agree! Now a days every child in the world has *ADHD*. It's ridiculous! In my daughter's case I think she needs meds but she does not have ADHD. My brother had that and he really did. This child just has other issues but certainly not ADHD.

What happened to the days of smacking a child on the bum and being a parent without worrying about CPS being called on ya? I'm not saying she needs that, but in some cases she does just act out to see how far she can get.

I completely agree. I don't feel that spanking a child is abuse. It's sad that now a days your child can actually hold you hostage by threatening to call protective services on you, even worse they are being taught this at school. Mommy can't spank you, if she does, call the cops. Then it skeiws their view so they think everything is "abuse" and you can't yell at them, or punish them, or not buy them everything in a toy store.

It's really horrible. I would certinally agree that your daughter will push the boundaries to see how far she can get. I'm not a psych, but my best guess would be that she is experiencing severe emotional stress from her father touching her, and now seeing the results. She knows that it was that event that led to other events, ie: you moving away. She might feel guilty, or confused, regardless, she is most likely unable to handle the severe stresses. Then combined with the drugs, and it boggling your mind what to do, the issues are probably compounded.

I would continue with the therapy and counselling. This can only be helpful, as for the drugs I can't really say what might be helpful, I'm not qualified, but this certainly can't be harmful.

 

[BabyGurl3171]

Clearly that is emotional, and I'm very sorry that your daughter has experienced this. Being so I want to preface anything you might say in response to my above post, knowing that it's a very touchy issue, that I don't mean any disrespect in respect to your daughters case/condition, as of course everyone is different, so hopefully you don't take anything the wrong way.

Thank you. I didn't take your post as disrespectful at all. I appreciated your input.

Additionally, since your daughter has had a trauma it would warrant meds more than a similar child who hasn't. Although I would advise that you must be careful to address the issues with the help of drugs, not to mask the issues, or use drugs to build an emotional fog around the pain. It is better to address the pain, feel the pain, and be on an anti-depressant, than not address the pain, not have the feelings, and take a drug to just make you "happy". If you choose this, fine, but your child should also be given that choice, and I believe if they choose to drug themself out of their mind at 18 to escape, then ok, but until then they need to actually experience the pains.

Again, my .02 and no disrespect

That's what I'm afraid they're trying to do. Medicate her and hope it'll go away. It doesn't work that way. Yes, she may need some medicines but she needs to talk. Personally I think she has post traumatic stress disorder. And this isn't the first time I've thought that. I talk to her about it every day or every other day (as her counselor suggested) and as soon as she changes the subject I let it go and we just start playing or whatever.

I forgot to mention she's on Effexor XR too I think. I can't remember if I listed that or not.

 

[bpayne]

see back in the days they didn't put kids on all those meds, they just beat the shit outta them if they acted up, it's all in how strict you are, my kid is wild by nature, but knows if she gets out of line with me I'll backhand across the fuckin room. put the fear of god in them and all that crazy shit goes away, fuck doping them up, all most kids need is a good whippin if more parent still did that we wouldn't have half the problems with kids we do now. My kid doesn't so much as talk back to me and says sir maam ,please and thank you, and god help them if they don't

 

[bpayne]

and by the way we don't deal with police in my household if someone called the cops on me, there would be shootout, if I found out that someone touched my daughter innapropriately I wouldn't call the cops I would just kill them myself, even at a young young age I taught my daughter the difference between normal touch and innapropriate touch and that even close family members have boundries that must be followed. even though she's had trauma I think counseling is in order not doping up, and if she misbehaves you gotta spank the shit outta her it's the only way she'll learn.

 

[BabyGurl3171]

and by the way we don't deal with police in my household if someone called the cops on me, there would be shootout, if I found out that someone touched my daughter innapropriately I wouldn't call the cops I would just kill them myself, even at a young young age I taught my daughter the difference between normal touch and innapropriate touch and that even close family members have boundries that must be followed. even though she's had trauma I think counseling is in order not doping up, and if she misbehaves you gotta spank the shit outta her it's the only way she'll learn.

Believe me I'd love to go cut his you know what off and shove it up his ass. Disgusting is all I can say. It has literally made me sick. This is her dad. Someone you should be able to trust. Dirty fuck!

I did end up spanking her I felt bad about it but it got to the point where she was completely out of control and refused meds to calm her down, which at that point I was completely at wits end. She did respond to that and calmed down and finally apologized. I did reinforce I loved her but this has to stop. I know she's angry but this is not the way to "work it out". I told her she NEEDS to talk to me and her counselor and if she wants to talk to me privately at anytime to just say mom, can we talk and we'll go into a private room.

 

[Z Y G G Y]

Get another doctor. He is not the only doctor in the world and if you feel that he is not doing a good job treating her then what is keeping you with him?

Also, I know that park districts in many towns offer parenting classes on how to better deal with the stresses of raising your kids. I am currently pregnant and will definitely be taking some of these classes pretty soon.

 

[happygoluckygal]

The problem with kids and diagnosis and meds is that children are VERY hard to eval and diagnose (as you've already found out) due to developmental issues, and behavioral issues, and so on. You honestly are only dealing with a "guessing" game with diagnosing a child until they reach adulthood. Obviously, the problem with MIS diagnosing a child is the subsequent misTREATMENT with various meds, that indeed often make the problems worse. MOST of the meds that children are being given (with the exception of ADD meds) were made to treat adults, and many of them have the total opposite effect on children (as we see with the ADD meds acting differently on adults). I have never been in a situation with my children as you are having to face, and none of us can know what it would be like until we've walked in your shoes...so when I say this...its with the understanding that i DONT know what it is like....but honestly, meds would be the very very LAST resort, and even then, I just dont know that I could agree. My dgtr has been half-assed Dxed with ADD, and so far behavioral mod has worked very well. Now, you are dealing with a traumatic event that your dtr will likely carry with her for a lifetme sadly. Just PLEASE consider all of your options...and I understand that she is already on meds, so its a slippery slope. I just wish the best for her and hope that she finds peace. Oh, if just a mother (or father)'s love and hugs cured everything huh? Wish it was that easy!

if I found out that someone touched my daughter innapropriately I wouldn't call the cops I would just kill them myself,

While Im sure MANY parents (specifically Dads) feel that way...I sincerely hope that you realize that is NOT a reasonable solution...as you going to jail for life wouldn't be helping your child, who would need you more than ever! (And, don't say..."But I wouldn't get caught!") "An eye for an eye" just doesn't always work in the way we would like it to...especially with kids involved. I know if faced with a situation, I would have to restrain my own husband...as HIS response would be the same as yours. I just would hope he would have a logical thought before doing something stupid. :0(

 

[BabyGurl3171]

Oh, if just a mother (or father)'s love and hugs cured everything huh? Wish it was that easy!

If only it was that easy! I'd hug the hell out of her even more then I do now!

While Im sure MANY parents (specifically Dads) feel that way...I sincerely hope that you realize that is NOT a reasonable solution...as you going to jail for life wouldn't be helping your child, who would need you more than ever! (And, don't say..."But I wouldn't get caught!") "An eye for an eye" just doesn't always work in the way we would like it to...especially with kids involved. I know if faced with a situation, I would have to restrain my own husband...as HIS response would be the same as yours. I just would hope he would have a logical thought before doing something stupid. :0(

Right. My daughter needs me here not in prison. I figure the SOB will get his. The detective will question him (that's what we're waiting on) and he'll fuck up his answers and in prison he'll get a hell of a lot worse then I could do to him. They might be prisoners but they don't tolerate child abusers at all...

 

[JamtasticX]

If only it was that easy! I'd hug the hell out of her even more then I do now!




Right. My daughter needs me here not in prison. I figure the SOB will get his. The detective will question him (that's what we're waiting on) and he'll fuck up his answers and in prison he'll get a hell of a lot worse then I could do to him. They might be prisoners but they don't tolerate child abusers at all...

One good thing about prison. They seem to take care of child molesters quite nicely. If my job was as a cop or a prision guard and I knew I was rushing to a call to protect a child molestor, I can't honestly say I'm a big enough person to get there in time. Disgusting. Child molestors should be given preference to the dealth penalty above warm blooded murder

 

[BabyGurl3171]

One good thing about prison. They seem to take care of child molesters quite nicely. If my job was as a cop or a prision guard and I knew I was rushing to a call to protect a child molestor, I can't honestly say I'm a big enough person to get there in time. Disgusting. Child molestors should be given preference to the dealth penalty above warm blooded murder

I agree 100%. No one has the right to take a childhood from a child and that's exactly what the SOB did. I can't even begin to describe how I feel, let alone how she feels. We talked some more and she said she can't stop thinking about it. The good news is the counselor has agreed to see her weekly now that this came up. And at least she's willing to talk about it instead of keeping it inside and letting it fester.

 

[fm1983]

^ Yeah, the best thing for her is to talk about it and get it all out of her system. It's when they let the feelings harbor inside them, is when deeper issues start to form. It's excellent that she is willing to talk about what happened, as many children are not. Communication is going to be key for everyone to get through this, as it plays a big part and is a huge step. I wish your family the best.

I have to agree on how easily meds are prescribed to children these days. Which I think in the long term has more of an impact on how they mature & grow then anything else. It's not good to be messing with the brain's chemicals when the brain itself is still growing and trying to get things sorted on it's own.

 

[toa$t]

find a psychologist who does DBT. I've seen some amazing results.